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abuseive relationships
Sex God
Because emotion can be a very powerful thing and will completely overide common sense sometimes for a number of years.
Sex God
Quote by freimation
hi just a quick one why do us men and women stay with abuseive partners/relationships it's not allways physical verbal and mental can be just as bad so why do we perfectly sane people do it.
I'm perfectly sane and I wouldn't stay in an abusive relationship.
This thread might be worth a read too:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/279980.html
Sex God
Quote by freimation
do some people get off on it
Don't know. Quote by freimation
do some people get off on it
what do you mean when you say 'get off on it' I think that some abusers 'get off on it' in terms of it validating how they perceive themselves. I am sure they don't get a sexual thrill. I know that the person who is being abused get's no thrill and doesn't 'get off on it' in any other way.
Many people who are in an abusive relationship have no perception that it is, in fact, abusive. They can be told a hundred times. They have to either be forced by someone else to leave or have the relationship end through different circumstances and reflect on the relationship before they realise.
I am sure you are talking about a specific relationship that you are witnessing. If that is the case the best thing you can do is, if the law is being broken, call the police. If someone is in danger, call the police. If children are at risk call the police and social services etc etc... you can do something, all be it anonymously if you wish.
Sex God
Quote by freimation
some people stay because they dont want to be on there own and fear lonelyness abused people have very low self esteme
Sounds as if you know the answer to your own question anyway. Although I doubt that the above comments are always accurate.
Sex God
The common factor in almost all abused people is the total loss of all self-esteem. Not just feeling unattractive etc I mean the deep-seated 'knowledge' that there is no way they could EVER function alone. Another theme is that the abuser is the only one willing to put up with such a useless lump of crap (Insert cruel words of your choice).
In some relationships the abuse is purely mental, in others physical abuse seems the main element - but believe me, the mental abuse is ALWAYS there. And the abuse can develop very slowly, so slow that the victim and often their friends aren't aware of it until it's too late. The victim is alone with the abuser, the friends have been driven away and there is (apparently) no way out.
If a guy simply thumps me I would walk away - of course I would. And I could do it easily. But if that thump came after months or years of subtle and constant mental undermining, browbeating and belittling anyone would struggle and many would fail to escape.
That's why people 'put up with' abuse - they totally believe they have no choice.
In some relationships the abuse is purely mental, in others physical abuse seems the main element - but believe me, the mental abuse is ALWAYS there. And the abuse can develop very slowly, so slow that the victim and often their friends aren't aware of it until it's too late. The victim is alone with the abuser, the friends have been driven away and there is (apparently) no way out.
If a guy simply thumps me I would walk away - of course I would. And I could do it easily. But if that thump came after months or years of subtle and constant mental undermining, browbeating and belittling anyone would struggle and many would fail to escape.
That's why people 'put up with' abuse - they totally believe they have no choice.
Quote by foxylady2209stot on i coudnt put it better
The common factor in almost all abused people is the total loss of all self-esteem. Not just feeling unattractive etc I mean the deep-seated 'knowledge' that there is no way they could EVER function alone. Another theme is that the abuser is the only one willing to put up with such a useless lump of crap (Insert cruel words of your choice).
In some relationships the abuse is purely mental, in others physical abuse seems the main element - but believe me, the mental abuse is ALWAYS there. And the abuse can develop very slowly, so slow that the victim and often their friends aren't aware of it until it's too late. The victim is alone with the abuser, the friends have been driven away and there is (apparently) no way out.
If a guy simply thumps me I would walk away - of course I would. And I could do it easily. But if that thump came after months or years of subtle and constant mental undermining, browbeating and belittling anyone would struggle and many would fail to escape.
That's why people 'put up with' abuse - they totally believe they have no choice.
I think people tolerate mentally abusive relationships a lot more than physically abusive ones. I grew up with a father who played with the mind, I won't go into it but I ended up with low self esteem following years of mental abuse and the lack of emotion shown from him. He used to make me feel like I was a stranger in my own home, I never felt comfortable or welcome downstairs, I was a nuisance just being around him.
He was worse with my mother, most days reducing her to tears. She lived in his shadow frightened to be late back from shopping because he expected his tea at a certain time.
Love? pah!, they're divorced now, I wish to god she had of had the courage years ago to split.
He was worse with my mother, most days reducing her to tears. She lived in his shadow frightened to be late back from shopping because he expected his tea at a certain time.
Love? pah!, they're divorced now, I wish to god she had of had the courage years ago to split.
You get used to it gradually. First it's just something small and silly that you pass over cos you think you are over reacting. Then when something more happens that seems almost like nothing cos you're used to the other thing. And so it builds up till one day you find yourself telling someone something and you actually hear what you are saying and think bloody hell what did I just say.
But also, you're confidence just goes, so you think better to be with someone than no one at all. And of course they are nice sometimes so you talk yourself out of it - he did this the other day, we are just going througha bad patch/I'm expecting too much, I will see how it is in a few weeks.
