You see... slinkyhips can give a disagreeing viewpoint without calling me names and swearing at me! I am absolutely fine with that. I also notice that she has not been moaned at with it being her first post because she is on the same side as the moaners! A first poster with a viewpoint that doesn't follow the overall trend and the moaning about joining just to make the post is made!
If members choose to go off on a tangent giving me all kinds of grief about cheating and not romancing my wife and doing the wrong things then fine - but accept that I will come back and defend myself against postings that people can't possibly know to be true. if you look back I was pleasant and polite but honest in what I was saying - I don't need to apologise to anybody - I was straight and fair and not the least bit rude in replying to people giving me advice that I didn't ask for in the first place.
You see.... you got me posting again and I didn't want to.
I suggest you all start your own little forum where new people are banned, only swingers are allowed and basically stop being members of a site that on the face of it is solely for swingers but then is now happy to take the money off single guys, married guys and whoever else you can think of.
I am sure I won't be allowed to post much more considering one of the moderators called me a sad bastard.
macman
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macman_uk
1 day ago
Bisexual Male, 55
0 miles · Northampton
Forum
I thank you for you support Lucifarious and duncan. I wasn't going to post in here again but I felt I needed to after reading those two - especially yours Lucifarious.
It has upset me that people have drawn the conclusions they have about me. It has made me stop and think why they have drawn those conclusions, but I have no answer. I defended myself as I thought fit, but misjudged the fact that I was asking people who mostly have open and basically happy marriages, relationships and lives, so they are not the best placed to comment on my situation perhaps.
I wish they could meet me and see how I am for real - but I don't think there would be many takers!
Over the years I have posted around 6,000 messages in the various forums where I am a member, never has a thread I have started or contributed to developed in the way this one has. The odd OTT or agressive comment is posted of course, but as the vast majority of members are not of that nature, it is quickly quenched.
Of course, people can give opinions that differ to others, but perhaps there are better ways and manners in which to voice those opinions. I don't know.
JudyTV- I am not sure how many different people have berated me in this thread, but I would just like to point out that 6 different members have PM'd me with their support, not wanting to publicly post due to the reaction they may receive. Not all from single or married men, either! That is not a good sign for how people perceive the members of this web site.
A general and genuine sorry to those who have formed the opinion they have of me, but not an apology for what I have said. Perhaps it needs to be remembered that we are all only reading words - personalities are hard to fathom from letters on a screen. Maybe one day I have the chance to change that opinion.
macman
It has upset me that people have drawn the conclusions they have about me. It has made me stop and think why they have drawn those conclusions, but I have no answer. I defended myself as I thought fit, but misjudged the fact that I was asking people who mostly have open and basically happy marriages, relationships and lives, so they are not the best placed to comment on my situation perhaps.
I wish they could meet me and see how I am for real - but I don't think there would be many takers!
Over the years I have posted around 6,000 messages in the various forums where I am a member, never has a thread I have started or contributed to developed in the way this one has. The odd OTT or agressive comment is posted of course, but as the vast majority of members are not of that nature, it is quickly quenched.
Of course, people can give opinions that differ to others, but perhaps there are better ways and manners in which to voice those opinions. I don't know.
JudyTV- I am not sure how many different people have berated me in this thread, but I would just like to point out that 6 different members have PM'd me with their support, not wanting to publicly post due to the reaction they may receive. Not all from single or married men, either! That is not a good sign for how people perceive the members of this web site.
A general and genuine sorry to those who have formed the opinion they have of me, but not an apology for what I have said. Perhaps it needs to be remembered that we are all only reading words - personalities are hard to fathom from letters on a screen. Maybe one day I have the chance to change that opinion.
macman
oooooo god Shireen I am sooo glad you can't be bothered any more. I am not arrogant... simply not true... I am just defending myself against peoples opinions of me that are simply wrong - sorry if that makes you feel I am arrogant. I would like to say it has been nice but of course I can't... and I thought we had ended it all as friends. 
