Ok, first things first- a big hello to you all (this is my 1st post!).
I'm sure I'm not alone in asking this question and I'm sure many of you have succesfully negotiated this little dillema. How can I convince my wife that swinging is the way ahead? I'm not going to write my life story on here, suffice to say that we're happily married and have been toying with the idea of visiting a swingers club or just getting a 'taste' of what its all about. I've shown her this site and to be fair she's quite impressed (and why wouldn't she be - it's a cracking place!).
So what's the big deal I hear you say? Well she's got cold feet over the last few weeks and I need to stir things up again. I won't pressure her by any means and most certainly won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. But how can I light that fire again, what's a good starting point?
Any advice much appreciated.
J.
Oh yeah, anyone guess what my nic's about? Famous 80's film which mirrors our passion....answers on a postcard plz...
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Advice Needed........
Hello J and welcome to SH!
Frankly J - you can't. This has to be entirely her choice. I can only suggest that you frequent the forums and possibly attend a munch to see what bloody marvellous people we are.
I hope you both have fun in the forum!
Sappho xxx
How can I convince my wife that swinging is the way ahead?
Frankly J - you can't. This has to be entirely her choice. I can only suggest that you frequent the forums and possibly attend a munch to see what bloody marvellous people we are.
I hope you both have fun in the forum!
Sappho xxx
Helo RSAB2 :welcome: Well I have always been interested in the lifestyle but haven't actually done it, Me and MrsFC would fantasise but that's as far as she would go. I then showed her this site and we began interacting with others on the site, and then something I never thought would Happen',we went to a munch(see link in lets meet up),
I never in a million years thought she would go, but without hesitation she did. We met lots of lovely people and are going to another one.
It was seeing the type of people here that made it possible, just interact on the site together, get a feel for the type of people on here. I'm not saying it will work but that's my experience.
Good Luck!
I never in a million years thought she would go, but without hesitation she did. We met lots of lovely people and are going to another one.
It was seeing the type of people here that made it possible, just interact on the site together, get a feel for the type of people on here. I'm not saying it will work but that's my experience.
Good Luck!
Hiya RSAB2. Welcome to Swinging Heaven.
I cannot give you advice but can tell you of my experience.
I was absolutely petrified of even logging into a swinging site just incase someone could trace me. I knew perfectly well they couldn't but all reason flew out the window and to be honest I found any excuse to run to a safe place in my mind.
Over time I stepped closer and closer to the scene. All small steps and some backward ones too (infact quite a few backward steps). There were times when I felt wretched, guilty etc etc but I accept that it can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster ride.
We had great fun along the way and were always prepared to experience new things and say NO when we didn't want to go further. We respected each other, (still do) and we talked and talked and talked and talked.
We have had the time of our lives and I feel completely liberated.
This is just a brief outline of my experience but I do hope it goes some way to help.
Love
Wilma
x x x x
I cannot give you advice but can tell you of my experience.
I was absolutely petrified of even logging into a swinging site just incase someone could trace me. I knew perfectly well they couldn't but all reason flew out the window and to be honest I found any excuse to run to a safe place in my mind.
Over time I stepped closer and closer to the scene. All small steps and some backward ones too (infact quite a few backward steps). There were times when I felt wretched, guilty etc etc but I accept that it can sometimes be a bit of a rollercoaster ride.
We had great fun along the way and were always prepared to experience new things and say NO when we didn't want to go further. We respected each other, (still do) and we talked and talked and talked and talked.
We have had the time of our lives and I feel completely liberated.
This is just a brief outline of my experience but I do hope it goes some way to help.
Love
Wilma
x x x x
All the sensible ideas are done J, I can only echo what has been said, let Mrs J do the running now. Lots of talking and fantasies about what you could do if you wanted to.
If nothing else - what you are doing now will improve your understanding of each other, trust in each other, bringing closeness that always comes with sharing and talking.
If Mrs J wants to talk to Kit about how she felt when I broached the subject to her (Kit - not Mrs J
), feel free to PM us.
And if all else fails - show Mrs J the cock shots - what woman could resist that wealth of manly beauty on display?
lhk
Kat
If nothing else - what you are doing now will improve your understanding of each other, trust in each other, bringing closeness that always comes with sharing and talking.
If Mrs J wants to talk to Kit about how she felt when I broached the subject to her (Kit - not Mrs J
), feel free to PM us.And if all else fails - show Mrs J the cock shots - what woman could resist that wealth of manly beauty on display?
lhk
Kat
Sexlightened
When my wife and I first got into the scene - it was spurred by fantasies and "what if's"
we decided to check out a swingers club (Cupids), and went there for a while... we actually went there for about 2 years and only ever had sex with each other, before we tried it with anyone else...
we have been on the swinging scene for many many years now, and my wife still gets very nervous each and every time we do anything - but there is no pressure and we always have a good time.
we have just started to try out dogging (first time on monday), we have had plenty out outdoor fun before... but just dipping our toes into this new experience.
