Only A Observation

2 Nov 2004

Purley an observation on our part , but with all the talk of people leaving the Forum/Cafe how much of this is a result of people actually meeting others face to face at munches , and the reality not meeting expectations . As a result , peoples emotions are stirred up and people question this 'life style'.
I am not suggesting this is the case in every instance , or a slight on any peoples , but sitting behind the safety of a computer screen is a lot different to meeting people in the flesh. confused

2 Nov 2004

Quote by stupot
Purley an observation on our part , but with all the talk of people leaving the Forum/Cafe how much of this is a result of people actually meeting others face to face at munches , and the reality not meeting expectations . As a result , peoples emotions are stirred up and people question this 'life style'.
I am not suggesting this is the case in every instance , or a slight on any peoples , but sitting behind the safety of a computer screen is a lot different to meeting people in the flesh. :

Stupot~
But isn't meeting up what swinging's all about? If not for that, it's nothing more than intellectual mastubation! I do agree that gatherings like the Munches do take the concept into reality, though. In that light, it's probably good that people are able to sort out their troubles and insecurities in an open, friendly, public gathering; rather than waiting until it hits them full on during a 1-on-1 (or 2-on-1 or 2-on-2 or more) private meet up.
And, sure, it can stir up the emotions. Personally, I'm one of those people who likes to establish more of a "connection" with partners than just the physical. This could be nothing more than a good friendship or intellectual intimacy - thus, it's never "just for the sex" - but even these can pose problems if useless emotions like jealousy are thrown into the mix.
Rather than being disappointed in the reality, the people I met at the Notts Munch exceeded my expectations! My partner Vix & I were no less than thrilled with the experience, and with the new friends we made there (not to mention the old friends we caught up with)! :love:
Makes you wonder, though...if many of the folks who participate in these forums are only "mental swingers", entertaining the idea in this virtual community without having totally committed themselves to the actual experience or considered all of its implications, IRL :? For those, I think the Munches are the best thing since sliced bread, as they get to "dip their feet in the waters" before jumping off into the deep end.
Just MHO...
~Reese! surprised

2 Nov 2004

Someone suggested in another tread that people actually waited until after a Munch to leave/step back for a while because they wanted to attend the Munch first and leave the site on a high note.
I have no doubt that a small percentage leave for the reason you've given, but the rest leave for hundreds of different ones. Each one is very personal and important to them and trying to list them all would take forever, so why and try to single just one reason out?

2 Nov 2004

Quote by easy
I have no doubt that a small percentage leave for the reason you've given, but the rest leave for hundreds of different ones. Each one is very personal and important to them and trying to list them all would take forever, so why and try to single just one reason out?

Easy~
Because it's depressing and confusing, casts a pall on the forums, and we're just trying to make sense of it all?! ;)
~Reese! surprised

2 Nov 2004

Quote by Reese
But isn't meeting up what swinging's all about? If not for that, it's nothing more than intellectual mastubation!

Firstly I like very much the concept of intellectual masturbation, and it probably describes my attitude perfectly.
lol

:lol:
This site allows me to honestly express my feelings about sexuality and to occasionally discuss these things openly in a way that is not available elsewhere. I find it theraputic. I'm not sure yet that I want to meet anyone in a sexually loaded environment, I think the idea of club sex is appealing to me, the seeing and being seen bit, but I'm not nearly so sure I'd want to swap (even if I currently had an active significant other to visit with).
I guess people are here for any number of divergent reasons, and if SH works for them surely that's all that matters. Mental Swinging in just fine Reese!

2 Nov 2004

Quote by Reese
I have no doubt that a small percentage leave for the reason you've given, but the rest leave for hundreds of different ones. Each one is very personal and important to them and trying to list them all would take forever, so why and try to single just one reason out?

Easy~
Because it's depressing and confusing, casts a pall on the forums, and we're just trying to make sense of it all?! ;)
~Reese! surprised

Fair point. :cheers:

2 Nov 2004

Quote by musketeer
I guess people are here for any number of divergent reasons, and if SH works for them surely that's all that matters. Mental Swinging in just fine Reese!

Musketeer~
Point well taken, and I agree that there's nothing wrong with purely "mental swinging". Everyone one here has their own raison d'Ãªtre. Some are here just for sex, and I want a bit more than that. Others just for friendship, and I want more than that, too! :twisted: Perhaps the best reason for being here, though, is exactly what you'd said: That this site allows one "to honestly express my feelings about sexuality and to occasionally discuss these things openly in a way that is not available elsewhere". If we can all gather here with that in mind, we'll each have a far greater chance of finding whatever we're looking for!
~ Reese! surprised

2 Nov 2004

stupot,
not much more i can add to this.
i guess peoples reaction to munches, and the relationships they forge online becoming relationships "in the flesh" are as different as those people and those relationships. maybe some are disappointed but i've rarely seen it. if anything expectations are bettered for most, and those friendships become "real" rather than "virtual" ones. there does tend to be a bit of a post munch comedown sometimes, but mainly cos they we're so bloody good and it will be so long till the next time. speculating on personal reasons for leaving the site would be wrong, cos they are just that. personal reasons.
neil x x x ;)

