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makingcocoa
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 41
UK
Forum
Ido like this thread.
It's something I've been thinking and talking about a lot lately. I've been here two years now as a single, and have had an amazing time. I think at the start, I saw it as a stop-gap. The more time I spent here, the more I discovered who I was, how this worked for me, how these people were like me, how this attitude is how I want to be, how I want to think... the more I started to feel as though a vanilla relationship might not be that easy. I couldn't imagine walking away from this scene. I could sort of imagine just staying here socially, but obviously my putative SO would have had to accept that, and I could imagine that being an issue. I didn't worry about it too much because I tend not to worry too much about these things!
But I did wonder what would end up happening to me, in terms of forever-after.
I hadn't ever considered the possibility of a relationship with someone I met here, because I worried that I would settle for someone not-quite-right, just because being with them would mean I didn't have to give up swinging. But, as it happens, I'm now in a relationship with Marmalaid, who I met through this site. It's happened entirely unexpectedly, as so many great things do! We're in love, we're living together, we feel very strongly that we have a future together... and at the moment, we're not swinging.
We've talked about it a lot, and we want some space to just be us, for a while, before we think about swinging as a 'newbie couple' - because that's what we'll be. But reading Dammy and HLB's replies to this thread, I'm sitting here thinking 'Yes, that's us. That's what we want.' (I think you guys, and your relationship, are absolutely fantastic
) And I think, eventually, that's what we'll have. We will never leave this scene, we love it too much and have too many friends here. We don't know yet whether swinging will work for us, or how it will - whether we'll play separately or together or both, where our boundaries will be. Like any newbie couple, we'll discover that as we go along, with a lot of discussion and consideration and with the knowledge that we are already enough for each other - if we do end up swinging, that will be a bonus, not a necessary part of our life together.
But thanks, all who've replied to this thread, it has helped move my thinking along in a few ways. A very interesting discussion.
x
It's something I've been thinking and talking about a lot lately. I've been here two years now as a single, and have had an amazing time. I think at the start, I saw it as a stop-gap. The more time I spent here, the more I discovered who I was, how this worked for me, how these people were like me, how this attitude is how I want to be, how I want to think... the more I started to feel as though a vanilla relationship might not be that easy. I couldn't imagine walking away from this scene. I could sort of imagine just staying here socially, but obviously my putative SO would have had to accept that, and I could imagine that being an issue. I didn't worry about it too much because I tend not to worry too much about these things!
But I did wonder what would end up happening to me, in terms of forever-after.I hadn't ever considered the possibility of a relationship with someone I met here, because I worried that I would settle for someone not-quite-right, just because being with them would mean I didn't have to give up swinging. But, as it happens, I'm now in a relationship with Marmalaid, who I met through this site. It's happened entirely unexpectedly, as so many great things do! We're in love, we're living together, we feel very strongly that we have a future together... and at the moment, we're not swinging.
We've talked about it a lot, and we want some space to just be us, for a while, before we think about swinging as a 'newbie couple' - because that's what we'll be. But reading Dammy and HLB's replies to this thread, I'm sitting here thinking 'Yes, that's us. That's what we want.' (I think you guys, and your relationship, are absolutely fantastic
) And I think, eventually, that's what we'll have. We will never leave this scene, we love it too much and have too many friends here. We don't know yet whether swinging will work for us, or how it will - whether we'll play separately or together or both, where our boundaries will be. Like any newbie couple, we'll discover that as we go along, with a lot of discussion and consideration and with the knowledge that we are already enough for each other - if we do end up swinging, that will be a bonus, not a necessary part of our life together.But thanks, all who've replied to this thread, it has helped move my thinking along in a few ways. A very interesting discussion.
x
Quote by Scandal
How does the whole phone sex idea work..?
If it's straight sex you're talking about it's fairly simple.
All you need is a blue phone with a male adaptor and a pink phone with a female adaptor (available from BT).
Place them close together in a warm room. Put some "hold" music on, Greenfields or Hangin on the Telephone. Dim the lights and leave them alone with some credit so as not to embarras them.
When you hear the ringing followed by the engaged tone you know they're getting it on ;)
if you come back and find it's all hands free they've been being a bit more adventurous ;)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:Actually laughing out loud, alone in my living room. Thank you Scandal
Quote by LadyFeeBee
As promised........
Oh and Jags, because both of his kilts are tartan, is this one any better???
:twisted: :twisted:
Oh, I'm SO glad I finally got round to looking at this thread! :inlove:
Fee, you've been doing sterling work these last few days with your Laird-pic-posting.... keep it up!!! (and if you felt like posting a few of yourself as well, I should think we could probably cope :P
) Love Christmas, which is why it pisses me off that the shops start it off so early - there's just no way you can keep up the Christmas buzz for four months! My birthday's November 27th, so I always refuse to have any kind of Christmassy thoughts until after that, leaving me with under a month of Christmas cheer - just the right amount to be warm and fuzzy without driving me mad.