My best advice is - my wife finally decided to try it as she wanted to experience fun with another woman, find out your partners fantasies and ask her if she wants to try them out. Make sure that you stress no pressure and that things can be stopped at any time. Making her comfortable is the only way to start.
hope it helps
we decided to check out a swingers club (Cupids), and went there for a while... we actually went there for about 2 years and only ever had sex with each other, before we tried it with anyone else...
we have been on the swinging scene for many many years now, and my wife still gets very nervous each and every time we do anything - but there is no pressure and we always have a good time.
we have just started to try out dogging (first time on monday), we have had plenty out outdoor fun before... but just dipping our toes into this new experience.
My best advice is - my wife finally decided to try it as she wanted to experience fun with another woman, find out your partners fantasies and ask her if she wants to try them out. Make sure that you stress no pressure and that things can be stopped at any time. Making her comfortable is the only way to start.
hope it helps
Hiya RSAB2 
Excuse me just one minute
JAGS, JAGS - look what Kat has done!!! Tell him, tell him Jags, he's so bad, tell him how bad he is :smug:
Sorry about that RSAB2 - Welcome to the forums
Stick around here the pair of you, take your time and work out what both your limits are, then maybe slowly start acting upon them together. No rush and no deadlines, just go with the flow :D .... Even if nothing happens, then as least you would've had a good laugh met some wonderful people on here.
So will Mrs RSAB2 be getting her own ID? Hello Mrs RSAB2 :wave:
Excuse me just one minute
Quote by KitKat
And if all else fails - show Mrs J the cock shots - what woman could resist that wealth of manly beauty on display?
JAGS, JAGS - look what Kat has done!!! Tell him, tell him Jags, he's so bad, tell him how bad he is :smug:
Sorry about that RSAB2 - Welcome to the forums
Stick around here the pair of you, take your time and work out what both your limits are, then maybe slowly start acting upon them together. No rush and no deadlines, just go with the flow :D .... Even if nothing happens, then as least you would've had a good laugh met some wonderful people on here.So will Mrs RSAB2 be getting her own ID? Hello Mrs RSAB2 :wave:
Well thanks for your kind responses! I'm going to show 'Mrs J' this thread tonight (although I'm seeing lead balloons outside my window right now!).
Rita, Sue and Bob Too is indeed the right answer, though I'm not sure about the Bradford bit. I live in the Red Rose county!!
Thanks again peeps and I'll let you know how it goes down (pardon the pun)
Rita, Sue and Bob Too is indeed the right answer, though I'm not sure about the Bradford bit. I live in the Red Rose county!!
Thanks again peeps and I'll let you know how it goes down (pardon the pun)
Well if you live in the Red Rose county.....there's a munch coming up in the next few weeks and it's not far from you. Why don't you tag along?
It's safe, it's fun, it's social and you'll get to meet a whole host of us all in one place. Check the "Let's meet up" section of the forum and put your name down.
Steve
It's safe, it's fun, it's social and you'll get to meet a whole host of us all in one place. Check the "Let's meet up" section of the forum and put your name down.
Steve
This is Mrs RSaB2 here writing to reply to all you lovely people who have sent advice to me and my hubby.
I have been very much encouraged by your words of wisdom and am glad to see that most people go with the notion that we should take things as slowly as we need to. My feet I have to say are beginning to get tepid! but I still think I need time to get used to the idea.
I would particularly like to hear peoples first time stories as I think I have a fear of the unknown and would like to be better informed.
Many thanx.
Mrs RSaB2. X X
I have been very much encouraged by your words of wisdom and am glad to see that most people go with the notion that we should take things as slowly as we need to. My feet I have to say are beginning to get tepid! but I still think I need time to get used to the idea.
I would particularly like to hear peoples first time stories as I think I have a fear of the unknown and would like to be better informed.
Many thanx.
Mrs RSaB2. X X
Mrs RSAB2
Wre have not been on this site much longer than yourselves and apart from interacting on the site the most daring thing we have done is attend the Mids munch.
I have to say MrsFC has taken to it like a hand to a glove in fact she now logs on morning and night and noon would be included if it wasn't for work!
We are going to the NW munch and can recommend this as the ideal introduction to the lovely people on this site.
Hope this makes you feel a little at ease and look forward to meeting you both some time. :)
Wre have not been on this site much longer than yourselves and apart from interacting on the site the most daring thing we have done is attend the Mids munch.
I have to say MrsFC has taken to it like a hand to a glove in fact she now logs on morning and night and noon would be included if it wasn't for work!
We are going to the NW munch and can recommend this as the ideal introduction to the lovely people on this site.