Hi Dawn-Mids,
Apology accepted, genuinely. Very naughty coming from a mod and I would have expected to have got some kind of reprimand if it was the other way around. I obviously annoyed you.
Thanks for the good wishes - you still have me 100% wrong - but thanks and I am glad it has ended on a cyber cuddle
Apology accepted, genuinely. Very naughty coming from a mod and I would have expected to have got some kind of reprimand if it was the other way around. I obviously annoyed you.
Thanks for the good wishes - you still have me 100% wrong - but thanks and I am glad it has ended on a cyber cuddle
Quote by blonde
I hope you find what you are looking for ............. but it wont put right whats wrong
Thank you... I get what you are saying and your thoughts are appreciated.
Quote by adi1567
If she feels 'safe' with you again you may find that things will improve. Also, should your first post read'make love' and not 'sex'? (belive us there is a difference!)
She doesn't feel unsafe now as I am not constantly badgering as people seem to be suggesting. She is perfectly comfortable with the way things are!
Thanks though!
Thank you kcshaggers... a sensible response with good points.
It is the things my wife doesn't want me to do that I feel makes it un-enjoyable. And believe me, she makes it very plain what she wants during lovemaking. Naff was a silly and wrong word to use. Of course it needs to work both ways - both need to enjoy what is happening, but that also needs to work both ways too, if you get my meaning! You wrongly assume that I am not romancing her, and it certainly is not always done with the hope that a shag will follow. I really am not that shallow you know
I agree... it is cheating and can't be viewed in any other way. I know she would be devastated to know I am a member here and also the things I get up to in other chatrooms. Not something I am proud of - but it really is a last resort and there needs to be some acceptance by the contributors here that in certain circumstances going elsewhere for what is missing in the marriage can actually help that marriage or relationship to survive. The fact that I have found other ways of relieving my frustrations has resulted in us still being married. I have not cheated with her with another women - she remains my first and only full sex female sexual partner. I have given and received oral sex 6 times in 8 years with a fellow married man. That is the cheating part.
Exactly right and of course it is not a crime... and neither is wanting things to change so we can both be happy either.
If u believe that sex when you do actually do it is "naff" - what the hell r u doing to her or not doing? And if she knows that u thinks it naff it ain't gonna inspire to get her kit off u any more than what she already does. And I don't know if it's her or you with the real problem but u could just start romancing her again - not in the anticipation of anything but just cos u love her and she.
And romancing does not mean having to take her away for weekends etc - a touch, a look, a smile - anything that will regain her trust in yuou not to jump on her bones - or make her believe that's all u wnat to do. It may take months to reaaly understand that your "loving" ways are not a prelude to bed.
It is the things my wife doesn't want me to do that I feel makes it un-enjoyable. And believe me, she makes it very plain what she wants during lovemaking. Naff was a silly and wrong word to use. Of course it needs to work both ways - both need to enjoy what is happening, but that also needs to work both ways too, if you get my meaning! You wrongly assume that I am not romancing her, and it certainly is not always done with the hope that a shag will follow. I really am not that shallow you know
One thing is for certian tho - I'm pretty damn sure you ain't gonna get anything any time if she finds out u been here and not told her. That is abuse of your relationship together. It's one thing for a partner to know, give consent but not want to be involved - but for her not to know at all?
I'm with Judy on this one - it is cheating - you are witholding information from her that could potentially cripple her emotionally - and believe me - you say u love her - you think she's gonna believe that if she finds out? And it doesn't nmatter who u beeen with or not, or just here to read the forums etc - she's gonna hurt
I agree... it is cheating and can't be viewed in any other way. I know she would be devastated to know I am a member here and also the things I get up to in other chatrooms. Not something I am proud of - but it really is a last resort and there needs to be some acceptance by the contributors here that in certain circumstances going elsewhere for what is missing in the marriage can actually help that marriage or relationship to survive. The fact that I have found other ways of relieving my frustrations has resulted in us still being married. I have not cheated with her with another women - she remains my first and only full sex female sexual partner. I have given and received oral sex 6 times in 8 years with a fellow married man. That is the cheating part.
