Not so good meet

14 Aug 2007

NiLs is right of course.
But I think Cossie's problem stemmed from this:

Quote by Cossie
we get back to the hotel and start playing and I found that he just did not do it for me.

The realisation was late in the day, which was a problem.
I think the answer to this is, when you are exchanging messages before a meet, to quite clearly state that 'anyone can stop at any time - even right up to the last moment'. This needs to be repeated several times and you need to get the other party to positively agree to it. You all hope that it won't happen but it could to anyone. The other important thing is that if your partner suddenly has late doubts - even though the three others are up for it you must be prepared to respect your partners decision and support them in not going through with morally and practically.
Not sure Cossie, how you reconcile this one though.

Quote by Cossie
and she was a little big for both of us....

That must have been obvious from the first part of the meet. Probably would've been a plus point for me though :twisted:
.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by keeno
I have a question for you Cossie.
What would you do if this happened to you again?

Has this been answered?
Helnheaven, I can't see why anyone would be offended by your post. I think you made a very good point.
And Choon, you're just a tart! lol

14 Aug 2007

Quote by helnheaven
Some things just have to be said and before Im 'jumped on' I do not mean this post to be offensive to anyone, in any way.
My experiences in the lifestyle are, for my own reasons, very limited and its posts like this that put me off 'dipping my toes' further.
I would be horrified to find myself the subject of a post like this just because I wasnt to someone's taste and even more horrified to find that things had only gone further because Id travelled some distance. To be honest, I'd have just been grateful for a nice cuppa than to be patronised in such a way.

I don't think you have said anything wrong at all...the second part of what you were talking about, has been brought up before by other people in other threads (if anyone has been on here long enough to remember the couple who were on the "real wives swop" programme will know what i mean...)
What neil said a couple of posts up is spot on... maybe the thing for you helnheaven is to get to socials and munches and get to know people first before you make the next step... and i am not saying that is the way that everyone should , because everyone is different
can i play devils advocate for a moment and would ask cossie this..
if the situation were reversed and you were the ones being talked about in this manner how would you feel right about now? and I am not attacking you in the slightest at all....
we all make mistakes at times, and this thread may be one of them because people may now be more hesitant of meeting you because if it goes wrong how do they know they won't be talked about like this next?
maybe the lesson you will take from it is to trust your boundries better, after all you said that she was bigger than you liked....you are suppose to enjoy meets, not do them out of sympathy and i am sure they would have greater respect for you saying no, than to have it splashed across a website.......

14 Aug 2007

Quote by fabio
people may now be more hesitant of meeting you because if it goes wrong how do they know they won't be talked about like this next?

One of the points I also made Fabio, thanks.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by fabio
Some things just have to be said and before Im 'jumped on' I do not mean this post to be offensive to anyone, in any way.
My experiences in the lifestyle are, for my own reasons, very limited and its posts like this that put me off 'dipping my toes' further.
I would be horrified to find myself the subject of a post like this just because I wasnt to someone's taste and even more horrified to find that things had only gone further because Id travelled some distance. To be honest, I'd have just been grateful for a nice cuppa than to be patronised in such a way.

I don't think you have said anything wrong at all...the second part of what you were talking about, has been brought up before by other people in other threads (if anyone has been on here long enough to remember the couple who were on the "real wives swop" programme will know what i mean...)
What neil said a couple of posts up is spot on... maybe the thing for you helnheaven is to get to socials and munches and get to know people first before you make the next step... and i am not saying that is the way that everyone should , because everyone is different
can i play devils advocate for a moment and would ask cossie this..
if the situation were reversed and you were the ones being talked about in this manner how would you feel right about now? and I am not attacking you in the slightest at all....
we all make mistakes at times, and this thread may be one of them because people may now be more hesitant of meeting you because if it goes wrong how do they know they won't be talked about like this next?
maybe the lesson you will take from it is to trust your boundries better, after all you said that she was bigger than you liked....you are suppose to enjoy meets, not do them out of sympathy and i am sure they would have greater respect for you saying no, than to have it splashed across a website.......
:thumbup: I've kept out of this up until now... and Fabs I couldn't agree more with you, you've summed up my thoughts in a nutshell.
However, Cossie I have to say as a woman who goes up and down in weight my photos do not reflect that some times I retain water and appear larger than other days, more bloated and what my photos also don't disclose is that even tho I carry weight I have feelings and would be gutted if it were I you were discussing in the aftermath.
Your profile doesn't not stipulate a preference to size, maybe you should rethink your profile so this doesn't happen again?
Cossie, you are lucky you have a damn nice figure - all woman are beautiful in their own shapes and sizes and whilst I appreciate you are both well within your rights to have preferences maybe you should've been more honest about this in the first place.

