There are a couple of threads about cheating here, It is so confusing like anything in life on what ones expectations and limitations are within a relationship.
I have been a victim of finding out my hubby had a casual sex encounter years ago with someone he worked with at that time. I felt hurt, let down and betrayed when I first found out, but then I questioned not only my hubby but myself as to how this came about.
There were many factors at that time to have lead him that way, new family, financial stains, me changing into motherhood, ok it doesn’t make what happened right, but it gave me a greater insight to the workings of a male mind, as what my hubby said to me, is that he believes many men to have felt some time the way he felt.
At the time I thought do I forgive or leave, I choose to forgive and stay, as we had formed a life together at that stage been together 12 years had our first child and felt it was just sex, I believe 18 years on I made the right choice and realise all people are not perfect myself included and to trust anyone 100% is a little naïve.
There was a lot we gained from what happened, it opened up communication and a better understanding of each other.
There are some people that would judge and say it is a selfish act, but I also feel it is a selfish act to always appoint blame to one party, as like any relationship in life with anybody it takes two peoples to make any relation work to please each other, if on a friendship, family or married sense it makes no difference.
If I see what he done as so wrong as in having casual sex, I would also have to question why I am now enjoying it.
I know we are both involved now.
But if you take away me not knowing at the time, there is no differance I think between the two.
I think what drives anybody here is what drives us to be here, so who are we to judge?
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Would you forgive your partner of a casual encounter?
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Warming the Bed
A one off in the heat of moment yes( i think this can do us the world of good).
Sex God
I may forgive but I'd never be able to forget and like Ben, I'd choose not to spend my life with them.
For me, given past experience, this is a black and white topic. There are no grey areas.
For me, given past experience, this is a black and white topic. There are no grey areas.
Sex God
Quote by flower411
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:
Quote by Dirtygirly
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:
I spose I could just as easily ask why you felt it was OK to be the other woman !! :shock:
I can`t see this type of thing in black and white because there are so many shades of grey...as you have made very clear in your statement about being the other woman.
Totally. I'm not giving you shit for your opinion though, I just wanted to know why you thought the way you thought.
It certainly wasn't an attack. Cause I'd be a pot calling you a kettle! 
I have been with people who are cheating on their partners in the past. It's informed choice. If I know what I'm getting into before I get into it then I know what it is. Their relationship is not my concern. My own would be.
I've also been the other woman without knowing it. That hurt more than I could ever begin to tell you.
I wouldn't cheat on my partner, as I've said, perhaps it is double standards, perhaps I'm a contradiction in terms. It's just not something I have done or would do. That part, for me, is black and white.
It is a little odd that you see it as Black and white Topic.
You would leave a relationship if you found out that your partner had just sex with another woman, but you have stated that you have been the other woman knowingly
But you would be angry is you had sex with someone that you never knew to have a partner.
I honestly would feel worse knowing they did, if I had the same view as you, as in I wouldn’t forgive my partner if he done the same as the guy you were doing the same with.
It seems a little that as long as everyone is honest with you that is what counts.
As I have forgiven my hubby I do see things in a different light as in I would take a view on the person and make an informed choice, I have even said to some people I wouldn’t and they would gain more talking to their partners than meeting me.
As what I have found is some guys I have spoken to think they want to do this but know they don’t in a way too, but when talking some answers come to them that perhaps they never saw.
So to me there can never be just black and white, that would only apply if we don’t have to be accountable for our own actions or decisions too.
Quote by Dirtygirly
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:
I spose I could just as easily ask why you felt it was OK to be the other woman !! :shock:
I can`t see this type of thing in black and white because there are so many shades of grey...as you have made very clear in your statement about being the other woman.
Totally. I'm not giving you shit for your opinion though, I just wanted to know why you thought the way you thought.
It certainly wasn't an attack. Cause I'd be a pot calling you a kettle! I have been with people who are cheating on their partners in the past. It's informed choice. If I know what I'm getting into before I get into it then I know what it is. Their relationship is not my concern. My own would be.