The flip side - she doesn't see a problem . Fair enuff - she's got a low sex drive - some people do - isn't a crime tho-
Exactly right and of course it is not a crime... and neither is wanting things to change so we can both be happy either.
OOOOKKKKKKaaaaay! Very very sorry... I didn't at all twig the name and for that I am sorry freckledbird - for some reason I not only have difficulty reading that name but also typing it. Not only will I feel the wrath for what I posted but for calling her a bloke too - not helping myself much am I. 
You sad bastard! I look forward to many things so maybe you need to get a life huh?
You are obviously allowed to call me a sad bastard are you? Why does making sure I do things in my life that I look forward to make me sad? Surely that is getting a life? Social activities means having a life; private activities means I am having a life. Not having things to look forward to, whether it is egg and chips tonight or wild and rampant sex in the morning makes for a dull existence.
You have an opinion of me in your mind that is so wrong there is no point in me trying to convince you otherwise.
So by the time you get towards the end of every week the poor woman is feeling pressured by the fact she has let you down another week.
How many times do I need to say this. I DO NO CONSTANTLY BADGER, PEST OR EVEN TALK ABOUT SEX OR HAVING SEX. You say talk to her about it. I talk to her about it, explain my feelings, that once a week would be nice AND YOU STILL SAY I AM WRONG TO TELL HER HOW I AM FEELING!!!!!! Of course it is a gradual thing - I don't expect her to turn around and say - "Fine, every Saturday night it is then".
By the way, did you know sex is about two people rather than just yourself
Don't turn a sentence where I was obviously using an example and talking about my personal feelings into something it is not. You read my earlier posts about the consideration I ALWAYS give to my wife during lovemaking... work it out from that.
Oh, poor you. That's life, deal with it. Nothing else you can do, unless you know somewhere else to go.
I do genuinely mean this in a friendly way and I have not been around much to get to know you frecklebird, but how long does it take for you to be nice to people? All other replies to this very reasonable query were fair and constructive.
I have just had a quick zoom through some of your past posts and it seems you don't show a great deal of warmth or respect for newbies here but are fine with your obvious buddies- just so I know. 1000 posts perhaps?
You seem a nice bloke, regularly contributing - I don't know why you need to be abrupt to some people and not others? Maybe with the number of posts you have done that you are fed up with the same questions week after week?
I personally find the site fine and dandy without noticing too much of a change in overall look and speed. But this kind of site is generally only as good as its members....
Once or twice a week is not constantly wanting sex... every day is constantly wanting sex and I have clearly stated in here that is not the case... and my wife knows that.
In fact in the discussions I have had with my wife about this subject, I have explained that once a week is fine by me... but it doesn't have to be a ritual and become sex for the sake of sex.... that causes a whole different set of troubles! I just want it more than 6-7 times a year!
There are all things we enjoy doing in life. We need something to look forward to. If playiing tennis or squash on a Wednesday night is your thing, you are likely to spend the day looking forward to it whilst at work, it improves your life.
For me sex is something I enjoy, something to look forward to, helps the day to go by. Is wanting sex once or twice a week with the lady I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with really so bad?
In fact in the discussions I have had with my wife about this subject, I have explained that once a week is fine by me... but it doesn't have to be a ritual and become sex for the sake of sex.... that causes a whole different set of troubles! I just want it more than 6-7 times a year!
There are all things we enjoy doing in life. We need something to look forward to. If playiing tennis or squash on a Wednesday night is your thing, you are likely to spend the day looking forward to it whilst at work, it improves your life.
For me sex is something I enjoy, something to look forward to, helps the day to go by. Is wanting sex once or twice a week with the lady I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with really so bad?