Hope this makes you feel a little at ease and look forward to meeting you both some time. :)
If it helps.... Take a look at it from the other side as well. Other people will probably be as scared as hell the first time they meet you (probably could have phrased that better!!). I know I was and still am.
Meeting people in a non threatening social environment for just a chat is tough enough. My suggestions are to interact with people, get them to know them and make sure you know what you want. This is fairly easy on the Internet, but moves to a different level altogether if you end up meeting for real. I have never been to a munch, but they sound great!
If you do take the plunge, and you have chosen wisely, the prize is all too short lived. You will want more!
--------------------------
Ramblings of a 'single' male
Meeting people in a non threatening social environment for just a chat is tough enough. My suggestions are to interact with people, get them to know them and make sure you know what you want. This is fairly easy on the Internet, but moves to a different level altogether if you end up meeting for real. I have never been to a munch, but they sound great!
If you do take the plunge, and you have chosen wisely, the prize is all too short lived. You will want more!
--------------------------
Ramblings of a 'single' male
Sex God
Quote by RSAB2
How can I convince my wife that swinging is the way ahead?
OK let's move this one back up to the top because it's got to be one of the real issues on the threshold of swinging. (I know because I'm there). The real secret lies in the wonderful people here AND (sorry for shouting) their motivation. Many of you who have crossed the threshold have offered accounts of how nervous you were here but the real question is what was your motivation and expectation.
I guess this will wither as a tired thread but I despretaely hope it doesn't - there are plenty of people out here who are really keen to take the plunge but can't find the key and are therefore consigned to the timewasters bin!
Sex God
You're right, Tune - this is an important issue.
I got into swinging one step at a time, and before I knew it I was a fully fledged swinger and hadn't even realised! I started out with a few threesomes with friends (nice friends if you can get them ), but once I discovered the internet I was well away :twisted: . In those days I was advertising as one of those rare single fems, so I had my pick of experiences, and I tried a bit of everything, mainly single guys, but some couples too, and then I got into clubs.
When I started swinging with the partner I'm with now, we had to negotiate a lot as to what our boundaries were and what we were comfortable doing together and apart. He was a seasoned bi TV before I met him (I didn't corrupt him - honest!) who'd had a lot of experiences with men and some meets with couples too, but still it took a hell of a lot of negotiation before we got where we are today. To cut a long story short, to swing successfully as a couple, you need to be 100% honest with each other. If you have boundaries that you don't want your partner to cross you have to stick to them. To be dead honest, I feel that he has more boundaries than I do - OK, I'm just a tart who's up for anything really
, what we do at the mo works - but that doesn't mean we won't change in the future, so that's something else to think about - what happens when the boundaries change? Back to the old honesty thing, methinks!
Indeed there are many folks wanting to swing but for whatever reason can't get into it. As we all know, single guys find it hard to get partners, and many couples are put off actually going through with it - sometimes at the last minute and so begin to look like timewasters. Personally, I'm not keen on meeting newbies, that may seem harsh but I've had my fingers burned in the past, so now prefer to swing with people I know have done it before. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, but there's too much tension with newbies involved! I still cringe when I think of the experience I had as a single with a couple who changed their mind at the last mo. He was up for it and she wasn't - ooooohhhhh, not good!
ops: Now my partner and I look for bi guys, we both find bi curious guys a nightmare - again, too much tension!
So, it's a tough game, anyone on here thinking they're going to get a quick and easy shag, forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got into swinging one step at a time, and before I knew it I was a fully fledged swinger and hadn't even realised! I started out with a few threesomes with friends (nice friends if you can get them
), but once I discovered the internet I was well away :twisted: . In those days I was advertising as one of those rare single fems, so I had my pick of experiences, and I tried a bit of everything, mainly single guys, but some couples too, and then I got into clubs. When I started swinging with the partner I'm with now, we had to negotiate a lot as to what our boundaries were and what we were comfortable doing together and apart. He was a seasoned bi TV before I met him (I didn't corrupt him - honest!) who'd had a lot of experiences with men and some meets with couples too, but still it took a hell of a lot of negotiation before we got where we are today. To cut a long story short, to swing successfully as a couple, you need to be 100% honest with each other. If you have boundaries that you don't want your partner to cross you have to stick to them. To be dead honest, I feel that he has more boundaries than I do - OK, I'm just a tart who's up for anything really
, what we do at the mo works - but that doesn't mean we won't change in the future, so that's something else to think about - what happens when the boundaries change? Back to the old honesty thing, methinks!Indeed there are many folks wanting to swing but for whatever reason can't get into it. As we all know, single guys find it hard to get partners, and many couples are put off actually going through with it - sometimes at the last minute and so begin to look like timewasters. Personally, I'm not keen on meeting newbies, that may seem harsh but I've had my fingers burned in the past, so now prefer to swing with people I know have done it before. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, but there's too much tension with newbies involved! I still cringe when I think of the experience I had as a single with a couple who changed their mind at the last mo. He was up for it and she wasn't - ooooohhhhh, not good!
ops: Now my partner and I look for bi guys, we both find bi curious guys a nightmare - again, too much tension! So, it's a tough game, anyone on here thinking they're going to get a quick and easy shag, forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sex God
Blue I love you! If everyone was as straight (old meaning) and honest as that, the world would be a better place. You started slowly and even when you had a willing partner you still realised that honesty and communication is crucial (sorry to repeat what you said to us but I'm getting it straight in my mind). I think that is what is so attractive about this site - it is populated by confident people who trust eachother - where else do you get that.
