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Swinging irresponsibly and selfishly.

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Unknown User
Quote by Pete_sw
...
The amount of guys that have contacted us pretending to be interested in MMF and been really nice, pretending to respect boundaries, gained our trust over long periods of time, and then sent Caron texts, e-mails, or PM’s saying shit like “oh would love a 1 to 1 with you, are you up for it” astounds me, just who the fluck do these guys think they are for a start? We have a stable 28 year marriage and these ppl think they are going to interfere with that? Get a fluckin life ffs.
....

This may come as a shock to you Pete - but some of them get the idea from the female halves of other couples on this site who actively seek 1-2-1's both with permission and behind their partner's back.
Now I am not saying what my opinion on this behaviour is - just that it happens and to balance the scales a bit for the single guys who always end up getting the rough end of the pointy stick wink
Pete_sw
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
This may come as a shock to you Pete - but some of them get the idea from the female halves

you'd be supprised at how shocked I am wink
Unknown User
Quote by EagerSlut
Eager has running the thread helped your friend in any way?

In the sense that there's been feedback from people who've experienced similar deception, yes, I think it's true to say it has.
Actually - that's a really important question in my opinion confused I do hope so, but to be honest, I don't really see how knowing that it's happened to others is helpful in this kind of situation Eager :?
Unknown User
Quote by EagerSlut
It's NOT a witch hunt. The trouble is that by referring to it as such and by posting in this manner they are in fact encouraging gossip. That was most certainly not the original intention.

I hate to harp on about it but you did say:
I've seen it happen recently elsewhere but the person responsible is here as well. I'm sure he's not the only one so be careful.
I'm very angry about this because he totally abused the trust of a friend of mine and manipulated her to serve his own selfish ends.

At the end of the day you stated quite clearly in both threads that you "thought long and hard / very carefully" before posting. If it was simply a 'general' warning why would such careful consideration be needed?
People aren't suddenly gossiping because I mentioned the words witch-hunt, and it’s a remark that I resent. Numerous people were already party to the ‘stories’ that this thread refers to, and that this has been building for some time, long before the threads were conceived.
It’s a shame really, because all personal opinions aside, it’s a great thread with some sound advice. Unfortunately the way that this has been played out makes a mockery of the whole point of the thread, be wary of those that can’t be trusted.
musketeer
Sex God
Quote by Missy
Thing is - these players half the time believe what they're saying, each and every time they say it, they believe it themselves confused
I don't think that there are very many 'deliberately' malicious people on this planet. What happens if you're one of them people that are highly strung, very emotional....... They meet someone and wallop, their adrenaline, butterflies and love emotion are going like the clappers :inlove:
"Brilliant they think, I'm in love at last, I've never felt like this before, I thought I had, but I've not felt this strongly ever" :bounce:
They're beside themselves with happiness, they've found love. Then you settle down into a 'couple' type thing - and after a while that "first throes of love" feeling settles down into a more secure, deep, comfortable, easier to maintain feeling.
That's not good enough for the odd few, they don't see they're gaining the more secure deep comfortable easy to maintain feeling - they see they're losing the first throes of love feeling (to them it's falling out of love!! :? ).
So they think they're falling out of love cos they don't get the adrenaline or butterflies any more.....
Then someone else comes along and wallop, their adrenaline, butterflies and love emotion are going like the clappers :inlove:
"Brilliant they think, I'm in love at last, I've never felt like this before, I thought I had, but I've not felt this strongly ever" :bounce:
And so the cycle continues
You can never imagine the first throes of love feeling to its full impact - so whenever this "player" experiences it, they've just come out of the 'comfortable' love, forgotton how strong they felt 'first throes of love' and think it's something they've never felt so strongly before :?
That's what I reckon anyway.......... mind you, tis a bummer when you're on the receiving end of a play, been there myself mad
So ES, hugs to the victimes you're referring to :therethere:

As usual Missy's on top of it. I think this exactly describes me! It was certainly how I played out my single years, although I very much didn't use the love word because I knew from experience what was coming next. If you know yourself you know that too. Then I did settle down for 30 years, probably I think now because the person concerned was so aggressive, gutsy, comic, that it took 15 years to get bored and by then she was a habit.
Now of course I'm single again, I have a significant other but I'm loathe to comit and I see the same thing happening. Although there isn't anyone else yet, and at my age they're easy to come by if you don't care what they look like and hard to come by if you do, the fact is that the lady concerned is in much deeper in than me, we have been totally honest with each other at every turn, but it doesn't stop her hurting and I do not like to be the cause of that; but what should one do? I was/am very happy to continue our part-time relationship but I don't want "in" further. I'm not in love.
I realise this is not quite what the thread was about but Missy's response struck a chord, so I apologise to ES for the mini hijack.
Unknown User
In the world at large guys n gals become friends and get along just fine being friends. They go shopping together (usually the male is dragged along reluctantly) they go out dancing and drinking together. They sometimes get a bit tipsy and get a bit too snugly and one thing leads to another. There are a few ways things can go at this point. Sometimes things get really awkward, the friendship just isn’t the same anymore and they regret doing it. On a few less occasions both parties accept it is just sex and manage to deal with it, remaining good friends. Frequently, they carry-on getting too snugly and wonder why it took so long to rip each others clothes off and things develop – the sex is seen as the start of a commitment to each other and that they are an item.
Awww bless.
But here we are not in the world at large – we are on a swinging website and one of the main reasons I am here is so I don’t have to worry about people feeling awkward after sex. I don’t have to worry that someone will think it is something it is not. I want to be with other people who can be friends and have sex and it not get complicated by confusing it with what happens in the vanilla world. Somewhere I can do normal everyday things with some of the people I have sex with and it not be confused with ‘dating’.
Recreational sex – that is what I expect here.
Think of any other recreational activity – let’s say you play golf and have a regular partner who you meet every second Saturday for a round of golf. If one week you say “hey do you fancy going out for a drink later” do they automatically assume you are trying to start a loving relationship or do they assume that because you get on well you would like to share their company in a purely platonic way in addition to the recreational time you share together? In addition: do you get upset because you find out they play a round of golf on a Sunday too but it is not with you? Does it matter that they sometimes they go to the driving range midweek with someone else? Or does it just mean that they spend more time than you enjoying their recreational activity and have more people to share it with?
I am here to be with ‘like-minded’ people who can accept that even if you do everyday things with them (as well as having sex) it doesn’t mean anything more and I won’t be badgered into feeling guilty or constantly having to put the record straight.
northwest____cpl
Sex God
Caveat Emptor
While ES thread highlights the manipulative nature of some swingers, it should hardly come as a shock to anyone, even new single females, since manipulation, unfortunately, is the way the world seems to work. Possibly the nature of cafe-type forums, with their emphasis on banter and flirting, makes everything seem rosier than it actually is. As several people have said above, just because you share a website and have chatted online and at socials doesn't necessarily make people your friends or trustworthy. Normal common sense still applies.
Swinging is about sex. It can be tempered with a laugh and a bit of fun but it's best not to lose sight of the fact that many people use the internet for nsa sex rather than a social calendar. Anyone who joins a swinging site should not be surprised if they get hit on for sex and should have carefully thought out their own motives for joining before they click login.
Dating Heaven is that way ^^^^^^^ confused
duncanlondon
Sex God
The majority of people use the site to make their own arrangements for swinging. By and large they do this discreetly and usually in their own homes. They may extend their activities by being in fee paying clubs etc. Few of them get involved in detailing their adventures, and the thoughts and feelings about them, by posting in the forums either here or elsewhere. They just get on with it. And they rock with sessions and roll with the punches if it does not work out.
So for us busy scribblers here in the forums, we only represent a small side of the bigger picture.
My experience with some couples and singles is that, usually one will be aware of any predatory or emotional threat and put their foot down. This has been said to me by couples when they have accounted for incidents in the past. And also delivered as a warning (not a threat) against pushing the boundaries beyond expectations.
It has to be said that such couples and singles are resilient and self disciplined and focussed on the primary consideration of getting enjoyment from a swinging encounter. In some cases it is a very practical process. Others may apply it with more style, better surroundings and nice tasy nibbles. lol But you are aware that there is a beginning and an end to a session. These people are practised swingers.
Where it gets slightly awkward is when people are still applying conventional values within the framework of swinging, or tentatively experimenting. Everyone is a beginner at some point and there will always be things to learn and experience along the way for the more practised swinger.
In many of the threads and in order to make a point, many of the postings are selectively engineered so that they are able to work in the setting of the thread. For this to work, threads allow some values and qualities a free rein (albeit temporarily) , which could just as easily be condemned in another thread.
So this inconsistent and variable quality often passes down into the unpractised and sets confusing and contradictory behaviour patterns. So for those coming to terms with the conventional and the swinging worlds its a period of risk and reconciliation.
Which also allows access by ruthless predators who have honed their skills in this area of indecision and inexperience. grrr mad
niceandgentle
Sex God
Behind a PC people can say all kinds of things.
You have to decide how much you believe them and how much you share back to them about yourself and how far things go with them in person,if you ever meet them in person that is.
Like quite a few others I have no idea who the 'villain' of this situation is so a lot of it doesn't make sense to me,not that I wish to know who it is I can say is amazingly a male on a site devoted to swinging may be contacting others with a view to it leading to his having sex with them!
However I have exchanged messages with single women where I know 100% there is no prospect of that between them and me and I respect that fact,as do many other men.
But this seem's too close to naming and shaming someone to me.
niceandgentle
Sex God
Re Scandal's point about the 'forever friends' thing:that happens on loads of forums,there is always a hardcore who DO build their lives around their chosen forum and 'forum friends' but this can be a good thing,and can lead to real life friendships,it has for me in other areas,not here yet though!
People can share a facet of themselves with others,can build a cyber-bond with much detail and expression,truth even.
But there's also lots of nonsense,cyber-nonsense at that lol!
This is still a very new area of human communication,an amazing power most of never had less than a decade may use it well or abuse it badly but thats human nature in all things is it not?
Jags
Sex God
I don't know who it is either - can I be included in the PMs please? :cry:
As for friends - there ARE some people here with whom I have made a lasting friendship, but ironically they are the least likely people we would swing with, though come close a few times!! Some are people I /we spend time with (away from home) and in the company of others, drinking, talking, laughing and sometimes crying together.
I know it's not the same but I just wanted to say that there are friendships to be made (ours last now over 3 years and include so many vanilla activities!) but also there are predators of both genders everywhere. It seems that almost every time a newspaper is opened there are reports of conmen/conwomen who inveigle their way into others lives only to lie, cheat, deceive and rip off financially or emotionally or both. This place is no different, perhaps no better and definitely no worse.
Predators prey on the vunerable, the unwary and the naive. Be alert, be open but be aware of problems early on, it's too easy to confuse a good shag with a good friendship.
My experience of this site is wonderful - met great people (and I mean MET not cybered with - I'm hard pushed to go onto MSN) and some great times with them, sexually and non sexually. Don't get hung up on 'this site' - it's life.
:P
meat2pleaseu
Sex God
I’ve been watching this discussion develop on both sites for a while now and have tried to post a few times but couldn’t for various reasons but now I think the time is right.
Although Eager may have had some sort of good intention behind his post it was done out of anger and with one sided information. The gossips on both sides have been in over drive, it’s been said to be a ‘Generic’ thread, although this shows it’s personal
Quote by eagerslut
I've seen it happen recently elsewhere but the person responsible is here as well. I'm sure he's not the only one so be careful.
I'm very angry about this because he totally abused the trust of a friend of mine and manipulated her to serve his own selfish ends.

