Hi all.
During our first visit to a club last week we got talking to a couple who were telling us about some meets they had in the last few weeks and went on to say "we lower our standards when looking for people to swing with". Whilst we completely respect their choices and understand their reason for this but we don't agree with the comment. For us to have fun with a male, female or couple we need to find them almost as attractive as we would if we were looking to date them and this includes the same sort of personalities we like as well as physical appearance. What's everyone's opinion on this?
J & M
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Do you lower your standards when swinging?
Sex God
My standards are pretty fixed. What I don't judge people on, either for dating or swinging, is their physical appearance. It is just so irrelavent to whether they are pleasant company or a good shag. 
Warming the Bed
Quote by foxylady2209
My standards are pretty fixed. What I don't judge people on, either for dating or swinging, is their physical appearance. It is just so irrelavent to whether they are pleasant company or a good shag.
Ive read a few of your posts now and you come across as a lovely level headed person..... just thought i'd mention it xxx as for standards - no I dont lower them - thats why i hardly ever meet because my standards are far higher than they have any right to be but rather that than shag anything with a pulse and become a pox ridden leper with no bedposts due to excessive notching !!!
Quote by livelife_cpl
Hi all.
During our first visit to a club last week we got talking to a couple who were telling us about some meets they had in the last few weeks and went on to say "we lower our standards when looking for people to swing with". Whilst we completely respect their choices and understand their reason for this but we don't agree with the comment. For us to have fun with a male, female or couple we need to find them almost as attractive as we would if we were looking to date them and this includes the same sort of personalities we like as well as physical appearance. What's everyone's opinion on this?
J & M
Almost? so is that not lowering your standards just a little bit?
Quote by HughGRection
My standards are pretty fixed. What I don't judge people on, either for dating or swinging, is their physical appearance. It is just so irrelavent to whether they are pleasant company or a good shag.
Ive read a few of your posts now and you come across as a lovely level headed person..... just thought i'd mention it xxx as for standards - no I dont lower them - thats why i hardly ever meet because my standards are far higher than they have any right to be but rather that than shag anything with a pulse and become a pox ridden leper with no bedposts due to excessive notching !!!
Top response, love a bit of humour too :-)
Quote by Shaz_n_Tony
Hi all.
During our first visit to a club last week we got talking to a couple who were telling us about some meets they had in the last few weeks and went on to say "we lower our standards when looking for people to swing with". Whilst we completely respect their choices and understand their reason for this but we don't agree with the comment. For us to have fun with a male, female or couple we need to find them almost as attractive as we would if we were looking to date them and this includes the same sort of personalities we like as well as physical appearance. What's everyone's opinion on this?
J & M
Almost? so is that not lowering your standards just a little bit?
Yes fair point guys, let us explain further. The couple in question actually said that the guy joining them was really unattractive and didnt even have a personality to make up for it so we thought well why bother! We personally couldnt get in the mood for naughties if we were meeting someone who was in our eyes "really unattractive" or soneone who we also couldn't have a laugh with.
Quote by livelife_cpl
Yes fair point guys, let us explain further. The couple in question actually said that the guy joining them was really unattractive and didnt even have a personality to make up for it so we thought well why bother! We personally couldnt get in the mood for naughties if we were meeting someone who was in our eyes "really unattractive" or soneone who we also couldn't have a laugh with.
Shaz wouldn't be able to have "naughties" with someone either unless she found him/her attractive.
However, she does have "naughties" with some peeps that she fancies having sex with but wouldn't go out with if looking for a partner so don't know if that can be classed as lowering standards?
I would love to have a mad romp with Lara Croft for the night but wouldn't pick her as a long term partner
Tony :twisted:
P.S, love the word "naughties" :twisted:
Sex God
In the forst place I personally decided that as long as the femal wasent a minger I'd give it a go. I thought that the sexual nature of the experience would make up for the lack of attraction. This proved to be worng 
and had a few not great meets. I now know that I have to be attracted to both the persons physical appearance and their personality. Unlike some of the above I can shag people on personality alone. The brain is the biggest sexual organ and the eys feed the brain and just like a Michelin starred dinner I need the dish to look good. Physical appearance is also the first impression you get of someone and as they say first impressions count.
