Having just returned from my week's "thigh-building" in France, I found this thread a real treat to read after the rather vitriolic and parallel one of about a week ago.
Spinach .... You are quite right to raise the issue of personal morals which, by definition are personal.
The question is also asked if I would mind if my wife had discreet extra-marital liaisons (I refuse to use the word cheated). I can reply to this from experience ..... No, I would not, but I would very much hope she would be discreet.
Would I feel more comfortable if she discussed with me first?
I guess so, but I could well understand her reluctance to do so.
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A single case of married morals?
Quote by alan1954
My heartfelt apology to Alex, you are quite right I have misread your posting and you do acually make it quite clear that you enjoy the social scene rather than the swinging .
I do manage to put my size nines in my mouth now and again, thank god for odour eaters!
That's OK Alan!
Hugs, Alex x x
We're a couple, and while we had talked lots about swinging, we came on here out of curiosity more than anything else, like Misschief.
Daz has always been interested in swinging as a "social" kind of thing, wheras i had never even considered it, and could not even see the point of it. After a long, mature discussion, I came to the conclusion that, if Daz did want to sleep with someone else,(and vice versa) i would rather he did it WITH me than behind my back. Like a lot of people on this thread, i feel there is a difference between discretion and secrecy, if Daz was to begin meeting someone on his own, (will never happen, but IF it did) then i would like to know he was doing it but wouldnt want to know every single detail (discretion).This would show there wasnt a problem with the relationship, it was still swinging. However, if he was to begin lying about where he was going, saying "i'm going to the supermarket" when really he was meeting someone else for sex, then that would be secrecy and would therefore be, imho, as garfield69 said, adultery.
(this is on the other thread as well but i couldnt be bothered to write it all out again!!)
Daz has always been interested in swinging as a "social" kind of thing, wheras i had never even considered it, and could not even see the point of it. After a long, mature discussion, I came to the conclusion that, if Daz did want to sleep with someone else,(and vice versa) i would rather he did it WITH me than behind my back. Like a lot of people on this thread, i feel there is a difference between discretion and secrecy, if Daz was to begin meeting someone on his own, (will never happen, but IF it did) then i would like to know he was doing it but wouldnt want to know every single detail (discretion).This would show there wasnt a problem with the relationship, it was still swinging. However, if he was to begin lying about where he was going, saying "i'm going to the supermarket" when really he was meeting someone else for sex, then that would be secrecy and would therefore be, imho, as garfield69 said, adultery.
(this is on the other thread as well but i couldnt be bothered to write it all out again!!)
I would firstly like to put on record my thanks to Alex for accepting my apology. I have also taken the relevant paragraph out of the posting.
Lou from Dazandlou raises the point about discretion and secrecy and where she feels the line between the two lies, (excuse the pun). I feel this re raises the conundrum that some of us married men find ourselves in.
Daz and Lou have found themselves able to discuss this situation and have an understanding under the circumstances in which Daz could possibly have a liason with another woman. Many many couples are able to come to arrangements of this kind, lets face it swinging would come to a halt without.
The fundamental problem some of us married guys have is that our wives, are, for one reason or another totally against any concept of sex outside the marriage. They would be against it in mind body and spirit with no compromise and certainly no prospect of a discussion about it. I know some will say "have you tried to discuss it?" Quite simply no, for the also very simple reason that I know my wife well enough to know her reaction would be one of total disgust and hurt.
The problem then for a more liberated and open minded partner is just what do we do?
Yes I suppose we should say "I will give this up for the person I love". But I am an individual too and some facets of my life I want to be mine and mine alone.
Sometimes we keep secrets to protect the one's we love from hurt. Can any one honestly say they have NEVER kept a secret from their partner? Please don't write and say I am trying to make myself out to appear noble by keeping this secret from her. I know I am not
Lou from Dazandlou raises the point about discretion and secrecy and where she feels the line between the two lies, (excuse the pun). I feel this re raises the conundrum that some of us married men find ourselves in.
Daz and Lou have found themselves able to discuss this situation and have an understanding under the circumstances in which Daz could possibly have a liason with another woman. Many many couples are able to come to arrangements of this kind, lets face it swinging would come to a halt without.
The fundamental problem some of us married guys have is that our wives, are, for one reason or another totally against any concept of sex outside the marriage. They would be against it in mind body and spirit with no compromise and certainly no prospect of a discussion about it. I know some will say "have you tried to discuss it?" Quite simply no, for the also very simple reason that I know my wife well enough to know her reaction would be one of total disgust and hurt.