Inevitably everybody has to ask themselves whether their relationship is strong enough for swinging and I suppose some fall (which is where some of the bad publicity comes from) but if you are strong enough then Wow.
Here's hoping ( not just that we can Swing but that we are strong enough).
Inevitably everybody has to ask themselves whether their relationship is strong enough for swinging and I suppose some fall (which is where some of the bad publicity comes from) but if you are strong enough then Wow.
Here's hoping ( not just that we can Swing but that we are strong enough).
So much of what blue says applied to us............
We started out by looking on the web first...
Then we went into a chat room on another site *spit* and got to know poeple and then got invited to our first party. There we just got it on with each other in front of other people.
We then had a huge debrief about it and discussed what we liked and disliked and where to from here. Next we did soft swings with a number of couples - had a few disasters and some real funny episodes as well before we then tried a 3some with a single bi fem. That worked well sometimes and not others and we dealt with the issues before we moved on. As Blue says - boundaries move as you get happier with things. Eventually we moved onto full swap same room and finally seperate room.
There is also the fear factor - you visit the site and the phone goes and you think it is your mum ringing up to ask why you are on a website! Then you get more comfortable until eventually you are comfortable with where you are at and if someone came up to me now and said "you're Fred Flinstone" I would ask them what their ad number is!
Some poeple say that they have codes that they use with one another and signals etc. To be honest we have always just said that if we are at all unhappy with anything during a swing we just say "Sorry guys - can we please stop - I am not happy with where I am at this moment". Those that understand are absolutley great - those that get upset are not worth the time in future. We also do the same when people contact us - If we don't quite like what we see we always tell people the truth - as difficult as that is at times and as harsh as it may seem. You cannot be attracted to everyone you chat to or meet.
The other side of the coin is that you get so horny when you first get involved you dont talk it through - you rush into it - people get hurt and upset and it plays havoc with their emotions and people have a bad time. We have seen this quite a few times since we started swinging and it upsets us to see that people can be so calous with new couples at times.
However - we have constantly talked through every aspect of our swinging and have no hangups at all in where we are and are having a complete blast at the moment.
If anyone would prefer to talk in private please feel free to contact either myself or Wilma in a PM or email us - (addy on our webpage).
Three key words for anyone.......
Trust
Honesty
Communication
Be Good - Be Happy - Be Horny - Be Safe!
Fred
We started out by looking on the web first...
Then we went into a chat room on another site *spit* and got to know poeple and then got invited to our first party. There we just got it on with each other in front of other people.
We then had a huge debrief about it and discussed what we liked and disliked and where to from here. Next we did soft swings with a number of couples - had a few disasters and some real funny episodes as well before we then tried a 3some with a single bi fem. That worked well sometimes and not others and we dealt with the issues before we moved on. As Blue says - boundaries move as you get happier with things. Eventually we moved onto full swap same room and finally seperate room.
There is also the fear factor - you visit the site and the phone goes and you think it is your mum ringing up to ask why you are on a website! Then you get more comfortable until eventually you are comfortable with where you are at and if someone came up to me now and said "you're Fred Flinstone" I would ask them what their ad number is!
Some poeple say that they have codes that they use with one another and signals etc. To be honest we have always just said that if we are at all unhappy with anything during a swing we just say "Sorry guys - can we please stop - I am not happy with where I am at this moment". Those that understand are absolutley great - those that get upset are not worth the time in future. We also do the same when people contact us - If we don't quite like what we see we always tell people the truth - as difficult as that is at times and as harsh as it may seem. You cannot be attracted to everyone you chat to or meet.
The other side of the coin is that you get so horny when you first get involved you dont talk it through - you rush into it - people get hurt and upset and it plays havoc with their emotions and people have a bad time. We have seen this quite a few times since we started swinging and it upsets us to see that people can be so calous with new couples at times.
However - we have constantly talked through every aspect of our swinging and have no hangups at all in where we are and are having a complete blast at the moment.
If anyone would prefer to talk in private please feel free to contact either myself or Wilma in a PM or email us - (addy on our webpage).
Three key words for anyone.......
Trust
Honesty
Communication
Be Good - Be Happy - Be Horny - Be Safe!
Fred
