Hostile responses in the forum

20 Sep 2007

Quote by winchwench
It is noticable that some people get away with sailing far closer to the wind than others. Can I give you an example? Not really, no. Theres way too much going on in my life for me to be keeping a log.
However, there has been many a time I've raised an eyebrow at something someone has got away with, and thought to myself "if so& so had said that, they'd have been jumped on."

one rule for some, one rule for another... i think that is human nature
I think you are absolutely right.... and maybe people in that position should have a greater understanding in that situation of how a comment may be percieved.......
I have never been a fan of "post and be damned" however I am a believer in that you can put across a point reasonably and forceably without the need to abuse people.....
but maybe we are talking about "fine lines" again......

20 Sep 2007

i used to post how i felt, i no longer do so......

20 Sep 2007

Ok another person who has written, re written, left it, come back, tried again, chickened out etc etc
I rarely post on this or any other site for the reasons described in numerous posts above this. Instead I will use the chatroom or just browse and read what everyone else has put.
Yes I think there is a number of people on this and other sites that sail close to the wind and cross the line.
Yes some people are given more lee-way (sp) than others. Whether this is because of who they know, who they are, or simply because they are regular posters and this is their style to which people don't take offense as people know they don't mean anything offensive by it.
So yes, I've seen 'bullying', have been 'bullied', therefore choose to be a lurker rather than risk posting.
bolt

20 Sep 2007

With hindsight its all easy to say.
I think we should all walk 100 miles in someone elses shoes before we are so quick to judge.
Its also a great shame that the likes of Kazswallows no longer wants to post in the forum due to all this.

21 Sep 2007

Quote by kazswallows
I rarely post on this or any other site for the reasons described in numerous posts above this. Instead I will use the chatroom or just browse and read what everyone else has put.
So yes, I've seen 'bullying', have been 'bullied', therefore choose to be a lurker rather than risk posting.

But why hun? why let people who make you feel like this win?
I'm a cognitive campaigner against bullies and hate to see them getting away with it. I'm clearly not going to go into bullying etc., that's a different topic for a different time, but it upsets me so much to see people post like Kaz saying they'd rather lurk than be put through torments again.
Kaz, don't be brow beaten by people like that, stand up fluff yourself down and come back to posting, I'm sure you'd be amazed at the reception you would receive. kiss

21 Sep 2007

Quote by Bonedigger
In a carefull thought out response, which I have written, deleted, written again, and chickened out of pressing the submit button twice
I think that the Cafe here on SH is like a microcosm, in that it contains a broad cross section of personalities, opinions and socio-economic from across the board, all scaled down and squeeeeeezed into a tiny forum.
In here as in life, even though we tend to be, for the most part, annonymous, there are polite people, forthright people, timid and meek people, and downright bolshy people, and even some bullies.
Its something we have to deal with in an appropriate adult manner, as we would in life. Whether thats to argue back, to stand your ground, to ignore the person, use wit, or to go off, cry in a corner and worry yourself to death about whether or not a comment has been misconstrued.
Personally I think we should all have a group hug and love each other
Not sure if this has made any sense at all, but I know what I am meaning to say.

Here! Here!
I'm worried this thread might get nasty. I think the comments above are true, and we need to bear in mind that opinions voiced in the forums are generally points-of-view and NOT meant to be personal.
:therethere: :therethere: :therethere:

21 Sep 2007

Quote by flower411
But really ... if we could all moderate the language a bit and post with our brains then maybe the rest of the people would be able to see what was in our hearts rather than just seeing a red rag !!!

