Okay so this week's, 'it's Sunday morning and I'm bored' topic is:;
Have single men become lazy?
Until recently I have not been truely active in the swinging scene.
As with anything important and new in my life I have deliberately sat back for 6 months, tempered the flow, poked in and out a little and absorbed as much information as possible before I have made any real moves.
After talking to many people openly over this time, guys, gals, couples; I have noticed a general consensus is that most single guys are lazy even when it comes to casual sex!
Sooooo many dont turn up for meets when offered it, dont meet up for socials to get 'in' with the scene and network with genuine sexy people, many hang about like a bad smell in clubs voyeurising, just waiting to be approached instead of interacting and chatting.
If I had a pound for every time I've heard a Single guy say he fantastises about a three some etc... but when questioned has done nothing to make it happen apart from keep telling every random woman he talks to about it, as if she will 'magic' one up for him and bring it to his door lol
Do you think this 'laziness' is because:
They are inept at social interaction and unable to make friends with people?
They are unable to be emotionally detached if they get to know someone?
They are just downright lazy and cant be asked to go the extra mile to have regular great sex instead of sporadic mediocre?
Please give any other reasons you think this may be..............
This is not a 'beat men over the head' thread, but more to get opinions on the subject and maybe enlighten others as to why couples and single ladies have so many let downs.
We keep hearing the 'poor me' cry from single guys about how tough it is, but when we try to open up to them and bring them into the scene we find that alot of them dont want to make the minimal efforts required.
Pam xx
IMHO a large number of the profiles on here belong to people who have no intention whatsoever in actually meeting up, they just enjoy the thought of it.
I don't think it's laziness that they haven't turned up, just that they never intended to.
We always read profiles and check that we are the type of person that is being sought before we contact people, whether it be by an advert search, profile search or in the chatroom. I guess we are just old fashioned in that way.
The lazy part is not reading profiles in the first place to see if they are what the person is looking for. This usually rings the alarm bells for us when we are contacted by someone that clearly isnt what we are looking for.
I think that we have to accept that there are many people on this site who get pleasure from the idea of meeting, talking openly, fantasising but not actually taking any action. They have no intention of actually pursuing their fantasies. the reasoning behind this are as varied as any individual may be. I haven't met anyone for a long time but do enjoy chatting and socialising with folks. It doesn't mean I am lazy it just means personally its not likely to as long as folks are honest initially there's no problem with this, but that's the crux I think , many aren't honest and therefore it does become a problem for people looking to actively meet. In edit am not a guy but this applies to both sexes lol
I realise this is probably controversial, but single men on here are not swinging are they (swinging meant using the traditional definition). They are just here for an easy lay - and what exactly is wrong with that... nothing of course.
So what's my point, well if they were serious about a relationship, then they would hardly be looking on here, so if it is casual sex that they want, then why exactly should they try to find it - it's casual and if a couple want a single guy then they will find them.
Of course much depends on "the market". If you are a chiselled gorgeous hunk of a man then you won't have to wait very long, if you are not blessed with good looks then you had better be patient. Don't get me wrong, there is someone for everyone, but this is predominantly a swinging site and not a dating one and I think a lot of people forget that.
So are single men lazy? I personally don't think so, but if they are than what is the problem with that? I personally look for a man myself, and based solely on looks and physical attraction, that might be wrong, and that's fine, I am not telling anyone else what their criteria should be, but I am immediately put off by a proactive single guy (not a proactive couple), it strikes me as a bit desperate for a single guy searching for a date on here.
I prefer lazy men, it lets me find them and reduces the amount of whispers I have to ignore.
Wrong? Perhaps, but I am not telling anyone else what they should do or how proactive they should be, just that a proactive single guy is a turn off.
I don't know about guys not turning up, but when I am meeting as part of a couple some men have been so set in what they want they forget about what we want. One has even kept texting after we turned him down.
On the other hand some guys do back away even when offered at clubs; preferring to watch and wank rather than play.
I think we all find meets hard at first. Sometimes guys just back out and run when it becomes real.
..but the number that just say 'hi check me out'. one lady I know had 50 mails b4 she finished putting her profile on. and most just said 'hi' or 'Im just down the road'
Travis
First post from a technophobe - hope it works!
Don't know anything about "the scene" but what original post describes sounds very similar to what goes on in most nightclubs every Friday in any city you care to mention - the single men stand around ogling the room and drinking ten pints to pluck up the courage to speak to the sexually confident women. I think it's probably hard for us ladies to empathise - it's much easier to be sexually self-assured when you're a girl as we only have to bat our eyelids and smile to get laid. Even more so if you're in a relationship as you know full well that at least someone you fancy fancies you back. And it seems to me that there's a lot of hyperbole on this site (well maybe it's all true -who knows?!) about ten inch cocks and I'd love to make you scream blah blah, maybe they're worried they'll disappoint?
