Chunky__Love's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

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Chunky__Love

Over 90 days ago

Straight Male, 49

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23 Jun 2005

I've had a goatee for a good few years now, and recently cut it off to see how I would look, in the vain hope there would be a Brad Pitt beater under the hair..
Well, I'd be lucky if the face that greeted me was a Peter Beardsley beater! Honestly, I looked like a bloody sex pest with the facial hair off, and was getting sick of the people around me looking at me in poorly-disguised shock whilst saying, "I'm sure we'll get used to it!" rolleyes

rolleyes

Now, I resolved to grow the damned thing back as soon as I bloody could, but I'm one of these poor sods that take weeks to grow even a fine wisp of hair on my face. On my head? Man, I can grow that stuff like one of those kids toys where the plasticine comes out the toys scalp by revolving a handle, but on my chin I daren't put my head out of a moving car in case the wind rips it off..
So after about three weeks of wearing large brimmed baseball caps and looking like a mugger, it finally grew back to a close approximation of it's former self... But I'll carry the mental scars for years.. lol

lol

22 Jun 2005

Quote by robwuk32
Hello from Aberdeen!! (Does that count - doesn't seem to be too many aberdeen members here!) :P

Aberdeen based here too bud.

22 Jun 2005

Quote by lucyweebaps
there are none as stuck up councils operate a zero tolerance attitude
therfore most folks looking for swinging clubs travel down South..
Maybe we should start a petition up here ? probably not do much good though

Aye lucy, unless it helps the local councillors themselves financially, I doubt we'll see them bend and let us have what we want.
Anywho, back to my search for the illicit club! biggrin

biggrin

22 Jun 2005

I'll stick on my 'Columbo' jacket, sook on a 'Kojak' lollipop, wear a daft 'Poirot' moustache and do some undercover investigating to find out whether the rumour is true or not..
Then, if I find anything out I'll jump on the keyboard and PM you, typing in a 'Jessica Fletcher - Murder she wrote' style.. wink

wink

"We'll meet again when the case is sol-ved"

22 Jun 2005

Allegedly (And this is purely a rumour I've heard, so don't go PM'ing me for details) there's a health and fitness club here in Aberdeen that operates as a swinging club about two nights a week..
I've got a rough idea which one it is, but I'm nae willing to say until I find out for certain, as it's undoubtedly illegally run.
But I'm sure if yer in the circle up here in the Granite City, you'll hear wind of it.. wink

wink

22 Jun 2005

Howdy fae another Scot, welcome to the madness.. wink

wink

20 Jun 2005

Aye, my right knee! lol

lol

20 Jun 2005

Oi! Less off the 'frock' if ye don't mind! :P

20 Jun 2005

Quote by postie
Seeing as this picture was talked about at the Yorks munch.... I just thought I would help people to find it a bit easier like... by bumping it up...

So my piccy's being discussed at a Munch? COOL! I hope I wisnae getting slagged tooo much.. wink

wink

lol

Quote by Jags
Now that's JUST NOT FAIR!! I object to being subjected to the vision of sexy men in a sexy frock in this heat. It's not good for my bits and pieces!! That's the perfect frock for a bloke - and he fills it so well.
*goes off for a cold shower to compose my equilibrium*

Sexy? Crikey's lass, I've been called a few things in my time, (I'll spare the details for fear of offending those with delicate eyes :wink: ) but rarely ever sexy! Ye've made a very hot, ( and by hot I mean in the 'sweating because it's too warm outside' sense of the word!)man very happy.. kiss

kiss

19 Jun 2005

Quote by sexyscotcarol
Chunkylove I HAVE agree to with LadyFeeBee you REALLY suit your kilt.
See you at munch to
You will soon have a queue forming :lol:
Carol

Jeez lass, yer making my cheeks red, (and I'm nae saying which cheeks!) :wink: :lol:
Looking forward to meeting everyone at the Munch, should be a cracking night.

18 Jun 2005

I'm not awful sure about the new lad they've got in the role now for the doctor. Just a damned shame that Eccleston decided to call it quits. so soon.. He was worried about being typecast? Christ, you step into that police box once and you'll forever be associated with it!

16 Jun 2005

Now I think being as I'm a fully qualified and trained Bouncer, and have worked in the trade for nearly 14 years, I should offer my services..
So what you want me to do, wait tables? lol

lol

16 Jun 2005

Rubbish.. We Scot's are RAMPANT! wink

wink

16 Jun 2005

Quote by LadyFeeBee
Oh and Chunky Love......................
You REALLY suit your kilt !! See you at the munch

Why thank you lass, I'll be sure to give ye a wee twirl when I see you at the Munch.. :wink:

15 Jun 2005

oot and aboot again tonight for a wee drive.. wink

wink

15 Jun 2005

Hope yer nae as much of a yap as she is! (Only joking lass!) lol

lol

Welcome aboard.. wink

wink

15 Jun 2005

Quote by Bronx Bunny
I would like to be invited as well please.
bronx.

It may not mean much, but I can vouch for Bronx Bunny. He's a good, honest lad.. wink

wink

15 Jun 2005

Quote by postie
Right of to Ebay to see what's on offer..... still undecided between a "modern" black one or a proper tartan...

I would plump for the auld Tartan postie.. You should be able to get a cheap one off ebay, or a good ex-rental from a local hire shop for peanuts.

15 Jun 2005

Quote by dambuster
Well, myself and postie have promised we'll be showing up in the kilts that night.. So Here's a sneak preview of mysel' in my dog eared kilt!

Does the dog not mind, Chunky?
I'd ask him, but he canna hear me..

15 Jun 2005

Well, myself and postie have promised we'll be showing up in the kilts that night.. So Here's a sneak preview of mysel' in my dog eared kilt!

15 Jun 2005

Well done lass, good on ye! :thumbup:

14 Jun 2005

Ach, come in, take your feet off and call the cat a b*stard!
(Or to put it more plainly, welcome aboard..) wink

wink

14 Jun 2005

Quote by SXBOY
go near chunky love and his merc van...no thank you

Merc Van? Nooo, I've got a C200 Classic.. (and when a car's called a classic by the manufacturer, you know they mean that it's got piss all extras..) rolleyes

rolleyes

I'm needing to lose a good bit of weight as well, get back down to my humping weight again! The scariest thing is though that the more weight you gain, the smaller your root looks! If that's no incentive to lose the beef, I dunno what is!
My biggest vice is that I'm partial to a cheeky wee lager, not being much of a spirit fan.. But I do have the porridge in the morning, and the light lunch before having a regular meal in the evening.. My biggest problem is that because I work some nights from 6pm to 3am, I'm normally starving when I get home from work, and have been known to grab the odd chicked kebab on the way home.. redface

redface

13 Jun 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Shit!
I'm in Aberdeen on Wednesday :shock: :shock:

If that's the case, stay clear of the Tillydrone area, seemingly it's hunting season.. lol

lol

13 Jun 2005

I've been in the same boat, but luckily I now get access to my daughter.. After too many years fighting for the right..

13 Jun 2005

Dinna worry lass. Even if it means blasting her with a tazer, I'm going nowhere! lol

lol

13 Jun 2005

I've had my mother staying with me for the last few weeks while my grandmother's been in hospital, (She was flown down along with my old dear from the highlands) and damn it's been tough resisting the urge to not smother her in her sleep..
But here's the thing, I also think she's a f*cking jinx. "Why" I hear you ask? Well, since she came down it's been open season outside my home, and she's witnessed the whole lot.
Let me explain..
Normally things are very quiet around here, and I very rarely see any bother or trouble near my home. The street I live in has a relatively bad name for itself admiitedly, but I've not seen much to warrant it's reputation in the past.
Now, my mother for the last few years has been trying to get me to move back home to Thurso, to come back to the family and leave 'that terrible place' I'm staying in. Her reason for disliking it? She saw a news report a few years back about a murder in my street, and now thinks I'm living in the middle of war torn Beirut.
So she came down to stay while my grandmother received treatment at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, and I think the minks in the area must have placed a call over the bongo drums that now was the best time to call open season on daft behaviour.
Within the three weeks she's been here, she's been witness to fights out in the street, me getting jumped, drunks harassing her at the local shop trying to sell her bread they've just nicked, people singing at the top of their voices at 3am.. I could go on.
So if anything this has strengthened her resolve to get me the hell out of here! I tried to explain that this kind of thing never usually happens, and that for some peculiar reason it was all kicking off only while she was here.. I was convincing her that this was the case, then one of my neighbours decided to have a 'loony toon' episode
Now, this neighbour was recently released from Cornhill Hospital, (For all those non-Aberdonians here, it's the local wacky bin) and moved back into her flat proclaiming she was cured, and was ready to re-enter society.. Well, if by 're-entering society' she meant 'launch every single possession I have out the window into the garden below', then she did a damned impressive job at it.
For three days and three nights things were randomly thrown out of her windows into the garden below. Photo albums, cutlery, jewellry, clothing, bedding, ornaments.. Nothing was safe from getting the proverbial fling. Even three phone calls to the police did nothing to stop her. They simply came round, told her to behave and drove away again. And as soon as they were out of sight, you'd hear a smash as one more ceramic pot crashed into the concrete path below.
Because of this, there was a permanent swarm of local minks hovering below her window waiting to see what they could salvage from her launched possessions, ducking flying cups and cutlery as they dug through her goods, looking for anything that might be worth a few quid in the pub later. Again we called the police, but nothing was done.
So I did what anyone else of us would have done. I shot her with a super soaker every time she opened her window to launch something out. Call it my civic duty.. wink

wink

So, I'm at work on Saturday night past and I get a call from my mother, who told me that the nutter had gained access to our block and was presently sitting on the staircase tearing up unclaimed copies of the Yellow Pages, and throwing the pages in the air around her. She then went outside and proceeded to empty out the contents of our flats communal bin, digging through week old cat litter and nappies for god knows what reason.
My mother called back and said that the police had been, and she had finally been taken away.
So I get home about 4am and park up the car. I'm walking toward my flat and I see the front door of the nutters block open, and out she strides launching random items of clothing around her as she walked. She sees me, and makes a beeline toward me. Stopping just in front of me she says,
"Have you got a fag? Have you got any food? What about drink, you got any drink?"
"Sorry lass, no to all of the above" says I, taking a step back in case the nutter tried to snog me or something..
"Oh, ok" and with a despondent look she stormed off toward her own front door and dissapeared inside.
So, I get into the flat and I'm getting changed out of my work clothes, when I hear a smashing sound from outside. I look, and there she was out in the street flinging pots and papers about while dragging a towel behind her. Being the quick thinking star that I am, I grabbed my digital camera and grabbed a wee bit of footage.. (See Link Below.. About 6 meg in size)

So what now? Well, as far as I know she's been taken away again, and some poor council workers in hi-vis vests had to come round and clean up all her crap at 6am on Sunday morning past..
Anyway, my mother has been up to ninety with all this drama, and I think she's planning to chloroform me and bundle me into a van. I'll probably wake up tied to a chair in my grandmothers house in Thurso!

11 Jun 2005

The day of the attack I only told a couple of people what happened to me straight afterwards, but as you can imagine the old doorman grapevine, (which is almost as bad as the fishwives!) went into overdrive.. And the funniest thing about second hand information is that it tends to get blown WAAAAAAY out of proportion as it goes from ear to ear..
Well, after speaking to a lot of people around town since the incident, (and a huge thank you to everyone who's asked after me) I heard a whole heap of different things about what happened to me, so lets go over them and clear them up!
(Note - these are all genuine comments that were spread around the gossips!)
1. I can catagorically state that I did not at any point rip a hedge out of the ground and throw it at my assailants. I do not possess the superhuman powers that would be needed to rip a hedge clean out of the ground, and if I did I sure as hell would be using it to make some serious hard cash, whilst using my x-ray vision to check out Angelina Jolie whilst flying around the world backwards to reverse time..
2. I also did not pick one of the junkies up over my head, spin them around and then throw them through a plate glass window like a scene from a spaghetti western. I know this would look cool as hell and would probably make women want to father my young, but I neither have the power nor the 'balls to the wind, devil may care' attitude of Stone Cold Steve Austin to launch someone through a window.. Having falling through a window once whilst drunk, I can assure you it's not a pleasant experience. Especially when you are still picking glass out of your ass a week later.
3. Although I am sporting a fantastically nurtured beer belly right now, that would be the envy of many a professional darts player, I did not end up having to pick up and push back in my intestines after having my stomach sliced open outside my home. Christ, the size the cut was I'd be lucky to spill my beer, let alone any vital organs!
4. Nor did I kill one of the junkies by smashing his nose up into his brain. Do I look like I belong in the film, 'Roadhouse'?
5. I did not go on a vigilante rampage against the neds populating my area of the city, and go hunting for scum to knock the living shite oot off.. I'm not 'The Punisher', and even if I was I wouldn't look nearly as cool as Frank Castle wearing that skull t-shirt.
6. I did not have an arm hacked off with a machete. This I can't really prove to those of you who don't know me, but I assure you I'm typing this shit out pretty fast.. You do the maths.
7. And Finally, I did NOT shit myself in the literal sense. Yes, I did nearly smash my bottle when the blade was pulled, but I can assure you all that nothing marked, streaked or smothered my underwear. In fact, the only motion in my underpants came from my two buttcheeks moving hurriedly backwards as I dodged away from the blade.
So there we go, I hope this answers some of the questions you may have and clears up any of the chinese whispers.. lol

lol

:lol:

8 Jun 2005

I only have a four inch penis.. then again some women don't like it that wide! wink

wink

(Christ, I wish! I've got a 52" chest, I'm 6' 3" and have size UK14 feet.. And you know what they say about big feet! Yeah, big socks.)
Ach, I may have a small nail, but I've got a big hammer. lol

lol

6 Jun 2005

Check out this link bud.. http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/terminology/munch.html wink

wink