The dangers of being perceived as a "swinger"...

12 Dec 2004

As some of you may know from Vix' posts early Saturday, we attended her work's Christmas do last night in Bristol. We'd arrived early to check into the hotel and catch some sleep and a shower before gathering in her boss' room at 7 for champagne before the dinner. Everything was quite pleasant, and Vix got to visit with a few people she hadn't seen for months since she'd been off work. Everything was pleasant, that is, until the other half of one of the managers arrived.
As soon as he'd walked into the room, he shot Vix a poison look. This had escaped my notice, but I did see that he didn't seem to be in a pleasant mood. A bit of background: He'd accosted me at last year's gathering when he saw Vix outside talking to another colleague. He asked if we were "swingers". I replied that we might be, but hadn't done anything about it yet. He then asked if I found his missus attractive, and I mistakenly replied "yes". At that point, he got verbally aggressive, but I was able to quickly diffuse the situation and that was the end of it. Last night was the first time we'd seen him in a year.
When it came time for everyone to head down to dinner, we were relieved to find that this bloke seated himself at a fair distance from us. The party was quite nice, with a generous turkey dinner - mine was a bit more generous due to everyone piling their courgettes on my plate - followed by a DJ and dancing. All in all, an enjoyable, friendly and sociable evening. At around 1am, the DJ finished his last set and the lights went up. As everyone was starting to leave, Vix decided to join the remaining few at the end of one of the tables, and I soon followed.
I sat down at the table across from Mr. "poisoned look" bloke, with whom Vix appeared to be making conversation, offering congratulations for the new position his other half had recently achieved with the company. Not long after I was seated, he turned to me and said, "Don't you look at me!" (peppered with miscellaneous expletives), so I didn't. Moments later he said, more aggressively, "Why are you still looking at me?!" I wasn't, but instinctively turned towards him when he addressed me. Big mistake. He reached across the table and gave me a hard slap in the head. I didn't say a word, but turned to Vix and told her it would probably be a good idea if we left now, so we did.
I hadn't said a word to this bloke, and still have no idea what may have provoked him. Later on, Vix mentioned that he'd been verbally abusive toward her while she was trying to make conversation, saying that she was useless and that we just wanted to fuck his missus (although we'd never even remotely consider doing that). That night, I recalled to Vix that this was the first time in my life that anyone had ever been the least bit physically violent towards me. I was accosted once in my late teens with the intent of bodily harm; but, at the time, responded in an embarrassingly-American fashion and it never happened again. I realised that if I'd done that here to the same degree, I'd probably be imprisoned or deported. I just wish I knew what perpetrated the events of last night, totally ruining and otherwise-enjoyable gathering.
Needless to say, we shan't be attending next year. sad

~Reese

12 Dec 2004

:x :x
Oh my god Reece, Vix........ He sounds totaly swingerphobic...what a twat don't know what he could be missing :twisted:

12 Dec 2004

Reese,
By what you've said he is a bully, and like all bully's he doing it because of hiis own self confidence, nothing to do with you.
At a guess i'd say he is frightened more at what his wife would like to do, not what you'd like to do with his wife (i know you're not interested in her but to him you are a possible threat)
To me you've done nothing wrong!
But you're a better man than me, because as soon as anyone lays a hand on me in an aggressive fashion i consider it assult, then i am protecting myself. That would have made things a lot worse!!
Sorry to hear of the shitty position you two were put in but as long as you're happy within yourselfs, it's not your problem but his...

12 Dec 2004

Quote by Reese
He then asked if I found his missus attractive

Interesting question, in so far as it's one which you couldn't have answered 'correctly'.
I'm guessing that 'No' would have been just as 'offensive' an answer to this uptight chap.

12 Dec 2004

I have no idea what makes people act in the way you descibed, an unprovoked attack is a despicable act, thankfully these type of people are still a small minority. I must say that your reaction however tempered, was admirable, walking away from a situation can be damn difficult to do at times, so me hats off to you Reese......well sort of...if I had one...but you know what I mean.

