Red__Van__Man's Forum Posts

27 Oct 2003

Kat wrote

I am sure I asked someone to wake him up!
Never mind, there is a computer in there, when he wakes up he can log on and let us know, and someone will let him out.

No you didn't ask someone to wake me up, you forgot!!! mad

:x
Blue wrote

AH, that's OK then! I assume the lazy git is still asleep as he hasn't been round today - either that, or he's got out of the GFZ through the window and is now having great fun in his red van, without inviting me!!!!

Hmmmmmm, I think the least about this, the better!!!! :x :x
Shuffles off (on crutches) muttering about the bloody cheek of some people

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27 Oct 2003

What a flippin' job I've had, getting out of the GFZ!! mad

:x
Some miserable buggers (I'll not mention any names but, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE :twisted: ) left me sound asleep dreaming about Kit n Blue getting up close and personal (rather like Heather and Mandy did wink

) before asking me to join the fun.
Finding the door locked (Cheers mate!! :twisted: ) I figured I'd climb out through the window........
No problem, thought I. That was, until I discovered the GFZ had moved up a floor......... :shock:
The paramedics were very helpful.......... :cry:
The doctor tells me, my legs should be out of plaster within a few months!! :shock:
One good thing, I'm pleased to see DJohn's still alive and kicking. (Wish I was :cry: ) Thank you, for thinking of me when Blue was looking for a van biggrin

So Blue, if you would like the use of my van, help yourself smile

Because I won't be going anywhere for the foreseeable future :cry:
Shuffles off (On crutches) muttering that there are some bloody thoughtless buggers in this group and how my left leg needs scratching

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25 Oct 2003

Kat

RVM, i'm having a bit of a guilt trip, you know this is the GFZ, and we should really be doing something to help DJohn. What do you think??

What's all this "we" business??? :shock:
Listen mate if you want to risk, losing your family jewels and walking with a limp for the rest of your life, fine. Just count me out of your heroics, OK?!? confused

Whilst I would love to help DJohn, and under normal circumstances would do just that, Blue is looking to force an oversized dildo up someone's ring-piece and I'm buggered (literally) if it's going to be mine!! :shock: :shock:
She's already threatened me with it and I did what any sane man would do, when faced with such a predicament, I ran like F**K!! lol

Now be a good chap and sit down, you're blocking my view mad

shuffles off muttering, wondering if DJohn's family would prefer flowers or a donation to charity

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25 Oct 2003

Looks like it's going to be the Sport, instead of the Mirror, then wink

Shuffles off muttering about seeking alternative employment, after I've purchased a pair of cast iron boxers :shock:

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25 Oct 2003

Think I'll pull up a chair, this could get interesting smile

Quick check reveals plentiful supply of fags n booze.
Yep, I'm ready when you two are wink

Shuffles off muttering about how he loves it when she gets all masterful and what a nice bloke that DJohn was......... we'll miss him

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25 Oct 2003

With all due respect M'lady and with all the sincerity I can muster, I would like to tell you where you can put your job.............
Trouble is, that's exactly what you are wishing to do!! :shock: :shock:
There again, I could always take whatever you dished out, gain your confidence, smile to your face and let you call me your rock. Then, after the event, I could sell my story to the Daily Mirror. Slagging off your in-laws, divulging all your most intimate secrets and make a bundle of dosh wink

Damn, someone's already beaten me to it mad

Shuffles off muttering about the possibilty of opening a flower shop in the Chester area

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25 Oct 2003

The dog swore me to secrecy wink

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25 Oct 2003

For whom, M'lady? confused

Certainly not for me, as I'm just a hired hand and so t'would be presumptious of me to offer my nether regions for your pleasure or gratification. smile

shuffles of muttering, she can keep that bloody huge strap-on wotsit to herself, it's not coming anywhere near my arse :P

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25 Oct 2003

Clearly you don't know what he and Henry used to get up to!! wink

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25 Oct 2003

Bluexxx wrote

Ahem You lot can take photos, scrub me down, or whatever you want, as long as you make it worth my while

COUGH COUGH!!
You called, M'lady? lol

Shuffles off muttering that M'lady's requirements could be extensive, tiring and very rewarding wink

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25 Oct 2003

Bluexxx wrote

I wondered who the old man with the long beard is - if I see him tonight, I'll give old Sigmund one from you all

And here was me, thinking he meant Clement :shock:

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25 Oct 2003

bluekat wrote

I would like to know of any Welsh words that mean a colour especially if they are in the rainbow. It must be up to 5 letters long. Or any other word with a colour connection.

Baaaa = White and available? confused

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25 Oct 2003

Obviously I'm not going to disclose which option I voted for 8)
Kat, me old mucker, any chance of helping out with the photography? wink

(That's if it goes the way I hope it does.) :wink:
Djohn's suggestion sounds good to me biggrin

Although you can drop the civilised discussion option, if you really have to.
Shuffles off muttering, hoping no one notices my petit faux pas

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24 Oct 2003

Tut tut, AK confused

How dare you be so sceptical? :shock:
As if anyone would post an inacurate or untrue message!! wink

Shuffles off muttering, attempting to remove his tongue from his cheek :wink:

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24 Oct 2003

Just adding to the other ideas proffered, albeit I'm expecting a similar response confused

I have to agree with Mandy's suggestion of using sail cloth, if you are insistent on attaching curtains to your home-made gazebo. That said, there are a number of gazebos on the market with removable sides. Would it not be easier to adapt one of those?
Shuffles off muttering, that he's glad to see shuffling and muttering are alive and well in MJB's part of the world

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23 Oct 2003

Harry0

Tha A to Z of oral sex is simple moving your tongue is such a manner as to form the letters of the alphabet whilst giving a lady oral sex.

Hmmmmmm, wonder which is their favourite letter? wink

Reminds me of that old tv show........ I'll have an "W" please Bob........

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23 Oct 2003

Hi Dude!

Welcome to the madhouse biggrin

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23 Oct 2003

Mal609

Write out a thousand times " I must learn how to spell grammar"

That'll teach me, to check for typos before I post redface

ops: :oops: :oops:

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23 Oct 2003

Harry0

Surprisingly, some do KitKat, but only the wealthy people, others like me have to make do with strewn rushes.

Strewn rushes??? You're spoilt!! surprised

Eeeeee, when I were a lad I dreamt of strewn rushes.
Forty-two of us living in a shoe box, in't middle o' road........
But we were 'appy confused

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23 Oct 2003

Harry0

I ask you, how many ancient grannies would come out in public, on TV, and say they were in favour of such a club.

I agree and would add this question.....
How many potential members, of such a club, would really want to air their private persuits on TV?
Please keep us updated Harry, on the saga of The Love Shack smile

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23 Oct 2003

Kat

Postman Pat?

I'm not shagging his cat!!! mad

Bluexxx

RVM - I gave someone a BJ once in the back of a car driving around Manchester - does that count???

Don't know about it counting, I know I enjoyed it wink

Someone partially stripped once, in the passenger seat of a car I was driving. She insisted I drove slowly through the centre of Manchester, whilst she played with herself. How the hell I didn't have an accident, I'll never know! surprised

Needless to say, it had the desired effect :wink:

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23 Oct 2003

Bluexxx

"Swinging is not for insecure people"

Agreed

8) :)
Wondering if my post was long enough?
Punctuation, spelling and grammer up to scratch?
Did I offend anyone?
Did I say too much?
Did I say too little?
Not that I worry, you understand, just well, you know.......... confused

Shuffles off muttering about how I'm not insecure. I changed the locks on the van wink

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22 Oct 2003

Kat

Cor, whose the babe at the top?? Somebody introduce me!

Oh, so you expect us to do your groundwork now? :twisted:
Alright then, if you insist. sad

The lovely lady at the top is Lisa, who comes from Jockland. From her first post, she sounds very nice and wants to meet new peeps here. biggrin

Now you know as much as the rest of us.......... get off yer bum n do summat about it!!! mad

Shuffles off muttering about how some people are that feckin' lazy

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22 Oct 2003

Top post AK biggrin

The number of times I've read some of the adverts and thought along similar lines. mad

What amuses me with these silly sods is how they think, by changing their names or even their email addresses, that no one will notice it's still them.
The other source of amusement/annoyance, for me, are those who post photos stolen from other people or other websites. There's an advert, in the Women Seeking Men section, containing a photo I first saw over 12 months ago on an American website. confused

But, for all I know, she may have emigrated over here wink

Bless 'em :wink:

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22 Oct 2003

Welcome to the madhouse, Lisa biggrin

Hope you enjoy your stay and make new friends. You've taken the first step already, by posting here. smile

You'll be beating them off with a s****y stick, before you know it. wink

shuffles off muttering, about how he doesn't need a s****y stick sad

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22 Oct 2003

pNh

A Dutch sex club is organising its own lottery with a chance to have sex in a limo while it drives through Rotterdam as top prize.

Perhaps we could run a similar one over here? Offer the chance to have sex in the back of a red van, whilst it drives through the streets of Manchester. Now where could we find one of those and a willing driver? biggrin

But Mr Vos admitted there was a chance the driver could be distracted as he was "very handsome."

Hmmmmm, suspect the driver could be distracted, in the Manchester version, too. wink

Not too sure about the very handsome part though? confused

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22 Oct 2003

Slightly off topic........
Asked a friend of mine if she'd ever fancied "geddin itt ornn" with another girlie. She admitted she had and that her female work colleagues had discussed it one coffee break. Whilst the majority had declared a more than passing interest, none been prepared to try it.
The reason why..........
They were fearful that, when they got their kit off, the other girl would look better or have a better figure than them.

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19 Oct 2003

New Couple

Sorry to all those who placed a spread bet on England it was only a 19 point win.

At half time I'd have settled for a margin of a single point! Considered we were lucky not have been behind. There again, if we give away penalties and ball like we did, it's no wonder. Just glad my Koen ju-ju doll worked wink

Love to know what Woodward said at half time, lol.

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18 Oct 2003

Heather

Mal? Beckers? RVM? Did any of you lot leave a Kebab in here?

Bloody hell, I left the hamster in the microwave, to dry surprised

ops:
Oh and do you think you could make a little less noise, H? confused

Some of us are still recovering from last night and need to build our strength up for tonight wink

'ere, pass us a Stella while you're at the fridge, Rocky. I'd get one myself but, well basically, I'm too sodding idle :P
shuffles off muttering, about how the hamster's blackened coat looks quite fetching

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18 Oct 2003

Welcome to the madhouse KKK biggrin

Hope you enjoy your stay, meet interesting peeps and generally have a good time. lol

As the groups Sage (Harry0) has already pointed out, there's fun to be had in every department wink

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