Surely Too Easy

3 Mar 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
Would he have been given a little more time, and without the push which made him lose his temper?

Venus~
I do understand what you're saying, but I think it's a good thing that someone was able to bring out his "true colours". I can only imagine, fearfully, being in a swinging situation with such a person and inadvertently doing something that he might find objectionable. If someone is the least bit prone to violence or abusive behaviour, I want to know from the outset...so I can avoid them at all costs.
~Reese! surprised

3 Mar 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
I`m sorry, it`s not my fault. I turned into a ENFP. I was much less of a social worker when I was an ENTP! :giggle:
Venusxxx

As a newbie here (by the way when does one cease to be a newbie?) I myself found his posts rather annoying and too much in your face. I can understand how it must have annoyed some more seasoned board members.
I don't know but I wouldn't just put behaviour like that to age. I certainly didn't behave like that when I was 19 nor my friends. Maybe we were a boring bunch ... who knows?
rolleyes

PS. Venus what's a ENFP/ENTP? I loked in the Acronyms in chatrooms page and can't find it. I bet it's going to be something really really obvious!!

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Reese
Would he have been given a little more time, and without the push which made him lose his temper?

Venus~
I do understand what you're saying, but I think it's a good thing that someone was able to bring out his "true colours". I can only imagine, fearfully, being in a swinging situation with such a person and inadvertently doing something that he might find objectionable. If someone is the least bit prone to violence or abusive behaviour, I want to know from the outset...so I can avoid them at all costs.
~Reese! surprised

As he came across as a total `chav` as someone suggested, you are probably right. I think anyone who has that type of character will soon be picked up upon regardless. Even without the turn of events, I would never have chosen him as a potential swinging partner. But, just for the sake of argument :twisted: , a few people here have also pointed out that courage behind a keyboard can quite often become magnified, he may not have been as violent as he came across. I think it`s possible he simply adopted a `fuckit` attitude in light of what had been building up on all fronts. Some people react badly to provacation, he certainly did. Scandal pointed out earlier (but I missed it) that that works both ways. His behaviour also provoked a reaction, and I won`t debate that. It`s just that after growing to know many of the members here, I think they are capable of rising above a kneejerk reaction, whereas Wideboy (or other similar characters)probably couldn`t, especially since he was against the odds, that kind of out-numbering can just encourage it through defensiveness. I`ve read so many statements from people who feel that this place has taught them a great deal, and they feel they have grown as people, I suppose I do tend to put the onus on those who are capable of being more reasonable, as opposed to those who have not yet acheived this.
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

About your son MOMF, I am a hard bitch sometimes too. Twice in one week he needs to learn the lesson the hard way or else he will keep doing it. I'd be inclined to make him work his way out of the debt and see that money does not grow on trees or from dads back pocket all the time.
As for the saying hi to newbies thing. I simply got fed u of saying hello then they would not come back. I do say hi to the odd one now and then just to be sociable. As a general rule if the post has been up a while and has loads of welcome notes already I won't reply, if it only has one or two then I am likely to say hello, IF I think they will stick around.
As you say there is no easy answer to this and each person will have their individual approach to it. One person posts after another with the same view it becomes a group in the eyes of an untrained newbie? dunno

I don't think this particular example of a member would have lasted longer than a week because of his fuck me now attitude and would have probably got banned in his own time for posting multiple threads with the same content........ we all know what that is called.
I don't think this is about newbie baiting anymore but rather "troll baiting". A not so new thing where by the established members spot certain traits in a person, almost like sharks smell blood, and the taunting begins. Its like buckaroo, we all know the donkey will kick but still put the stick in and watch with baited breath until BAM, it kicks.
We all know it will happen sooner or later so we join forces subconsciously to accelerate the process.
I'm not saying it is right or wrong, as I certainly wouldn't want to be semi-nekkid in a club or party environment with someone who reacts so violently when put in an awkward situation. Although if I had been goaded for a couple of hours and stupidity had bitten me on the bum too, then I'd be very much the same at being told to fuck off. Maybe not as agressive as I'm gonna punch your lights out as that is too much testosterone for me, but I wouldnt be a nice little girl and take it. Why should I? Why should a newbie?I should know better cos I know the system and the rules better, the way things work, how to deal with things I'm not happy about. In short, I am grown up enough to walk away and know better. The main thing here is not that we pull each other apart on behalf of one newly banned member but that we learn the lesson and move on.
kiss

Gem. x

3 Mar 2005

Now that the heat is slightly off, my consideration of this episode is that it is the great British disease of bullying at work again.
It has to stop, here and now with all of us.
Anyone hostile to the proposal?