It's also possible for people to pick a post to bits, without reading with their brains, ie not looking at the whole vibe of the post, but picking out one or two strong words/views and jumping on them hard.
Once this is done, the poster then has to defend themselves, firstly to one poster, eventually to quite a few on the bandwagon, which forces them to lose the original vibe of the post by defending that one small strongly worded bit.
So eventually, a massive 1000000 word post gets narrowed down to the tiny bit that says "it's bluddy moronic" or something similar, no regard for the rest of the well thought out opnions and general ok vibe.
So no matter how well thought out and well intended your post is, if they want, people will still pick out snippets - and stamp
How can you ban someone from breaching the AUP when they're quoting someone else and voicing their opinion on that one bit ........ is it even their fault they get blinded by one strong sentence and can't gauge a different, more intended vibe to a post?? dunno

You're then left with situations like we have, people scared to post anything more than a fuzzy hug in case they get misunderstood confused

I'm of the opinion that there are very very very few truly deliberately evil people in the world. People have formed opinions for one reason or another, whether they're misguided, biased or just wrong, it doesn't make them evil - just a side of them that has a different thought/opinion on a subject that surely they're entitled to express without being called or implied that they're nasty/stupid etc.
So if we all read posts in future, gauge the vibe in general, things could run a lot sweeter :rose:
Except for people that only talk in text speak - Bluddy idiots should't be on the road mad

(can't think of a text rage term - so had to use a car one in instead :undecided: )
lol

21 Sep 2007

Quote by Missy
Bluddy idiots )

Who?
:giggle: bolt

louise xx

21 Sep 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe

Bluddy idiots )

Who?
:giggle: bolt

louise xx

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Oooo you'll be in bother now! :lol:

21 Sep 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

Bluddy idiots )

Who?
:giggle: bolt

louise xx

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Oooo you'll be in bother now! :lol:
Id better run and hide for the rest of the day :scared:
:lol:
louise xx

21 Sep 2007

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Bad Louise!!!

:smackbottom: :smackbottom:

21 Sep 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

Bluddy idiots

you'll be in bother now!
fighting talk!
I rarely get involved in a thread with heated opinions, or that may appear to have descended into accrymony.(SP?) Most probably as my own views are not exactly *down the line* most of the time,or all that straightforward.
As a result, I most probably wouldn't explain myself all that clearly, and then consequently wouldnt be arsed to explain or defend my views if questioned.
But I have been very very tempted on occasion to say a word or two if a thread shows signs of this *bully-ish* type of thing mentioned...
However, things usually calm down, and I've even seen evidence that the two *going at each other* in a thread then settle thier differences and become quite friendly, so sometimes it could be best left alone.
A bit like settling fights... Ive been punched or faught with in life when trying to stop two friends fighting, having them both turn on me :shock:
Though the subjects raised, and discussions held on this site offer a great deal of thought provoking material, for myself, I rarely feel it's the place to be drawn in to a situation that will/may upset my own emotional state... I'm a delicate flower hehe
and just here for a chuckle
lp

21 Sep 2007

Quote by Lost

If anyone ever thought that bullying via P.M was taking place then I'm sure the Mods would be more than happy to look into these things and you can always forward any posts of that sort for them to check and deal with. It's part of what the mod system is therefore, I save anything that comes in mails whether in s-h or anywhere else for a while just in case i need to reference stuff .

I'm going to pick this part up confused

As a mod I will deal with pms that could be seen as bullying but in all honesty, I just don't think it should happen.
We all have different styles of posting and we will never agree with everyone all the time. Life isn't like that. Accept no one is the same, allow others to have opinions and feel able to put opions across without the use of name calling :thumbup:
I think we should also try to remember what we are here for :rascal:

21 Sep 2007

Grown ups are worse than children sometimes..... confused

:? :? And they have certainly been prime examples of that at times in forums.
It is sad though that they are members who won't post for the fear of ridicule, harsh criticism, having their gramma or spelling corrected, cyber bullying, or whatever.
Ive seen so many new members posting in this forum for the first time, never to be seen again because of being flamed!! It takes a big step to make that first post! Anyone remember their first post??
I didn't post here for a year not because I was worried so much about being flamed etc more because I didnt feel I could post as I wasn't a swinger with a cream leather sofa lol

:lol: :lol: Its about belonging and being accepted for who you are, no matter what your views, background or educational level (long as it sticks to the AUP).
We are all human and that person on the other side of the computer screen has feelings. Treat others how you want to be treated, with respect......even if they are a muppet! Cos muppets got feelings too!!