The problem then for a more liberated and open minded partner is just what do we do?
Yes I suppose we should say "I will give this up for the person I love". But I am an individual too and some facets of my life I want to be mine and mine alone.
Sometimes we keep secrets to protect the one's we love from hurt. Can any one honestly say they have NEVER kept a secret from their partner? Please don't write and say I am trying to make myself out to appear noble by keeping this secret from her. I know I am not
Thanx crosspatch, I have to confess to struggle with some of the longer words, If I had a webcam you would be able to see my lips move as I type. 
You and Littles thoughts regarding personal morals are very true and relevent. My morals are I suppose a rather mixed bag, I am not against sex outside marriage but on the other hand would not want to simply sleep around with any casual pickup.
In the same vein I would want to meet a couple to make up a threesome, but would not consider a group, party or sex with someone I hadn't been introduced to !!
Odd I know but there it is.
You and Littles thoughts regarding personal morals are very true and relevent. My morals are I suppose a rather mixed bag, I am not against sex outside marriage but on the other hand would not want to simply sleep around with any casual pickup.
In the same vein I would want to meet a couple to make up a threesome, but would not consider a group, party or sex with someone I hadn't been introduced to !!
Odd I know but there it is.
Alan
I also thoroughly agree with what you are trying to say. I wish (to some extent) that I was in the situation of some of the couples in here. But Iam not and will never be. But I do love to be on here and also to meet some of the lovely friends I have made - even if it is only for lunch or something. I love to flirt too! In the eyes of some - even what I do is thought of as a form of cheating. But, at the end of the day, it is my life. People either accept me for the person I am (not my personal circumstances) or they condemn me because they apply their morals standards to me. I have no control over that.
One thing though Alan - you would be amazed at the number of regular members in here who are in a very similar situation.
Hugs, Alex x
I also thoroughly agree with what you are trying to say. I wish (to some extent) that I was in the situation of some of the couples in here. But Iam not and will never be. But I do love to be on here and also to meet some of the lovely friends I have made - even if it is only for lunch or something. I love to flirt too! In the eyes of some - even what I do is thought of as a form of cheating. But, at the end of the day, it is my life. People either accept me for the person I am (not my personal circumstances) or they condemn me because they apply their morals standards to me. I have no control over that.
One thing though Alan - you would be amazed at the number of regular members in here who are in a very similar situation.
Hugs, Alex x
Hi again Alex,
Thank you for your kind words.
I think what you have to say sums up my views regarding life pretty well.
I am in a marriage where I can hardly look across the street without being accused of eyeing up another woman, if I were to meet one for lunch it would almost be grounds for divorce.
So why do I take the risk??
As has been said before it is MY life, and I will as far as I can, Live it my way to my values, such as they may seem warped to others.
As you so rightly say, No one else (including in my view a spouse) has the right to sit in judgement or condemn you for living a life in the way you desire.
Yes I will "cheat" on my wife,it is a choice that was not easy in the making, but I will strive to do it in such a way that causes her no hurt, yet allows me the freedom of my own soul.
Thank you for your kind words.
I think what you have to say sums up my views regarding life pretty well.
I am in a marriage where I can hardly look across the street without being accused of eyeing up another woman, if I were to meet one for lunch it would almost be grounds for divorce.
So why do I take the risk??
As has been said before it is MY life, and I will as far as I can, Live it my way to my values, such as they may seem warped to others.
As you so rightly say, No one else (including in my view a spouse) has the right to sit in judgement or condemn you for living a life in the way you desire.
Yes I will "cheat" on my wife,it is a choice that was not easy in the making, but I will strive to do it in such a way that causes her no hurt, yet allows me the freedom of my own soul.
Quote by alan1954
Can any one honestly say they have NEVER kept a secret from their partner?
I try to keep a secret from Dawn every December. Usually as late as possible, but for some uncanny reason she seems too know exactly which day i have been to the shops.
As she can read me like a book, I would never consider having an affair. Well that and the fact I could never betray her trust to do such a thing.
Dawn and I entered into the world of swinging heaven together and after several years of discussing what we would and would not like to happen. Our joint and immidiate decision was that we did not want to play with a person who was betraying their partner. (personal choice, nothing more).
I will admit that we do not always swing as a couple (again personal choice) and I have been known to meet other people on my own. I have only ever done this with Dawn, and the other people concerned knowing the situation and we had all met before. No deception, no betrayal.
Would we knowingly meet a married person without their partner's permission. Not a chance. Would we meet them WITH their partners permission. Yes, had planned to, but the forces of the dark side were active that day.