Hi Cheetah
Thank you for taking the time with your posting. It is nice to have your support and understanding. I really didn't expect the responses I got and this is obviously not the place I thought it was . However, it wasn't all bad, and even those that doubted what I was saying put across their thoughts in a (mostly) constructive manner - even if I feel they missed the point!
Not a completely bad thing - well balanced debate is healthy, but sooo many incorrect assumptions and comments were made - a lot based on what others had said whilst ignoring the fact I posted a simple question!
Thanks again.
macman
Thank you for taking the time with your posting. It is nice to have your support and understanding. I really didn't expect the responses I got and this is obviously not the place I thought it was . However, it wasn't all bad, and even those that doubted what I was saying put across their thoughts in a (mostly) constructive manner - even if I feel they missed the point!
Not a completely bad thing - well balanced debate is healthy, but sooo many incorrect assumptions and comments were made - a lot based on what others had said whilst ignoring the fact I posted a simple question!
Thanks again.
macman
Quote by JudyTV
If you have been on here all that time and haven't found sex or a meet then I am now wondering if the initial post started out as a attempt at trying to get a sympathy shag that has badly backfired. We have gone all around the houses with this one and you still seem to be no nearer an answer to your initial post. What is it you are ultimately trying to achieve here? Other than increasing your post count. :confused: :confused: :confused:
Jude.
JudyTV,
How you have read into my original post that it was an attempt to get a sympathy shag I cannot fathom. This is a sexually orientated web site, with sections where ads can be placed and strong sexual language is the norm. If I wanted a sympathy shag I would have asked for a sympathy shag in the form of an ad or in the Lets Meet Up room
Please don't just make assumptions about me - that is what everyone else has done. It hasn't badly backfired - I am just responding to the opinions people have formed of me, which they are entitled to do - but don't seem to be listening to what I am saying.My ultimate aim was to get an answer to the question; start a bit of "chit-chat" as the room intro states; a friendly discussion :roll:, why on earth would I be worried about post counts? I joined August 2003 and before this thread was started I had only managed just over 50 posts - hardly something I would worry about.
I hope that answers your query Judy
You just did what shireen. I don't understand what you just did?
edit: OK I see what you were referring to. OK, so it has happened to you. For how long a period? I am talking about over 8 years of marriage... want to try it? I don't expect my wife to want sex every time I want to - I haven't stated that at all.
If I am being honest, no, she can't give a reason.
edit: OK I see what you were referring to. OK, so it has happened to you. For how long a period? I am talking about over 8 years of marriage... want to try it? I don't expect my wife to want sex every time I want to - I haven't stated that at all.
OK the only thing I will ask then is did she give a reason??
If I am being honest, no, she can't give a reason.
Quote by northeastcoupleuk
if you looked before i did answer your qwas not being funny ,ask her about what turns her on and if she says men with shaved head peirced tounge and big willy s whos down fall is to support sunderland ,who has lots of expeirce of going down :lol: then tell her to pm me :lol: (only a jest ) :lol:
Sorry... missed that with all the abuse (although mostly in a fairly friendly way) that was being thrown at me!
God only knows I have been in that position, but did Steve go off and try to find sex elsewhere?? No he didn't because he values our marriage...
Where have I gone and found sex elsewhere? You keep giving examples of when you either CAN'T have sex due to work or illness or with both parties not being interested. Totally different to one partner constantly saying no... isn't it? I tell you what... when one of you really wants sex - give it a go and refuse, and keep on refusing for 6 weeks, see how it affects your relationship, it is frustrating believe me, and has nothing to do with your situation at all.
There is no obviously about it at all.... As I said have you asked her?? Outright so she had to answer you?? If so what did she say??
Yep... as I keep saying I have asked her... we have discussed it as far as she is prepared to. If this had been a more friendly discussion I would be prepared to go more into how the discussions went - but it isn't, so I won't. You will still think I haven't asked her anyway.