2 Nov 2004

Member Churn, now there's a phrase, mine churns constantly :twisted:
However, back to the point I was going to make.
This site is just like any other congregation of people, be it a circle of friends, a workplace, a sports club, a hot tub - whatever. People come and go (or should that be cum and go? wink

) and change is the one thing that you can be certain of.
Many of those who go leave a hole that can take a while to fill; but the good ones leave lots of good feelings because of the effect they had on other people, the bad ones are missed not at all.
So no matter what one's motivation for being here, my idea is to try and be someone who would be missed for a long time biggrin

(if I was leaving, which I'm not).
I wouldn't be surprised if lots of the recent host of leavers follow JGL's example and don't go for long.
SA
xxx

2 Nov 2004

Well in my opinion at the end of the day this is just a forum where people peeps are having probles on Any level then leaving a forum for a while isnt such a big thing in the whole scheme of things.
You are all real,and some of you are good friends or potential there are other ways of keeping in touch and keeping it private.(I hope that makes sense) confused

2 Nov 2004

well being a n00b and all I aint really qualified to make any comment on why others have left - but like has been said there is prolly 100 or so different reasons why peeps tend to become less active on forums - just the ebbs and flows smile

I do agree that peeps join a site like this for all sorts of different reasons, friendship, fun, sex ( or not as the case maybe), whatever :) Me I joined because well hell i I just wanted some ADULT company and after speaking with a RL friend that is on here ( hola Wibbly!! :P ) I was told to give it try :) As to whether or not my activities will extend to RL - who knows - happen thats summat that I will find out in time ;) For me its a case of its a great way to find/ make new friends and if that extends to sex or more then so be it. If not then it dont. Ultimately its all about choice - and a forum like this gives me that choice :)

2 Nov 2004

Quote by Clare_Lincs
Well in my opinion at the end of the day this is just a forum where people peeps are having probles on Any level then leaving a forum for a while isnt such a big thing in the whole scheme of things.
You are all real,and some of you are good friends or potential there are other ways of keeping in touch and keeping it private.(I hope that makes sense)

Clare~
Makes perfect sense. I'm less concerned about folks leaving the forum as I am about their leaving the swinging community IRL (as several had indicated). Not questioning their motivations, as there could be 1,000 valid personal reasons for doing so...but it just leaves a hole to be filled, as it were. Of course, this potentially brings up the issue of forming attachments and such, but I'll leave that one by the door for now.
~Reese! surprised

2 Nov 2004

I just wanted to say this without starting yet another thread about those leaving,and this seemed the best place.
To all of those going or gone,take care each and everyone of you.

2 Nov 2004

I very much agree with those who have made the point that all reasons that people have had for making an exit from here in the past few days are individual and all different. I think it's barking up the wrong tree to tar them all with the same brush (whoops, mixed metaphor there!!!)
rolleyes

Mike.

2 Nov 2004

Hi all.
I just wanted to say that I think this is an interesting thread which illustrates one aspect of the Forum quite well, ie it's diversity. I think it's this which gives the site its strength.
It's always a shame to see good contributors leave, but I imagine that there will always be more people joining than leaving, and when all's said and done, the membership's going to be a reflection of the wider world at large, and the posts will range from intellectual discussion through to straightforward soliciting for sex with all points in between visited too.
When I first joined I was purely interested in soliciting for sex. As time has gone on I've found that I've met a few people on here, become friends with some, been ignored by others, chosen to ignore some, not yet got round to trying to establish a rapport with the vast majority of others, probably pissed off some, certainly been pissed off by a few..............................................and so it goes on.
What a truly wonderful place with some lovely characters. I think it's important to remember that anyone can join and post here about anything they like, provided they obey the rules. Where else in this life can you do this and express your innermost thoughts and feelings for everyone to see and yet remain anonymous, except those you get on well with and choose to involve in your life?
It's hard work though because it does become addictive! I find that I do let other things I should be doing slide, because I spend too long on here. Maybe for someone who finds the same, the only solution is to step back for a while and leave the site?
I hope I haven't digressed too much from the original topic of this thread. While I've got your attention, may I also add that I try to make my posts humourous if I can because I think that if I can raise a few smiles or laughs, and if we all tried to do that, then the world would be a more smiley, laughy place. Sure, some people won't like my posts. Does it really matter if they don't? I don't think so. After all none of us can please all of the people all of the time, and I'm just happy to have made the friends that I have through this site.
So, thanks to all who have given me endless hours of entertainment (whether we've had any contact or not), and I'd like to add that I have no intention, at this moment in time, of leaving the site. Also, errrr...........................(in case anyone's got a wrong impression), I am Bi, so I love you to bits, ladies!! (Naaaaaaah! Don't love men, just find the sex with them is straightforward and uncomplicated!!).
Thanks to everyone, and especially the friends I've made here (you know who you are).
redface

ops: :oops: :oops:
bolt