Hello DJohn, were you feeling a bit home sick then???
Did I hear Arti a moment ago??? Looks around but can't see anyone. Spots bright orange paw prints on the floor leading out of the door.
Oh Bollocky-Balls !!!! (c Bilko 2004) The GFZ is haunted. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
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*** THE GFZ IS CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT ***
FFS!
FFS!
FFS!
Sarge
STOP!
OMG what the hell are we gonna do now - where the hell did you get that bloody lot from - we said anything in grey or drab green - but THIS! :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Do you do any DIY at home by any chance - If so remind me not to come round for tea without a hardhat ....
:?
I thought it was odd when I was coming in and Fly walked past me with what looked like orange boots on - I thought Arti was training him to be a bloody fire dog.............. :?
Talking of which - when I walked in did I see MrsFC still chained to that floral sofa outside still? :shock: :shock:
Don't tell me nobody let her go last night???????
:roll:
And I really think that when she wakes up and finds the Sarge has planted a Heebee between her legs and put a note on her chest saying "nice bush" she is gonna go completely wappy! Especially when she sees her frizzy hair...... She will never get that ready for the party tonight...... :roll: :roll:
Sarge - go get rid of this bloody paint now. Find something else and get double - this stuff is gonna take some covering................ :cry: :cry:
Is someone gonna put some bacon on - I need summat in my stomach to calm me nerves after looking at this colour........
Now, Who is gonna skim the plasterboard upstairs today - I won't touch it - horrid job - and if you so much as put a finger in the air to volunteer Sarge I will break your knuckles - just sort the paint out.
:wink:
FFS!
FFS!
FFS!
FFS!
FFS!
Sarge
STOP!
OMG what the hell are we gonna do now - where the hell did you get that bloody lot from - we said anything in grey or drab green - but THIS! :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Do you do any DIY at home by any chance - If so remind me not to come round for tea without a hardhat ....
:? I thought it was odd when I was coming in and Fly walked past me with what looked like orange boots on - I thought Arti was training him to be a bloody fire dog.............. :?
Talking of which - when I walked in did I see MrsFC still chained to that floral sofa outside still? :shock: :shock:
Don't tell me nobody let her go last night???????
:roll: And I really think that when she wakes up and finds the Sarge has planted a Heebee between her legs and put a note on her chest saying "nice bush" she is gonna go completely wappy! Especially when she sees her frizzy hair...... She will never get that ready for the party tonight...... :roll: :roll:
Sarge - go get rid of this bloody paint now. Find something else and get double - this stuff is gonna take some covering................ :cry: :cry:
Is someone gonna put some bacon on - I need summat in my stomach to calm me nerves after looking at this colour........
Now, Who is gonna skim the plasterboard upstairs today - I won't touch it - horrid job - and if you so much as put a finger in the air to volunteer Sarge I will break your knuckles - just sort the paint out.
:wink: FFS!
FFS!
FFS!
Quote by DJohn
Who organised the guest list for this party? There are a few new faces here.
It's Jake the Peg! Forget the 9 inches girls, this guy has three feet.
But what's this? Following close behind are two young men (the bouncer won't let the two little boys in) with two little toys. We'll save those for later, lads. Don't want to get the ladies too excited too early.
Now if you want to take some pictures of the titilating misses who put the agitating wishes in the thinking of the men who write the postings that are aiming for the favours of the ladies of the cafe of the forum of Swinging Heaven... you're just in time. The party has started early.
Will someone take the bottle of thinners off him and clean his glasses - the guy is completely out of it......
Jags is gonna slap you so hard if you don't sober up and sort yourself out by tonight DJohn...... :doh:
COFFEEEEEE!!!! and fast....
Will someone see if Kat is sober yet - we need a pow-wow!
Fred
Sex God
Thinners? (checking label) Oh bloody hell... the Sarge has my wine!
Good Afternoon!!!
OK - been to the shops - sorry no bacon left! We cleared them of it yesterday.
So it's croissants and herb tea!
WOW - That is bright - dayglo orange!!!!!! In the darks corners it almost appears to be peach! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Oh well - I can't stop
Things to see, people to do!!!
See you all later - I'll do a run to the offie before this evening, I've hired a 7 tonner - so phone your orders thru to bargan booze and I'll take Arti along to collect it later.
Mind you I've already order a crate of Merlot - so we may get a little waylaid on the way back!
OK - been to the shops - sorry no bacon left! We cleared them of it yesterday.
So it's croissants and herb tea!
WOW - That is bright - dayglo orange!!!!!! In the darks corners it almost appears to be peach! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Oh well - I can't stop
Things to see, people to do!!!
See you all later - I'll do a run to the offie before this evening, I've hired a 7 tonner - so phone your orders thru to bargan booze and I'll take Arti along to collect it later.
Mind you I've already order a crate of Merlot - so we may get a little waylaid on the way back!
Well I thought this orange looked quite nice. Wasn't there a window there before??? I'd better look at those plans again.
Oh My Giddy Aunt !!!!! There was a patio door somewhere in here as well!!! I can feel some slaps from Jags and FFS's from Fred coming on !!!
I'm off to B&Q again. I need a disguise though so they don't recognise me from yesterday.
That should do it !!!!
Oh My Giddy Aunt !!!!! There was a patio door somewhere in here as well!!! I can feel some slaps from Jags and FFS's from Fred coming on !!!
I'm off to B&Q again. I need a disguise though so they don't recognise me from yesterday.
That should do it !!!!
Oh Shitidy Shit (c Wilma 2004)
Fred, you in here? I can't stop, I have to make Vodka jelly for the party tonight. I'll come back and check on things later, I'll be The Clerk of Works. So I will be writing my shag list. Oops sorry snag list.
MrsFC just coming hun, what needs doing for the Big Bash tonight???
Fly, here Fly, there's a good lad........come on let's go sort you out. That nasty arti lets you play in the most awful places. Come to Wilma and I'll pamper you rotten for the day. I am sure MrsFC will have some of those little sausages you like.
eeeeewwwww......you need a bath too !!!
Fred, you in here? I can't stop, I have to make Vodka jelly for the party tonight. I'll come back and check on things later, I'll be The Clerk of Works. So I will be writing my shag list. Oops sorry snag list.
MrsFC just coming hun, what needs doing for the Big Bash tonight???
Fly, here Fly, there's a good lad........come on let's go sort you out. That nasty arti lets you play in the most awful places. Come to Wilma and I'll pamper you rotten for the day. I am sure MrsFC will have some of those little sausages you like.
eeeeewwwww......you need a bath too !!!
Sex God
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Fred that was good. Iv'e lost the plot now, Im going for now to compose my . Be back soon! :lol: :lol: Sex God
Hi Wilma, I have little sausages and more for fly. Why does Arti let him wonder in those god forsaken places. I'll go and get some nice smelling bubbles so Fly can feel like one of the girls today.
Arti!
Arti!
ARTI!
Shit - He has only gone and put Fly's collar on Alex's fake fur coat and taken it for a bloody walk - the girlies have kidnapped Fly and are gonna kill the poor dog by giving him a bath and the moans from Alex when Arti comes back with the coat having dragged it five miles round the fields will take weeks to subside.................
What has everyone been drinking? :? :?
Love the disguise Sarge - but did you really feel that the stockings and suspenders add to the disguise or is that just a personal thing? :shock: :shock:
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Arti!
ARTI!
Shit - He has only gone and put Fly's collar on Alex's fake fur coat and taken it for a bloody walk - the girlies have kidnapped Fly and are gonna kill the poor dog by giving him a bath and the moans from Alex when Arti comes back with the coat having dragged it five miles round the fields will take weeks to subside.................
What has everyone been drinking?
:? :? Love the disguise Sarge - but did you really feel that the stockings and suspenders add to the disguise or is that just a personal thing? :shock: :shock:
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Thanks for the help MrsFC, I know Fly will appreciate it. The boys are doing boy things and I am afraid he will get into Misschief (No pun intended, thank god she's on her hols or she would tell me off for that comment).
BTW, there is another reason why I'm taking fly with me for the day. Have you seen his tongue? Who said you can't teach an old dog new trick?
Love
Wilma
BTW, there is another reason why I'm taking fly with me for the day. Have you seen his tongue? Who said you can't teach an old dog new trick?
Love
Wilma
Sex God
Arti! You're needed! Fly is in trouble and needs your help.
He's going to be pampered. He's going to be washed. There'll be bottles of that funny whiffy stuff the girlies seem to like so much (if they like strange-smelling substances, let them do that painting). I can hardly bring myself to say it, but he might even end up with a ribbon tied in a little bow.
