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Chunky__Love
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 49

Forum

Quote by GenHertsCpl
Why do I keep clicking on this thread? I'm devastated that Chunky had not only a mouse, but also a rat in his mouth....... and there was me with visions of one day snogging him :cry: bolt

I know...perhaps he was bored of eating pussy? rolleyes lol <groan> ......
I'll get your coat.. :roll: wink
lol :lol: I think I've just blown my chances with half the forum! :lol: :lol:
Dinna worry folks, I'll be sure to be scrubbed oot and super clean gobbed for the Scottish Munch. wink
Spiders are the fruits of the devil, and must be destroyed.. mad
I hate them with an ungodly passion, and the thing he pulled out of that box was a big, hairy horrible b'stard of a thing.. It could have eaten me AND my daughter, then danced over our licked clean bones
Myself and my daughter went into my friends reptile shop today for a wee looky, and I was in there a mere ten seconds before he pulled a bloody huge spider out of a box to show me. Well, I think I hit near Mach 3 in the opposite direction.
My daughter just stood there in the shop, dismayed at what a big pussy I'd shown myself to be. confused
But never fear folks, the Chunky Lover recovered some Man Points by holding a big assed Boa Constrictor that she was too scared to go near, so once again Dad's a hero. biggrin
Here's a couple of pics of my pal (who owns the shop) holding the Boa..


So, feeling a tad peckish I remembered him mentioning the 'ratsicles' that he feeds his beasts with, so I asked him to break out a couple for us to share.. (See Below - I'm on the left
)

Mmmm, filling! lol
Quote by Angel Chat
Loads of stuff I completely agree with .

<swoon> show us yer kilt (again!) :rascal:
lol Let me see if I can dig oot a few 'private' kilt pics for ye lass.. wink
Ach, I dinna mind the ladies having a cheeky wee inspection under my kilt.. Hell, it's par for the course when you throw one of those bad boys on!
"On you go girls, but bear in mind it was awfa' cold walking to the venue, and erm.. I've no been feeling myself and.. ehhh... did I mention it was awfa' cold outside?!?"
wink lol
Ooh, Science really nips my shit.. mad
He's been seen countless times taking things that aren't his, (wine, Derek's cigar, food.. ) and then acts like a petulant kid when confronted with it. Being honest? I can hardly make sense of his 'street' style rapping.. And did I also mention he's dreadful at that as well?
Honestly, if he gets signed to a record deal when he comes out I'll lose all faith in humanity..
Look at the eejit when he's losing an arguement! Rather than respond with any type of sensible debate, he'll babble on with his useless rambling rapping, keeping going and going until such time as the other person gives up and walks away, then he strides around like 'Super Science' having won the day! My god, if I was in there I would find it damned hard not to respond with a damned slap..
Get him oot.
Quote by ptolemy1975
I too will be wearing a kilt - commando stylee of course! Not to keen on the tackle inspection tho, it is November after all!

I think that's the same excuse we'll all be using mate! lol
Speaking o' kilts, here's a new pic for you. Just back fae a friends wedding and had this pic taken of me earlier today.. biggrin
The place I work in as a bouncer has a 'Waterstones' next door, and I swear there were people queueing from 8pm onward for the midnight opening.. Come quarter to 12, there was at least 70 people in the queue waiting to get in, some dressed as witches, wearing Gryffindor scarves..
I didn't bother with queueing mysel', and paid for my copy back in March on came on Saturday morning, but wish I hadn't bothered now as it cost me back then, and I could have bought it for in Tesco that night. rolleyes
Haven't started reading it though, as I'm in the middle of re-reading the previous book to remind myself what happened..
Aye, I've no' really been my chatty self recently, (apart from in the chatroom where I harass Angel_chat and voddy! wink ) but I'll fix that.. lol
So Lucy, you getting worried yet about all these kilted highlanders rampaging south to come to the Scottish Munch yet? :lol:
Quote by postie
You could (probably) use chunky_love's kilt as a marquee for the next scots munch...

Oi! I resemble that remark! wink lol
Wow, that's an excellent find lass. Really struck a chord.
My daughter lives with her mother 200 miles away, and I only get to see her if I travel up especially, or I get her to stay with me during school holidays. Thankfully I'm getting her down to stay with me for two weeks soon, so from the 18th onwards I'll hardly be on here! Nope, I'll be outside blowing my meager wages on ice cream and fairgrounds.. wink
Quote by MISSCHIEF
And I end up all embarrassed and saying something stupid like "can you put yer willy in me lou lou please"

Oh man, that honestly made me laugh out loud.. Cracking stuff! lol
I just canna be doing with the dirty talk when I'm with a lassie. Not because I don't enjoy, hell it makes me horny as a stoat! No, it's just that as soon as a woman says 'F*ck me' or something similar, my brain decides to release the safety on the old porridge shotgun and unload both barrels..
Which can be helluva embarrassing when you've only been at it for a couple of minutes!
"Erm, sorry.. This normally never happens to me." rolleyes
Doesn't really do my self esteem any good. :lol:
I used to have to wear a bow tie for my old job, and after spending many's a night damn near launching the thing out the window in a shambled attempt to tie it, I went out and bought one that was pre-tied, and fastened with a little clasp behind the bow..
Hated wearing the thing though. Made me look like a trained gorilla. rolleyes
Quote by bailiffs
hi bro,
how you been, missed ya!!!
louxxxxxxxx

You still reckon I look like yer brother lass? wink
Hehe, cheers for the welcome back. XX
Quote by Silk and Big G
Welcome Back! (Prefering your old avatar!!!) wink

Nae quite as impressive as yours though! :shock: :wink:
lol Cheers feebee & Helen, ye wee pair o' crackers.. wink
Catch you in the chat room later on postie if yer in there. smile
Thank god - oh internet, how I've missed thee.. sob.
I've not had any access to the net since tuesday past, as my line died and wouldn't let me check either the net, my email or messenger. In fact, no program was allowed access to the net, even though I was showing an active adsl line on my router.
So I phoned my ISP, and they ran me round in circles, trying to pass the blame onto Microsoft and then to BT. I explained that I had run through all the usual things, (resetting my router, resetting the PC, turning off my firewalls..) but yet the call centre lad still made me run through all the pish again.. When he set I had to re-install my broadband connection I explained that I had done this already twice, yet he still insisted. So I asked to speak to a supervisor.
I then get some lad telling me that as my error code was 721, I needed to call Microsoft and speak to them about it, as it had nothing to do with them. So I called Microsoft and they denied all liability. (Surprise Surprise).
Anywho, I call again yesterday and explain everything I've done already, yet she still expects me to run through it all again as it's all she can recommend. So, I tell her that I'll leave it overnight, call again today and if I can't get it sorted I'll be cancelling my subscription to wanadoo.
So I call today, and after I give my username and password to the lad on the phone, I'm instantly transferred to a supervisor who explains that it's probably a problem at their end, (FINALLY!) and that they may have inadvertantly messed up my IP details.
So I hang up, go and run some code to reset my IP details, and voila', I'm back online..
Rant over. rolleyes
- Gold Hat, as played by Alfonso Bedoya
"The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" (1948)
Hehe, seriously though - Well done to those who've got the badges off the ground. Hope they're a hit. wink
I remember one time when I was around 14 or 15 years old being invited to a party at a friends house who's parents had gone away for the weekend, and had left him alone. Before leaving, they let strict instructions that there should be nobody round while they were gone, no touching their drinks cabinet and for god's sake don't bloody breath anywhere near their brand new top of the range hi-fi, (His fathers pride and joy, which spent many's a night blasting out Elvis classics).
So as you can imagine the moment his parents pulled out of the street in their wee Ford Escort and he had finished waving them away, he scarpered inside and got on the blower to all the lads, telling us to get our glad rags on as there was going to be a shindig in the 'Players Club' that night.. ('Players Club'.. Sheesh, we were 15 for crying out loud. The only playing we would be getting would be with Pam and her five sisters!)
I was in two minds about going. On one hand I could have sat in with my old dear and watched the Equalizer, (one of the best tv theme tunes ever!) or I could have gone out to my pals house and sat in front of the tv there.. My mind was set when he assured me that not only would it be a proper party with food, drink and tunes, there would be GIRLS there too! I launched myself off the couch, (near giving my poor mother a heart attack in the process as I bulleted past her) dived into the shower and scrubbed myself inapropriately for several minutes. Ran through to the bedroom and dug out my flashiest glad rags, (Hi-Tec white skater boots, baggy jeans that hung half of my ass and a shirt so garish it would have made even Stevie Wonder want to punch me in the face repeatedly for several minutes..)
Into the bathroom to splash on the Brut, prepared the hairdo into a fantastic 'Vanilla Ice'-esque quiff, and I was ready to break some hearts.. (Or some mirrors.)
Arrived at the party with a six pack of cider clutched tightly in my poly bag, and got straight into the drink as soon as I got inside. Plonked myself in the kitchen, (Where, let's face it, all the best people at parties congregate!) and started yapping to my pals about our plans for the night. Turns out around 20 people had arrived from our year in school, and there was a pretty good split between the boys and the girls..
Alas, as the night wore on and the drink flowed more easily down my gullet my patter with the ladies became steadily worse and worse. Lines ranging from downright corny, ("Hey did the fall hurt you? "what fall?" "When you fell from heavens lap you beautiful creature you") to the outright filthy failed to impress the ladies in attendence, and it seemed more and more evident that my chances of any under the jumper fumbling was becoming steadily less and less, so I resigned myself to the sofa where I sat for the next hour and a bit mumbling about how I didn't really want to pull anyway, and that I was only here to see my mates, (I was a sore loser really at that age, dummy spat clean oot the pram..)
Anywho, as these parties tend to do when filled with testosterone filled boys getting a glimpse of girl flesh, things descended into depravity.. Starting on a high with a cheeky wee game of 'spin the bottle', ebbing somewhat halfway through with a game of 'True or False' and ending on a poor showing at Strip Poker, (Who teaches girls to play poker?!? We were losing our trousers with each hand.. Literally! )
