Old avatar and signature seem to still be sat here waiting for me to pop back in!
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makingcocoa
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 41
UK
Forum
Another one who wishes I wasn't logging in for the first time in years under these circumstances, but I agree with Gem that this feels like the right place to talk about Neil. It all feels like a bit of a surreal conversation to be having, to be honest, but I felt drawn back here to the conversation anyway.
Neil was one of the people at the core of 'the gang' who made this whole SH world such an amazing, exciting, welcoming, bizarre and wonderful place for a couple of years way back when I first found it. He and so many others became real, lifelong friends of mine because of that time, and although that era fizzled to an end eventually, the friendships didn't and I am so grateful for that.
Neil is so central to my memories of whole nights spent furiously typing away on the forums, those nights when everything you read made you think, argue, laugh and think again, when the threads were filling up so quickly you couldn't refresh the page fast enough to keep up. Neil's posts were often thoughtful, usually witty, sometimes silly, sometimes political, always articulate and intelligent. He was an absolute pleasure to be with online. He made me think, and a few times he genuinely changed my point of view on something, which not many people have ever been able to do.
He was an absolute pleasure to be with in real life as well. His bony, skinny, tight hugs were some of the ones I looked forward to most when I saw everyone (every other weekend, it seemed, at the height of it!) and his conversation was as sparkling in real life as it was on the forums, which couldn't be said for all (most?!) of us! He could always be relied upon for a deep-and-meaningful putting the worlds to rights conversation, as much as for a bit of nonsense and silly dancing!
My favourite memory of Nellie was an after munch hotel room get-together, when he fell asleep in a chair in the corner and proceeded to sleep through all the shenanigans going on around him, except to wake up hours into the proceedings, sit bolt upright, shout 'ELBOW!!!!' at the top of his voice and immediately go straight back to sleep. We used to giggle like little girls every time we saw each other after that when one of us remembered to drop 'elbow' into the conversation. I love that he was a total giggler, as well as a thoroughly clever, articulate and passionate man.
He is just such a loss to the world. Gem, we haven't stopped thinking about you since we heard the news, and we just can't imagine what you're going through. I hope it helps a little bit to know how much he was loved.
xxxx
Neil was one of the people at the core of 'the gang' who made this whole SH world such an amazing, exciting, welcoming, bizarre and wonderful place for a couple of years way back when I first found it. He and so many others became real, lifelong friends of mine because of that time, and although that era fizzled to an end eventually, the friendships didn't and I am so grateful for that.
Neil is so central to my memories of whole nights spent furiously typing away on the forums, those nights when everything you read made you think, argue, laugh and think again, when the threads were filling up so quickly you couldn't refresh the page fast enough to keep up. Neil's posts were often thoughtful, usually witty, sometimes silly, sometimes political, always articulate and intelligent. He was an absolute pleasure to be with online. He made me think, and a few times he genuinely changed my point of view on something, which not many people have ever been able to do.
He was an absolute pleasure to be with in real life as well. His bony, skinny, tight hugs were some of the ones I looked forward to most when I saw everyone (every other weekend, it seemed, at the height of it!) and his conversation was as sparkling in real life as it was on the forums, which couldn't be said for all (most?!) of us! He could always be relied upon for a deep-and-meaningful putting the worlds to rights conversation, as much as for a bit of nonsense and silly dancing!
My favourite memory of Nellie was an after munch hotel room get-together, when he fell asleep in a chair in the corner and proceeded to sleep through all the shenanigans going on around him, except to wake up hours into the proceedings, sit bolt upright, shout 'ELBOW!!!!' at the top of his voice and immediately go straight back to sleep. We used to giggle like little girls every time we saw each other after that when one of us remembered to drop 'elbow' into the conversation. I love that he was a total giggler, as well as a thoroughly clever, articulate and passionate man.
He is just such a loss to the world. Gem, we haven't stopped thinking about you since we heard the news, and we just can't imagine what you're going through. I hope it helps a little bit to know how much he was loved.
xxxx
Six years ago, I joined SH as a single girl in search of sexual adventure. Having drinks after my first munch with Vix and Reese, they mentioned a chap they thought I should meet, a friend of theirs called Marmalaid. They just warned me not to fall for him, as others had done in the past... He wasn't the falling in love type.
