The break up

22 Feb 2005

Hi all, hoping for tea and sympathy here smile

Broke up with my girlfriend just over 3 months ago now, my first love ("awwww" - Everyone). But it hurts dammit. Still does, even after 3 months. The reason for the breakup is that I'm going away for a year long trip to New Zealand, but not going till August (we broke up last november). We had decided to stay together till then, but she then decided she didn't want to be with me knowing she had to say goodbye, so she decided to end it. I was crushed, I admit it.
I've since moved back to to save as much money as I can, so i don't have to see her, but I do talk to her on MSN.
The question I have though is - how long do you think before I'm over her? I still love her, probably always will, but its really getting to me now that I still feel like this. Any advice guys/girls?

22 Feb 2005

Well, dunno, but look at it like this... you were going to leave anyway so at least you're getting this out the way before you go to New Zealand. I can understand why your girlfriend wanted to break up, knowing that you're leaving anyways. If you don't want to break up with her, why not suggest she goes with you?
OK, I'm crap at relationship advice rolleyes

22 Feb 2005

Why are you still talking to her on MSN? I would have thought that would have made it worse and that you need to cut all ties for you to start getting over her and moving on dunno

Dawn :silly:

22 Feb 2005

I couldn't have gone with her because I had absolutly no ties in Dundee, where we were both living, and she has a flat, a management job, family, etc. I can totally understand why she broke up with me, I just want it to stop hurting.
I still talk to her on MSN because I don't want to stop being friends with her, but you're right, it is making it harder. Maybe I should just break all contact with her for a while? Though I did try that for a month and it didn't really help...

22 Feb 2005

Quote by n64play
I couldn't have gone with her because I had absolutly no ties in Dundee, where we were both living, and she has a flat, a management job, family, etc.

I might be wrong, but it seems you weren't that serious anyways. Even though you've no ties there surely if you wanted her back you wouldn't have moved shit loads of miles away..... confused

Anyways, there is no easy way of getting over her, you're probably better to cut all ties if chatting to her on MSN is making it worse. Just keep busy with other things, work, etc
:?

22 Feb 2005

Quote by n64play
I still talk to her on MSN because I don't want to stop being friends with her, but you're right, it is making it harder. Maybe I should just break all contact with her for a while? Though I did try that for a month and it didn't really help...

I don't think that is a long enough break, sorry n64play.
You might never be able to be a true friend if there is too much history but I think you really should consider a break of a very long time even if it is going to hurt. I really don't think it will be possible for you to move on otherwise.
:therethere:
Dawn :silly:

22 Feb 2005

all i can say is stop talking to her on msn, and then offer you two bits of advice (thses are offered with tongue in my check ok, its what a good friend of mine said to me when something similar happened)
1st burn her and shag her best mate!
2nd don't go looking for sympathy the only place you'll find it is in the dicionary between shit and syphilis.

22 Feb 2005

Hi.
I'm notoriously bad at advice, but I think blues hit it on the head. At least you'll have time to get over the break up before your trip to New Zealand.
I know it's a cliche but time really is a wonderful healer.
This time last year I was in a terrible state after a relationship breakup. A year on, I've learn't alot and I'm stronger - but I had to cut contact with him completely to achieve that. Anything else was giving me false hope and prolonging the pain.
We are now back on speaking terms but not in regular contact.
I'm not suggesting you should cut contact because everyones different and only you know whether or not ultimately that's the right thing for you. dunno

Take care :therethere:
Kitty xx

22 Feb 2005

Thanks for the advice guys. Re: not being that serious in the first place, we were. We were even talking about moving in together, but a year apart we both felt was too long to wait for each other, it would be unfair.
i think cutting contact is the best thing to do, at least for another couple of months or so. I go away in Aug, so maybe in July see if we can still be friends. Wish me luck (oh, and the sympathy/dictionary thing was a bit mean)

22 Feb 2005

Quote by n64play
but a year apart we both felt was too long to wait for each other, it would be unfair.

Then I'm afraid I agree with the others - you simply were not as serious as you profess to be.
If you both were, then you would think nothing of waiting for one year, if it meant being back together again at the end of it.
You could write letters, phone, txt, chat on msn/cam. There are many possible ways to keep the spark alive, if it is there in the first place rolleyes

Wives and girlfriends of say for instance, serving military personel often have to wait for their menfolk to come back after absences of up to 18 - 20 months away from home.
Seems some folk are in love enough to wait and others aren't dunno

Tracy-Jayne

22 Feb 2005

It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

22 Feb 2005

Quote by Tania
It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

Tania, I love you hun...but where the hell do you get this shit from?! :giggle: kiss

Venusxxx

22 Feb 2005

Just got back to this one and must say that I agree with Redhot, a year is nothing if the girl, or boy, is 'the one'.
No reason why you shouldn't keep in touch though, it's good to be friends. You never know, when you get back things might spark up again. Look for the positive. cool

22 Feb 2005

I agree. Sorry but if she was "The One" you'd move heaven and earth to be together. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then at least you're free for the next one eh?

22 Feb 2005

If the person is that someone special and they feel the same way about you, then 1 year is nothing.
If either of you is unsure, then stop it now and let time pass while you are down under.

22 Feb 2005

Ive had a good think, and I know shes not the one. If I did, you're right, a year would have been nothing to wait.
I spoke to her tonight and said I wanted to break contact for a while, so we can both have time to get over each other. I dunno how long that will be, but I said I'd contact her when I'm ready. Time to go cold turkey smile

22 Feb 2005

sometimes its better to break away completely
or you just prolong the agony
some people you never forget wink

22 Feb 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

Tania, I love you hun...but where the hell do you get this shit from?! :giggle: kiss

Venusxxx
I honestly cannot remember where I read it. It was when I was suffering from heartbreak that I came upon that information. It gave me something to hold on to whilst dealing with untold grief. The formula has worked for me, hope it works for others too.

22 Feb 2005

i'll never forget her, she is my first love. but i cant deal with being this close at the mo. this is for the best *nods*

22 Feb 2005

it is always easy for folk to saylive and just move on but if she is the love of your life i will simply say you will most probably never stop loving her .i know for a fact that i broke up with my first love about 4 years ago and we had been together for as long as i can remember i sometimes wonder if she is ok and i still dream about her .i would like to think that i have moved on and my advice to you is if she is the one you gotta pull all stops to make sure that you get her or else you will always be wondering if.................

22 Feb 2005

it sounds odd bud, but i know she isnt the one. something inside tells me that. however she is my first love and i will always love her for being simply that. im sorry yours got away though smile

23 Feb 2005

I still remember my first love, and my second, and my third - too many to go through. The first is always a little special, but others can be better.
The best is also not always the one you end up with though, that's life.

23 Feb 2005

When I first saw this thread I new what I was going to post. Then i read

Quote by Tania
It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

:taz:
Damn and b*****ks Tania got there first

23 Feb 2005

sorry to hear about this mate,
im going through the same right now, with the added bonus she left me for another woman!
ooooh god that screws your head up! lol
I cant offer adivce, cus its only been a month for me, but i can take on board some of the stuff people have said here.
Cut all contact is bloody hard! i managed for a week sne she didnt even try and get in touch, so i thought, well im here crying everynight heartbroken doing my best to get over you, and your there having the time of your life with your new love.....this aint f'kin fair! so i called her to lay the guilt trip on! lol
made me feal better anyway.
i duno,
the only advice i can give is
'Fuck um, fuck um all! smile

23 Feb 2005

Quote by gummy
When I first saw this thread I new what I was going to post. Then i read
It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

:taz:
Damn and b*****ks Tania got there first
Yes, but can you remember where that statistic came from? My brain has stopped working and people thought I was making it up trying to sound omniscient. lol

23 Feb 2005

Awww, I didn`t think you were making it up, I just thought you believed it! (((hugs)))
Venusxxx

23 Feb 2005

Ok speakin from personal experience,there is NO time just know when your over when that day arrives,MAN! ya feel good!Best buzz I've ever had.
Lb :love:

24 Feb 2005

Quote by Tania
When I first saw this thread I new what I was going to post. Then i read
It takes 3-4 months for each year you have known someone to get over them.

:taz:
Damn and b*****ks Tania got there first
Yes, but can you remember where that statistic came from? My brain has stopped working and people thought I was making it up trying to sound omniscient. lol

Well, if 3 to 4 months per year is true, I'll be dead before I feel OK, after 27 years...

24 Feb 2005

Quote by RedHot
Wives and girlfriends of say for instance, serving military personel often have to wait for their menfolk to come back after absences of up to 18 - 20 months away from home.
Tracy-Jayne

Well the love of my life didn't! I am in the forces, had 12 months remaining in Cyprus before I came back to the UK and was unceremoniously dumped due to her not being able to handle the pressure of a long distance relationship. I was really cut up about it at the time and although we were good friends prior to starting a relationship with eachother sadly the break up was bad enough to lose the friendship we had as well.
Long distance relationships are not easy. It is very difficult not having the ability to "make up properly" after a minor phone argument whilst living 2000 miles apart. It is also very hard not to be there for someone when their chips are down and they have to go elsewhere for support.
And absence does not always make the heart grow fonder...

24 Feb 2005

Quote by sartois
Long distance relationships are not easy. It is very difficult not having the ability to "make up properly" after a minor phone argument whilst living 2000 miles apart. It is also very hard not to be there for someone when their chips are down and they have to go elsewhere for support.
And absence does not always make the heart grow fonder...

I know all about long distance relationships. First four years of married life, Jon and I spent less than 10 months together in total sad

However, if the love is truly there in the first place, it will remain.
If it fizzles out, then it was never really there in the first place for one or both parties :(
T-J