I'd give it a go. I thought that the sexual nature of the experience would make up for the lack of attraction. This proved to be worng and had a few not great meets. I now know that I have to be attracted to both the persons physical appearance and their personality. Unlike some of the above I can shag people on personality alone. The brain is the biggest sexual organ and the eys feed the brain and just like a Michelin starred dinner I need the dish to look good. Physical appearance is also the first impression you get of someone and as they say first impressions count. Quote by foxylady2209
My standards are pretty fixed. What I don't judge people on, either for dating or swinging, is their physical appearance. It is just so irrelavent to whether they are pleasant company or a good shag.
While it is true that a stunning looker will get my head snapping and a smile delivered just right will draw me like a magnet; that is not the only thing that matters. I have to admit that somewhere in my late teens a girl did not even have to look good for me to make a play. I shudder.
One reason I like the chatrooms is I very often get to know the person before I see them. On more than one occasion I have met a lady that way that I would not have crossed the room for. Now I that does sound bad.
Back to the question, no I don’t lower my standards when swinging. I do keep high standard in the ‘click’ factor. Physical appearance; it has nothing to do with a good shag.
Travis
We don't lower our standards, but some people wether in clubs or through swinging sites who have contacted us, are punching well above their weight...these people seem to think that because we are swingers we will play with just about anyone, if it isn't going to happen in the vanilla world it sure isn't going to happen in the swinging world.
We have both lowered ours massively at one point or another. I suppose if your goal is a swap then there is always some compromise, and if you are out just for a simple shag then what difference do your standards make exactly?
If you are looking for soulmates then fine, if you are looking for short/long term swing partners then fine. If however you are simply looking to get your hole filled or to empty your balls then the whole standards thing is a load of rubbish.
Afterall driving a Mclaren F1 around the race circuit demands a whole different standard to smashing some old banger around the dirt track.
If you are looking for soulmates then fine, if you are looking for short/long term swing partners then fine. If however you are simply looking to get your hole filled or to empty your balls then the whole standards thing is a load of rubbish.
Afterall driving a Mclaren F1 around the race circuit demands a whole different standard to smashing some old banger around the dirt track.
Warming the Bed
I wouldn't exactly say I look for different things in a swinging partner than someone I would consider seeing more long term. But I would want things in a long term partner that I would not necessary need in a swinger partner. For example, I would need a long term partner to be able to support me emotionally; pick me up when I'm down, and also tell me when I'm being a bit over the top. But I wouldn't need this in a swinging partner.
But like others have said, swinger, or long term partner, physical appearance is not the biggest factor. For me intelligence, creatively and an ability to use language well are a massive turn on. I have knocked back several 'hot' guys because they simply cant string a sentence together.
But like others have said, swinger, or long term partner, physical appearance is not the biggest factor. For me intelligence, creatively and an ability to use language well are a massive turn on. I have knocked back several 'hot' guys because they simply cant string a sentence together.
My standards are the same whether dating Vanilla or Swinger...
If I'm after a quick one off then they just need to be hot and polite!
If I'm after something regular, then they need to excite my mind and my body; thats called the 'Click'
and why not look for a partner on a swinging site? where else will you find a likeminded person who really understands the sharing of partners with love?
Vanilla world condemns this!
Pam xx
If I'm after a quick one off then they just need to be hot and polite!
If I'm after something regular, then they need to excite my mind and my body; thats called the 'Click'
and why not look for a partner on a swinging site? where else will you find a likeminded person who really understands the sharing of partners with love?
Vanilla world condemns this!
Pam xx
Sex God
Quote by HimandHer
We have both lowered ours massively at one point or another. I suppose if your goal is a swap then there is always some compromise, and if you are out just for a simple shag then what difference do your standards make exactly?
If you are looking for soulmates then fine, if you are looking for short/long term swing partners then fine. If however you are simply looking to get your hole filled or to empty your balls then the whole standards thing is a load of rubbish.
Afterall driving a Mclaren F1 around the race circuit demands a whole different standard to smashing some old banger around the dirt track.
Remember debating this here not so long ago. I disagree with your thinking. I really do need to find the person attractive regardless of the reason I am engaging in sexual activity. I wouldent suddenly find an unattractive person attractive just cus I wanted to empty my nuts and I certainly wouldent engage with an unattractive person just cus I wanted a quicky.