21 Sep 2007

Quote by anais
Grown ups are worse than children sometimes..... :? :? And they have certainly been prime examples of that at times in forums.
It is sad though that they are members who won't post for the fear of ridicule, harsh criticism, having their gramma or spelling corrected, cyber bullying, or whatever.
Ive seen so many new members posting in this forum for the first time, never to be seen again because of being flamed!! It takes a big step to make that first post! Anyone remember their first post??
I didn't post here for a year not because I was worried so much about being flamed etc more because I didnt feel I could post as I wasn't a swinger with a cream leather sofa :lol: :lol: Its about belonging and being accepted for who you are, no matter what your views, background or educational level (long as it sticks to the AUP).
We are all human and that person on the other side of the computer screen has feelings. Treat others how you want to be treated, with respect......even if they are a muppet! Cos muppets got feelings too!!

21 Sep 2007

Quote by fabio
I think at the beginning I did......when I was new, I don't think I wanted to say anything remotely controversial, however sitting on the fence is only going to get you splinter up your arse!!! :lol:
now.... I really can't be bothered!! and I don't mean that in a bad way either....
I think I finally realised that not everyone is going to like everything I say, and I think that is a case of me being more comfortable
I think it is a case of me being true to myself... I am not going to agree with everything everyone says, some people are going to wind me up in ways I didn't believe existed...
But I respect peoples opinions even if I don't agree with them........
I mean... if everything and everyone was "sugar sweet" my god what a boring place it would be!!!! :lol:

PMSL u sure..............

21 Sep 2007

Quote by lyns
Grown ups are worse than children sometimes..... :? :? And they have certainly been prime examples of that at times in forums.
It is sad though that they are members who won't post for the fear of ridicule, harsh criticism, having their gramma or spelling corrected, cyber bullying, or whatever.
Ive seen so many new members posting in this forum for the first time, never to be seen again because of being flamed!! It takes a big step to make that first post! Anyone remember their first post??
I didn't post here for a year not because I was worried so much about being flamed etc more because I didnt feel I could post as I wasn't a swinger with a cream leather sofa :lol: :lol: Its about belonging and being accepted for who you are, no matter what your views, background or educational level (long as it sticks to the AUP).
We are all human and that person on the other side of the computer screen has feelings. Treat others how you want to be treated, with respect......even if they are a muppet! Cos muppets got feelings too!!

Well said anais :thumbup:
I generally don`t get involved in the threads which look like they get heated only because I find it hard to get my point across in text and don`t want to be ridiculed if I haven`t managed to do it that well.
You should never feel intimated by others hun, and I think you're better at getting your point across than you think.
If you've got something to say you have every right to voice your opinion, as others do, but I know what you mean.
There may be some who think their views and opinions are more important than others. However it's the quality of the view expressed and not the quantity of the writing that is of most value.
So you keep expressing your views. I'll read them even if nobody else does.
biggrin

21 Sep 2007

good thread,
ive been here several years, seen people come and go and some come and go again lol.
ive always read the forums , even if i havent commented.
some reasons for not contributing is i have nothing to say that hasnt been said or im not in the right mind frame to at that time.
i have been more cautious to what issues i raise after i experienced what can only be discribed as a witch hunt ( shut it confused

)
i raised the appropriatness of a chat ops name to question. I NEVER made a slur on the person or any alligations, just that i thought the name maybe best changed.
the abuse i recieved in pm's and chat ensured i walked away from the site for a while, i am still cautious if im considering going to a social that some of those people are on the list. it went beyond heated debate and just plain nastiness and they were blind in seeing what i had said and saw what they wanted to read.
so yes i now am less likely to join in on some threads for fear of abuse and now that i may be banned ( had a conspiricy theory going there for a while, bann the old free members lol)
xxxx fem xxxx