I'll see if I can distract MrsFC for you, while you get poor Fly out.
Oh, MrsFC! Hello! How lovely to see you again. You know, one of the highlights of the munch for me was when you lifted your skirt. Those legs! Go on... do it again. Just for me.
He's going to be pampered. He's going to be washed. There'll be bottles of that funny whiffy stuff the girlies seem to like so much (if they like strange-smelling substances, let them do that painting). I can hardly bring myself to say it, but he might even end up with a ribbon tied in a little bow.
I'll see if I can distract MrsFC for you, while you get poor Fly out.
Oh, MrsFC! Hello! How lovely to see you again. You know, one of the highlights of the munch for me was when you lifted your skirt. Those legs! Go on... do it again. Just for me.
Sex God
Wilma you bad wench, just hope Fly doesn't show Arti the same welcome when he comes back :shock: :shock: Fly could have his uses. 
Fly! FLY!! Come 'ere you 'son of a bitch'-(well, he is after all). Right lad, old Knocker Jones wants to drench his ewes today and thee and me have got a day's work -lovely readies-no worries about VAT either now old Gman has retired. Right , in the Land Rover son....what the....by the dog-ends in me Granny's knickers! What the Sam Hill have they done to you lad!! You've got bloody ribbons in your fur! The sheep will be rolling round laughing-I'm going to have to run round 'em meself. BUGGITY BUGGER!!(Arti, 2004) Hold your foot up...sniffs and wrinkles nose in disgust....you smell like the barmaid at the Bull & Dog after he had his operation....right, it's in the muck-spreader with you my lad...there are standards to uphold you know....
...I see it's all orange still. Thank the Lord I'm off out tonight and will miss this party. I'd get a migraine. Mind you, I wouldn't have minded having that Alex and Mrs FC rub my throbbing temples....wonder if I can get a 'delayed reaction migraine' tomorrow. Come to think of it, if France beat England I will....
...come on Lad, let's get a bit of shit back on you...
...I see it's all orange still. Thank the Lord I'm off out tonight and will miss this party. I'd get a migraine. Mind you, I wouldn't have minded having that Alex and Mrs FC rub my throbbing temples....wonder if I can get a 'delayed reaction migraine' tomorrow. Come to think of it, if France beat England I will....
...come on Lad, let's get a bit of shit back on you...
There, 1000 litres of Paint Green (Drab) for the use of. It's even got the crowsfoot on the side of the tins. I popped in to see a mate of mine in the TA Centre and he seemed to be keen to give me anything I wanted. I think he was trying to get rid of me.
Mmmmm, who's that Babe in the mirror?? OMG!! It's me!! I forgot about the disguise. No wonder he was in a rush for me to go. I wondered why he kept calling me Judy !!!!
I think I had better let some-one else do the painting. Now .............................. did Fred mention something about plastering ??? ............ :lol: :lol:
Mmmmm, who's that Babe in the mirror?? OMG!! It's me!! I forgot about the disguise. No wonder he was in a rush for me to go. I wondered why he kept calling me Judy !!!!
I think I had better let some-one else do the painting. Now .............................. did Fred mention something about plastering ??? ............
:lol: :lol: Use your imaginination, this is fly thinking....
aww I do love to help Arti get the ewes sorted.... the perfect organisation. man and dog working as equals to control the little fluffly white thingies.
Now the last time Old Knocker and Arti drenched the ewes there was a fight as to who did the squirting. Maybe I could just stay with the girlies for a while I think I am finding my Bi side!!
Love Fly
Woof, lick, howl!!
aww I do love to help Arti get the ewes sorted.... the perfect organisation. man and dog working as equals to control the little fluffly white thingies.
Now the last time Old Knocker and Arti drenched the ewes there was a fight as to who did the squirting. Maybe I could just stay with the girlies for a while I think I am finding my Bi side!!
Love Fly
Woof, lick, howl!!
Warming the Bed
Just thought I'd call by and see how things are shaping up round here
Not looking too good at the moment is it, you might need more than a hundred litres of paint to cover this lot up.
Should I go and get my overalls and make a start? better hurry up though the rugby starts soon, can't miss that
Not looking too good at the moment is it, you might need more than a hundred litres of paint to cover this lot up.
Should I go and get my overalls and make a start? better hurry up though the rugby starts soon, can't miss that
Arti stops Land Rover and gazes in bewilderment at Fly who has leapt into front seat and is looking at himself, admiringly, in rear-view mirror. Fly pushes his (considerable) tongue out , rolls it around , and starts wuffing what sounds like...no, it can't be...yes, it's ...'Do you Think I'm Sexy' :shock: Arti turns puce when Fly starts licking his own ...'tackle'...and ....no, Arti swears that the bloody dog WINKED at him...what the hell have those lot done to Fly..'BUGGITY BUGGER', exclaims Arti and kicks the big diesel back into life, heads off down the track to Knocker Jones'.....with a canine rendition of Rod Stewart's signature tune resonating from the cab.....
Quote by us2_uk
Just thought I'd call by and see how things are shaping up round here
Not looking too good at the moment is it, you might need more than a hundred litres of paint to cover this lot up.
Should I go and get my overalls and make a start? better hurry up though the rugby starts soon, can't miss that
I missed an "0" off that. Edited now. Now grab your overalls, the more the merrier !!!
:lol: Arti rushes in carrying large ewe, it's feet tied up with baler string and a puzzled look on its little ovine face...
'Sarge! Sarge! Can't stop...they are just having at tea-break over at Knocker's place.. I felt pretty bad about not being here to help with painting, especially as you're all behind with it...
Look grab this ewe..old Knocker won't miss her for a bit....that's it....now, pass that big broom -handle... the one that the girls practice flying on...now, hold tight while I lash this old girl to it...bit more string...that's it. Voila!! A giant paint-roller! Good eh? Now, just dip the old girl in the paint..that's it...let's have a go.....cor, look at that, what an invention...just look at that paint go on...you'll be finished before ewe know it...no, just ignore the plaintive baaing, she'll get dizzy and shut up in a minute...typical female...bleats that she wants something like a broom-handle inside her and then bleats even more when you oblige...
..right, better get back...what, how's Fly? Buggity Bugger!-don't mention him..he's gone useless on me..I had to run round the ewes shouting 'wuff' while he sat and manicured his claws on a piece of old sand-paper and made 'come to bed' eyes at Knocker's old 3-legged Labrador...I wish I knew what the hell they'd done to him..anyway, must dash, that's it, slap that paint on mate..the old sheep is fair soaking that paint up.....tara mucker...
'Sarge! Sarge! Can't stop...they are just having at tea-break over at Knocker's place.. I felt pretty bad about not being here to help with painting, especially as you're all behind with it...
Look grab this ewe..old Knocker won't miss her for a bit....that's it....now, pass that big broom -handle... the one that the girls practice flying on...now, hold tight while I lash this old girl to it...bit more string...that's it. Voila!! A giant paint-roller! Good eh? Now, just dip the old girl in the paint..that's it...let's have a go.....cor, look at that, what an invention...just look at that paint go on...you'll be finished before ewe know it...no, just ignore the plaintive baaing, she'll get dizzy and shut up in a minute...typical female...bleats that she wants something like a broom-handle inside her and then bleats even more when you oblige...
..right, better get back...what, how's Fly? Buggity Bugger!-don't mention him..he's gone useless on me..I had to run round the ewes shouting 'wuff' while he sat and manicured his claws on a piece of old sand-paper and made 'come to bed' eyes at Knocker's old 3-legged Labrador...I wish I knew what the hell they'd done to him..anyway, must dash, that's it, slap that paint on mate..the old sheep is fair soaking that paint up.....tara mucker...
Right folks - whens the paint etc going to be dry enough to move the plasma screen and sound system in then ?
Before you start asking makes and models for the kit, lets just say that the reason it has no serial numbers or other identifying details on is that Duckpathian went a little mad with his beak...in just those places that could trace the kit..........honest. Just a bizarre and random happening.
60" of wall mounted loveliness with light sensor to adjust picture etc to the conditions in the room - with the choice of paint in here that'll be strained to breaking point !
Spent the best part of the budget and that was in bribes and back-handers. For god sake nobody spill anything on the kit as I don't think the warranty or insurance would come through with a replacement !!
As I said, let me know when the paints dry and I'll get the bugger plumbed in.......
Before you start asking makes and models for the kit, lets just say that the reason it has no serial numbers or other identifying details on is that Duckpathian went a little mad with his beak...in just those places that could trace the kit..........honest. Just a bizarre and random happening.
60" of wall mounted loveliness with light sensor to adjust picture etc to the conditions in the room - with the choice of paint in here that'll be strained to breaking point !
Spent the best part of the budget and that was in bribes and back-handers. For god sake nobody spill anything on the kit as I don't think the warranty or insurance would come through with a replacement !!
As I said, let me know when the paints dry and I'll get the bugger plumbed in.......
Sex God
Quote by Carpathian
60"
Jake the Peg has brought a friend!
I see DJohn is still burbbling in the corner - can someone please fix him some more coffee please - Jags is gonna have a dicky fit if he is still in this condition when she gets back......
Oh - and get some breath mints for him - stops you in your tracks at 20 paces - mixture of Meths and old Pizza - and is that green sheeps wool in the corner of his mouth? FFS - keep him away from anything that looks remotely edible when he is this drunk. :roll:
:shock: Blimey :shock: - This room changed colour bloody quick - much better, what we need is some nice blackout curtains at the windows now and we are cooking on gas - well, cooking on DJohns farts at least!
Where is Sarge now? - If someone tells me that is him upstairs plastering and whistling "Two Little Boys" I am gonna do my crunch!
And WHAT the HELL is this? - I just went to sit down on that green wooly stool and the f**cking thing walked out from under me - I am beginning to think the fumes off the paint are going to my head............... :? AND my arse is covered in green paint as well - cool! 8)
Glad to see the old telly and equipment is finally gone - I loved the new flowers and all that stuck over the outside - bet the girlies loved that...
Yeeeehaaaaaaaaa - Hey have you lot seen the new telly an all this kit - blimey - enough power in that lot to blow the windows out tthe BFZ let alone the GFZ. Don't tell me that that is the speaker cable - it looks like bloody overhead wires to me - I'll bet that was Stu who picked that lot up - is there a small village without power somewhere now? :shock: :shock:
I love this new remote Carpy - nice touch that it needs a pin code before you operate it - that will stop the girlies being able to change channel. :twisted: :twisted:
SKY + as well - GREAT! - How the hell did we wangle that? 8)
Where the hell is all the bathroom furniture - we need to get the bog in quite fast the lawn out the back is looking a little yellow at the moment - d'ya reckon we have killed it off?
ops:
I need to see how Sarge is getting on - catch you later!
Fred
Oh - and get some breath mints for him - stops you in your tracks at 20 paces - mixture of Meths and old Pizza - and is that green sheeps wool in the corner of his mouth? FFS - keep him away from anything that looks remotely edible when he is this drunk.
:roll: :shock: Blimey :shock: - This room changed colour bloody quick - much better, what we need is some nice blackout curtains at the windows now and we are cooking on gas - well, cooking on DJohns farts at least!
Where is Sarge now? - If someone tells me that is him upstairs plastering and whistling "Two Little Boys" I am gonna do my crunch!
And WHAT the HELL is this? - I just went to sit down on that green wooly stool and the f**cking thing walked out from under me - I am beginning to think the fumes off the paint are going to my head............... :? AND my arse is covered in green paint as well - cool! 8)
Glad to see the old telly and equipment is finally gone - I loved the new flowers and all that stuck over the outside - bet the girlies loved that...
Yeeeehaaaaaaaaa - Hey have you lot seen the new telly an all this kit - blimey - enough power in that lot to blow the windows out tthe BFZ let alone the GFZ. Don't tell me that that is the speaker cable - it looks like bloody overhead wires to me - I'll bet that was Stu who picked that lot up - is there a small village without power somewhere now? :shock: :shock:
I love this new remote Carpy - nice touch that it needs a pin code before you operate it - that will stop the girlies being able to change channel. :twisted: :twisted:
SKY + as well - GREAT! - How the hell did we wangle that? 8)
Where the hell is all the bathroom furniture - we need to get the bog in quite fast the lawn out the back is looking a little yellow at the moment - d'ya reckon we have killed it off?
ops: I need to see how Sarge is getting on - catch you later!
Fred
Sex God
Savour this moment, Emma. The thrill and anticipation of your first meeting with the one and only Artificer. I often look back on my first encounter with him. Ah, what a happy day that was!
And then you'll get to meet all of the other inmates. You have a busy few days ahead of you.
And then you'll get to meet all of the other inmates. You have a busy few days ahead of you.