Quote by Mr-Powers
and why not look for a partner on a swinging site? where else will you find a likeminded person who really understands the sharing of partners with love?
Vanilla world condemns this!
Pam xx
:thumbup: SH has sparked a shed load of weddings over the years.
Yeah....and divorces.
Ohh the gold in the Quick draw goes to Mr Powers. You beat me to that one sir will have to settle for Silver and just an OBE
:lol2: 
Warming the Bed
My standards tend to be directly inversely proportional to how horny I am!! :twisted:
Sex God
Anyone who wants meet me, has to lower themselves :sad:
Im only four foot, eleven and a half inches tall, so very low for most people :sad:
Im only four foot, eleven and a half inches tall, so very low for most people :sad:
Sex God
Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Anyone who wants meet me, has to lower themselves :sad:
Im only four foot, eleven and a half inches tall, so very low for most people :sad:
Short in stature but one class piece of ass
I have RAISED my standards since I became a swinger, but I am a lucky man.
About 13 years ago I split up with my wife who I had been with for 28 years (married to her for 26 years - happy for 18 years but then we met)
For 18 months I was a Billy no mates saddie, shopping in Tesco at 3am just for something to do, lonely, sad, boring and believing my happiness was gone, my life was over and sex was a thing of the past.
Then I met a girl who changed my life, she was 17, I was 47, I believed she was 19 but still way too young for me of course, I expected the relationship to last about a month but hey, what a month I was going to have
We were together for 6 years and she taught me a lot about myself and about life itself, we joined the swinging scene together, her idea as being bisexual she already lived an "alternative" lifestyle and was familiar with gay bars and the BDSM scene.
I thought all my christmas's had come home, she was at college and bringing her friends home with whom we both had sex on many occasions, no longer did I think my life was over, I realised it was just beginning, and after marrying at 18, I experienced much that I had missed and more that I learnt from her.
We even moved to Switzerland where we lived for 3 years running a Swingers Hotel in the alps, sadly we finally broke up and came back to the UK, but this time, whilst sad to lose her I felt that something else was around the corner, for 12 months I remained in the scene and enjoyed meeting new friends and playmates, finally meeting my current partner Sasha when I was working at Chameleons, we are now in our 4th year together.
Now my ex was petit and gorgeous, Sasha is the same, (in my opinion), she is also a lot younger than me which means we get invites from people of all age groups and have friends from 18-60.
My standards have risen because quite simply I don't feel inclined to play with anyone I don't find sexually attractive, why should I, at home I have a gorgeous girl to make love to, so sex with someone I don't fancy does not appeal to me.
Even when I was single for those 18 months I was "picky", as my profile always said ....
I was a single male not a desperate male. Sex is mostly conducted in the brain not the body and to stimulate my brain I need someone that turns me on not off. I want to think back and enjoy the experiences I have had in the scene not having regrets the next day and certainly not visiting the Coyote Ugly scenario.
Again I have been lucky because I think many people are attracted to us as a couple because they see Sasha, I am sure many then think "shame about her partner" and move on, but enough move past that and get to know us, some then find me "acceptable", y'know I think I would rather be shagged because of my personality than because I was young, had a sixpack, was ruggedly good looking or had a huge willy, that fact will always give me greater satisfaction than either being a piece of meat than being shagged for my body, colour, height, age or any other reason.
Each to thier own of course but the policy of "any holes a goal" or "why not it's just sex" does not work for me. I am 100% positive I am not the only one.
About 13 years ago I split up with my wife who I had been with for 28 years (married to her for 26 years - happy for 18 years but then we met)
For 18 months I was a Billy no mates saddie, shopping in Tesco at 3am just for something to do, lonely, sad, boring and believing my happiness was gone, my life was over and sex was a thing of the past.
Then I met a girl who changed my life, she was 17, I was 47, I believed she was 19 but still way too young for me of course, I expected the relationship to last about a month but hey, what a month I was going to have
We were together for 6 years and she taught me a lot about myself and about life itself, we joined the swinging scene together, her idea as being bisexual she already lived an "alternative" lifestyle and was familiar with gay bars and the BDSM scene.
I thought all my christmas's had come home, she was at college and bringing her friends home with whom we both had sex on many occasions, no longer did I think my life was over, I realised it was just beginning, and after marrying at 18, I experienced much that I had missed and more that I learnt from her.
We even moved to Switzerland where we lived for 3 years running a Swingers Hotel in the alps, sadly we finally broke up and came back to the UK, but this time, whilst sad to lose her I felt that something else was around the corner, for 12 months I remained in the scene and enjoyed meeting new friends and playmates, finally meeting my current partner Sasha when I was working at Chameleons, we are now in our 4th year together.
Now my ex was petit and gorgeous, Sasha is the same, (in my opinion), she is also a lot younger than me which means we get invites from people of all age groups and have friends from 18-60.
My standards have risen because quite simply I don't feel inclined to play with anyone I don't find sexually attractive, why should I, at home I have a gorgeous girl to make love to, so sex with someone I don't fancy does not appeal to me.
Even when I was single for those 18 months I was "picky", as my profile always said ....
I was a single male not a desperate male. Sex is mostly conducted in the brain not the body and to stimulate my brain I need someone that turns me on not off. I want to think back and enjoy the experiences I have had in the scene not having regrets the next day and certainly not visiting the Coyote Ugly scenario.
Again I have been lucky because I think many people are attracted to us as a couple because they see Sasha, I am sure many then think "shame about her partner" and move on, but enough move past that and get to know us, some then find me "acceptable", y'know I think I would rather be shagged because of my personality than because I was young, had a sixpack, was ruggedly good looking or had a huge willy, that fact will always give me greater satisfaction than either being a piece of meat than being shagged for my body, colour, height, age or any other reason.
Each to thier own of course but the policy of "any holes a goal" or "why not it's just sex" does not work for me. I am 100% positive I am not the only one.
Surely whoever you are seeing at any given time, becomes your standard. Some standards are higher or lower than others but effectively your standard is who you go with. To go 'below your standard' isnt an accurate phrase. If a person wasn't up to your standard then you couldn't/wouldn't go with that person surely.. I think it's not about being surprised that you 'lower your standard' but more to the point it's a surprise that your standard isn't as high as you may have thought... So the term 'lowering standards' makes one feel better about the fact they've shagged a munter and gives them comfort in that somehow she/he isn't their usual 'standard'
Simple resolution - Have No Standards..... Standard !
Simple resolution - Have No Standards..... Standard !
Master of Sex
I think lowering your standards in this context is when you think/percieve you've shagged someone other people might raise an eyebrow to or say "you went there with him/her?!"
Your standards are always met (wherever that may be on the scale) if you're willing to shag someone, otherwise I don't think it would be a comfortable experience for you..
Your standards are always met (wherever that may be on the scale) if you're willing to shag someone, otherwise I don't think it would be a comfortable experience for you..
Quote by the_magik_s
Surely whoever you are seeing at any given time, becomes your standard. Some standards are higher or lower than others but effectively your standard is who you go with. To go 'below your standard' isnt an accurate phrase. If a person wasn't up to your standard then you couldn't/wouldn't go with that person surely.. I think it's not about being surprised that you 'lower your standard' but more to the point it's a surprise that your standard isn't as high as you may have thought... So the term 'lowering standards' makes one feel better about the fact they've shagged a munter and gives them comfort in that somehow she/he isn't their usual 'standard'
Simple resolution - Have No Standards..... Standard !
I believe the OP is not talking about your chosen partner but who you might choose to play with on the night, either at a club, a party or just arranging to meet off a site, there is no doubt that some people maintain thier own percieved standard and some will just shag anyone who says yes rather than go home (in thier opinion) having had a wasted journey/meet.
I have spoken to people who on being asked as leaving a club, "did you have a good night" replied "no we didn't get to play with anyone, this could mean there was nobody there they fancied or as I know to be the case sometimes, they could not find anyone that wanted to play with them.
For us meeting is not just about having sex, we can still have a great meet without finding ourselves sexually compatible but if we don't feel we are sexually compatible we will not play, ie if we dont fancy them sexually but that doesn't mean we have had a bad night and certainly doesn't mean we will play with them just for the sake of it.