12 Dec 2004

I'm really sorry to hear about that Reese,you are both lovely people and don't deserve to get that sort of guy sounds like a right cretenous wanker,if you pardon my french.
I hope your both feeling better today kiss

12 Dec 2004

Shame to hear he ruined your evening. It's his own distrust, why if he trusted and loved his wife would he even worry what other folk are doing. It's true that you have to have a strong bond and even more love in a relationship to swing. Thats probably what he couldn't understand. His problem not yours. As i've stood by, it's a bigger man thats talks and backs out of trouble than resorts to violence

12 Dec 2004

Sorry to hear an otherwise good evening was soured by the irrational act of another.
Hats off to you though for taking a calm way out.

12 Dec 2004

Well what an absolute git he is. What a shame he had to take out his apparent lack of confidence with you and Vix. As someone else said, if you'd said you weren't attracted to his wife, that could have been even worse. I'm afraid if it had been me, I would have shot the git down in flames mad

Bev
xx

12 Dec 2004

Reese and Vix,
what a twat this bloke is.
Next year you are welcome at my office party, we don't allow twats to attend

12 Dec 2004

He would have deserved a good punch but well done for keeping cool mate. Not so long ago a mate of mine at uni got a kicking because of his sexuality. Why are there so many narrow minded hotheaded wankers in this world?

12 Dec 2004

Hi Reese. He sounds like the sort of man that would go home and slap his wife about for egging you on too. You did the right thing.
BTW Steve - don't sit on the fence, say what you mean:

a right cretenous wanker

:laughabove: :lol: :laughabove: :lol: :laughabove:

12 Dec 2004

Quote by Sarah1448
Next year you are welcome at my office party, we don't allow twats to attend

You must work in a very rare office indeed if it employs absolutely no twats at all.
Unless, of course, you're self employed and the only member of staff smile

12 Dec 2004

Reese,
His aggressive attitude may have been fuelled by alcohol, although that is clearly no excuse. I think you did the right thing by not responding in a similar manner. He is ignorant, as he does not seem to realise that swingers do not swing with just anyone and that you are no threat to him. Maybe he believes what he reads in the tabloids about swingers.

12 Dec 2004

Well done you for walking away!! i would have pinned him on the table, ripped his bollox off and shoved them down his throat!! So :applause: to you for removing yourself from the temptation!

12 Dec 2004

Obviously incredibly insecure and probably impotent rolleyes

People like that generally have inner issues which they take out on other people by bullying and aggression.
I do worry about peoples reactions to swinging myself, especially as I have only recently started. I have one very good friend who I am a little worried about at the moment, she seems to have distanced herself from me since I admitted that I was bi, even though we have mutual friends who are gay and bi. Maybe it's just me though, she is having relationship problems at the moment and her phone has been cut off so I dunno really for sure.
Most of my friends have looked at me like I'm crazy or have seemed quite envious that I am so 'daring' to try something like this so I have been lucky so far I guess but I still worry about getting a reputation or someone objecting the way you have experienced.

12 Dec 2004

Quote by AndyS-NE
.....he doing it because of hiis own self confidence,

Lack of, I guess.. Must have a small dick.

12 Dec 2004

It did ruin a really nice evening and I am still not 'over' it. It is eating me up inside. He said that I "Don't do no fuckin' work" and that he was gonna rip R's "Fuckin' 'ead off" Which, I believe, is when he reached over the table and slapped R.
Foolishly, I had started talking to him, in fact all he said (above) was in reply to me saying "Hey, great news on X's promotion!"
I am still physically shaking inside and am on the verge of tears, pretty much all the time.
When we went back to our room, after the incident, I sent an SMS to the Manager (not the woman 'involved', but her direct superior) saying "We will never come out to play again. X just seriously threatened us and I feel like resigning." Because I do. Actually I feel like never going out the door again.
I know he is a bully, we saw him with his hands round her throat last year, and I am sure she'll have been 'in trouble' later last night, too.
No amount of knowing that he is an insecure twat and that it is 'not our problem' is helping me, here. I DO know all that, but I am absolutely mortified.