At my second munch, I was glad to meet the charming Marmalaid, who picked me up off my feet and made me shriek and giggle. But I met so many people that night... Although I thought he was lovely, and we saw each other at various munched, parties and socials over the next year, somehow we never got round to making a date.
Then one day, he was driving down to a wedding in Cornwall, and he met me for a coffee on the way back past Somerset.
We spent two months meeting more and more often and eventually both had to admit we weren't just swinging, we had fallen in love (Vix and Reese were the first people we told!) a month later, I moved halfway across the country to move in with him.
On Sunday, I was on a girls shopping trip in New York, looking at diamonds on the 2nd floor of Tiffany's, when he totally surprised me by sneaking up behind me (I thought he was safely at home in England) getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him. I said yes :-)
I don't know if many here will remember us, as we've not been round for years, but we wanted to come back and share our happy news where it all started! Thank you SH for being the place we both met the love of our life.
Makingcocoa and Marmalaid xxx
At my second munch, I was glad to meet the charming Marmalaid, who picked me up off my feet and made me shriek and giggle. But I met so many people that night... Although I thought he was lovely, and we saw each other at various munched, parties and socials over the next year, somehow we never got round to making a date.
Then one day, he was driving down to a wedding in Cornwall, and he met me for a coffee on the way back past Somerset.
We spent two months meeting more and more often and eventually both had to admit we weren't just swinging, we had fallen in love (Vix and Reese were the first people we told!) a month later, I moved halfway across the country to move in with him.
On Sunday, I was on a girls shopping trip in New York, looking at diamonds on the 2nd floor of Tiffany's, when he totally surprised me by sneaking up behind me (I thought he was safely at home in England) getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him. I said yes :-)
I don't know if many here will remember us, as we've not been round for years, but we wanted to come back and share our happy news where it all started! Thank you SH for being the place we both met the love of our life.
Makingcocoa and Marmalaid xxx
Suze, I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this awful news... I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. We're both thinking of you and your family and feeling so terribly sad for you. Anyone who ever saw you two together knows how in love you were and how happy you made each other. I've been around the same forums and munches as you for years , since before you met, I think, and I've seen how much happiness, security and confidence your relationship has given you. It's the cruellest thing imaginable for him to be taken from you after such a short time... But I am so glad for you both that you met, and loved each other, and had the years that you did.
I will remember Bart most clearly whirling me around the dance floor at one munch or another - he was an excellent dancer :-) - and we'll be thinking of him and of you in the next days and weeks. Wishing you strength and love.
Nicki and Chris x
I will remember Bart most clearly whirling me around the dance floor at one munch or another - he was an excellent dancer :-) - and we'll be thinking of him and of you in the next days and weeks. Wishing you strength and love.
Nicki and Chris x
I'm 25 and have been swinging for 5 years, on and off, as a single and as a couple. I've occasionally encountered the mindset that 'Anybody under X years old is too young to swing / doesn't know their own mind / isn't emotionally mature enough / shouldn't risk their relationship / doesn't know their partner well enough' yadayadayada. It's complete bollocks 
That said, everyone has preferences and sometimes an age range is one of them - I've never minded that, feel free to tell me I'm too young to swing with you, just don't tell me I'm too young to be swinging at all!
That said, everyone has preferences and sometimes an age range is one of them - I've never minded that, feel free to tell me I'm too young to swing with you, just don't tell me I'm too young to be swinging at all!
I haven't been to a big munch for ages, though I've just seen my signature still reflects my early years on SH!
I used to get a bit nervous before munches, and also really, really excited, so by the time I actually got there I'd be bouncing and squealing and hugging everyone I knew, and bouncing up to those I didn't know with a 'Hello-I'm-Cocoa-I-don't-think-we've-met!!!' I was single then, and so used to have a few 'partners in crime' among the other single girls to bounce and squeak with, and I was very active on the forums so most people recognised my name. Plus, I was actively on the pull so it was worth my while being brave and talking to a lot of new people!