And I don't do the price tag thing, at all. I buy presents for my family, and I buy things they either need or will love, and some of them get a present worth five quid and some get something worth forty, I just spread the money I've got as well as I can between the presents I want to buy. If I buy anything for anyone else, it's because I saw something and thought they'd love it, and Christmas was a good excuse - I don't give people presents because I 'owe' them one.
And I don't do the price tag thing, at all. I buy presents for my family, and I buy things they either need or will love, and some of them get a present worth five quid and some get something worth forty, I just spread the money I've got as well as I can between the presents I want to buy. If I buy anything for anyone else, it's because I saw something and thought they'd love it, and Christmas was a good excuse - I don't give people presents because I 'owe' them one.
I do understand couples who don't kiss the people they swing with, but like Sassy-Seren, that would be enough of a reason for me not to play with someone. I love kissing, and I find sex without kissing kind of cold and detached - which isn't my thing. One of the nicest things about the circle of friends I've made here is that I can kiss most of them whenever I see them!
Quote by LadyFeeBee
Are we allowed to put in requests? Laird, where are you?
My darling Cocoa.......just for you
Take your pick girl! Laird is now officially entered :shock:
Fee
XX
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
to Laird for owning that lovely arse and 
assionkiss: :passionkiss: to Fee for posting it! :D 
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Good point (mainly for the single blokes, but couples too), if you can't make the person your meeting feel safe, they certainly aren't going to be relaxed, which isn't going to help your experience go smoothly. So it's actually in your own interests to put yourself out a bit to make any females (single or in a couple) feel safe and secure, cos this site can be bloody intimidating at times for some people
Awwww, you're so cute when you're being all sensible and sympathetic.
Fancy a shag? :rascal:
I disagree - I consider what I do swinging, whether it's with couples, groups or other singles. I've done my fair share of shagging around, before discovering the swinging scene, and I don't think it's the same. The important bits of the swinging scene, for me, are that I'm respected, I'm never judged, I can want what I want when I want it and no-one's going to think I'm a slut. Everyone has the same attitude to NSA sex, in other words that it's A Good Thing and you have every right to it.
The single guys I consider to be swingers have the swinging mindset, ethos, whatever, and shagging them is different to shagging some guy I pick up in a club who I don't know, have no intention of having a friendship with, will probably only shag once and won't have any kind of connection with. Of course there are singles of both sexes here just looking for a shag, and if it's working then fair play to them, but I don't consider it to be swinging.
Swinging for me isn't just any old sex, it's sex with people I know and like, which makes it different from shagging around in the vanilla world - regardless of whether the people I'm doing it with are couples, single guys, single girls or a great big group of all of them. I think it's the attitude that makes it swinging, not the combination of bodies.
The single guys I consider to be swingers have the swinging mindset, ethos, whatever, and shagging them is different to shagging some guy I pick up in a club who I don't know, have no intention of having a friendship with, will probably only shag once and won't have any kind of connection with. Of course there are singles of both sexes here just looking for a shag, and if it's working then fair play to them, but I don't consider it to be swinging.
Swinging for me isn't just any old sex, it's sex with people I know and like, which makes it different from shagging around in the vanilla world - regardless of whether the people I'm doing it with are couples, single guys, single girls or a great big group of all of them. I think it's the attitude that makes it swinging, not the combination of bodies.
It does work sometimes! I remember being in a bar with a gorgeous friend of mine, a guy came over, took her by the hand and said 'Come on, we're going.'
'Where?'
'Home.'
'Oh..... ok then.' She turned round, shrugged at me and left the bar with him!
I think it probably helped that he was rather attractive but mostly she was just bowled over by his confidence, people are hardly ever brave enough to chat her up.
Personally, the best line anyone's ever used on me was 'You've got a great shitter.' Gee, thanks.
'Where?'
'Home.'
'Oh..... ok then.' She turned round, shrugged at me and left the bar with him!
I think it probably helped that he was rather attractive
but mostly she was just bowled over by his confidence, people are hardly ever brave enough to chat her up.Personally, the best line anyone's ever used on me was 'You've got a great shitter.' Gee, thanks.
Quote by splendid33
damn it... how do I do something thoughtful and nice for someone in the US ? no political answers here cos I know them all.
the post takes too bloody long to be any use. I text daily. we talk on the phone and e-mail.
ideas ?:?