But if you're lucky something makes you see the light! And you look back and think blimey what on earth was I thinking, but it's not easy when you're in it.
But also, you're confidence just goes, so you think better to be with someone than no one at all. And of course they are nice sometimes so you talk yourself out of it - he did this the other day, we are just going througha bad patch/I'm expecting too much, I will see how it is in a few weeks.
But if you're lucky something makes you see the light! And you look back and think blimey what on earth was I thinking, but it's not easy when you're in it.
I Have had the (mis)fortune to know a few people that have 'lived' with an abusive relationship of one kind or the other.
With 2 of the people I knew - they were both very strong, confident women that took no crap in their lives and yet they had relationships that I couldn't believe they endured.
The common thing they both had was in their childhood. They grew up with abusive fathers.
For them, what was 'normal' was 100% different to what I consider 'normal' in a loving relationship.
I remember having a conversation after the husband had kicked her leg so hard he had burst her varicose vein, I was trying to understand why she was so hesitant in leaving him -it was a 'no-brainer' for me - her mother eventually talked her into to staying with the husband - as she had on previous occasions.
Relationships are very strange and complex and somebody's history and experiences add to the complexities.
With 2 of the people I knew - they were both very strong, confident women that took no crap in their lives and yet they had relationships that I couldn't believe they endured.
The common thing they both had was in their childhood. They grew up with abusive fathers.
For them, what was 'normal' was 100% different to what I consider 'normal' in a loving relationship.
I remember having a conversation after the husband had kicked her leg so hard he had burst her varicose vein, I was trying to understand why she was so hesitant in leaving him -it was a 'no-brainer' for me - her mother eventually talked her into to staying with the husband - as she had on previous occasions.
Relationships are very strange and complex and somebody's history and experiences add to the complexities.
Sex God
I was brought up with an abusive father, there is no way on this earth would I live with an abusive partner as an adult. I have known fear and dont want to ever live like that again.
My Mother told me she couldnt leave, it wasnt so easy to just up sticks and go in those days and so she stayed and lived in fear.
I dont know about anyone else's relationship but I do know fear is a terrible thing and that is why some people stay in the relationship.
My Mother told me she couldnt leave, it wasnt so easy to just up sticks and go in those days and so she stayed and lived in fear.
I dont know about anyone else's relationship but I do know fear is a terrible thing and that is why some people stay in the relationship.
Sex God
Quote by helnheaven
I was brought up with an abusive father, there is no way on this earth would I live with an abusive partner as an adult. I have known fear and dont want to ever live like that again.
My Mother told me she couldnt leave, it wasnt so easy to just up sticks and go in those days and so she stayed and lived in fear.
I dont know about anyone else's relationship but I do know fear is a terrible thing and that is why some people stay in the relationship.
Well said Helnheaven. It's easy to look at things from the outside and have all the answers, but if you're actually involved in the situation things tend not to be that simple.
I have a daughter who has been in an abusive relationship on and off for years. I am at the stage where I am losing patience with her for going back to him all the time. She says she loves him and most of the time it is wonderful but I can't understand it at all.
It makes me really sad and angry , it is so hard watching and waiting for the next slap, knowing that a week later she will be back in his bed.
It makes me really sad and angry , it is so hard watching and waiting for the next slap, knowing that a week later she will be back in his bed.
Quote by foxylady2209
The common factor in almost all abused people is the total loss of all self-esteem. Not just feeling unattractive etc I mean the deep-seated 'knowledge' that there is no way they could EVER function alone. Another theme is that the abuser is the only one willing to put up with such a useless lump of crap (Insert cruel words of your choice).
In some relationships the abuse is purely mental, in others physical abuse seems the main element - but believe me, the mental abuse is ALWAYS there. And the abuse can develop very slowly, so slow that the victim and often their friends aren't aware of it until it's too late. The victim is alone with the abuser, the friends have been driven away and there is (apparently) no way out.
If a guy simply thumps me I would walk away - of course I would. And I could do it easily. But if that thump came after months or years of subtle and constant mental undermining, browbeating and belittling anyone would struggle and many would fail to escape.
That's why people 'put up with' abuse - they totally believe they have no choice.
Without doubt the best answer I have heard on a thread for a long time! That is so perfectly true.x
Sex God
Quote by welikesinglemen
I have a daughter who has been in an abusive relationship on and off for years. I am at the stage where I am losing patience with her for going back to him all the time.
Its hard as Parents to sit back and say nothing but trust me when I say, one day she will see sense.
All you can do is be there for her when the time comes.
Quote by helnheaven
I have a daughter who has been in an abusive relationship on and off for years. I am at the stage where I am losing patience with her for going back to him all the time.
Its hard as Parents to sit back and say nothing but trust me when I say, one day she will see sense.
All you can do is be there for her when the time comes.
I hope and pray that she sees sense before, like for too many it comes too late.