Because I went to a lot of munches (two a month at the height of it!), I would see my 'old friends' often, so I used to take a lot of time at munches to start conversations with newbies, take them round the room and introduce them to people, and make an effort to make them feel included. As I started to drift away and went to less and less munches, the opportunities to chat to old friends got fewer and further between, and I also felt more and more as though I'd bounce up to someone I didn't know and say 'Hi I'm Cocoa!' and they'd say 'Who?' because I wasn't posting as much. A couple of times I was given rather withering dismissals from people who felt they were part of the new 'core' crowd on the forums and I ought to know who they were, as well!
By that time Chris and I were together and not so actively looking for people to swing with, and we felt a bit cornered a couple of times when we chatted to new people just to be friendly, and felt pretty clearly that they were taking it as a come-on and weren't interested in friendly chat for its own sake.
Anyway, the last couple of munches I went to, I stuck more or less entirely to catching up with old friends (and I mean that the same way as Easy :lol
I find it's harder to be confident about introducing yourself to new people when you're not that active on the forums, as there's a certain amount of 'Oh yes, I recognise the name' that helps to keep the conversation going initially!
We must get round to a munch again soon, I was so disappointed when I got back on here a few weeks ago and saw simultaneously that there was another Wigan munch happening (yay!!) and that the list was full (boooo!!) Chris and I first met at a Wigan munch, it must be five years ago now and my second ever munch! We'll keep our eyes open for the next one, we'd really love to come to one and see a few old friends and meet some new people.
I used to get a bit nervous before munches, and also really, really excited, so by the time I actually got there I'd be bouncing and squealing and hugging everyone I knew, and bouncing up to those I didn't know with a 'Hello-I'm-Cocoa-I-don't-think-we've-met!!!' I was single then, and so used to have a few 'partners in crime' among the other single girls to bounce and squeak with, and I was very active on the forums so most people recognised my name. Plus, I was actively on the pull so it was worth my while being brave and talking to a lot of new people!
Because I went to a lot of munches (two a month at the height of it!), I would see my 'old friends' often, so I used to take a lot of time at munches to start conversations with newbies, take them round the room and introduce them to people, and make an effort to make them feel included. As I started to drift away and went to less and less munches, the opportunities to chat to old friends got fewer and further between, and I also felt more and more as though I'd bounce up to someone I didn't know and say 'Hi I'm Cocoa!' and they'd say 'Who?' because I wasn't posting as much. A couple of times I was given rather withering dismissals from people who felt they were part of the new 'core' crowd on the forums and I ought to know who they were, as well!
By that time Chris and I were together and not so actively looking for people to swing with, and we felt a bit cornered a couple of times when we chatted to new people just to be friendly, and felt pretty clearly that they were taking it as a come-on and weren't interested in friendly chat for its own sake.Anyway, the last couple of munches I went to, I stuck more or less entirely to catching up with old friends (and I mean that the same way as Easy :lol
I find it's harder to be confident about introducing yourself to new people when you're not that active on the forums, as there's a certain amount of 'Oh yes, I recognise the name' that helps to keep the conversation going initially! We must get round to a munch again soon, I was so disappointed when I got back on here a few weeks ago and saw simultaneously that there was another Wigan munch happening (yay!!) and that the list was full (boooo!!) Chris and I first met at a Wigan munch, it must be five years ago now and my second ever munch! We'll keep our eyes open for the next one, we'd really love to come to one and see a few old friends and meet some new people.
Pah.... I came to this thread looking for hints and tips, and instead I find light-sabres and gold hot-pants! :giggle:
Actually, we're totally crap at the ice-breaking thing. We're very good at the friendly chat, putting everyone at ease, lets all have a glass of wine type bits, but utterly rubbish at the 'OK, now we've had a glass of wine shall we have rampant sex?' bit!
We had a blokey round a couple of months ago, very nice guy, we'd met for a drink and all got on well, flirty texts had been exchanged, detailed dirty PMs had been exchanged, we were all CERTAIN we all wanted to fuck each other.... but in the end we sat here for three hours chatting! THREE hours, on a week night! It got to the point where he went off to the loo and we had a desperate 'how the hell are we going to get the sex bit started' whispered conversation, concluded nothing, and when he came back, in complete desperation and for lack of any better ideas I said 'OK, shall we do the sex bit now?' Smooth, really smooth 
Way back when I was a singly, my absolute best ever icebreaker moment was when the female half of a couple I was visiting got up and said to her other half 'Right, I'm going to the loo, I want her naked by the time I get back.'