Quote by eagerslut
This has only become an issue for me because one of these scroats has callously fekked about with a very warm and lovely girl (not a member of SH) who happens to be a friend of mine and who, for various reasons which it's not necessary to detail here, was vulnerable to his particular brand of deception.

and several people have had to post to deny it’s about them. Well I’m here to tell everybody I’m 99% sure it’s about me (and so are a large number of other people) and I want to try and sort this mess out, Too many innocent people are getting hurt by poisonous and malicious gossip.
Due to the vague information Eager gave, and the fact he didn’t have the decency to PM me before posting, I, and numerous other people were under the impression this is related to a recent party. I’m not going to give out any names or details as it has nothing to do with anyone else, what I will say is that I managed to upset a good friend of mine, not in any way maliciously but I still really hurt her. We’ve chatted about what happened and my apology has been accepted and I would give anything to go back and fix it, but whats done is done and you learn from your mistakes. I’ve actually just spoken to her about this thread as she’s also been subjected to various rumours and gossip because of this. So anybody who’s been speculating that it is about that STOP IT NOW!!! It has nothing to do with it and she has enough to deal with in RL without all this shit.
I’m not going to disclose the details of what this thread is supposed to be all about either, it’s a private matter but I would like to say that so far I have been given no indication or evidence of what Eager has accused me of and have had to spend the last 24 hours on msn and pm’s to find out who and what it related to.
As for the claims that I’ve ‘Fucked someone about’ I want to state now in an open forum that this is totally untrue and the person it’s supposedly related to is someone I chat to on a daily basis, usually several times a day. I’m not sure why Eager has formed this opinion, maybe he’s got the wrong idea from her or maybe there’s something going on I’m not aware of, the person in question seems a little confused too. I’m not going to disclose this persons personal issues in an open forum. If you wish to believe anything you’ve heard and decide that you don’t want any sort of contact with me because of this, that’s up to you, but I’d rather deal with the flak of some people disliking me based of what they think they know than disclose personal issues to try and make myself look better, I’ve always been appalled by the total lack of discretion displayed by various members of the sites and therefore don’t wish to get involved. That’s as much as I want to disclose in the forum, the rest needs to be sorted privately, I’ve made the decision to leave SS for a while and will be taking a few days away from SH to concentrate on work and recover.
Regarding the thread as a whole and ignoring the personal side I would like to make several points, Eager was totally out of order to make out that being a player is a guy thing, numerous couples and women on the sites have a ‘people to do list’ and are probably much better ‘players’ than the men due to them using the upper brain and not the one it their trousers.
Secondly if you have an issue with someone, try using the PM button to start with, get it sorted privately before dragging things into an open forum.
Finally I have to say I’m absolutely disgusted at some of the vicious, spiteful, self serving, poisonous gossip that’s been flying around. For a scene that describes itself as open minded I’ve never seen such an appalling lack of judgement by some people who should know better. I’m now in the position where I’m not sure who I can trust out of some of the people I’ve become friends with over my time here, I don’t know if I ever will. I hope you’re proud of yourselves and I’m sorry to the people this has affected that have nothing to do with this.
Before I go I’d like to thank all the people who’ve remained neutral to all the speculation and have been nothing short of bloody fantastic mates.
I think I need a lie down now.
Unknown User
Quote by dambuster
If ever there was a time for the keys to jangle - it's right now.
When we've all thanked EagerSlut for raising the issue of the topic and Meaty for the display and size of his balls.
the_Laird
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
...I’ve made the decision to leave for a while and will be taking a few days away to concentrate on work and recover.

