Refurbishment of the GFZ
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It has been some time since the GFZ underwent change but the time is now upon us for a major refurbishment.
First of all the Jacuzzi just simply cannot remain where it is as people are complaining that not only can they not see the telly but also that certain members of the GFZ have been seen to be using it as a urinal late at night whilst under the influence.
After scouting round a great discovery was made. The room next door to the GFZ was in fact the room where Jags had been storing all the deleted ads in order to keep hold of all the cock pics and she was in fact visiting on a daily basis. The only way we were able to prove that it was Jags was because a DNA analysis of the puddles of dribble (We think it was dribble!) proved it was hers. Also close examination of it under a microscope also revealed it had a tartan pattern – clearly identifiable as the McDougall tartan because it had little men in bowler hats all covered in flour.
:wink: So after removing some 18,000 adverts we realised that the space was big enough to put the Pool Table in as well as moving the old staircase from the main room. This then meant that the space upstairs could be used to create a shower and toilet room, a Jacuzzi area and a couple of bedrooms for members to use as they see fit.
At that point it was realised that a major refurbishment had to take place in order to rebuild the Bar, fit an archway through to what will now be called the “Jags Cock†room, move the stairs, build the rooms upstairs and redecorate in a suitable colour scheme and refurnish the rooms.
An analysis of available funds revealed that a staggering amount of money was in the kitty (No relation to Kit or Kat). Some £12,000 was available. This was due in part to the profit on the gaming machines and the habit of setting the payout level to less than 10% when the girlies were in but also because the new machine called “Find the Clit†had a 1 in 2 million chance of paying out. The second addition to the funds were because some months ago Sarge had found a way of getting into the liquor store of the BFZ and we have gradually removed all of their stock of booze and then sold it back to them, at greatly inflated prices, when they invaded the GFZ.
It was quickly decided that £9,000 was NEEDED to buy the new 60†Plasma TV panel and associated sound system to mount on the wall. This does away with the old remote which Jags has hold of still and also means we can shut the secret door she had installed as well. This has left only £3,000 for the rest of the work.
£1,000 was needed for the alcohol and food necessary to sustain all the MEN helping out in the refurbishment.
:lol: £800 was needed for all of the Timber, worktops, cupboards, sink and optics to build the new Bar.
£800 was needed for the beds and satin sheets in the 2 bedrooms. :wink: :wink:
This leaves £400 for materials, paint, furniture, bathroom fittings etc.
So – this is the challenge:
We have 1 weekend to work our socks off to get it all finished.
Here are the Plans:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/humour/wi/GFZ1.jpg
The Ground Floor
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/humour/wi/GFZ2.jpg
The First Floor
Sarge– as a person of infinite means (OK, we said you were tight as arseholes!) you are charged with going off and sorting out the paint and fittings. Your budget is £50. Beg, steal, borrow indefinitely – whatever. A discussion of whether we wanted Grey (Tank) paint or Camouflage (Hanger) Green on the walls came to no consensus of opinion, so you have free reign on that. Just remember Peach is not a colour it is a fruit and we men only see in 8 colours man!
Will - You have £100 to find a toilet, shower, wash hand basin and one of them foot wash thingumies for the shower room and all the plumbing kit to go with it. The toilet does not need to have a seat as the only girlies that will be allowed in will have to sign to say they will not moan about the lack of a toilet seat (or will put it back up if there is one fitted) when they have finished using the lavvie.
Arti– As you have a tractor and flatbed you have £150 to furnish the lot. Old Mrs Mabel Archesthorpe in the village here has 2 old brown leather sofa’s with collapsed springs at one end and the leather all cracked on one seat where her incontinent cat laid for a year before it died. Other than that it is in good nick and is so comfortable to lay on. It has the added advantage that full height Stella cans stand upright so we can shove the empties under it and not have to get up or trip over them. We can have ‘em both for a tenner. You need Bar stools, coffee table, bedside tables (for the durex, lube and toys), card table and chairs, a cabinet to put the DVD, SAT, VID, AMP in and storage of some sort with a lock on that we can put all our DVD and Video porno in. Don’t waste money on bins but if you can get a cheap Henry Hoover it will make the girlies life easier as the push along carpet beater ‘aint much cop anymore.
SteveG - You have £100 for the dishwasher and 2 fridges for behind the bar. If you have to drop something then forget the dishwasher, it was only to help the girlies out anyway so is not too important.
Brumlad - You have a budget of zip, diddly squat, fuck-all squared, to find all the glasses you need to stock the bar and things like bottle openers, corkscrews etc.
Mal – See if you can scout round any of the other little used rooms and find some carpets or rugs we can put down on the floors. Take Djohn with you as he can open most locked doors with his left shoulder! While your at it nick some towels from somewhere, I hear from Fran that they nicked some nice fluffy ones from the local Travel Inn last time they were there! Stu says don’t bother with the Bathrobes though as the one he nicked fell apart inside 2 months.
Carpi – Grab Stu (of the Fran & Stu variety) and sort out the sound system and the new TV. What he don’t know about speakers and hi-fi ‘aint worth knowing (trust me, I have been lost to his drone about speaker cable resistance many a time!). He will tell you what kit you need to get. Unfortunately you may need to “lift†some of the stuff as the budget you have is £9000 and we reckon you will need most of that for the TV unless you can get hold of “Dave’s Dodgy Deals†and see if he can lay his hands on a “warm†TV. Remember nothing less than 60†for the screen though.
Kat and I will work away moving the staircase to start with and knocking through the wall – If anyone goes past a building site and can “lift†any tools and materials that would be a great help.
MrFC – You are on standby just in case anyone gets nicked when you can go down with what is left in the petty cash tin and use your “Get out of Jail Free†card to spring them.
Girlies, you need to be around to serve drinks, fetch and carry, make bacon cobs, clean up and just hold tools for all the men. Some words of advice though – Any surface that is shiny and glass smooth is WET. You do not need to touch it to prove me wrong otherwise next to the fingerprints you leave behind will be a nice print of your face. Secondly please be careful when handling power tools – they are dangerous. Don’t push any buttons on them or move anything that moves – it was probably set to do a certain thing and you will be blamed for the hole being in the wrong place – too deep – too big!
Fran – can you put on your nice pinnie (and nothing else!) and make a large one of them fabulous 22,000 calorie choccie cakes please?
You will note that there is on the plans a set of cages built for visiting livestock. Arti has booked it for the ferrets for the first 3 weeks just to combat the smell of new paint and wood. There is also a dog basket under the stairs for any mutts that come along. Misschief’s request to have an eye bolt to chain them too after her last escapade in here has been refused as being unnecessary expenditure.
Post all progress reports here over the course of the weekend and hopefully we will all meet up in the finished rooms on Sunday night.
Girlies – if you insist on having a Yorkie from the fridge – please ask one of the men to open it for you and don’t try and show off and break a nail opening it – you will only embarrass yourselves.
I'm back!
Sarge - hand out the hard hats and flak jackets now!
Fred
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