How do you feel about married men looking for discreet sex?

4 Sep 2004

Quote by musketeer
You have the very good fortune to be able to take the high moral ground on this Reese, personally I think we all have secrets, even you, and discretion is often the best option.

Indeed, I have had secrets in my past, but gave them up for Lent in 2002. ;) Read on...

Quote by Libra-Love
Musketeer, don't pick on Reese. I'm sure he'd forsake all his materialistic aquirements before deceiving his wife/lover/best friend. Best to be packing shelves at Tesco's in your 80's than living with the Judas kiss!!!!

Thanks for your confidence and support. I can honestly say, "been there, done that".
I used to be a millionaire when I lived in the 'States. I had a successful, growing business on the cutting edge of medical technology. I owned a 47 acre pristine private island. I was director of a charitable foundation, which my wife & I had established ourselves. And all of the trappings that went with the extravagant lifestyle were mine as well. I honestly felt that I had everything.
Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, true love entered my life in the form of Vix. Even though the two of us were separated by 4,300 miles, there was nothing that could withstand the strength and inevitability of our bond. We both knew that we needed to share a life together, and I made my very first overseas trip to England to meet face to face.
Over the next few months after my return, I began "disassembling" my marriage, my business, and my life. I lost almost everything in the process. My greatest regret, however, was the hurt and insecurity I caused my wife through my admission of Vix' & my relationship. After all was said and done - which took months, because of all the legal considerations and obligations - I was left with less than a tenth of my former net worth.
I then moved to the UK, used most all of what remained of my worldly assets to make the down payment on the house that Vix & I (and her two children) now share, and have been circumstantially forced to take the secular equivalent of a vow of poverty when compared to my prior security and luxury. But I am happy and enjoy the constant company of the true love of my life, now and forever. Was it worth the sacrifice? Unquestionably, yes.
I cannot abide by secrets. Vix & I had crippling issues with these in the early days of our relationship, nearly destroying the wonder of "us", and have vowed since to maintain total openness and honesty with each other. The "oneness" that we share between ourselves could not exist otherwise...and, if we didn't have that, what would be the point? I'd already given up the whole of my former life, a life I'd built of over the course of nearly 40 years...what more can I stand to lose?
Is this incompatible with the "swinging lifestyle"? I think not. Honesty and openness of communication ensure that we both share in all our experiences as a couple - both physically and in our heads. I have no disrespect whatsoever for anyone who's able to swing separately from their partner - provided the partner was not being deliberately deceived and betrayed by their activities - but simply cannot find a place for that in my life, my mind or my heart.
Cheers,
~Reese! surprised

4 Sep 2004

I quite understand where you're coming from and why and I respect that. If I had a blinding flash of light and met a new love of my life it might create a different situation, but I have not and jumping into the unknown is not my style.
Actually this whole thread for me has been unbalanced, I should never have got involved. It's one part of a life, and while rising to the bait and following up a line of thought it makes it sound like sex is all I care about.
It's pretty much all I care about on this site! But that's not a true reflection of my life.

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Reese
I used to be a millionaire when I lived in the 'States.

I have a strange desire to compare you to Samson... ;)

4 Sep 2004

Musketeer, sex is not the be all and end all to any of us who come to this site. True, for some it may be a larger slice of life than for others. But one would hope we have more multi-dimentional qualities to us, besides sex, that make us the unique and beautiful people we are.

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love
Sorry Musketeer, I'm a Libra, I love a good arguement!
:fuckinghell:

I find it a tad disturbing that someone who has only joined this site today, can come on here and start this old chestnut up again.
The moral high ground and married men is a topic that has been almost done to death. It inevitably closes each time with those that wouldn't touch married men with a barge pole and those that couldn't care less if a guy is married or not.
Lets face it, if you don't want to meet with a married guy, then don't. Imho this shouldn't mean that you feel you can dictate to those married guys about their lifestyle choices.
Each marriage is different and so are the expectations within it from the couple. Who can say what is wrong for someone else?
Lighten up everyone! It's a lovely sunny evening. Let's just enjoy whatever we enjoy doing and stop trying to live other people's lives for them confused

Tracy-Jayne & Jon

4 Sep 2004

OooooOOOOooooh!

lol

4 Sep 2004

No redhot, I've only joined the chat room today, I've been a site member much longer and have met some great people!
And what's the use of joining a chatroom if I can't put my opinion out there? You don't have to agree with me but there is no need to get all uppity about it!

4 Sep 2004

ive got to admit i totally agree with red-hot.. rolleyes

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love

No redhot, I've only joined the chat room today, I've been a site member much longer and have met some great people!
And what's the use of joining a chatroom if I can't put my opinion out there? You don't have to agree with me but there is no need to get all uppity about it!

This is not the chatroom it's the Forum, and according to your avatar, you only joined today.
As for being *uppity* rolleyes

Where have I suggested I did/didn't agree with you? I have simply stated that it's up to the individual to make up their own minds.
Constantly telling married guys they are not welcome on here does not, nor will it ever stop them arriving in droves.
I just do not understand how some people think they have the right to tell other's what they should or should not do with their lives.
As before, this thread will rapidly decline into personal abuse of which I will have no part. My opinions are my own and I believe everyone is entitled to his/her own too, even if they do not match someone else's.
Tracy-Jayne

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love
Sorry, didn't mean to trash anyone on here, just curious as to how discreet married folk justify advertising on a swingering site, when they clearly are not swingers.

Welcome Libra-Love, I am so pleased we now have someone on this site to define who are and who are not genuine swingers.

Quote by garfield69
Post subject: giving us honest blokes a bad name ..... i call men that seek discreet sex without there wifes consent CHEATERS ..........Shame they just cant be honest ,def not swingers ,adulterers (i cant spell sorry people)

Ooooh, and another one, I wonder how many of the "honest blokes" would turn down a female who replied to them even if they knew she was cheating on her husband?

Quote by Libra-Love
But now realise, no matter how much lip-service goes into this justification I still do not get it. Cheating marrieds should forget the screw pills in the morning and order in some scruples!

Scruples are all very well and good, unfortunately in life decisions are never usually that simple. What about the man/woman whose life and security are ruined by the partner who feels they have to unburden themselves and make a clean break? Will they be thankful that their partner has scruples? Or children who suddenly find themselves in the middle of a divorce?

Quote by Libra-Love
But like I say, that's just my opinion.

Taking the moral high-ground is always very nice and the view is lovely. However opinion can so easily become doctrine.
Everyone on this site is entitled to thier opinion however the beauty of Swinging Heaven is that it is open to everyone in the UK with an interest in recreational sex regardless of their particular circumstances or preferences. I also think this is how it should remain.

Quote by Libra-Love
I'm a Libra, I love a good arguement!
:fuckinghell:

I'm not a Libra and would personally prefer an informed discussion but I'm not above a good rant.
:notes:
Roger. (I'll be writing to the editor of the Times next. lol

)

4 Sep 2004

Just wanted to say a big thank you to all you married folk for your intellectual justifications and imput on cheating...oh sorry, swinging.... Now I remember why it is I choose to remain independent and single.

4 Sep 2004

Quote by rogerthedragon
Ooooh, and another one, I wonder how many of the "honest blokes" would turn down a female who replied to them even if they knew she was cheating on her husband?

I did. Okay, with my record I sorta doubt it would've come to anything even if I hadn't turned her down, but I did and very quickly.
She was not impressed!

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love
Just wanted to say a big thank you to all you married folk for your intellectual justifications and imput on cheating...oh sorry, swinging.... Now I remember why it is I choose to remain independent and single.

Diff'rent strokes... I don't think any of us are entitled to pass moral judgements. If other people's lifestyle doesn't float your boat, you don't have to associate with them do you? Live and let live.
Ice

4 Sep 2004

Not passing moral judgement. Stating my opinion! Don't twist my words to suit your clever response. That's how 'superior' intellects (Hello Mr. Blair) tend to move on with a discussion.
I may have only joined this FORUM today, but I wasn't born yesterday.
I've stated my opinion. Some agree, others don't. Each to their own.
First and foremost, I don't lie to me. I don't intentionally, or knowingly, hurt others. I speak to people in the same tone they use with me.
evil

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love
Not passing moral judgement. Stating my opinion! Don't twist my words to suit your clever response. That's how 'superior' intellects (Hello Mr. Blair) tend to move on with a discussion.
I may have only joined this FORUM today, but I wasn't born yesterday.
I've stated my opinion. Some agree, others don't. Each to their own.
First and foremost, I don't lie to me. I don't intentionally, or knowingly, hurt others. I speak to people in the same tone they use with me.

You might get your opinion across a bit more clearly if you leave your aggression at the door. Just a thought.

4 Sep 2004

What aggression?
Perhaps 'tis you who mistakes passion for agression.
I'm opinionated, passionate, thoughtful, loving etc, but agression...that's another one of life's little mysteries which eludes me.

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
You might get your opinion across a bit more clearly if you leave your aggression at the door. Just a thought.

I did not detect agression at all.

4 Sep 2004

Quote by Libra-Love
What aggression?
Perhaps 'tis you who mistakes passion for agression.
I'm opinionated, passionate, thoughtful, loving etc, but agression...that's another one of life's little mysteries which eludes me.

"Don't twist my words to suit your clever response."
I did nothing of the sort, I expressed a view, which you responded to aggressively.
If you want a fight you've come to wrong place AFAIAC.
Bye

4 Sep 2004

Thanks Vix. As they say, it takes a village. In this case, it takes a woman (o)(o)

4 Sep 2004

I've already stated, I'm not taking the moral high ground. And if I'm not taking the moral high ground how can I be sitting in judgement of others? That's where the insy-bitsy little twist comes in......

