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13 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly
OK-a OK a you peeegs - I geeve up.
I've tried shooting everybody's boll***cks off and meessed
that's because in the 'real' world I'm Tune Essence.
Boy have I enjoyed being an obnoxious, chilli stinking, fart!
Must come naturally.
Thanks to everyone else who made it so much fun and especially ICE PIE for coming up with the idea - a real good'un.

Howdy varmint, I guess you don't know how close you came to getting plugged clean through the juglar. I had a bead drawn on yer and was about to say 'adios' when ya revealed y'self. OK compadre, nice play, sure as hell had me fooled. I thought I was shootin' Dave J (sorry about that pardner, guess I owe you an apology). Pretty good show, Tune...
I aint finished with that other varmint 'Frenchy' yet; where in Hell's Acre is he, if he don't reveal hisself, I'll just ease his headaches ...fer good.
So, who am I?
Well, I gave y'all clues enough:
I told y'all you'd already seen a picture o' my horse...
I told y'all I was a dead man-and if y'all had seen 'High Plains Drifter' you'd a' knowed I was a ghost...
I told y'all I would be strikin' camp, pouring the coffee on the fire, and hittin' the trail when this charade was over...
Told y'all I loved westerns
I told y'all I was a Granpappy.............
Strikes me, thems a whole mess o' clues?
(spits, lights cheroot........)
OK pardners, here's me an' m'horse in better days:

Been missing you all , so I just popped in for the ball.
Hope the Sherriffs (Mods) don't mind too much....
Willl be off again now
God bless you all
Still miss you
Artificer wink

wink

PS Any one seen a dopey sheepdog: answers to Fly??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by groucho
deactivate? i vote that they should be whipped and flogged within an inch of their lives!

I'm with you Lucrezia....a public flogging for the flem brothers...... tie their knackers to the saddle and give the horse a giddyup..........
Hey remember the series Branded where they ripped off the guys buttons and broke his sword? ......somthing along them lines.... yeah cut their belts and let thetr trousers drop and then make em do bunny hops....Ha!! that'll teach em for spitting beetroots.
hey, you with the dead mouse on your chops...
In 30 seconds I'm about to lift my poncho...
(spits, lights cheroot)
If I was you I'd have a good slug of water: that a ways you can water the garden while you die.....
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by lucrezia borgia
deactivate? i vote that they should be whipped and flogged within an inch of their lives!

Mrs Borgia , Ma'am....
If you watched my film 'High Plains Drifter', I was whipped within an inch of my life-in fact, I'm dead.....
Maybe I came back to revenge myself on them that done me wrong...
Either ways, I'm dead, an' when I've shot me my varmints, I shall mosey on back to where I came from..
All this killin' is tirin' now I'm a Granpappy an' all
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by groucho
well if no name is off to what was that clue??
I might just go for a run on his horse?? now I wonder if he has given that a name?

Hey,
Groucho,
You seen my horse before-well, at least a picture of him
??
Dont where coyote ugly has got to stubble chops but I think I am tracking you real fast now !!
Top Marx, quim- lip, if I gave you any more clues you'd get a hernia carryin' em!
(spits, lights cheroot)
Gotta mosey, gotta kill me a varmint
??

13 Jun 2004

Jags, Ma'am...
Better unmask the critters so I know who I'ma shootin' at...
Would hate to shoot some innocent sould thinkin' it was one o' them varmints!
(You nervous yet Ugly? Consolin' yourself on frog's legs frenchy? Hidin' yet Bent? Run off on yer big white ball Prisoner?)
I reckon we can all think new names for another time-'cept me, as I aint got no name
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by groucho
well if no name is off to what was that clue??
I might just go for a run on his horse?? now I wonder if he has given that a name?

Hey,
Groucho,
You seen my horse before-well, at least a picture of him
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly
And you, Ugly, you ain't got a whole lotta time to grow much prettier...
Ladies, I remain at your service.....just don't expect a whole lotta conversation.
??