3 Mar 2005

Quote by duncanlondon
Now that the heat is slightly off, my consideration of this episode is that it is the great British disease of bullying at work again.
It has to stop, here and now with all of us.
Anyone hostile to the proposal?

Would this be directed at the whole nation in general or just at the members of this site??
I think it would be a little presumptuous of you to assume you have the right to direct it at the members, so I will take it you meant the nation in general in which case I wholeheartedly agree.
Shireen

3 Mar 2005

I think differing opinions are fine all the time they don`t become angryopinions. I for one am taking many opposing comment on board, chewing it over, and hopefully it will help me and others to determine where an acceptable line is between acceptable baiting and trolling. I`ve always had a problem with trying to read the wankers from those who could quite possibly fit in given a fair crack of the whip, and I cringe to think that sometimes I may have been party to hounding out the latter.
I don`t find this discussion need become personal at all, but if others here feel it is becoming such, I will quite happily bow out and let it die if that`s what people feel is needed. I have no desire to be seen as someone who is having an issue with anyone in particular. I`ve made my points anyway. I`m just answering people who missed them the first time around now. lol

Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
maybe just let em settle in an see what happens ?

IMO, Yes! :bounce:
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
but shit on me

What kind of place do you think this is?!!! mad

:x :x

Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Perhaps if we don`t, it would encourage more newbies not to? dunno

I`m not sure it would ever stop, but it might buck the trend a little. I do feel it`s a lot more common than it used to be, I`d like to see the site wound back to when it wasn`t such a trend. I was much more comfortable with it then. It didn`t seem as sinister.
Maybe others here would like to comment upon whether they feel the baiting has become more popular of late, perhaps for some subjective reason I am just picking up on it more?
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Shireen_Mids
Now that the heat is slightly off, my consideration of this episode is that it is the great British disease of bullying at work again.
It has to stop, here and now with all of us.
Anyone hostile to the proposal?

Would this be directed at the whole nation in general or just at the members of this site??
I think it would be a little presumptuous of you to assume you have the right to direct it at the members, so I will take it you meant the nation in general in which case I wholeheartedly agree.
Shireen
It was directed at all of us who took part in this incident. I believe anyone has the right to speak out against bullying.

3 Mar 2005

Quote by duncanlondon
I believe anyone has the right to speak out against bullying.

I completely agree, but.....

Quote by duncanlondon
It has to stop, here and now with all of us.
Anyone hostile to the proposal?

That comment wasn't speaking out, that was dictating.... Perhaps a more subtle approach would have been better??....
Shireen

3 Mar 2005

Surely bullying involves a victim who is virtually defenceless?
Toyboy did not have to keep on adding to Libra's thread - he went on posting for ten pages, regardless or our (obviously - to anyone with half a brain) teasing. I even asked him in one of my posts if this was a wind-up - he could have backed out at any minute but appeared to be enjoying the banter as much as we were. When he realised we were all joking he politely took his leave.
In his other thread, where he offended a mod, he had already got to know a few of us and I think that the teasing nature of Libra's thread carried on into this next one, but it came up against different SH members who were more shocked by his bolshy arrogant style.
Remember that he had the option to back down. He chose to be picked on, attacked, baited, played with - he seemed to want it, kept coming back for more.
He was just too young to be playing here, in my opinion.
And although we are all old enough to know better, we thrive on personalities like him, it makes for such bloody good entertainment, and no one meant any harm, really.