Actually, I dont feel that I can truly post how I feel about everything thats been going on so I'll just go with this Meaty....
Dont make it too long a break eh?
wink
Unknown User
Meaty, not much to say apart from I'm so glad you finally posted about this. Do whatever you need to to get yourself back on track but dont be a stranger. kiss
H__x
Sex God
I've purposely kept out of this thread because of it's 'politcal' nature. We can't judge anyone with only half the facts, and some things are better resolved in private. An open forum is not the place for personal vendettas.
Meaty you have a pm.
H.x
Firelizard
Sex God
Meaty
I've been in the dark and thats where I want to stay hun. Like you say the issue is your's and the lady concerned and nothing whatsoever to do with all of us.
Stay well and come back soon!!!!
Love
FIRE xxx
Unknown User
Quote by Kiss
Meaty, not much to say apart from I'm so glad you finally posted about this. Do whatever you need to to get yourself back on track but dont be a stranger. kiss

My sentiments exactly :kiss:
Fee
XX
Unknown User
Quote by H-x
I've purposely kept out of this thread because of it's 'politcal' nature. We can't judge anyone with only half the facts, and some things are better resolved in private. An open forum is not the place for personal vendettas.
Meaty you have a pm.
H.x

Ditto kiss
Unknown User
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Those words are better than mine!
Not happy with the way this has been handled, am happy that Meaty has had the balls to post.
duncanlondon
Sex God
By 'eck. that were right bracing stuff ! :shock:
Good balls out stuff Meaty ! lol
Would the lady care to step up and perform ? cool
H__x
Sex God
Quote by duncanlondon
By 'eck. that were right bracing stuff ! :shock:
Good balls out stuff Meaty ! lol
Would the lady care to step up and perform ? cool

I don't think there's any need for that do you? From what I've read of the thread the whole thing is being blown out of proportion and should have been something kept in private in the first place. I don't think there should be any preasure whatsoever for her to feel that she should come forward.
H.x
Jags
Sex God
Nothing lilke a little light on a situation to bring awareness.
Whilst Meaty is going to withdraw, and I hope it's not for very long, I'm going to lock this thread in about 15 minutes time. Warning given so that those who are here can add something if they wish.
I am somewhat disappointed that Eager has taken to come back to SH ONLY to cause this trouble or air this issue - whichever take you have on what's happened. Totally unnecessary - and that's a personal opinion BTW before someone jumps on 'Mods shouldn't have opinions' soapbox.
So - 15 minute warning. Time to boil the kettle, butter a crumpet and let jam drip down my chin. Call it comfort eating.
:cry:
Stormwalker
Sex God
Quote by Jags
Nothing lilke a little light on a situation to bring awareness.
Whilst Meaty is going to withdraw, and I hope it's not for very long, I'm going to lock this thread in about 15 minutes time. Warning given so that those who are here can add something if they wish.
I am somewhat disappointed that Eager has taken to come back to SH ONLY to cause this trouble or air this issue - whichever take you have on what's happened. Totally unnecessary - and that's a personal opinion BTW before someone jumps on 'Mods shouldn't have opinions' soapbox.
So - 15 minute warning. Time to boil the kettle, butter a crumpet and let jam drip down my chin. Call it comfort eating.
:cry:

kiss :therethere:
Jags
Sex God
Thanks Stormy kiss
Thread locked. As per the site rules there cannot be any other thread started on this topic.
:P