If any of the couples answer your question it wont help though will it.... How can you equate a swinging sex life to a vanilla one?? Swinging enhances a swinging couples sex life and therefore the figure is likely to be a higher one....
The answers you are looking for are not here but at home.... Sorry to be blunt but that is how it is....
Could have sworn I started the original question along the lines of it probably being the wrong place to ask. To be honest, of course it won't improve things if people respond. As far as I was concered the question didn't involve me wanting to improve things - I was just interested. I really wish I hadn't bothered - can 't think why!
This thread has brought out a side of me which is rarely seen in forums - and I frequent a lot of forums - sorry, but you made me say it!
Quote by northeastcoupleuk
I am sorry but that just cracked me up
S'alright - I guess it is funny and happened more than once - I don't think I smell of poo... or cabbage. I guess I have a wife who doesn't like sex then eh?as your on a swinging site,and i am not being funny here ,have you ever thought of asking the wife if she wanted to make love with another man say while you watch or asked her if she has any fantasys just wondering and in reply to your origanal question me and the mrs make love once a day pmt permitted .
HOOOOORRRRAAAAYYY! An answer! And it was friendly! Thank you so much northeastcoupleuk!
As far as swinging goes... unlikely, but thanks for the suggestion. My first problem is getting her to have sex more often with me first!
btw: I just love to type!
And constance and hisandhers... thanks for your support too.
i have just sat and read most of the posts and i dont belieave how 90 per cent of you guys have had ago at mac for the question he asked well it as sure put me off asking any questions on here i belieave you have all blown it well out of proportion there was a simple answer to the question he asked which was 2 or three times a week or what ever not slag him off for what non of you no what he as done or not done and before you all start on me tha only thing he should not have said is is wife is crap in bed but hey we all say things sometimes and the other thing is why should he not join the site there
will be thousands of married men on here and the wife dont no and its not cheating on your partner unless you carry out a meeting reading the posts and so on is not a crime
i have pleasure of reading the posts on here and so on ,and yes before you all ask my wife does no anyway i have said my bit, and this is to mac i think you do have a problem and i dont think it to be unreasonable to want to make love with your wife while you were away Supra
Thanks Supra, although a bit of a pause between sentences would help you no end! Your support and understanding is nice to see. Although I didn't want to go into the deeper replies - my hand was forced by the responses I got.
I joined this site when it was a (virtually) nice friendly place for a chat and the odd PM - I am not surprised it has scared you off.
I will probably hang around for a bit....
Quote by shireen
I have to say I have read all of this thread but I still agree with what byron is saying.... It sounds to me like you always expect something in return for doing something for your wife...
Pleeease show me where I have indicated that.
I have sex, on average, every 6-7 weeks. It is in the original LIGHT HEARTED question. Where in my posts do I say that I do something with the idea that I will be rewarded with sex like some dog performing a trick for a biscuit, and that I am eventually rewarded with sex 6 weeks after the first time I washed up because of my perserverance????
Quote by shireen
Steve and I have on several occasions gone away for the weekend, stayed in a lovely hotel and had a really nice evening.... However, when we went to bed we didn't have sex.... It wasn't expected by either person and neither of us felt any pressure to have to perform at the end of the evening.... We were content with each others company....
I bet you have had a few weekends where the sex has been wild, too? I haven't. What would have happened if one of you had different expectations - or does that never, ever happen for you two? What would have happened if, as a couple, you had not had sex for 6 weeks?
OK. We go away too. Most times sex doesn't happen - sometimes it is not even expected! I don't ALWAYS expect it - again, where do I state that? The situation was - wedding anniversary, first night's stay in a posh hotel for years - am I wrong to expect that, with sex a rarity in my normal everyday life, that this may have been a nice opportunity to do something different? Maybe it was my wife who was wrong to say it would spoil a lovely evening?
Quote by shireen
Perhaps she is just fed up with being expected to perform all the time... And I am sorry but despite your assurances that you know where the buttons are etc, have you asked her if she enjoys sex?? And dont come back with the she wouldn't want to talk about it etc, if you haven't asked her then you dont know the answer....
PERFORM ALL THE TIME? mmm let me go back AGAIN to the question - on average 6-7 weeks. All the time? nah!
My wife doesn't enjoy sex... obviously. Why do you take the line that I really don't know the buttons to press - completely impossible that I am doing the right things to the wrong person is it?
As I said earlier - she won't talk about it. What can I do about that? Or is that she really will talk about it and I am not asking her correctly?
Quote by shireen
Oh and for a final comment..... What on earth possessed you to ask such a question on a forum such as this?? Are you likely to get any responses from couples on here?? icon_
Sorry? Such a question? "Just wondering how many times the married couples on here have sex"... it is a blinking sexually orientated web site? You ever read the SWINGERS stories? There it is, just there on the left of your screen. Stories posted by swingers, amongst other people.
I obviously misjudged what USED to be a nice friendly place for some simple, light-hearted banter.
I am truly sorry that this thread has developed in this way, and I have gone into details I didn't want to - but it is also nice to see a good few responses in defence of the roasting I am getting - not to mention a few kind PMs.
Room - lighten up!
Now, I wonder if my wife wants a coffee.....
byron, what you are problably not reading is that all this is not taking place every morning, noon and night! I said an average of 6-7 weeks. If it is coming across that I am trying something every day then I am sorry - but having sex only 6.5 times a year is rather frustrating, you must admit?
Hi Macman, Have you ever thought about going to relate? This would be helpful to help open up communication between your good self & your wife. Take care & good luck
Hi hisandhers. Thank you for that. It is a real option for the future I am sure - but wife needs to feel there is a big enough problem I suppose, and she will only find that out from me.
Byron, I appreciate your advice there about counselling - but what you are missing is that throughout the thread I have stated it has all gotten deeper than I wanted - just refer to the original question and respond - if not, don't worry about it!
I know I have problems - I was just wondering what other married couples experience.
However, it has been a good discussion and I hope it may continue as people see the thread - if not, then furry muff! But please don't read me as the villain in all of my problems byron, as you seemdd to have done.
Now... I wonder if I offer to wash up tonight she may do anal - what you reckon? :lol: :lol:
I know I have problems - I was just wondering what other married couples experience.
However, it has been a good discussion and I hope it may continue as people see the thread - if not, then furry muff! But please don't read me as the villain in all of my problems byron, as you seemdd to have done.
Now... I wonder if I offer to wash up tonight she may do anal - what you reckon?
:lol: :lol: Which bascially underlines my point.
Even though I said that AFTER your first posting byron? How about the first comments I made?
OK byron. If it is true that it is UNUSUAL for lovemaking to take place during a ROMANTIC weekend away between a MARRIED couple, and that sex would usually spoilt things, then I will accept everything you say about me.
Babe,
Have you ever thought that could be a fantasy of hers ??? But you will never know if you dont talk to her ........ will you.
I dont have a problem with a married guy being on here ........ If his partner knows .... without agreement it is just plain and simply cheating .......... and I think you will find that most genuine swingers are definately not cheaters coz they have no reason to be .... do they ?
Like I said before .......... Good luck .......... go chat
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You have to know my wife to know that, even deep deep down in her mind, that would NEVER be a fantasy of hers! But I get what you are saying regarding it basically being cheating. But a comment I made earlier regarding giving anf receiving BJs with a guy I know - without that I would have left my wife by now - and that would be said because I love her to bits!
The obvious problem is two competely incompatible people when it comes to sexual needs. As I have said, it was a light-hearted question but I am peeved to read that so many feel (including men) that I really am not making the effort, am not doing the things that will turn her on, am always expecting that if we go out for a meal that a shag will follow and that I have obviously not tried to speak to her about it - and all that must simply be the reason she doesn't want sex. Why? All that says to me is that most think that if I was doing all of the above she would be falling onto the bed with legs open wide every night I come home from work!