3 Mar 2005

Before too many personal accusations are flung around, I think perhaps that most participants of this sport tend to judge the stand alone effect of their own posts and not the overall effect the many can have on someone on the receiving end. Therefore, I`m sure there are very few people here who actually fall into the bullying catagory as an individual, but as a group, I think the idea is worth considering.
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Personally, and im not directing this at anyone, but i cant believe the amount of fuss this guy has caused. Yes, this thread has been a good debate to be honest, but i never even post in his thread cos it had absolutely no appeal to me, and knew he would either disappear when his mum came home (19 yr old doorman,- my arse!) or be banned.
Rather give my brain space to sex and other more positive hobbies! :twisted:

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Shireen_Mids
I believe anyone has the right to speak out against bullying.

I completely agree, but.....

Quote by duncanlondon
It has to stop, here and now with all of us.
Anyone hostile to the proposal?

That comment wasn't speaking out, that was dictating.... Perhaps a more subtle approach would have been better??....
Shireen
HAS .... Third person indicative : denoting a mood of verbs used to make a statement.

3 Mar 2005

I personally think I moderated it badly.
Next time i will lock the thread give advice via pm to those who require it and ban those breaking the AUP in order for them to cool off.
If others then start new threads that could be considered as set ups purely to wind new people in, so that they can be wound up. Then I'll lock them too.
Fuck it the're my jackboots and I'm going to wear them.
Unfortunatly, instead I tried to be reasonable and then buggered off to play in the semi finals of the dominoes biggrin

:D
I come back and he had snapped and threatened Sarge. No other option but to ban him then.
Incidently I had a very sensible response to my pm unfortunatly, he thought that if he tried to join in the joke, it would defuse the situation. I wasn't here to respond, and he learnt the hard way that the best thing to do is apologise and not stick your head up again.
Jas

3 Mar 2005

This thread seems to have become a general question about whether bullying exists on this site. In my opinion it undoubtedly does and should not be confused with the fairly gentle piss-take where both sides can be seen to be laughing. The bullying threads are for laughing at, not laughing with, and can be very much one-sided affairs.
It is not new, I have seen it since I first started reading the forums over 18 months ago. However, over the last few months, its occurrence seems to be a growing. It is done by a mixture of people, some established members, who should know better, and some newcomers, who either think it is how they are expected to behave or who perceive it as a quick way of joining "the in-crowd."
The attacks are usually made against newcomers or members who have no status within the site, ie. easy targets. They can be over anything from marital status or partner preference to spelling and grammar. Whatever the trigger, the attack is usually uncalled for and always unpleasant to watch. It may be begun by one person, but very quickly there will be a group joining in.
A more established and longer-term member than me wrote the following yesterday:

Quote by KitKat
However, what I do see (and feel myself) is that when someone arrives with a very different style that is seen as an environmental threat. With enough patience, I could probably find a comment I made many moons ago to the effect:
"I know "Wanna fuck" posts are rarely successful, and I should just ignore them, But simply having "Wanna fuck" posts in Lets Meet Up would present the wrong image for the site, and attract more "Wanna fuck" people and we would end up with a site full of "Wanna fuck" members.
It may be the same with the language of posts. There is nothing WRONG with not writing in standard English. It is just that if a few did it, then a few more would, and the whole thing would snowball.
What we should be doing, is explaining WHY we want them to write in a particular, because it is easier to read, easier to understand, and makes the whole experience of being on the site more enjoyable.

I agree wholeheartedly with the desire to keep up the standards of this site. I just wonder whether the constant newbie-attacks do more harm to the enjoyable experience here than the odd missing comma or 1 line post and what is the image of the site that they portray to the potential member.

3 Mar 2005

Quote by northwest-cpl
It may be begun by one person, but very quickly there will be a group joining in.