I've also been the other woman without knowing it. That hurt more than I could ever begin to tell you.
I wouldn't cheat on my partner, as I've said, perhaps it is double standards, perhaps I'm a contradiction in terms. It's just not something I have done or would do. That part, for me, is black and white.
It is a little odd that you see it as Black and white Topic.
You would leave a relationship if you found out that your partner had just sex with another woman, but you have stated that you have been the other woman knowingly
But you would be angry is you had sex with someone that you never knew to have a partner.
I honestly would feel worse knowing they did if I had the same view as you as in I wouldn’t forgive my partner if he done the same as the guy you are doing the same with.
It seems a little that as long as everyone is honest with you that is what counts.
As I have forgiven my hubby I do see things in a different light as in I would take a view on the person and make an informed choice, I have even said to some people I wouldn’t and they would gain more talking to their partners than meeting me.
As what I have found is some guys I have spoken to think they want to do this but know they don’t in a way too, but when talking some answers come to them that perhaps they never saw.
So to me there can never be just black and white, that would only apply if we don’t have to be accountable for our own actions or decisions too
Sex God
Quote by flower411
I`ve never felt there was anything to forgive if it`s just a sexual encounter.
If I thought a partner was having an intimate intellectual relationship and excluding me from it, I`d feel far more threatened and find it much harder to move on.
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
Pretty much how I see it as well :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by flower411
I`ve never felt there was anything to forgive if it`s just a sexual encounter.
If I thought a partner was having an intimate intellectual relationship and excluding me from it, I`d feel far more threatened and find it much harder to move on.
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
Pretty much how I see it as well :thumbup:
Quote by Dirtygirly
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:
Sex God
Quote by flower411
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:
I spose I could just as easily ask why you felt it was OK to be the other woman !! :shock:
I can`t see this type of thing in black and white because there are so many shades of grey...as you have made very clear in your statement about being the other woman.
Totally. I'm not giving you shit for your opinion though, I just wanted to know why you thought the way you thought.
It certainly wasn't an attack. Cause I'd be a pot calling you a kettle! I have been with people who are cheating on their partners in the past. It's informed choice. If I know what I'm getting into before I get into it then I know what it is. Their relationship is not my concern. My own would be.
I've also been the other woman without knowing it. That hurt more than I could ever begin to tell you.
I wouldn't cheat on my partner, as I've said, perhaps it is double standards, perhaps I'm a contradiction in terms. It's just not something I have done or would do. That part, for me, is black and white.
Sex God
Quote by flower411
I`ve never felt there was anything to forgive if it`s just a sexual encounter.
If I thought a partner was having an intimate intellectual relationship and excluding me from it, I`d feel far more threatened and find it much harder to move on.
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
Pretty much how I see it as well :thumbup:
Quote by Dirtygirly
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
So basically you think it's okay to cheat just because lots of people do it?
If that's what works for you, then that's none of my business. I'd much prefer to know if someone is cheating so I could make an informed choice as to whether I got involved though. I have been involved on the other side of it, it's something that I would make a choice on for each the individual scenario.
My black and whiteness comes from the fact that I have never and would never cheat on my partner. Double standards perhaps since I have been the "other woman" before.
I just don't understand it. Again, not a judgement but rather me looking for an explanation as to why you think that?
:mrgreen:My wife can bed who she likes. It is in our rules.
As flower said
Quote by flower411I hope she has fun.
If I thought a partner was having an intimate intellectual relationship and excluding me from it, I`d feel far more threatened and find it much harder to move on.
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
Travis
Quote by Dirtygirly
.. I wasn't thinking about a swinging relationship. What you do within the rules you set as a couple, together is a totally different thing to cheating, i.e. fucking someone else without your partner's knowledge.
You're allowed to find me as odd as you like Minxy... that's okay.
But I'd have to share a whole load more than I'm willing to in order to explain properly how I see it so I'll bow out with my black and white views on this occasion.
Interesting topic though. :thumbup:
Are we not all odd in our own peculiar way? :wink:
Take Flower for instant!
I say no more :P
Quote by Dirtygirly
.. I wasn't thinking about a swinging relationship. What you do within the rules you set as a couple, together is a totally different thing to cheating, i.e. fucking someone else without your partner's knowledge.
You're allowed to find me as odd as you like Minxy... that's okay.
But I'd have to share a whole load more than I'm willing to in order to explain properly how I see it so I'll bow out with my black and white views on this occasion.
Interesting topic though. :thumbup:
Are we not all odd in our own peculiar way? :wink:
Take Flower for instant!
I say no more :P
Quote by flower411
I`ve never felt there was anything to forgive if it`s just a sexual encounter.
If I thought a partner was having an intimate intellectual relationship and excluding me from it, I`d feel far more threatened and find it much harder to move on.
But a gratuitous fuck or two .....nothing to forgive, lots of people do it.
Sorry but if as you put it " a gratuitous fuck " I would presume there would be some kind of feelings involved?
Sorry but cannot understand your take on this one at all.
A fuck that is without the partners knowledge, is deceiptful and quite frankly nothing to just dismiss.
IF I was to just dismiss it, my feelings for my partner deep down, would be that I did not care about her.
IF somebody did do that to me I would not give a toss if it was a drunken shag or something with a bit more meaning....she would be kicked into touch quicker than a greyhound goes around a track.
Cheating is cheating whichever way you want to paint the picture.
Sex God
.. I wasn't thinking about a swinging relationship. What you do within the rules you set as a couple, together is a totally different thing to cheating, i.e. fucking someone else without your partner's knowledge.
You're allowed to find me as odd as you like Minxy... that's okay.
But I'd have to share a whole load more than I'm willing to in order to explain properly how I see it so I'll bow out with my black and white views on this occasion.
Interesting topic though. :thumbup:
You're allowed to find me as odd as you like Minxy... that's okay.
But I'd have to share a whole load more than I'm willing to in order to explain properly how I see it so I'll bow out with my black and white views on this occasion.
Interesting topic though. :thumbup:
Sex God
Quote by wild rose and the stag
isnt it the deciept not the sex thats makes a cheat..
I agree.
So, the question for me, really isn't to do with sex. It's to do with would I forgive someone who betrayed my trust.
I may do. It depends on the specifics of the situation. If, all things considered, it benefits me to forgive them, then I would. If not, I would walk away.
But I would never forget and I would never trust them again.
Sex God
isnt it the deciept not the sex thats makes a cheat..
i read the comments above not just yours dg and wonder if some share a differing opinion..
i recall when i was a terrible staggy and cheating on my ex.. i never felt half as bad about the sex as the actual deception .. to be honest i would feel little different between knocking one out to babestation behind roses back without her knowledge, as shagging some one without her knowledge, both of which i would never do..im reformed she reformed me..she wears me fucking out ... lol...
intentionally decieving to me is the crime not the act of having sex.. a secret coffee with the other woman..or a bj with her ..both are pretty much cheating in my book
#
and as far as we are concerned do as you want to ,, way to experienced to not understand reasons can be there that justify it to you..and who needs to justify it to anyone else on here... just dont ask us to be part of it.
staggy
i read the comments above not just yours dg and wonder if some share a differing opinion..
i recall when i was a terrible staggy and cheating on my ex.. i never felt half as bad about the sex as the actual deception .. to be honest i would feel little different between knocking one out to babestation behind roses back without her knowledge, as shagging some one without her knowledge, both of which i would never do..im reformed she reformed me..she wears me fucking out ... lol...
intentionally decieving to me is the crime not the act of having sex.. a secret coffee with the other woman..or a bj with her ..both are pretty much cheating in my book
#
and as far as we are concerned do as you want to ,, way to experienced to not understand reasons can be there that justify it to you..and who needs to justify it to anyone else on here... just dont ask us to be part of it.
staggy
Warming the Bed
If it just sex then I'd have nothing to forgive.
The caveat is that they would have to be open and honest, otherwise abuse of trust issues become involved. From other posts, I'm not alone in this sentiment.
