Is it body, mind, or spirit?
Sorry that this is my first posting but I thought I'd be bold and ask a challenging question!
Hylas
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What''s most important when you swing with another person?
Sex God
Can I be indecisive and say all three?
:welcome: to the Cafe - great first post.
I have to be attracted to the people I meet, be that physically or attitudinally. So for me, body and mind/spirit are all important.
In fact, even if they were bloomin' gorgeous but their attitude/spirit wasn't clicking with me then we probably wouldn't play.
So actually, I think I've changed my mind. I'll say:
1st)Spirit (or attitude)
Joint 2nd)Mind / Body
Nola x
:welcome: to the Cafe - great first post.
I have to be attracted to the people I meet, be that physically or attitudinally. So for me, body and mind/spirit are all important.
In fact, even if they were bloomin' gorgeous but their attitude/spirit wasn't clicking with me then we probably wouldn't play.
So actually, I think I've changed my mind. I'll say:
1st)Spirit (or attitude)
Joint 2nd)Mind / Body
Nola x
i guess really i am initially attracted by the way someone posts, or behaves in the chat room, so the first attraction is the mind, then there needs to be a physical attraction or it just doesnt happen.
i like to meet people in person over a drink or coffee first to as an online persona can be entirely different to they way they are face to face, this has changed my mind completely sometimes. Someone i have been really attracted to online can be a total turn off in person, also though someone i wouldnt be naturally attracted to physically, its happened when i have met them socially and got to know them the personality has far outweighed the initial lack of physical attraction.
I have a lot of turn offs too, i cant stand people who are just so full of themselves, or talkers the 'oh i bet you;ve never had it this good' bridgade, and theres a few, obvious personal hygiene is a a must too
i like to meet people in person over a drink or coffee first to as an online persona can be entirely different to they way they are face to face, this has changed my mind completely sometimes. Someone i have been really attracted to online can be a total turn off in person, also though someone i wouldnt be naturally attracted to physically, its happened when i have met them socially and got to know them the personality has far outweighed the initial lack of physical attraction.
I have a lot of turn offs too, i cant stand people who are just so full of themselves, or talkers the 'oh i bet you;ve never had it this good' bridgade, and theres a few, obvious personal hygiene is a a must too
Earthchild I totally agree with you.
Sometimes the person you meet is the opposite of what you expected. I've also had the most wonderful surprise of meeting someone who is not my ideal physical dream but has been so gorgeous in mind and soul.
There are no axioms. It is simply the people that move us and that we connect with.
Ian x
Sometimes the person you meet is the opposite of what you expected. I've also had the most wonderful surprise of meeting someone who is not my ideal physical dream but has been so gorgeous in mind and soul.
There are no axioms. It is simply the people that move us and that we connect with.
Ian x
Sex God
peanut butter
What?? Hey - it works for me
What?? Hey - it works for me
Sex God
Quote by Ms_Whips
peanut butter
What?? Hey - it works for me
now ordinarily i would hope for crunchy, but if you are thinking body i'm hoping you are talking smooth lol
whips
oh yes, swirled with warm white chocoalte :D
Sex God
Quote by Dlep
[
I'm just surprised someone hasn't said "a pulse" yet
You been taking lessons of Markz?? :roll:
Sex God
I prefer it if the other person isn't imaginary.....again
Sex God
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
They're in the same room.
Quote by Hylas
What''s most important when you swing with another person?
They're in the same room.
Sexpert
a condom :thumbup:
Sex God
Trust is far more important than a condom.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
Sex God
Quote by Resonance
Trust is far more important than a condom.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
Trust that they have a condom for as long as you need it then
but a condom nonetheless.
Sexpert
Quote by Resonance
Trust is far more important than a condom.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
so what are you saying if you trust someone you would have sex without a condom or you would trust them when they say they have had a recent screening
if in a long term relationship and you play with others surely a condom is top of the list
Quote by sexy1
Trust is far more important than a condom.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
so what are you saying if you trust someone you would have sex without a condom or you would trust them when they say they have had a recent screening
if in a long term relationship and you play with others surely a condom is top of the list
thats not how i read it, i thought Res meant that there would have to be trust to play in the first place so without trust there is no swinging with someone so the condom becomes irrelevant.
just my understanding am sure Res will be along at some pont
Sex God
Quote by sexy1
Trust is far more important than a condom.
With a condom you get one nights peace of mind (if you believe they are 100% reliable), with trust you get it for as long as you need it.
so what are you saying if you trust someone you would have sex without a condom or you would trust them when they say they have had a recent screening
if in a long term relationship and you play with others surely a condom is top of the list
I would say I would have to trust someone before I'd even consider having any form of sex with them. That stands with or without a condom and is true in a swinging scenario or a romantic one.
Earthy, thanks for clarifying my point quite beautifully.
