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Love, affairs and swinging.
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Quote by Bonedigger
yes FB, I realised as I posted that it was worded wrong(having a numpty moment)
what i wondered was, is it easy to mistake lust for love, or is it always clear cut that its just sex, because its a swinging site, or does having such intimate encounters with people lead to love sometimes creeping unexpectedly into the mix.
Love? It means so many different things. When does respect and affection become love?
Is it possible to mistake lust for love? Perhaps a test would be if you can fuck someone and walk away with out looking back; that's lust or desperation. If you can do what ever is best for the object of your love, and ask nothing in return, that is love.
In between lays a whole spectrum of respect, affection and love.
...but then do we know what we mean by love. We claim to love many people; children, parents, bothers and sister. If we can love then all, without detracting for loving any; then can we not have sexual love for more than one.
As yet I really only love one sexual partner. There have been one or two in the past. Never at the same time, but why not?
Travis
Sex God
Quote by
...but then do we know what we mean by love. We claim to love many people; children, parents, bothers and sister. If we can love then all, without detracting for loving any; then can we not have sexual love for more than one.
As yet I really only love one sexual partner. There have been one or two in the past. Never at the same time, but why not?
Travis
I think it's possible to love more than one person yes. I think humans have an immense capacity to love. Just because you love one person, then start to love another, does not necessarily mean you love the first any less.
I do think that sometimes people come into this site and others expecting something completely different, and are surprised at what they find!
Quote by Quiet
Hi All,
First post. I am sure that swingers are much less prone to having affairs. Three things cause problems for couples: sex, violence and money. Swinging as a couple deals with the first and needs deep trust and communication which makes the second unlikely and helps with the third.
However where it is not an equal decision then it will quickly crystallise underlying tensions.
Q
Yes (although cringe at the violence bit, not been there myself thankfully) and not forgetting moving house, kids and divorce! (not all in that order I might add
) Quote by Freckledbird
Hi All,
First post. I am sure that swingers are much less prone to having affairs. Three things cause problems for couples: sex, violence and money. Swinging as a couple deals with the first and needs deep trust and communication which makes the second unlikely and helps with the third.
However where it is not an equal decision then it will quickly crystallise underlying tensions.
Q
Fab first post- welcome to the forum
!FB wrote:
Absolutely :thumbup:
Welcome to the forum
Now now, you know where being nice gets you!
Splendid;
:cry: Quote by Freckledbird
...but then do we know what we mean by love. We claim to love many people; children, parents, bothers and sister. If we can love then all, without detracting for loving any; then can we not have sexual love for more than one.
As yet I really only love one sexual partner. There have been one or two in the past. Never at the same time, but why not?
Travis
I think it's possible to love more than one person yes. I think humans have an immense capacity to love. Just because you love one person, then start to love another, does not necessarily mean you love the first any less.
I do think that sometimes people come into this site and others expecting something completely different, and are surprised at what they find!
I for one have found a little 'blind' affection for some here at SH.
Many times my mind has been set racing, and sometimes my pulse.
mrs bonedigger ur post are just too good everyone one ive found so far have had me thinking them over very carefully,but this one i had to answer too after 20 yrs of being in a happy relasionship 15 of them swinging ,it hit me after sum stupid bugger butted into a highly intellectual conversation about ham toasties 
and badgered me for weeks on end with his stupid ramblings that id fallen in love with a man id never met,how did it happen where did it cum from im not a cheater never was i was solid dependable and a good partner 
: :?: did i want an affair :?: NO did i want to hurt my partner :?: NO did i want to change all that i had :?: NO did i listen :?: NO :twisted: :twisted: maybe it was ment to be i believe in fate and destiny and a year down the road im with a man who makes me laff drives me potty with his ramblings pisses off to the pub loves footie and a man who drives me crazy in the sack 
ops: was all the pain heartache crying and selfishness worth it all :?: :oops: :roll: :roll: OH MY GOD WAS IT EVER :inlove: :inlove:
and badgered me for weeks on end with his stupid ramblings that id fallen in love with a man id never met,how did it happen where did it cum from im not a cheater never was i was solid dependable and a good partner : :?: did i want an affair :?: NO did i want to hurt my partner :?: NO did i want to change all that i had :?: NO did i listen :?: NO :twisted: :twisted: maybe it was ment to be i believe in fate and destiny and a year down the road im with a man who makes me laff drives me potty with his ramblings pisses off to the pub loves footie and a man who drives me crazy in the sack ops: was all the pain heartache crying and selfishness worth it all :?: :oops: :roll: :roll: OH MY GOD WAS IT EVER :inlove: :inlove: Warming the Bed
Quote by Cherrytree
Have you ever been more than sexually attracted to a person you have had a meet with, and had deeper feelings or fallen in love with/for for them, even though you are with someone
yes.