14 Aug 2007

Cossie
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I am trying to be helpful.
I totally agree with most of what's been said, and I think you will probably have to accept that it was you that made the mistake. If you haven't clearly indicated your preferences, then there's no one else to blame but yourselves.
westerross made a very good point about your criticism of the couple, which I fully support, and like westerross that would have been a plus point for me too.
I think it clarifies one of the reasons why I love women who are a 'little big' and that is they are less judgemental of people. Whereas slim women tend to be very critical and judgemental of women who are a 'little big'.
My biggest concern though is why you felt you had to publicise it in this way, instead of just putting it down to experience. How on earth do you think they're going to feel if they hear about this? How would you feel if someone had written something similar about you and said she was a "little thin' for my taste.
A site like this relies on give and take and mutually respect, despite the freer attitude to sex, it's not a cattle market. I would advise that the best thing for you to do is re-write your profile ad, making it clear what your prferences are, without offending anyone.
That way everything will be fine and you can have fun too.
Good luck!

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Cossie
We met a couple this weekend not from this site

14 Aug 2007

Quote by st3v3
We met a couple this weekend not from this site

but the point is still as neil said earlier... you don't have to be members of the site to read the forums
you need to be for everything else but the forum is public...
if they happen to be from other sites, they may have links to this, just like this one does to many others.....

14 Aug 2007

Quote by fabio
We met a couple this weekend not from this site

but the point is still as neil said earlier... you don't have to be members of the site to read the forums it might need to be for everything else but the forum is public...
if they happen to be from other sites, they may have links to this, just like this one does to many others.....
:thumbup:
Forum posts and avatars are visible to non members so the couple in question could quite easily see the thread and see the people who started it..

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
We met a couple this weekend not from this site

but the point is still as neil said earlier... you don't have to be members of the site to read the forums it might need to be for everything else but the forum is public...
if they happen to be from other sites, they may have links to this, just like this one does to many others.....
:thumbup:
Forum posts and avatars are visible to non members so the couple in question could quite easily see the thread and see the people who started it..
They might even have been prompted to come and have a look, if SH was mentioned at all during the meet. dunno

14 Aug 2007

I can fully understand where you are all coming from and I agree that if this was me being discussed, I would be absolutely devastated and it would/could stop me from ever wanting to swing again.
HOWEVER, in defense of Cossie, I dont think they did this post with the intention of upseting anyone. I honestly think it was a genuine mistake and a genuine 'help, what do we do' post.
If I had been in the position Cossie mentions, I would probably have suggested soft swing, or just fun with own partners. That way, the thrill of someone being present is still there, but you are not having to physically interact with someone who you dont necesarily feel attracted to.

14 Aug 2007

i would just like to say to frecklebird and bbw, your replies to this post were exactly what was needed, no pussy footing about just plain answers, well done both of you. i would just like to say i feel the post was wrong on so many levels, one being the inference to the size of the lady and that their photos werent honest, sorry but half the webcams on the site arent honest then because peeps look very different in the flesh than on some cams, and not in a nasty way am i saying that. im not going to even go into the "travel so far we felt we had to" bit, that was beyond comprehension. to be able to do the swinging bit takes great courage and honesty, honesty to ourselves and to others we meet. i hope if you ever have another meet it will be succesful, just learn to say no if it isnt right, you will get far more respect and wont lose your own self respect at the same time .

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
HOWEVER, in defense of Cossie, I dont think they did this post with the intention of upseting anyone. I honestly think it was a genuine mistake and a genuine 'help, what do we do' post.

Quote by Cossie
we get back to the hotel and start playing and I found that he just did not do it for me. and she was a little big for both of us(sorry just are taste) the pictures did not portray this though.
in the end we full swaped just because they had traveled so far.
I did not hate it but I did not enjoy it.
what would you guys have done?