Actually, we're totally crap at the ice-breaking thing. We're very good at the friendly chat, putting everyone at ease, lets all have a glass of wine type bits, but utterly rubbish at the 'OK, now we've had a glass of wine shall we have rampant sex?' bit!
We had a blokey round a couple of months ago, very nice guy, we'd met for a drink and all got on well, flirty texts had been exchanged, detailed dirty PMs had been exchanged, we were all CERTAIN we all wanted to fuck each other.... but in the end we sat here for three hours chatting! THREE hours, on a week night!
It got to the point where he went off to the loo and we had a desperate 'how the hell are we going to get the sex bit started' whispered conversation, concluded nothing, and when he came back, in complete desperation and for lack of any better ideas I said 'OK, shall we do the sex bit now?' Smooth, really smooth Way back when I was a singly, my absolute best ever icebreaker moment was when the female half of a couple I was visiting got up and said to her other half 'Right, I'm going to the loo, I want her naked by the time I get back.'
I was allowed to have boyfriends stay the night, and sleep in my room, from when I was about 17 and first had a serious boyfriend. My mum told me she'd rather we were having sex at home than sneaking around in fields and alleyways and the back seats of cars. The first time I asked if my boyfriend could stay over, it prompted a great conversation - my mum and I had always talked about sex, and contraception, and relationships, and making responsible choices, but we really discussed it all in context of my life at the time and that particular relationship.
Letting me have my boyfriend stay over felt like a validation of all the things we'd always discussed, and as though she trusted me to make good decisions. It really made me feel she respected me and my right to make my own decisions about sex and relationships, with her guidance/advice when needed, but most importantly with her approval! To be honest, if she'd refused to let my boyfriend stay over, it would have felt like a very mixed message - 'Yes you're old enough to have sex, yes I trust you to make good decisions and be responsible, yes I know you have a sex life, but I don't want it going on in my house!'
I'm fairly certain when I have kids, I'll feel the same way, and I hope I'll be as supportive of my kids' choices as I always felt my mum was of mine.
(None of this is meant in any way against what others have said in this thread, of course, as I absolutely respect the fact that everyone does parenting differently and there isn't one 'right' way to do it!)
Letting me have my boyfriend stay over felt like a validation of all the things we'd always discussed, and as though she trusted me to make good decisions. It really made me feel she respected me and my right to make my own decisions about sex and relationships, with her guidance/advice when needed, but most importantly with her approval! To be honest, if she'd refused to let my boyfriend stay over, it would have felt like a very mixed message - 'Yes you're old enough to have sex, yes I trust you to make good decisions and be responsible, yes I know you have a sex life, but I don't want it going on in my house!'
I'm fairly certain when I have kids, I'll feel the same way, and I hope I'll be as supportive of my kids' choices as I always felt my mum was of mine.
(None of this is meant in any way against what others have said in this thread, of course, as I absolutely respect the fact that everyone does parenting differently and there isn't one 'right' way to do it!
) We're celebrating birthdays, Chris' and my sister's... I expect it will involve lots of champagne and cake and silliness! And then we're coming home in time for an early night on Sunday, as I'm starting my new job on Monday :bounce:
Have fun in Blackpool, varca.... send Richard Hammond kisses from me!!! :rascal:
Have fun in Blackpool, varca.... send Richard Hammond kisses from me!!! :rascal:
Quote by Dirtygirlie
I'm packing for my weekend in London! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Have fun in London, DG!! :bounce:
I should be tidying up the mess I've made wrapping Chris' birthday presents, so that when he gets home in half an hour he doesn't realise that's how I've spent my afternoon
In fact, I am actually going to go and do that. Back in a minute!
Good luck Corrie, and well done so far! I gave up almost exactly a year ago, the day I moved in with Chris. My main tip would be that if you do have a weak moment and have one cigarette, don't think you've failed and you may as well keep smoking... just write it off as a one-off mistake and keep on giving up!
The other thing I did for the first few weeks was that every time I wanted a cigarette, I'd tell Chris and we'd have a shag instead I highly recommend that as a giving-up aid!
The other thing I did for the first few weeks was that every time I wanted a cigarette, I'd tell Chris and we'd have a shag instead
I highly recommend that as a giving-up aid! 
assionkiss: :passionkiss: :passionkiss: