Quote by neilinleeds
Obviously in terms of swinging as it is understood, condoms are essential. I wasn't making that point, merely that for me trusting someone in a swinging sense gives me far more peace of mind, than perhaps shagging someone I don't know even with a condom. It wasn't the condom that I had an issue with as such, it was the not knowing that person fully and I speak from personal experience here of how that can have a negative effect.
I really don't understand how you can swing with someone you don't trust. Even with 1000 condoms on. It seems to me everyone is so concerned protecting themselves against STI's that they have absolutely no idea of the personal, social and emotional repercussions of their activity, regardless of any form of sexual protection.
*snip*
But, swinging is personal choice. Some people don't require that level of trust I know. I do. Perhaps I'm the weird one, I fully concede this may be the case. But that's what makes things interesting I suppose.
We've been on here, on and off, about 4 years I suppose, in that time we have approached probably 2 couples with intentions of playing. I have no doubt many people do more than that in half an hour at the local club. But that is how we do things, trust is paramount to us far, far in advance of condoms. Without the trust, nothing will happen with us so, as Earthy said, condoms for us become irrelevant.
This 100%. The initial attraction, as Earthy said, is all mental. It's how they express themselves and conduct themselves on the forum that creates the initial interest. When swinging as a single male, I would always try to confirm those first impressions through PM and looooong conversations on MSN before the idea of a meet even came up. If I then had the opportunity to meet them socially as well, just to confirm whether or not the image I'd formed of them in my mind was realistic or not, so much the better. I personally need to feel comfortable with someone 100% before I can even begin to think about sleeping with them. The one or two quite hurried and randomly arranged meets I did try tended to confirm that.
These days, the trust thing is even more essential. Being part of a couple, where both of us have explored, singly and together, quite a few of the more everyday aspects of MMF, FFM, MMFF, straight or bi, whatever, we find ourselves left with a mere handful of very, very specific joint fantasies still to fulfil. We are even more guarded. Our last direct approach to someone we didn't know very well? Couldn't tell you. Last meet arranged through the site we had? Nope. Spontaneous stuff at clubs, parties and socials? Occasionally, couple of times a year maybe, generally with the people we've got to know over the years and discovered a click. Some we've clicked with and have yet to get that far, cos we are nothing but cautious.
Some would say that makes us quite crap swingers. We like to think it makes us sensible ones, cos if our intuition about someone is correct, then fine, something will happen at some point that suits everyone. If our intuition is wrong, we would absolutely not want to go down a road that may have unforeseen fallout to deal with. We like being sure, as far as we can, that those experiences we have are positive ones, cos we've both seen the negative. I know others prefer the completely spontaneous and random, as there is little danger of emotional fall-out with someone you barely even know. That might sometimes mean we miss out on experiences by being overly-cautious, but so what. Can't say as that particular thought keeps me awake at nights, and it does for us anyways. ;)
N x x x ;)
That is a most utterly eloquent, elegant, and honest post.
Ian x
