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ananga__ranga
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 49
Forum
Three Labrador retrievers - one brown, one yellow, one black were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's surgery when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said "So why are you here?"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the children. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said :"So what is the vet going to do?"
"Going to cut my nuts off." "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's sofa."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too." said the yellow lab.
The yellow lab turned to the black lab and asked. "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said.
"I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, postboxes, whatever. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too?"
The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the children. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said :"So what is the vet going to do?"
"Going to cut my nuts off." "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's sofa."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too." said the yellow lab.
The yellow lab turned to the black lab and asked. "Why are you here?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said.
"I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, postboxes, whatever. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, nuts off for you too?"
The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
You just gotta live with it pablo it comes with the territory of a single male, it gets on my nerves too but what can one do, Iam still waiting for a genuine somebody who isn't trying to get me to join a paying site or trying to simply con me out of a fist full of dollars.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if its all worth it :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
But then
Alwaaays look on the brighhhht siiiide of life....!
:D :D
Come on everybody sing along!!!!! :P :P :P
Sometimes I seriously wonder if its all worth it :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
But then
Alwaaays look on the brighhhht siiiide of life....!
:D :D Come on everybody sing along!!!!! :P :P :P
ops: :(
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijonvu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijonvu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
I'd buy a Mansion in the English country side, and the whole place would be devoted to swinging, loads of bedrooms swimming pool, play rooms all with different themes, mini cinema for the porn of course, open bar, sauna. They'd be no fee for the swingers obviously.
Just imagine endless days of sex in a 5 star luxuary mansion for free. :D :D
Just imagine endless days of sex in a 5 star luxuary mansion for free.
:D :D 
Quote by PoloLady
1. How often do you think about sex? Most of the time when I am not thinking about something else.
2. What triggers a sexual thought? God knows - anything! From visual stimuli (guy with a tight butt in a nice pair of jeans) to driving and the mind wandering. I sometimes sit in meetings wondering what some of my colleagues perform like.
3. What does your sexual thought consist of, straight sex, a simple kiss...? Everything! I usually find it is when I am driving that the really kinky stuff pops up.
This is really interesting, a fundamental pattern seems to be emerging, it would be expected to contemplate/daydream for a moment whilst for example in a state of inactivity for a single moment, but now theirs two examples of sexual thought that appears whilst driving, I wonder why, is their something about the car or simply te act of driving, maybe the car itself is a place where one has performed sex, in which the car itself is covered with memories of sexual activty which triggers a sexual thought??
Quote by foxylady 123
It depends on the time of day, who i m with and what im doing.
Peak time for thinking about it is usually morning and i often wake up thinking about it.
Then throughout the day, the though s come and go, it can be every second or every 5 mins or even every hour.. I dont need anything in particular to trigger me off, though a nice llooking man with a pony tail and or hard hat is guaranteed to get me thinking about it!!!
Sometimes i can just be driving along in the car thinking about something totally unrealated when i have a vision. Its usually a nice hard cock right in fromt of my face!! Stranige realy when your on the M6!!!!
Thank you foxy lady for your very lovely input
It is well established that men think about sex every few seconds, and women apparently it takes them slightly longer.
So at Swinging Heaven we will perform our own very floored scientific experiment, by simply asking the female members:
1. How often do you think about sex?
2. What triggers a sexual thought?
3. What does your sexual thought consist of, straight sex, a simple kiss...?
Please help shed light on the mysteries of the Female Sexuality so us mere mortal men
may learn more about your species.
This invaluable information will be passed on to the M.C.P. charity (Man Can't Pull) which helps those afflicted men overcome their incapability of pulling.
Donations in the form of sexual favours would be most welcome, in return you will recieve a small but meaningful sticker, a simple sign of our gratitude for your contribution towards science.
M.C.P. is not a registered charity
So at Swinging Heaven we will perform our own very floored scientific experiment, by simply asking the female members:
1. How often do you think about sex?
2. What triggers a sexual thought?
3. What does your sexual thought consist of, straight sex, a simple kiss...?
Please help shed light on the mysteries of the Female Sexuality so us mere mortal men
may learn more about your species.
This invaluable information will be passed on to the M.C.P. charity (Man Can't Pull) which helps those afflicted men overcome their incapability of pulling.
Donations in the form of sexual favours would be most welcome, in return you will recieve a small but meaningful sticker, a simple sign of our gratitude for your contribution towards science.
M.C.P. is not a registered charity
Quote by Leedsbiguy
Well Dawn, I don't particularily care if you've been inconvenienced by 99 or 9 postings- I wouldn't want to meet people like you anyway thanks! ( do you have a stupid picture of a vase because your an ugly c*nt!?) Not with an attitiude like yours! I don't know people are so damn pathetic. Do realise what pisses me off - World Poverty! Don't get your knickers in a fucking twist about someone's adverts right! Get a life!! I was trying to be friendly and look at your response!
P.S. Don't read my posting OK!!!!:x
Ok, did I miss something
Have you ever been in a scenario in which you’re doing something which has nothing to do with sex and it suddenly turned to sex?
Take me for example sometime ago I asked this woman out for a drink and chat it seemed pretty innocent.
Anyway walking together through a deserted horse guards parade ground around nine o’clock or so at night, practically pitch black, right there in front of a dressed up queens guard, she shoves her hand right down my trousers and starts playing with me, maybe she was trying to get a reaction from the soldier, well she definitely got my soldier to stand to attention.
Take me for example sometime ago I asked this woman out for a drink and chat it seemed pretty innocent.
Anyway walking together through a deserted horse guards parade ground around nine o’clock or so at night, practically pitch black, right there in front of a dressed up queens guard, she shoves her hand right down my trousers and starts playing with me, maybe she was trying to get a reaction from the soldier, well she definitely got my soldier to stand to attention.