12 Dec 2004

Christ VIx he is a nasty piece of work, I pity his wife :cry:
Hugs to you and Reece, I hope you aren't shaken too badly by this psychos behaviour and I hope his superior will take some sort of action against him.

12 Dec 2004

12 Dec 2004

Vix, I know you know it already but you shouldn't let the tiny little man get to you. If he knew he'd affected you to the extent that you are he'd be happy. Let it go and laugh at the git. I'd be worried for his wife though.

12 Dec 2004

vix and reese...i too would have turned to violece over this, such a narrow minded bigot, loosing his temper over the hypothetical question evil

12 Dec 2004

Vix,
I'm not sure about where you work but at mine this sort of behaviour would not be tollerated. There's some useful info >> which might help you.
And remember, Illegitimus non tatum carborundum wink

:therethere:

12 Dec 2004

Sounds like one of those 'double bind' questions Reece! 'Do you find my wife attractive'? You're fucked if you say 'yes' and fucked if you say 'no'! Doesn't matter what you say the guy was looking for a fight. He obviously has inferiority problems and saw you (and Vix) as a threat. The guy is a bully and a coward. He's also a saddo because he'd been keeping all this resentment all year until he met you again. We all know who is the superior gentleman here and it's not him. You did the right thing in leaving Reece, dignity intact. It takes a real man to walk away from a fight!
LC

12 Dec 2004

Quote by Vix
....I am absolutely mortified.

You? Mortified? You and Reese are two of the most beautiful people here. I know it is difficult to take comfort from squashing a fly with a stump for a mind but DO take comfort from knowing that you are treasured and valued hereabouts.

12 Dec 2004

Quote by MQ
Christ VIx he is a nasty piece of work, I pity his wife :cry:
Hugs to you and Reece, I hope you aren't shaken too badly by this psychos behaviour and I hope his superior will take some sort of action against him.

I would've decked him What a wanker!!

12 Dec 2004

Sounds like he ruined the night for anyone he came in contact with, what an ignorant bastard!
Sounds like hes maybe not only paranoid about swingers but may also have some control/jealousy issues with his wife!
Sounds like HE has a problem! Fuck them just shite they ruined your evening! sad

12 Dec 2004

Sorry to hear your evening was spoiled Reese mate . Having read yours and Vix's posts though im sure as the balanced people that you are after the initial shock you have both been able quite quickly to appreciate that what this is is just an unpleasant inadequate person . If it hadnt been about swinging it would have been someone else about football politics or anything really . He simply doesnt have the words to express his frustration at being him .
I confess I dont suffer such onslaughts often due to my appearnce and demeanor , but I always hate to witness them . For what its worth your reaction was the correct one , showing far greater style and substance than he could ever hope to . We wont try and guess what his own rooted problems are , suffice to say that one ruined evening is nothing compared to the hell it must be to live a whole life as him .
Peace G

12 Dec 2004

Quote by Silk and Big G
Sorry to hear your evening was spoiled Reese mate . Having read yours and Vix's posts though im sure as the balanced people that you are after the initial shock you have both been able quite quickly to appreciate that what this is is just an unpleasant inadequate person . If it hadnt been about swinging it would have been someone else about football politics or anything really . He simply doesnt have the words to express his frustration at being him .
I confess I dont suffer such onslaughts often due to my appearnce and demeanor , but I always hate to witness them . For what its worth your reaction was the correct one , showing far greater style and substance than he could ever hope to . We wont try and guess what his own rooted problems are , suffice to say that one ruined evening is nothing compared to the hell it must be to live a whole life as him .
Peace G

Yup! Wholeheartedly agree with that! :thumbup:
LC

12 Dec 2004

Reese - I admire the way you handled that!! worship

:worship: :worship:
I woudl have found it hard to stick to my non violent, pacifist stance with the likes of him!
What a wanker!!!?? Sounds to me like he felt somewhat inadequate in your company!
You seem to me to have come out the much better person.
Sorry it spolied your evening though kiss

(reminds me of the works Christmas do when I was outed as a Lesbian and was immediately accused of trying to chat soem bloke's girlfriend up! We worked together and were chatting about work!! He was fine with that till he found out I was a and felt inadequate!!!)