Oh, this is so damn familiar! I`ve been chewing over the baiting for quite sometime, and have been trying to define the line between tongue in cheek, and setting someone up for a fall. Some weeks ago, I responded first to a post which was `up for some ribbing`, it was just too damn tempting, but I hoped I had been humorous enough not to be seen as spiteful. Then I watched in horror as more and more people jumped in, and the overall mass effect looked icky. I don`t think I`ve done it since. I felt too responsible since my name was `fronting` it all. This was soon after I spoke out about the Married man baiting :doh:
/enter someone with recent evidence of me being a complete cow lol

Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

This is a good thread and I havenâ€™t seen or intended any animosity in it.
It has made me think that perhaps I will think twice before taking the piss out of a newbie. I didnâ€™t do it in this case, I wish I could say I rose above it, but I was in the pub and missed it. I would probably have had a go myself.
Now I will think, is the guy a misguided twat, but trying? Is he being reasonably polite? Is he within the AUP?
Whilst the answer to those questions is yes, I will try not to have a go. I will also think about what I would do in the pub or wherever or I am just joining in with the pack
However we dress it up the guy was subjected to a form of bullying - ridicule. The defence of â€œhe was a tosserâ€ doesnâ€™t wash

3 Mar 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
I don`t think I`ve done it since. I felt too responsible since my name was `fronting` it all.
Venusxxx

The trouble is that most of the baiters don't see anything wrong in their behaviour. I suppose it is a little like road-rage...people feel cocooned behind their PC like they do in a car and feel free to give it out. I cannot believe that these people behave like that in real life unless they manage to be very selective in their choice of victim or are very handy.
Like you said at the beginning though, it is becoming more and more commonplace and unfortunately some people who have only been here a couple of weeks see it as the normal way of behaving. Sites are dynamic and we must expect change, but I'm not sure that this trend is a change for the good.

3 Mar 2005

Nothing to add from what I put before in both threads.......but I wanted to be the one that made it the:
100th post
lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Dave_Notts

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Dave__Notts
Nothing to add from what I put before in both threads.......but I wanted to be the one that made it the:
100th post
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Dave_Notts

And 6th page! Well done that man! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Do i get a prize for stirring the shit ?

3 Mar 2005

Swingingheaven..........what does it mean to me.
A simple, one word answer...............tollerance. Acceptance that people are different. Whether by age, sex, colour, religion, sexual persuasion, etc.
Treat people as you would want others to treat you. No idea who said it, but I have lived my life by it.
If someone writes something you dislike......debate it......if you do not want to debate it.....ignore it. This site has very good Moderators (except Jas who tried to burn my house down while attempting to set fire to the massage oils mad

...........joke Jas hun xxxxxx) who do the job of identifying people who are not complying with the AUP, and then they take appropriate action. Let them do their job, do we really need vigila.....vegil....vijilante........people who take the law into their own hands lol

.
What is bullying............
being called names
being teased
being pushed or pulled about
being hit or attacked
having your bag and other possessions taken and thrown around
having rumours spread about you
being ignored and left out
being forced to hand over money or possessions
being attacked because of your religion or colour
The list came off childline.......written so children can understand that bullying is not an appropriate behaviour. If they can understand, then I am sure adults can understand as well.
Dave_Notts

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Silk and Big G
Do i get a prize for stirring the shit ?

No, but you might get a prize for calming it down. kiss

Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

To Silk and Big G
You have won the prize for stirring. To collect your prize..................
Make your own way to Canada, where you will be presented with a Giant Red Oak and a very small penknife. You will be chained to the aforementioned tree and not released until you have carved a 150 foot stirring spoon.
lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Dave_Notts

3 Mar 2005

Seems to me that a person's perspective of trends on the site will be governed to a great degree by the threads that they find interesting to view.
I haven't noticed any great amount of bullying on the site. Maybe this is because I'm of a certain age when bullying in schools, workplaces etc was commonplace, and therefore not particularly was just a fact of life and no-one stopped to agonize about it.
Or perhaps it's because I generally read threads where there's no unpleasantness.
If I do follow a thread which goes tits up and results in a spat then I suppose it's because it's entertaining at the time. Occasionally someone gets really arsy on here but tomorrow's another day and SH will survive.
These kind of upsets are cyclical: they come round from time to time.
Ho hum. I'm sure we'll all survive! blink

PS I don't condone bullying.
biggrin

:D :D

3 Mar 2005

Eager, it could have been your flatmate! :giggle:
Venusxxx

3 Mar 2005

Quote by Dave__Notts
I wanted to be the one that made it the:
100th post

And you missed it by one. Damn. biggrin