Sorry, NWC, that doesn't read as 'help, what do we do?' - more 'what would you have done?', ie what they asked. If the pictures were that misleading, I'd have said so straight away, for a start! Something like 'oh, when were your pictures taken - you've changed a bit since then?' Yes, the couple shouldn't have sent misleading pictures, but everything after that could have been handled better. A simple 'we've enjoyed the chat, but we don't want to take things any further' would have been enough.
Maybe Cossie & John could think about some kind of signal so that they can let the other know if either one of them isn't interested in playing with the couple.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by westerross
Probably would've been a plus point for me though :twisted:

Quote by bbw_lover
and like westerross that would have been a plus point for me too.

:wave:
{{{{{{{{{{{{ PM box that way :rascal:
(sorry you 2, but Im practicing my tarting/flirting etc) innocent

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple

Probably would've been a plus point for me though :twisted:

Quote by bbw_lover
and like westerross that would have been a plus point for me too.

:wave:
{{{{{{{{{{{{ PM box that way :rascal:
(sorry you 2, but Im practicing my tarting/flirting etc) innocent

For goodness' sake, woman - have you no shame? :shock: lol

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
Sorry, NWC, that doesn't read as 'help, what do we do?' - more 'what would you have done?', ie what they asked. If the pictures were that misleading, I'd have said so straight away, for a start! Something like 'oh, when were your pictures taken - you've changed a bit since then?' Yes, the couple shouldn't have sent misleading pictures, but everything after that could have been handled better. A simple 'we've enjoyed the chat, but we don't want to take things any further' would have been enough..

Yes, you are right FB, it probably wasn't asking for help, but I still dont think it was done with any malace on their part.

Quote by Freckledbird
Maybe Cossie & John could think about some kind of signal so that they can let the other know if either one of them isn't interested in playing with the couple.

:thumbup:

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Yes, you are right FB, it probably wasn't asking for help, but I still dont think it was done with any malace on their part.

I don't think anyone has suggested that they acted in a malicious way, just that they way they did act was inappropriate and a tad indiscreet.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
a tad indiscreet.

At least they didnt do the PM box directions surprised

ops:

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
a tad indiscreet.

At least they didnt do the PM box directions surprised

ops:

What are you like? lol

14 Aug 2007

Boy this has been one hell of a hornets nest!
I don't think they were being deliberately malicious, but it does illustrate how a little thoughtlessness can be interpreted in that way. They were probably being incredible naive, and just a tad narrow minded, but they should just put it down to experience. We all make mistakes. I've made loads, and some were quite nice biggrin

By the way NWC, I can see where the 'Naughty" bit comes from. More please cool

14 Aug 2007

Quote by bbw_lover
Boy this has been one hell of a hornets nest!
I don't think they were being deliberately malicious, but it does illustrate how a little thoughtlessness can be interpreted in that way. They were probably being incredible naive, and just a tad narrow minded, but they should just put it down to experience. We all make mistakes. I've made loads, and some were quite nice
By the way NWC, I can see where the 'Naughty" bit comes from. More please

Mr Will Smith look-a-likey! 8-) I've just been pervin your profile :grin:

14 Aug 2007

Quote by jaymar
Mr Will Smith look-a-likey! I've just been pervin your profile :grin:

ops: Me too :oops: :oops:
But Im doing it because I need some practice :smug: :smug:

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple

Mr Will Smith look-a-likey! I've just been pervin your profile :grin:

ops: Me too :oops: :oops:
But Im doing it because I need some practice :smug: :smug:
Me three :oops:

14 Aug 2007

Wow girls!
How flattering!
redface

ops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

14 Aug 2007

me 4 :inlove:

14 Aug 2007

I don't think you have said anything wrong at all...the second part of what you were talking about, has been brought up before by other people in other threads (if anyone has been on here long enough to remember the couple who were on the "real wives swop" programme will know what i mean...)
Thank you and yes I do remember that one.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by jaymar
Some things just have to be said and before Im 'jumped on' I do not mean this post to be offensive to anyone, in any way.
My experiences in the lifestyle are, for my own reasons, very limited and its posts like this that put me off 'dipping my toes' further.
I would be horrified to find myself the subject of a post like this just because I wasnt to someone's taste and even more horrified to find that things had only gone further because Id travelled some distance. To be honest, I'd have just been grateful for a nice cuppa than to be patronised in such a way.

