Alls Will that ends Will then???
Kit
xxx
Good effort Will........ A most entertaining thread. Hope your luck is in mate. In the meantime, are there any ladies/couples out there who'd like to meet for a civilised drink/whatever on 17/18 Dec.. Bedfordshire area. I really need to find out the tactics to get my Mrs up4this ( Have started a subtle process of indoctrination, but fear it will be a long haul.)
I'm 40 something & in good cond. My fav aunty says that I am "devastatingly handsome". When I'm not on here I earn a shekel or two as a s/emp business consultant. Will be staying in hotel on above dates.
TTFN, JP.
Just for all the 'men' here!
It's great to be a bloke because...
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always - eventually!
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's arse if no-one notices you're new haircut.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
Wrinkles add character.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
People never look at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You can appreciate great sport.
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
One mood, ALL the damn time.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
You can go to the toilet without a support group.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You can enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat quietly.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you don't have to go home to change.
You are not expected to know the names of more than ten colours.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe Decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all Seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,in 45 minutes.
Same job . . . . . more pay.
The world is your urinal.
Don't think many of these do you credit!!
ROFLMAO Jags ...so very true
But seriously I think Will has a point. I've been busy on the old keyboard/email interface and my inbox is about as active as a eunuch in a texan whorehouse.
Where are all the women these days, Christmas shopping, having their hair done, out to lunch??????
Come on girls ;-)
Jags Wrote, (Shown in red)
It's great to be a bloke because...
Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
True, the interviewer is looking for our ability to do the job, not how we will improve the office decoration.
Your orgasms are real. Always - eventually!
Stop trying too hard to have one, just relax and they will happen for you too.
Your last name stays put. You can change yours anytime you like by deed poll, or divorce.
The garage is all yours. True again, but only because most women don't like the spiders that inhabit garages.
Wedding plans take care of themselves. Try a simple ceremony, you don't have to have every person you have ever known attending.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. Flutter your eyelashes a bit faster, or buy a copy of the workshop manual.
You don't give a rat's arse if no-one notices you're new haircut. Your right, we don't, try not to worry about it.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. True again, but I bet you never wanted to try a cut throat razor down there as an alternative.
Wrinkles add character. Perhaps they do, we certainly don't try and cover them up with polyfilla.
A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished. A pre-feminist belief, unbelievably still perpetuated.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Try wearing underwear that fits.
People never look at your chest when you're talking to them. Only because I don't push it out at them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. In many countries a belch is considered good manners, and we men try to be polite in todays multicultural society.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. That's because we buy shoes that fit properly.
You can appreciate great sport. I take it your not a Wimbledon fan.
You can throw a ball more than 5 feet. Try throwing overarm instead of underarm.
One mood, ALL the damn time. Most men don't get jealous, we are easy going, nothing fazes us.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. Why pay excess baggage, also we don't have the need to be seen in several different sets of clothes in one day.
You can open all your own jars. Try warming the lid under a hot tap or buy one of the many tools to assist you.
Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind. The charges are usually posted somewhere on the premises, don't blame us for your failure to read them.
You can go to the toilet without a support group.
I've often wondered why women need to go to the loo in packs, I always thought it was to gossip, or cat call any lady not accompanying them.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade. Why not? We don't want to do the hotel bedmaker of a job.
You can kill your own food. No problem for us as men have traditionally been the hunters, women seem to be squeemish when it comes to skinning and gutting. It's easier for the ladies to buy meat already prepared from the supermarket, less messy as well.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. No more or less than the ladies in my life do.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Of course they can, we dont hold grudges if something like an invitation is forgotten, everyone can be forgetfull at times, it's simply that men don't hold a grudge if it happens.
If you are 30 and single, nobody notices. They do dear Jags, I've lost count of how many times I've been invited to dinner parties where the hostess has tried to fix me up with one of her unattached friends.
Everything on your face stays its original colour. That's only because we don't wear makeup.
You can enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat quietly. We don't have that feminine trait the constant need to gossip constantly.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Three pairs are ample, We men don't need colour co-ordination for every item of clothing we possess.
You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming. As the meter reader is almost certainly male, it's likely his place is in a worse state than mine, so why should I worry?
You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." Women seem to corelate silence with offence, we men don't.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. We men don't feel the neccessity to offer little bribes to maintain a friendship.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you don't have to go home to change. That's simply because we appreciate the other guy has the same good taste in clothes as us.
You are not expected to know the names of more than ten colours. To men black is black, blue is blue, not midnight grey or Bahamas sky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Your right, we don't, but it's so simple to learn why don't you try to.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. No matter how much you iron them, wrinkles will reappear before you get where your going, so why worry about them.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe Decades.
We men see no reason to be dedicated followers of hairstyles, tonsorial fashions are not us.
You don't have to shave below your neck. Many of us do, it's simply a matter of taste.
Your belly usually hides your big hips. Men don't usually have big hips to start with.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all Seasons. We like to get good value out of the clothes we wear, we don't buy something and wear it once, then put it in the wardrobe for ever.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife. The old Swiss Army knife has all the nail cleaning accessories we need and all in a small compact tool. We find that preferable to having a handbag containing two dozen or more loose items to do the same job.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,in 45 minutes. Agreed, because we know what we want to buy, and where to get it. We don't feel the need to spend endless hours searching shopping malls, looking for ideas.
Same job . . . . . more pay. Why don't you have a word with your Union Rep. I believe it's illegal to do so.
The world is your urinal. It may be for a few men, but I have also seen women practicing the same proceedures on a Saturday night after a 'girls night out'
Don't think many of these do you credit!! Why not try a few of them Jags, you may find it saves you some time and a lot of money.
Harry0 .
________________________
Harry now sits back, pours another whiskey and waits for the feminist backlash.
North Durham..... Tyne & Wear (Since local govt reorganisation in 1974).
OOPS! Giving my age away.
*Shouts from his padded cell with chintz curtains at the window and a double bed, whilst shaking his arms making the pink fluff covering the nasty metal handcuffs waft in the breeze*
Go Harry! Where the f**k were you when I needed you?
Give that big Jessie Will a kick in the shins for me mate!
Don't worry - once they get hold of you it is not too bad - bit chintzy and smells of peaches but a comfortable life!
"No thanks Kit, I've had enough truffles after my lunch - you have one!"
:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: 
:x :x Just as I get it all smoothed over, someone has to go and start it all over again. Grrrrrrr!!!! :x :x :x 
. Ask any woman how difficult it is to buy imaginative presents for a man - glad I don't have to.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 