Interflora? I think sending flowers is always wonderful, and receiving them is the most exciting thing ever! Especially if you have their work address, so they can be all faux-embarassed-but-secretly-smug in front of the whole office
:cry:
I've been carefully avoiding reading this thread because I knew it would make me jealous, and today I finally cracked and read it, and sure enough - I'm jealous! Oooooooooh it's going to be so much fun, ballgowns and velvet and sparkly things. I'll be at my sister's 21st, but believe me if it was ANYTHING else I would cancel it to be at this munch! Darkling, hope all the organising and stuff isn't getting too stressful, and hope you all have a fantastic time.
And now I am staying away from this thread again for as long as I can
xxx
I've been carefully avoiding reading this thread because I knew it would make me jealous, and today I finally cracked and read it, and sure enough - I'm jealous! Oooooooooh it's going to be so much fun, ballgowns and velvet and sparkly things. I'll be at my sister's 21st, but believe me if it was ANYTHING else I would cancel it to be at this munch! Darkling, hope all the organising and stuff isn't getting too stressful, and hope you all have a fantastic time.
And now I am staying away from this thread again for as long as I can
xxx
:thumbup: Gem, well put.
I'm 22, and I've never for a minute felt I was too young to be here, or felt that others thought I was. On the other hand, a lot of people assume I'm older than I am, so maybe it's just that I hide my age well. I think there's a certain attitude, way of thinking about things, whatever, that you've either got or you haven't, and I don't think it's age that determines that. A number of times I've met people here, both singles and couples - and generally who are older than me - and thought to myself ''I would never play with them, they're too young.' And that's nothing to do with age in years, it's to do with self-awareness, confidence, emotional stability, the sorts of things which are important to me in the people I play with. I suppose you could argue that those things tend to occur more often in older people, because some of them are things that can be learned or developed over time. But some people have them anyway, even though they're young - and some people will never have them, however old they get.
I'm 22, and I've never for a minute felt I was too young to be here, or felt that others thought I was. On the other hand, a lot of people assume I'm older than I am, so maybe it's just that I hide my age well
. I think there's a certain attitude, way of thinking about things, whatever, that you've either got or you haven't, and I don't think it's age that determines that. A number of times I've met people here, both singles and couples - and generally who are older than me - and thought to myself ''I would never play with them, they're too young.' And that's nothing to do with age in years, it's to do with self-awareness, confidence, emotional stability, the sorts of things which are important to me in the people I play with. I suppose you could argue that those things tend to occur more often in older people, because some of them are things that can be learned or developed over time. But some people have them anyway, even though they're young - and some people will never have them, however old they get. Quote by Jas-Tim
Final point, there are very few disabled people that I know who object to questions or who are overly political correct about it, to be honest PCism normally comes across as more patronising than anything else.
I would rather deal with honest ignorance and questions than have someone telling me how I should be treated by others because they think they know what's best for me, and what I need, and how I feel.
Jas
XXX
This is interesting, Jas - and exactly what I think, although my perspective on it is as questioner rather than, err, questionee? If someone tells me they have a disability or an illness then my reaction is always 'Oh, ok. What do I need to know about it, so as not to hurt you or annoy you? And is there anything I need to remember to do or not do, or say or not say?' Once I know those things, I'd be unlikely to talk about it again, really - I'd assume we had lots more interesting things to talk about!
I don't think there are many disabilities that would put me off playing with someone. Scars, skin diseases etc. - one step up from spots and stretchmarks, and entirely irrelevant to whether I fancy someone. Problems with sight or hearing... would mean slightly more care over communication, but that can only be a good thing. Mobility problems, pain etc. - as long as you tell me how to make sure I don't hurt you, and as long as you're still able to enjoy whatever we're doing, I'm happy.
More to the point, I play with people because I'm attracted to them as a package, because they're my friends, because I enjoy spending time with them and I also find them physically attractive. By the time I get to the point where I'm having sex with someone, I would expect to know them well enough to be able to say 'so what do I need to know about this disability thing, then?' and for them to be the kind of person who'd not be offended by that. The kind of person I fancy has enough of a sense of humour and takes the world lightly enough not to get all worked up about this conversation. The kind of person I fancy doesn't allow themselves to be pigeonholed or dismissed because of a little thing like being a bit disabled, because they're lots of other things as well.
The main reason I'd be put off by a disability would be if it became a constant issue because the person in question tended to be self-pitying or over-sensitive about it, if they made the disability the main thing about themselves rather than just one of the bits of them. On the other hand, that's not a disability thing - that's a personality thing.
So, in conclusion - if you're the kind of person I'd fancy anyway, and also disabled - cool.
If you're the kind of person I wouldn't fancy, and also disabled, I still don't fancy you.