Having said that, I was in the chatroom last night and asked what I thought was a pretty straightforward question about how to work the cam to a bunch of single guys, repeated it three times before giving up on getting a coherent answer - even that annoyed me so a failure to meet would no doubt seriously pee me off!
Oh just previewed this and there's no picture - it's not laziness I really don't know how to put one on?!
Single guys are a common topic. Sites such as this are substituting for premium chatlines, and for those users it's all just talk and fantasizing. The next thing is, of course, that the singles aren't always really single. The next thing is that lots of guys are scared off by a woman with, what they perceive as, lots of experience within a community. It's the old story of wanting to find someone who won't compare him with lots of others....strange concept I know.
Its really interesting for me to read about your experiences PamalaD. I originally joined this site as the lad I had been playing with for the last year and a half was constantly hot and cold about the idea of a threesome. One week he was up for it and we would make plans to go to a club or suchlike, then the day came and he wouldn't want to. So, I came to find threesome fun as a single female, which I have done. Despite the fact we talked about it several times, I am still unsure about his reasons in relation to his constant change of heart, but laziness was certainly not a factor. he was the best lover I have ever had.
I have had similar experiences with other single guys. One planned to come to a club with me, after begging and begging to be the guy i took, he refused to answer the phone the day of the event. I was then left going by myself, when there were three other guys who also wanted to come, but at that point it was too late.
When I speak to most people about these kind of events people respond with 'oh really, a single guy who refused threesome/moresome sex, madness, what are you doing to these men?'. It is nice to know that other females have similar experiences
How can an open discussion annoy anyone??
No one has said anything about people being too lazy to look for meets!
The original post was a question on single men in general moaning about not getting meets but putting in very little effort when the opportunity for one arose.................................
Pam xx
I'd love to get to meets etc and have met some people on other sites - the ads part of this site isnt the best in the world and has ads back to 2004 so a little housekeeping might be in order. My job as a musician means 90% of the time i'm working at weekends when a lot of the socials happen - I like the chat and do get irritated by the amount of guys I hear that are no shows - it ruins it for everyone. If and when I arrange to meet up I always do - everyones time is precious and its just plain ignorant not to turn up or at least contact the person to let them know theres a problem - that's inexcusable. there are also still too many people that think a meet is a green light for playing - it's not - its just to see how you get on socially - playing may or may not happen - too many have expectations still.
I'm hoping to start meeting up with some off here as I'm only back on site since June and really enjoying having a laugh with people - may have to build some time in to get to a social but work is what pays the bills so fun has to take 2nd place. I agree with the OP that some on here could get the impression that sgl guys are lazy - if you send an email with 'Lets fuck' as the title and a phone number in the email - it could be construed that you are just mass mailing and hoping someones desperate enough to take you on.
Eventually those people leave the site because they dont get any meets ( surprise!!) problem is that decent people are also leaving the site because they are bombarded with these emails and get the occasional one that someone has taken time over. It's unlikely that the guys who come in the forums fall into the 'lazy' category as they have taken the time to come in and interact in the forums whereas the lazy ones will be busy mass mailing one liners and looking at the pics of tits!!!!
Rambling rant over - now let's fuck!! .....077.......... lol
Single guys have a hard time on this site because of me. I'm charming, witty drop-dead gorgeous and can party like a rock star. However, this level of awesomeness was not God-given. A respectful attitude in the chatrooms, engaging conversation at socials and epic-level dance moves have been perfected over the years to produce the irresistible bundle of fun that is me.
With the ratio of males to females on this site, it's obvious single guys have to step up their game if they want to be noticed. You can't argue with the laws of mathematics, that's just how it is. Looking at the numbers, I would be falling over myself to make sure I stood out from the pack. So, in answer to the lovely Pamela's question 'Are Single Guys Lazy', I challenge you all to pick twenty single guy profiles at random and then calculate how many of said profiles contain no text and a video recording of a blurry penis ejaculating over a desk. I rest my case.
Maybe part of it is also that the single guy are not single so are unable to put in the required effort. Not the case for all of course but maybe a larger than expected %. TBH if I was single next week I wouldent use this site if I was looking for pure 1 on 1 fun. Ive a lot of friends that have become single down the years and all of them have not had a lot of trouble finding sex, dates, relationsships from the run of the mill free dating sites.