5 Sep 2004

Cracking post Judy, as usual kiss

I cannot and will not make sweeping judgements on people. Everyone is different, with a different story and circumstance to tell.
To ask whether you agree with married people on here without their spouses knowing - it's a huge scope of people, how can I offer an opinion on something so vast. No background or history to the subject, just a generalisation. I couldn't put every married person into the same category, sorry, maybe I'm just naive dunno

5 Sep 2004

Okay, here's the thing....
Yes, people cheat.
Yes, they have their own personal reasons, situations, lifestyles etc responsible for their need/want to cheat.
And no, none of us have the right to sit in judgement of anyone else. Judge not lest ye be judged and such.
But what I don't get is this.....
Why come to a swinging site to cheat?
There are other sites on the web aimed at these individuals. Sites which I would assume would afford them a greater opportunity in meeting like minded people.
So, why come to a swinging site?
Is it because they believe swingers are easy n/s sex?.....or what?

5 Sep 2004

But then this site has evolved into more than a swingers only site - I wouldn't be on it for a start as still haven't actually swung/swang/swinged ( dunno

) yet

Curiosity brought me to the site - but the range and variety of people have kept me here. The topics in the forums, the munches, the friends I have made. I would've thought the same goes for a fair few people on here too.
Many married men come on here just from curiosity - especially in the forums. Some of them never swing but enjoy the interraction and open mindedness. Some of them do swing, for their own reasons, some totally understandable reasons, some bluddy selfish reasons. Some introduce their wives to the site and they have become active members themselves, maybe or maybe not becoming swingers.
And yes, some absolute tossers that think the world owes them a favour, realise it isn't what they thought it was and usually disappear within a week or so.
I just can't pigeon hole people
Misschief - Trainee swinger :?

5 Sep 2004

Great post, Judy.
I agree with every syllable. :thumbup:

5 Sep 2004

Misschief and JudyTV, thank you both vey much. You've put it into perspective for me. I was looking for more than the usual 'woe is me, the wife doesn't do sex anymore, and don't judge me!' kinda answer. I needed an answer that would challenge my views. Your responses have been clear, rational, well thought through, and unbiased. I appreciate that. (I personally still wont do married me without the wifes consent).
So hands up from my side.....
I didn't have the answer, hence the question.
Now it's definately time to hit the sack. I'll sleep on your comments and review my stand-point in the morning.
Thanks again girls.
Goodnight all

5 Sep 2004

Thanks for the post Judy, well said

11 Sep 2004

We're a couple, and while we had talked lots about swinging, we came on here out of curiosity more than anything else, like Misschief.
Daz has always been interested in swinging as a "social" kind of thing, wheras i had never even considered it, and could not even see the point of it. After a long, mature discussion, I came to the conclusion that, if Daz did want to sleep with someone else,(and vice versa) i would rather he did it WITH me than behind my back. Like a lot of people on this thread, i feel there is a difference between discretion and secrecy, if Daz was to begin meeting someone on his own, (will never happen, but IF it did) then i would like to know he was doing it but wouldnt want to know every single detail (discretion).This would show there wasnt a problem with the relationship, it was still swinging. However, if he was to begin lying about where he was going, saying "i'm going to the supermarket" when really he was meeting someone else for sex, then that would be secrecy and would therefore be, imho, as garfield69 said, adultery.

6 May 2005

Is it just me or are there far too many married men on this site looking for sex?
Now I'm not talking about married men looking for sex with the knowledge and consent of their wives, as this is my understanding of genuine swingers. I'm talking about all those married men out there looking for a little discreet one off or regular meet without the wife's consent. That's not swinging. That's cheating. And I don't understand how they have the audacity to advertise on a swinging site.
Here - Here! There's a couple of things I'd like to know actually:-
1:- Do these men genuinely believe that woamn wish to become an "accomplice" with their cheating?
2:- Are there any woman out there that could acctually trust someone enough to arrange to meet with them, knowing that they lie to the poeple closest to them?

6 May 2005

I just wondered why having 'got permission' to fuck someones partner it becomes acceptable behaviour. Is there not also a vice contained within the 'trade and barter' of spouses? Consenting married partners are committing adultery. Although not a criminal offence it is a civil offence. Despite that fact that all agree to do it.
Are there any thoughts on the complicity and product of adultery?

6 May 2005

Quote by MrBeen
Here - Here! There's a couple of things I'd like to know actually:-
1:- Do these men genuinely believe that woamn wish to become an "accomplice" with their cheating?
2:- Are there any woman out there that could acctually trust someone enough to arrange to meet with them, knowing that they lie to the poeple closest to them?

1. There are a number of women on here looking for discreet 'hubby does not satisfy' sex as well. After covering the gender bias in your arguement the simple answer is yes there are.
2. If someone is open enough to say, I am married / long term realtionship, but our sex lives have fallen / grown apart then again yes.
I think Judy covered this best in an earlier post so I will just guide back on that one for the rest of my feelings smile

TnH Married, not looking / swinging cause wife would kill him, defender of people everywhere stuck in problematic relationships ;)