Now for some reason the party diminished to only about 8 of us left. 4 girls (three of which were 17 and the last one 16) and 4 boys, (all of whom were between 15 and 17). Now the testosterone was really getting fired up, and it was time to show each other some bits!
Started off with the girls giving us a flash of their boobies, and us judging who's were best, and then somehow got round to us whipping oot the wee soldiers for the girls to inspect and rank...
Well, out of four I finished a lowly third. Not dreadful you may think but at that age your ego is crushed like a hard boiled egg under Rik Wallers heel. "F*ck them" I thought, and whilst sitting there in my self pity I suddenly thought that if I couldn't get into their knickers using the sight of my magnificent wanger, then it would have to be the 'be funny' option..
So for some reason a few unruly brain cells in my cider raddled cranium thought it would be a great idea to run out to the communal hallway of my pals flat, and tow the fire hose from the outside stairwell into the flat, with the intention of running into the living room with said hose between my legs, gesticulating madly in front of the assembled ladies...
Well, nobody told me that these hoses turn on automatically after being pulled out a certain length..
AS I ran into the main room, time seemed to run in slow motion as I felt the hose stiffen, and I looked up from my crotch just in time to see the horrified expression on the girls faces sitting on my friends living room couch, as several gallons of stale hosepipe water cascaded toward them at over 50mph..
As they were blasted backwards over the sofa I swung the hose away from them as reality kicked in and time resumed it's normal speed around me.. Now, going back to the start of the story, do you remember when I mentioned how my pals parents had stressed that in no conceivable way should he even breath near his fathers stereophonic pride and joy? Well, take a wild guess what the now full flowing hose decided to turn it's aquatic wrath upon? Yep, several hundred pound worth of stereo blasted face on by several gallons of water travelling at high speed does not equate to a happy ending..
The hi-fi fell over backwards, knocking the expensive looking CD rack over in the process.. I heard a smash, (which I think was the turntable) as I struggled frantically to tear the hose pipe away from it's path of living room destruction.. I ran back out into the communal hallway as the now abandoned hosepipe flailed wildly in the living room, ripping wallpaper from the walls with it's powerful jet. Once outside, I searched for a cut off switch that would stop the flow, and not being able to find one I decided to start reeling the pipe back onto it's holder. This proved somewhat difficult, trying to convince several metres of pipe full of pulsating water to rewind itself onto a smallish spindle, but after much blood, sweat and tears I got it back on and the water cut itself off..
Amazing how quiet things became as people re-emerged from their hiding places. the girls reappeared from behind the sofa, sporting hairstyles like you see in cartoons when people are electrocuted.. The lad who's house it was could be seen gently weeping over the remains of his father's audio pride and joy.. The two other lads had taken it upon themselves to make off while the going was good, and had probably hit mach 3 on foot down the hill towards home..
The girls seemed to be in a state of shock, standing there like a group of rabbits caught in a trucks headlights as the wallpaper behind them continued it's slow descent towards the beige carpet.. Terror started to whisper in my ear, and after a few mumbled apologies I ran like a bitch out the door and made for home..
My pal amazingly hasn't spoken to me since that day, despite frequent attempts by me to quell his anger over the years. I do know however that when his parents got home he claimed that someone must have got into the flat through an open window, opened the front door and released the hosepipe into the house as either a prank or some kind of revenge.. I think he even had the nerve to ask his father if he could think of anyone that might have a grudge against him!
Anywho, I still feel sh*tty about it to this day
Quote by Colts23
I'd love for this one to be be true as can dislocate my thumbs and adds a few inches :twisted:

I can do the same thing bud, seems to freak people out at parties for some reason.. I can also dislocate my shoulder really easily, dislocate my nose, (Which really freaks people out) and can move my eyes independently of each other with a bit of effort..
So technically, I suppose I'm a freak!
I wish the thing about the 'wrist to finger' thing was true though, I've got massive hands.. To give you an idea, to get a ring made for my 'wedding' finger it would have to be about a size Z+11..
Quote by Colts23
As for the feet one, never works, Otherwise I'd happily be shouting about my size 13's lol

Again I can symapthise.. I'm sporting size 14's here! Need to invest in some new bloody clown shoes.. :lol:
Quote by niceguysdoexist
But Redif that is a knee under his kilt then that would be three knees :shock:
How come he has two left feet though confused
And odd socks and odd shoes :? :? :?

Because the white socked foot belongs to the lad on my right.. cool
Very good point MC.. Lassie's look wonderful in all shapes and sizes, where as we men generally look like mishapen lumps of play-doh when in the nude! lol
The only pic I really have of me, (that I don't hate with an ungodly passion) is the one I've posted already in the Scottish Munch thread.. Here it is again below. wink