Yesa anda most of eet weel coma out of heees arse Heh! Heh!
Funny you should mention that part o' the body Ugly, 'cos that's where I'll be aimin'.
See ya later, shorty
(spits, lights cheroot)
Gotta mosey, gotta cricket celebration to go to at Trent Bridge...
??

13 Jun 2004

hey, pilgrims, I aint got no name anyhow, so I'm sure in a pickle... any body got an idea?
Maybe I oughta just mosey on back next time you have one o' these 'balls', an shoot me a few more varmints-might even get to have a slug o' redeye with that Clamity Jane or that Miss Bennett?
I'll be here later-to deal wityh Ugly...
??

13 Jun 2004

hey,Frenchy and Ugly,
I see you two varmints is still here-despite my warning...
Well, Frenchy, I'm gonna drill so many holes in you you'll whistle 'La Marseillaise' when the wind blows.
And you, Ugly, you ain't got a whole lotta time to grow much prettier...
Ladies, I remain at your service.....just don't expect a whole lotta conversation.
??

13 Jun 2004

Hey, you, Bent.
I done told Ugly, and that varmint with the cucumber where his nose should be, about upsetting these here womenfolk. Seems you are gettin' mighty close to it too. Maybe that's ok in Slug, or whatever hole you crawled out of, but don't try it in this territory. I kinda like protecting these good, God-fearin' Ladies. As I'm only in town for a day, I might just clear out all the sidewinders and cactus toads while I'm here.
(spits., lights cheroot)
You got that shorty?
Ladies, I'm sure sorry about the conduct of these 'genelmen'. Call my name is they start buggin' ya again-oh, yeah, I aint got no name. Well call me anyway
Gotta mosey
Gotta go Hang some Fella High
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Eliza Doolittle
Eeerr lucreziaaah borgiaaah
I would like to be your friend, but you will have to lower yourself very low as i'm no were near ya status.
Not yet anyways, but I try ard.

Howdy Eliza
(spits, lights cheroot)
When I was drifting in the High Plains, I heard tell that
'All you want is a room somewhere'
'far away from the footlights' glare'
Well, I reckon I know of a vacancy at the hotel. Eli the Ugly won't be needin' his room pretty soon.
Be seein' ya Ma'am
Gotta mosey
Gotta go to Londis for some more cheroots
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly

You still here shorty?
(spits, lights cheroot).
I guess you don't hear so good. I already warned you once about bugging the ladies.
don't go talking about what you're gonna do tonight tapas breath-I done told you three times. You ain't walking out of The Old Churchyard in one piece or my name aint...well, it just aint.
What's that cactus dick? Who am I?. Well, there's clues enough. Mayebe I oughta make 'em easier for you. Tell you what shorty, I'll scratch my name on the bullet I drill you with, or maybe I'll write a little verse on your headstone:
Here lies the villain
They call Eli Ugly
Got a .45 slug
Plum through his Jugly.
'fraid I aint much of a poet.
Gotta mosey
Gotta get my poncho dry-cleaned
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Cyrano de Bergerac
baisez-moi! :shock: nom de le bouef!! putain de merde!!!
un cucumberrrrr, cucumberrrrrrrrr??????? c'est insupportable!!! :mad: ave at you monsieur!
cyrano du grand epee (( et nez aussi ))

Yep.
(spits, lights cheroot)
Sure do get het-up don't ya Frenchy.
Just haul yer ass down to The Old Churchyard tonight. make sure you bring that cucumber along-sure goota give the buzzards somethin' ta perch on..

13 Jun 2004

Quote by groucho
hey man with no name,
was you ever in a band called the Village people?

Nope.
(spits, lights cheroot)
But I was in a village with no people. Lottsa people when I rode in, none when I rode out.
Gotta mosey
Gotta find 'Two Mules for Sister Sarah'.
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly
I tracked yer here too, Ugly. You gonna come quiet? I'm in town for one day: then it's back to the High Plains. Make sure you're ready to ride by dawn (spits, lights cheroot)
I hear you bin annoyin' the ladies; should't a' done that. remember the Alamo...

Hey - man witha no nama - deed you know that Sheryl Crow put on a poncho - heh?
See ya!
Yep.
I gave it to her when she did a concert for the 'Rawhide' Reunion.
Come to think of it, she did a couple of songs that coulda been just for you shorty..
'Run, Baby Run' seems kinda 'appropriate' in your case
And if you see that Frenchy, the one with the cucumber tied to his face, tell him
'The First Cut is the Deepest'-tht's the Sheryl version, not that Cat fellah, or that fellah with the highlights and scottish trousers.
Gotta mosey
Gotta go find 'A Few Dollars More'
??

13 Jun 2004

Quote by Cyrano de Bergerac
spit-conque? ispit-conque????
vous Ãªtes un gros, laid, puant porc
shall we sod the duelling and rubbish french accent and just get a bit pissed for a bit? that man wi no name never showed either eh? thought i'd scared him off! HA!

Nope. Scared aint a word I know,Frenchy.
Say, you a friend of that mexican I've come ta git? Maybe you should reconsider your list of associates.
(spits, lights cheroot)
If you are, you too can join us at The Old Churchyard-no beans -for- brains, not The Old Schoolyard-that was Paul Simon.
Say, what's that sword thing you're waving around....you plannin' on having a barbecue? Better be careful Frenchy, wouldn't want you to 'cut your nose off to spite your face'?
Gotta mosey, gotta buy a fistful of dynamite.
??

12 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly
Scuse me folks. Anybody seem a grimy lookin' Mexican crawlin' round here? Me an' him got a score to settle. tell him 'Good' was here...and I'm leavin' tomorrow, so he'd better get his Mexican ass outa town, pronto..

Escusa me! But eeef you're offa tomorrowa whatta hava i gotta worry abouta - laya low and look under your poncho - Eh???
Yeah, you laugh Ugly; tell yer what, sure is a good job you got a big, wide sombrero, considerin' all the ten types of shit that's goin' to fall on you tomorrow.....(spits, lights cheroot)..
Sleep tight general; I'll be waitin' in the mornin'...

12 Jun 2004

Quote by Eli the Ugly
OK Ugly, I've tracked you over a hundred miles of desert (spits and lights cheroot). I aint hangin' around here for more than 24 hours. So, you gonna be a good boy and come quiet or am I gonna have to lift my poncho??

You cana lifta youra poncho - but you forgeta I seen a under it - you shaved!!!!
Yeah, I shaved-with an axe.
So, I'm hittin' the sack now shorty, better get yourself some shuteye -might be the last you get for a while. I'll be back in the mornin'...(spits, lights cheroot)...by the way Mex, you made a will? Sure would seem a good idea...

12 Jun 2004

OK Ugly, leave that varmint alone: he's Australian, aint got brains worth a can o' beans. You got 24 hours, then I'm leavin'......and one of us will be stayin' here-permanent! I'm going to hit the bedroll now-be there in the mornin'. (spits-lights cheroot)...wouldn' want these good folks to think you was a yeller Mexican?

12 Jun 2004

Scuse me folks. Anybody seem a grimy lookin' Mexican crawlin' round here? Me an' him got a score to settle. tell him 'Good' was here...and I'm leavin' tomorrow, so he'd better get his Mexican ass outa town, pronto..

12 Jun 2004

I tracked yer here too, Ugly. You gonna come quiet? I'm in town for one day: then it's back to the High Plains. Make sure you're ready to ride by dawn (spits, lights cheroot)
I hear you bin annoyin' the ladies; should't a' done that. remember the Alamo...

12 Jun 2004

OK Ugly, I've tracked you over a hundred miles of desert (spits and lights cheroot). I aint hangin' around here for more than 24 hours. So, you gonna be a good boy and come quiet or am I gonna have to lift my poncho??