Obviously in terms of swinging as it is understood, condoms are essential. I wasn't making that point, merely that for me trusting someone in a swinging sense gives me far more peace of mind, than perhaps shagging someone I don't know even with a condom. It wasn't the condom that I had an issue with as such, it was the not knowing that person fully and I speak from personal experience here of how that can have a negative effect.
I really don't understand how you can swing with someone you don't trust. Even with 1000 condoms on. It seems to me everyone is so concerned protecting themselves against STI's that they have absolutely no idea of the personal, social and emotional repercussions of their activity, regardless of any form of sexual protection.
Just because you wear a condom and don't get an STI, does not mean things cannot be fucked up in other ways if you are not careful, that's kind of all I was saying. Sorry if it came across otherwise. :-)
Plus there is always the notion that people seem to think condoms are a magic barrier that protect you from everything. They don't stop everything although they are generally very effective and I think it is wise to consider, allied to the condoms effectiveness, being careful, thoughtful and sensible about the people you swing with. I believe this can be every bit as effective and sensible at preventing many other problems as slapping a condom on and playing with someone you perhaps don't know that well and certainly don't trust.
But, swinging is personal choice. Some people don't require that level of trust I know. I do. Perhaps I'm the weird one, I fully concede this may be the case. But that's what makes things interesting I suppose.
We've been on here, on and off, about 4 years I suppose, in that time we have approached probably 2 couples with intentions of playing. I have no doubt many people do more than that in half an hour at the local club. But that is how we do things, trust is paramount to us far, far in advance of condoms. Without the trust, nothing will happen with us so, as Earthy said, condoms for us become irrelevant.
Hope that makes sense.
Sex God
Obviously in terms of swinging as it is understood, condoms are essential. I wasn't making that point, merely that for me trusting someone in a swinging sense gives me far more peace of mind, than perhaps shagging someone I don't know even with a condom. It wasn't the condom that I had an issue with as such, it was the not knowing that person fully and I speak from personal experience here of how that can have a negative effect.
I really don't understand how you can swing with someone you don't trust. Even with 1000 condoms on. It seems to me everyone is so concerned protecting themselves against STI's that they have absolutely no idea of the personal, social and emotional repercussions of their activity, regardless of any form of sexual protection.
*snip*
But, swinging is personal choice. Some people don't require that level of trust I know. I do. Perhaps I'm the weird one, I fully concede this may be the case. But that's what makes things interesting I suppose.
We've been on here, on and off, about 4 years I suppose, in that time we have approached probably 2 couples with intentions of playing. I have no doubt many people do more than that in half an hour at the local club. But that is how we do things, trust is paramount to us far, far in advance of condoms. Without the trust, nothing will happen with us so, as Earthy said, condoms for us become irrelevant.
This 100%. The initial attraction, as Earthy said, is all mental. It's how they express themselves and conduct themselves on the forum that creates the initial interest. When swinging as a single male, I would always try to confirm those first impressions through PM and looooong conversations on MSN before the idea of a meet even came up. If I then had the opportunity to meet them socially as well, just to confirm whether or not the image I'd formed of them in my mind was realistic or not, so much the better. I personally need to feel comfortable with someone 100% before I can even begin to think about sleeping with them. The one or two quite hurried and randomly arranged meets I did try tended to confirm that.
These days, the trust thing is even more essential. Being part of a couple, where both of us have explored, singly and together, quite a few of the more everyday aspects of MMF, FFM, MMFF, straight or bi, whatever, we find ourselves left with a mere handful of very, very specific joint fantasies still to fulfil. We are even more guarded. Our last direct approach to someone we didn't know very well? Couldn't tell you. Last meet arranged through the site we had? Nope. Spontaneous stuff at clubs, parties and socials? Occasionally, couple of times a year maybe, generally with the people we've got to know over the years and discovered a click. Some we've clicked with and have yet to get that far, cos we are nothing but cautious.
Some would say that makes us quite crap swingers. We like to think it makes us sensible ones, cos if our intuition about someone is correct, then fine, something will happen at some point that suits everyone. If our intuition is wrong, we would absolutely not want to go down a road that may have unforeseen fallout to deal with. We like being sure, as far as we can, that those experiences we have are positive ones, cos we've both seen the negative. I know others prefer the completely spontaneous and random, as there is little danger of emotional fall-out with someone you barely even know. That might sometimes mean we miss out on experiences by being overly-cautious, but so what. Can't say as that particular thought keeps me awake at nights, and it does for us anyways. ;)
N x x x ;)
Sexpert
Thanks for the explanation resonance, very well said and totally agree. Didn't see where you were coming from but do now
Sex God
Quote by markz
I'm mostly self taught
If I ever get as funny as Dollop.......shoot me......
why wait, shoot the feker anyway