However if the person you have been faithful to for 14 years, and left the life style for, suddenly ran off with a guy she's met 3 weeks previously on VisageFolio, leaving you with your kids, that's another story!
The caveat is that they would have to be open and honest, otherwise abuse of trust issues become involved. From other posts, I'm not alone in this sentiment.
However if the person you have been faithful to for 14 years, and left the life style for, suddenly ran off with a guy she's met 3 weeks previously on VisageFolio, leaving you with your kids, that's another story!
Sex God
Quote by bluexxx
isnt it the deciept not the sex thats makes a cheat..
I agree.
So, the question for me, really isn't to do with sex. It's to do with would I forgive someone who betrayed my trust.
I may do. It depends on the specifics of the situation. If, all things considered, it benefits me to forgive them, then I would. If not, I would walk away.
But I would never forget and I would never trust them the order this has appeared on this thread , ie before i had posted .. (in case admin sort this out )you just knew i was gonna say that..with that kind of perception im guessing no one would dare cheat on you blue
I think any couple worth their salt would just draw a line under the incident, and get on with life.
There will be those who invoke divorce, them that go on to grieve and remind each other for ever. All of which is destructive.
there are many more things which have worse implications and/or consequences and these are often ignored.
Why sex should be such a deal breaker, invoking scenes of hellish anguish and revenge etc.
Perhaps its a responsibility only a few people should have.
There will be those who invoke divorce, them that go on to grieve and remind each other for ever. All of which is destructive.
there are many more things which have worse implications and/or consequences and these are often ignored.
Why sex should be such a deal breaker, invoking scenes of hellish anguish and revenge etc.
Perhaps its a responsibility only a few people should have.
Sex God
Quote by duncanlondon
I think any couple worth their salt would just draw a line under the incident, and get on with life.
There will be those who invoke divorce, them that go on to grieve and remind each other for ever. All of which is destructive.
there are many more things which have worse implications and/or consequences and these are often ignored.
Why sex should be such a deal breaker, invoking scenes of hellish anguish and revenge etc.
Perhaps its a responsibility only a few people should have.
its human conditioning going back a long way...
Quote by wild rose and the stag
I think any couple worth their salt would just draw a line under the incident, and get on with life.
There will be those who invoke divorce, them that go on to grieve and remind each other for ever. All of which is destructive.
there are many more things which have worse implications and/or consequences and these are often ignored.
Why sex should be such a deal breaker, invoking scenes of hellish anguish and revenge etc.
Perhaps its a responsibility only a few people should have.
its human conditioning going back a long way......or social conditioning?
Sex God
Quote by
I think any couple worth their salt would just draw a line under the incident, and get on with life.
There will be those who invoke divorce, them that go on to grieve and remind each other for ever. All of which is destructive.
there are many more things which have worse implications and/or consequences and these are often ignored.
Why sex should be such a deal breaker, invoking scenes of hellish anguish and revenge etc.
Perhaps its a responsibility only a few people should have.
its human conditioning going back a long way......or social conditioning?
id got back way before social conditioning ..
It really does depend on who you are and your attitude towards such a thing. My wife had a little extra pleasure and told me after the event. I truly didn't mind and why? Because I would hate to think that I have in some way, shape or form, restricted my wife from experiencing a little more out of this really, terribly short life. I'm sit comfortably with my attitude but I appreciate others probably won't.
Sex God
If my partner were to cheat then I guess I'd hope to be strong enough to overcome the jealousy suspicion and mistrust that I would enevitably feel and not let those feelings sour how I then communicated and got on with her. I would never forget and the thoughts would always hurt. However, the memories would become more infrequent and become less painful with the rest of my life and feelings of love and respect with that and for my partner once again taking precedent.
There are reasons I'm with my partner. One I'm in love with her another is my life is better with her than without. I would want to keep that so I guess i would forgive.
There are reasons I'm with my partner. One I'm in love with her another is my life is better with her than without. I would want to keep that so I guess i would forgive.