I will second the above comment. I was looking for, oh, I don't know what, after a long conversation with my hubby. The upshot of the conversation was that while I am utterly head-over-heels in love with him, and he with me, there isn't a demonstrative love there. He and I are polar opposites when it comes to being tactile or sexual, and I was generally left wanting in that department. It was getting to the point where it would have broken us as a couple because of the frustrations of not being held as much as I feel I need, or the little touches, hand holding and so on that I see as necessary that were missing, the frustrations bred resentment and arguments, rows and threats of divorce, separation and all that nasty side of things.
I would have had to give up on a relationship with a man that I do feel I can't live without because the circumstances were making it impossible for us to stay together. I was told several times that my marriage was "unhealthy", and the people saying it were probably right, but I was determined not to give up on it despite all the bad times.
We talked. It was hard, as he does find it hard to express his feelings in words. But we talked. He realised that to keep me, he would have to let me find the missing part of our relationship somewhere else. He said as much. I was a bit stunned to be honest. I hadn't thought of that option, as I didn't see it as a good one.
I thought about it. A lot. I wondered if I could do it. I decided to dip my toe into swinging and see if I could do it, see if I could get past the feelings that what I was doing was somehow "wrong".
I have never condemned anyone for lifestyle choices by the way. Feeling that it was "wrong" was purely my own feelings about me doing it... Just thought I best clarify...
I looked around once I got over the thought of it being wrong and after another argument borne from frustrations. I realised I could get what I needed when I needed it. Let's face it, there's no shortage of people who would be happy to meet up, but was that what I wanted?
It's funny how things work out... I got talking to a friend of a friend and found they were on SH. We talked more. A few months down the line and we talked about why we were on SH. We were looking for the same thing. We talked about it more. I asked my husband if it would be acceptable to him if I had what could be classed as a relationship with the friend. He said it was fine. It would mean that he would know who I was with, know I was safe, know I was being looked after.
I can still honestly say I love my husband as much as I ever did, if not more because of his understanding. I can also say that I love my new partner, who means the world to me because he fills the part of my marriage that is missing. I do the same for my partner, filling the side of his marriage that is lacking.
We both want to stay married to our current spouses because of our love for them, and we are now very happily in a loving partnership that has made such a difference to both our lives. If you'd have told me a year ago that I would be doing this, I would have laughed at the absurdity. Now, I'm glad it is possible to love more than one person, and I am a more happy, contented person because of it.
Warming the Bed
Silly thing posted it twice after an error... Deleted it out...
for an eloquent, well thought out post. Warming the Bed
Thank you for the comments Bonedigger and winchwench. The hardest part of it was understanding in my own head that it was possible, because the first feelings of guilt that run through your head while every fibre of your body is screaming at you that you love someone that's not your husband are very intense. It's confusing untill you realise that the love you have for your spouse hasn't lessened one little bit when you love another.
It's different and it's lovely. Having the unconditional love of two men who equally are loved back in the very different ways that my partner and husband are is a rare thing. I could exist as an exclusive couple with neither of them, because it is them as a pair that make the relationship complete.
I will say though that it's not a case of a threesome relationship. It's only ever myself and my husband or partner as a couple. That's the way it works best for all of us.
It's different and it's lovely. Having the unconditional love of two men who equally are loved back in the very different ways that my partner and husband are is a rare thing. I could exist as an exclusive couple with neither of them, because it is them as a pair that make the relationship complete.
I will say though that it's not a case of a threesome relationship. It's only ever myself and my husband or partner as a couple. That's the way it works best for all of us.
Sex God
Quote by CarmelaDeA
Thank you for the comments Bonedigger and winchwench. The hardest part of it was understanding in my own head that it was possible, because the first feelings of guilt that run through your head while every fibre of your body is screaming at you that you love someone that's not your husband are very intense. It's confusing untill you realise that the love you have for your spouse hasn't lessened one little bit when you love another.
It's different and it's lovely. Having the unconditional love of two men who equally are loved back in the very different ways that my partner and husband are is a rare thing. I could exist as an exclusive couple with neither of them, because it is them as a pair that make the relationship complete.
I will say though that it's not a case of a threesome relationship. It's only ever myself and my husband or partner as a couple. That's the way it works best for all of us.
Wow carmela fascinating! Could I ask how your partner copes with the feelings of knowing that you maybe in the arms of another man at points in his day. And where anything to happen to the partnership between your 'other' lover and his wife would then that mean the end of your relationship with your lover? The pressure at times I could imagine to be intense. I have total respect for you and your partner,
Warming the Bed
My husband isn't too good at discussing things that involve feelings. He knows though, that allowing me to be elsewhere getting the part of the relationship that he can't give me means that he gets to keep me as his wife. To be honest, there's lots of things a more "normal" couple have to put up with in a marriage, like annoying habits, foibles and so on. You gloss over it because you love the person and don't want something that could be put up with to wreck what you have.
Whatever happens with my partner's marriage isn't my concern. That sounds callous, but it's their relationship, not mine, and I won't intrude on it. This is something my partner and I discussed at length: neither one of us would ever ask the other to leave their spouse, because the reason we are in the relationship is to keep our marriages. Who is to say what would happen if one or other of us ended up divorced. I do know that I wouldn't leave my husband for my partner if he became single. That's never been an option. If my partner decided that he wanted to go back on what was agreed and ask me to leave my marriage for him, then I would say "no", because at the end of the day, I'm doing what I do to remain married to my husband.
If there is a total understanding of the situation on all parts, there is no pressure, and there shouldn't be any jealousy, since each should understand the way the whole relationship works. I won't spend time with my partner when my husband isn't working, unless it has been arranged and agreed beforehand. My partner understands that and accepts it.
It's a funny old world. Sometimes it throws a curve and you just have to adapt to cope. Sometimes that way of coping is hard to get your head round, but so far, so good... The future is uncertain whatever you are doing, so I'll deal with one day at a time.
Whatever happens with my partner's marriage isn't my concern. That sounds callous, but it's their relationship, not mine, and I won't intrude on it. This is something my partner and I discussed at length: neither one of us would ever ask the other to leave their spouse, because the reason we are in the relationship is to keep our marriages. Who is to say what would happen if one or other of us ended up divorced. I do know that I wouldn't leave my husband for my partner if he became single. That's never been an option. If my partner decided that he wanted to go back on what was agreed and ask me to leave my marriage for him, then I would say "no", because at the end of the day, I'm doing what I do to remain married to my husband.
If there is a total understanding of the situation on all parts, there is no pressure, and there shouldn't be any jealousy, since each should understand the way the whole relationship works. I won't spend time with my partner when my husband isn't working, unless it has been arranged and agreed beforehand. My partner understands that and accepts it.
It's a funny old world. Sometimes it throws a curve and you just have to adapt to cope. Sometimes that way of coping is hard to get your head round, but so far, so good... The future is uncertain whatever you are doing, so I'll deal with one day at a time.
Sex God
Quote by CarmelaDeA
It's a funny old world. Sometimes it throws a curve and you just have to adapt to cope. Sometimes that way of coping is hard to get your head round, but so far, so good... The future is uncertain whatever you are doing, so I'll deal with one day at a time.
Ain't that the truth!
I'm gonna nick that paragraph n use it elsewhere thank you.
Warming the Bed
I should charge you royalties for that... Either that or I'll just make you brew the tea...