Quote by MidsCouple24
Surely whoever you are seeing at any given time, becomes your standard. Some standards are higher or lower than others but effectively your standard is who you go with. To go 'below your standard' isnt an accurate phrase. If a person wasn't up to your standard then you couldn't/wouldn't go with that person surely.. I think it's not about being surprised that you 'lower your standard' but more to the point it's a surprise that your standard isn't as high as you may have thought... So the term 'lowering standards' makes one feel better about the fact they've shagged a munter and gives them comfort in that somehow she/he isn't their usual 'standard'
Simple resolution - Have No Standards..... Standard !
I believe the OP is not talking about your chosen partner but who you might choose to play with on the night, either at a club, a party or just arranging to meet off a site, there is no doubt that some people maintain thier own percieved standard and some will just shag anyone who says yes rather than go home (in thier opinionit.
My comment still stands.. When you 'swing' , that person you chose to swing with would still effectively be in your 'standard' range. Whether or not you make a conscious choice to go with someone less attractive than your partner, that person you chose to swing with would still be in your 'sexual standard' otherwise you wouldn't do it. Again whether or not you'd class that perso as relationship material is a different matter all together.
I'd say people would be more enclined to shag,swing or mess around with someone less perfect than you would like in a relationship but that's because you'd chose not to partner up long term and so the long term personality traits we all look for would then become irrelevant. Unless obviously you want to swing with that person for a period of time.
Question - if you met someone on the scene and you were single , and the next person you were to 'interact sexually' with, you'd have to enter into some form of relationship with, I think people would become more fussy. So I'd argue that while the word 'standard' isn't so applicable here, people are more likely to overlook negative traits or physical ideals in the moment of horniness.
Pls ignore typos, I'm typing on my poxy iPhone while sat in the car! :-/
Perhaps, and certainly for some, but I can only speak for myself and for me there are standards I will not go below.
Personality, yes I can skip some of this because I will only be with the person a short time (always the full 2 minutes though) and having sex, so I can recall thinking "great shag but I wouldn't want to spend a day with her" but when it comes to other traits of personality it can easily be a "deal breaker" for me, I won't play with ultra loud women, those who think they are Miss/Mrs wonderfull, Barbie's or uncouth (do you wanna fuck my dripping cunt" is a big turn off for me as is "just gonna have a shit then we can go and fuck".
At the end of the day I like my right hand, it has served me well for more than 40 years, it never nags, never complains, never has a headache and knows what I like so if the female doesn't do it for me my hand always will
Personality, yes I can skip some of this because I will only be with the person a short time (always the full 2 minutes though) and having sex, so I can recall thinking "great shag but I wouldn't want to spend a day with her" but when it comes to other traits of personality it can easily be a "deal breaker" for me, I won't play with ultra loud women, those who think they are Miss/Mrs wonderfull, Barbie's or uncouth (do you wanna fuck my dripping cunt" is a big turn off for me as is "just gonna have a shit then we can go and fuck".
At the end of the day I like my right hand, it has served me well for more than 40 years, it never nags, never complains, never has a headache and knows what I like so if the female doesn't do it for me my hand always will
Quote by MidsCouple24
Personality, yes I can skip some of this because I will only be with the person a short time (always the full 2 minutes though) and having sex, so I can recall thinking "great shag but I wouldn't want to spend a day with her" but when it comes to other traits of personality it can easily be a "deal breaker" for me, I won't play with ultra loud women, those who think they are Miss/Mrs wonderfull, Barbie's or uncouth (do you wanna fuck my dripping cunt" is a big turn off for me as is "just gonna have a shit then we can go and fuck".
Oh dont get me wrong, i completely share what you are saying... Although "Fuck my dripping cunt" can be said in many different ways
The personality thing is important obviously. I mean a fuck is a fuck, but some good personality traits can be what turns a fuck into a great fuck and a great time with a bit of mutual connection. At the end of the day, "Standard" , above or below, and whether or not you'd see them again or not, is irrelevant. Its the "connection" that really makes it. It can be sexual connection or personaity connection but if you have a bit of both then that "Fuck" can become quite the event !!:lickface:
If someone choses to go with someone below par, or with someone who really does float their boat , then we all do so for a reason.... sometimes we know what that reason is, sometimes we are simply too drunk to care.... and sometimes, all that blood flowing makes us light headed and easily led (Blaming others, thats also a great reason)
The fact that it can be all so complicated and varied is actually probably what stimulates me most :)
