*** THE GFZ IS CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT ***

28 Mar 2004

Quote by FredFlintstone
Went downstairs for summat to eat only to find some dozy trollop sitting down demanding drinks.............. :twisted:
Sarge - escort her off the premises wil you - bloody interferring with the lads working. :x

Mr Flintstone, I hope you were not referring to me when you said trollop!
And just who is this military gentleman (I use the term loosely) you keep mentioning?
Mrs Peel

28 Mar 2004

Quote by EmmaPeel
Mr Flintstone, I hope you were not referring to me when you said trollop!

Ahhhh - evening Miss Cellulite - good name that - "Orange Peel" rotflmao

If the cap fits............. lol

:lol: :lol:
Right - who peed in the toilet before it was properly connected - you were told to use the shower for the time being rolleyes

:roll:
And whose bloody fingerprints are these on the gloss paint on the bathroom door - right next to the wet paint notice.... mad

Told you one of them would not be able to resist..... :shock:
Can I see your fingers please Orange Peel?

28 Mar 2004

Fred !!!! redface

ops: Hands up for peeing in the toilet. Sorry.
I can't pee in the shower, im not good at squots,and im not peeing standing up and having it running down my leg !!

28 Mar 2004

FRED!!!
When's the opening party... where are deckle edge invitations - can I bring friend - what's on the telly (ruddy football 2-0 indeed, massive downer that was!) - can I watch 'Love Story' I've seen the Great Escape 2 squillion times - and when does the dancing start???????
lol

28 Mar 2004

Quote by MrsFC
Fred !!!! ops: Hands up for peeing in the toilet. Sorry.
I can't pee in the shower, im not good at squots, and im not peeing standing up and having it running down my leg !!

Kat grabs the Jig Saw and prepares to adapt an old kitchen chair for Mrs FC
"Mr FC, Is Mrs FC a small, medium or Large??"

Quote by Jags
can I bring friend - what's on the telly (ruddy football 2-0 indeed, massive downer that was!) - can I watch 'Love Story' I've seen the Great Escape 2 squillion times - and when does the dancing start???????

Shall I field this one Fred?
No. No. When the moon is made of Green Cheese, and the last cock pick disappears from the Ads section.
lhk
Pete
x
lhk
Kat

28 Mar 2004

Right!
Hold it just there - ahem!
there seems to be a little bit of a problem
Just a little one mind you......
The bar is not finished because the 3 coats of varnish are not yet done...
The sound system is not quite fixed - when you jump out of your skin you will know Carpy is testing it..
Will has buggered off and left us without a real toilet and unless you girlies want to queue up and pee standing up in the shower you will have to walk down the corridor to the BFZ.....
The gloss paint is all still wet....
Um- things that are done.
Not a lot is actually finished.. redface

I dunno what to do - sorry!
Fred

28 Mar 2004

I wish people wouldn't keep using words I don't understand...makes me feel 'agricultural'.
Carpy, what is a 'Scart Lead' when it's had breakfast? rolleyes

Is it summat you tie a dog to, 'cos I heard you mention 'Woofers' as well? If it is , then catch hold of that bloody dog of mine next time he saunters in like Lawrence Llewellyn- Bowen in a fur coat, will you mate?
And what is 'Absinthe' ?....not sure I like the sound of it; every time I hear of it ,it's at a funeral-'absinthe friends' and all that :roll:
And Jacuzzi? Isn't that the fella in 'The Sopranos'? No, hold on, I remember now, it's a machine-pistol. Why do we need a machine-pistol in the GFZ? Are the girlies turning nastier than usual??
And Fred tells me were going to have some thing really special...a Bee Day :roll: . Look Fred mate, i'll get you as much honey as you need off 'Bumble' Braithwaite. He's kept bees for years and has more hives than 'Spotty' Penfold from the next village. No need to waste a whole day mucker...
..and Mrs Peel-what a cracker :twisted: -but I'll have to have a word with the dentist in Shrewsbury for her-(he owes me for a side of lamb I got him on the quiet)-'cos she 's got serious dental problems. Yep, she's a 'gummer!' Never would have guessed it-seems to have more teeth than a Meccano set- so I was suprised when she said she was off to fix up her 'Upper Teeth'...didn't take her long either, she was knocking back a drink in no-time. Never seen her eat no apple though, that Polyfiller stuff they use on falsies can't be that good
Anyway, I'm sure they put it over on me sometimes. I really am. I know they are my muckers and all, but I just feel half an acre behind 'em all the time.
Anyway, nobody here, so I'll go and look for that ewe again....Lord knows where she is....