I don't think you have said anything wrong at all...the second part of what you were talking about, has been brought up before by other people in other threads (if anyone has been on here long enough to remember the couple who were on the "real wives swop" programme will know what i mean...)
What neil said a couple of posts up is spot on... maybe the thing for you helnheaven is to get to socials and munches and get to know people first before you make the next step... and i am not saying that is the way that everyone should , because everyone is different
can i play devils advocate for a moment and would ask cossie this..
if the situation were reversed and you were the ones being talked about in this manner how would you feel right about now? and I am not attacking you in the slightest at all....
we all make mistakes at times, and this thread may be one of them because people may now be more hesitant of meeting you because if it goes wrong how do they know they won't be talked about like this next?
maybe the lesson you will take from it is to trust your boundries better, after all you said that she was bigger than you liked....you are suppose to enjoy meets, not do them out of sympathy and i am sure they would have greater respect for you saying no, than to have it splashed across a website.......
:thumbup: I've kept out of this up until now... and Fabs I couldn't agree more with you, you've summed up my thoughts in a nutshell.
However, Cossie I have to say as a woman who goes up and down in weight my photos do not reflect that some times I retain water and appear larger than other days, more bloated and what my photos also don't disclose is that even tho I carry weight I have feelings and would be gutted if it were I you were discussing in the aftermath.
Your profile doesn't not stipulate a preference to size, maybe you should rethink your profile so this doesn't happen again?

I was just saying the same thing about of my photos show how Im looking today. If I could find out how to post pics on here, today mine would be of 'Mitchelin Man' rolleyes

But hey, underneath it all Im a happy bunny and a person with feelings just like all of us here. :P

14 Aug 2007

Quote by FB
They might even have been prompted to come and have a look, if SH was mentioned at all during the meet.

exactly what i was driving at ((( thanks fabio and mallock for clarifying too! ;) ))) they might well read this, cos it frequently happens, given that we're all dead nosey buggers, and want to know how others go about things, arrange their meets, which clubs they go to, what websites they use, are they any good, etc, etc, etc. they're all frequently topics of conversation at meets.
as for the thread being at all malicious? confused

not sure anyone suggested that? advice on dealing with / avoiding similar mistakes in the future was asked for. advice on not repeating that one, as well as other mistakes they may care to think about while they're at it, was offered? some of the answers might have been unlooked for, but we're helpful like that, cos lots of us have made blinding bloody mistakes in our time, and if sharing our experience helps others avoid stuff we took months to think through, that's a good thing IMO?! that is largely the point of the forum? lol

;)
Cossie, sorry for talking about you both in the third person, like you weren't here. ;) i hope you don't feel jumped on, cos most of the advice on this thread seems well intentioned to me, and it would be a shame if you didn't come back to it? ;)
n x x x ;)

14 Aug 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

Mr Will Smith look-a-likey! I've just been pervin your profile :grin:

ops: Me too :oops: :oops:
But Im doing it because I need some practice :smug: :smug:
Me three :oops:

Quote by Bonedigger
me 4 :inlove:

Just for the record - I haven't! wink

.

14 Aug 2007

Quote by bbw_lover
Whereas slim women tend to be very critical and judgemental of women who are a 'little big'.

I have to disagree with this entirely ( I know its an aside from the main thread topic)
I find this offensive as it's a bit of a sweeping generalisation to make that just becuase someone is slim they tend to be more judgemental than someone who is not.
As you can see you can't agree with everyones views!
I do understand where cossie is coming from, when we were new to swinging we got pretty drunk and ended up with a couple that we just didn't have that spark or attraction, and we probably wouldn't have considered swinging at all if we'd been sober-all in all it was a bad experience.
I think that that's unfortunately what you have to put it down to- experience, you'll learn yourselves to be more specific, and to think about yourself not just about hurting the feelings of those you may be potentially swinging with.
I think it's a difficult thing to build up the courage to do when you first start and I can see how easy it would be to go too far...
You live n learn eh?!
m xx