28 Mar 2004

Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

28 Mar 2004

Right.....
I am gonna have to sleep in here again tonight. If I go home and Wilma finds out I have to come back during the week she will go off on one - and her with a shotgun as well! :shock:
So here it is - a plea for some help in the morning - I need to get this place finished. I also need someone to ring work for me and tell them my auntie died or summat and I promise I will get it finished. wink

:wink:
Anyone free to do me a cooked breakfast in the morning? - and can someone find me a clean pair of boxer shorts and socks on their way in - I've already turned this lot inside out once.... redface

One bit of good news - the plumbing for the Jacuzzi is connected - which means I can drain it down and clean it out - been using it as a bath for the last couple of days!
I will work for a bit longer until Carpy has finished all the wiring and then I am gonna sit down and watch a film and drink some warm beer and eat cold pizza... confused

At least the sofa won't be running around the room like it was last night - god that was rough! :shock:
Fred

28 Mar 2004

*Wanders in after a visit to Ikea.. deposits the following items for the enhancement of the GFZ (aka Gross Free Zone)
~ lampshades with fringes dangling - sort of lampshade chimes
~ chinz pelmets to complement the curtains
~ antimacasscars for the end of the sofas
~ loose covers for over the sofa and under the antimacasscars
~ bag of tealights - vanilla flavour
~ CD of whale music for those quiet moments

28 Mar 2004

This is supposed to be the Girlie Free Zone, isn't it? Am I mistaken? So what are these pelmets and antimascaras doing in here? Guys don't even know what they are!

28 Mar 2004

Vanilla flavoured tealights Jags?????? Are they edible???
dunno

Love
Wilma
x x x x

28 Mar 2004

Quote by WilmaFlintstone
Vanilla flavoured tealights Jags?????? Are they edible???

Love
Wilma
x x x x

No, but they smell nice - quite the opposite of the men here - they are edible but don't smell nice!!! lol

:lol: I refer the honourable members to the thread named SMEG!!!
x xx

28 Mar 2004

Fred - just finished watching a film elsewhere (how ironic that is !) so I've just popped back with my scarts in my hand (ooooer matron). Let me just have a fiddle.....
{dives behind units to sound of tutting, stretching and cables only just reaching}
Right - stand back guys - here we go !
{Picks up remote, points at TV, braces himself and.........nothing !}
redface

{Dives back behind equipment and plugs power in}
{presses remote again and the glow from the screen illuminates the room, drops a CD into the hifi and Jeff Buckleys golden voice envelops the room}
Here's the remote Fred - enjoy it while you have full power over it - I dread to think what it'll be like on a busy weekend !! I'm off for a kip !!
Night all !!

28 Mar 2004

Quote by MrsFC
Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

.... :doh: sorry Mrs FC, being a bit on the dense side - I have only just found out that the clocks have gone forward!
*Kat goes off to find a bigger chair - and a bigger jig saw*
lhk

28 Mar 2004

Fred wanders out to the skip - lights a vanilla scented tealight - (mmmmmm - smells ok) touches it to the frilly bits on an old lampshade he found dumped on the floor and chucks it into the skip on top of the pile of rags and some dustsheets someone kindly donated right at the end when we didn't need them...... (strange that the rags had tassles on to match the lampshades though - hmmmmmmm!) - some people eh!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
WTF!
Oh god - what is this all over me - looks like raw meat...... rolleyes

Oh NO!

:?
Who dumped Dolly the Sheep in the skip - no wonder we could not find her - and on top of all the bloody photo paper as well.....
*rubs face*
Where are my eyebrows! - Arrrggghhh! mad

:x
How the hell am I gonna tell Arti about Dolly now? :roll: :roll:

28 Mar 2004

Quote by KitKat
Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

.... :doh: sorry Mrs FC, being a bit on the dense side - I have only just found out that the clocks have gone forward!
*Kat goes off to find a bigger chair - and a bigger jig saw*
lhk
Funniest thing is he's not kidding!!!! I was on the phone to him and broke the news gently - Kit's reply to the news being relayed to her was 'fuckity fuck (tmJags2004) - what a pair!!!!
I wonder if life is better on their planet????
x xx

28 Mar 2004

Hello Fred
Oh great idea!!! We're having a barbeque. Pass us a beer. What happened to your face??
Any more jobs you want me to do ??? :shock: :shock: confused

:? :? :?

28 Mar 2004

****ING Fred - did you not know that a lighted candle masks unheathly and disgusting smells in rooms??
Luckily all my purchase are insured cos I used my flexible friend .. can get replacements on Monday :happy: :happy:
OH.. did I tell you that when I bought the vanilla scented candles I got a copy of 'Love Actually' free??? Mmmmmmmmmmmm Hugh Grant...........Mmmmmmmmmmmm

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Jags
Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

.... :doh: sorry Mrs FC, being a bit on the dense side - I have only just found out that the clocks have gone forward!
*Kat goes off to find a bigger chair - and a bigger jig saw*
lhk
Funniest thing is he's not kidding!!!! I was on the phone to him and broke the news gently - Kit's reply to the news being relayed to her was 'fuckity fuck (tmJags2004) - what a pair!!!!
I wonder if life is better on their planet????
x xx
I think we are all on that same planet because SH Time hasn't been adjusted !!! confused

:? :?

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Oh great idea!!! We're having a barbeque. Pass us a beer. What happened to your face??

{Carpathian passes skip on way out of building and heading home}
Bugger ! I was so looking forward to seeing the surprise on Misschiefs face when she came home and saw Dolly.....and you're standing there eating her !!!!
{sniffs air}
Oh well, it does smell rather nice........any plates or mint ?

28 Mar 2004

Sarge,
I am in soooooo much trouble.....
I think I just blew up Dolly the sheep...
You know we used her as a roller and tried to wash her out with thinners.... well I reckon someone put her in the skip last night and she cant have been dry.........
What the HELL am I gonna tell old Arti.. rolleyes

:roll:
And have you seen Fly by any chance - he was last seen sniffing round Dolly at the party last night. confused

:
Pray it is not Dog & Lamb Kebabs or we are never gonna be able to stay around here. :shock: :shock:
Buggery buggery buggery!

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Carpathian
Oh well, it does smell rather nice........any plates or mint ?

Hold that thought and don't bite that burger until someone has found FLY!
Fly!
Fly!
phwit phwit - here boy!

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

.... :doh: sorry Mrs FC, being a bit on the dense side - I have only just found out that the clocks have gone forward!
*Kat goes off to find a bigger chair - and a bigger jig saw*
lhk
Funniest thing is he's not kidding!!!! I was on the phone to him and broke the news gently - Kit's reply to the news being relayed to her was 'fuckity fuck (tmJags2004) - what a pair!!!!
I wonder if life is better on their planet????
x xx
I think we are all on that same planet because SH Time hasn't been adjusted !!! confused

:? :?

FFS can't you blokes read the flipping rules??
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/main/help.html#forum-4

:banghead:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
This is a private Mod's joke!!!!

28 Mar 2004

Right Fred, there's only one thing we can do. One sheep looks pretty much like another doesn't it? Well, lets jump in my 4x4, drive up to that field on the edge of town and catch ourselves a replacement sheep.
Easy - He'll never know the difference and we can be back here in no time eating lamb butties. :shock: confused

:? :? :?

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Right Fred, there's only one thing we can do. One sheep looks pretty much like another doesn't it? Well, lets jump in my 4x4, drive up to that field on the edge of town and catch ourselves a replacement sheep.
Easy - He'll never know the difference and we can be back here in no time eating lamb butties. :shock: :? :? :?

What a star!
Lets go!

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Jags
Kat !!!!! can you not remember what size I am? I thought I made an impression the last time we met.......

.... :doh: sorry Mrs FC, being a bit on the dense side - I have only just found out that the clocks have gone forward!
*Kat goes off to find a bigger chair - and a bigger jig saw*
lhk
Funniest thing is he's not kidding!!!! I was on the phone to him and broke the news gently - Kit's reply to the news being relayed to her was 'fuckity fuck (tmJags2004) - what a pair!!!!
I wonder if life is better on their planet????
x xx
I think we are all on that same planet because SH Time hasn't been adjusted !!! confused

:? :?

FFS can't you blokes read the flipping rules??
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/main/help.html#forum-4

:banghead:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
This is a private Mod's joke!!!!
Sorted !!!!!!

28 Mar 2004

Wilma wanders up to GFZ with Dolly.
Hi all, where are Fred and Sarge? I just popped over to see what that smell was. Don't eat that. That was the meat left over from the party last night. All those burgers were off. Arti said he knew where he could lay his hands on some cheap burgers. What he failed to tell me was they were 3 months out of date. He had been using them for Fly's dinners.
Come on Dolly love, you need a manicure and we must get the crimpers on that tail.
Bye all. Baaaaaa
Love
Wilma & Dolly
x x x x

28 Mar 2004

Quote by Jags
FFS can't you blokes read the flipping rules??

oooohhhhhhhhhhhh - Get her - mardy bugger!
Wots up hun - missing all yer cock pics? wink

:wink: :wink: :wink:

28 Mar 2004

Quote by FredFlintstone

FFS can't you blokes read the flipping rules??

oooohhhhhhhhhhhh - Get her - mardy bugger!
Wots up hun - missing all yer cock pics? wink

:wink: :wink: :wink:
HARD SLAP... just missing yours sweatheart!!
(that'll keep him busy looking at his own tiny thing on a tray)
lol

:lol: