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How do you feel about married men looking for discreet sex?

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confused
Is it just me or are there far too many married men on this site looking for sex?
Now I'm not talking about married men looking for sex with the knowledge and consent of their wives, as this is my understanding of genuine swingers. I'm talking about all those married men out there looking for a little discreet one off or regular meet without the wife's consent. That's not swinging. That's cheating. And I don't understand how they have the audacity to advertise on a swinging site.
Be honest. Be real. Be true.
smile
My feeling is this.
I think the energy would be better put toward making or breaking the marraige. Love affairs happen, especially when communication breaks down, and someone is feeling lonely. I`m not condoning it, but a tough marrriage is a tough place to be, and when emotion is involved, things can get muddy. Foraging for sex doesn`t involve such emotion, and therefore in my book is less excusable. Sex is never worth that kind of betrayal, but again, perhaps I am being too harsh, for a tough marraige is a tough place to be, and people do not always make the right choices.
What I do hate is people who are married, and pass themselves off as single. This makes others become a part of the betrayal without thier knowledge, and that`s just nasty.
Venusxxx
i dont condem married men ......this is a swingers site their bound to come looking
it would be nice though if they involved their wife/partner
i think men can have sex and walk away guilt free and return to their wives less frustrated
its not nice but it happens and if it keeps a marrige together then who are we to judge
i think its better for them to be truethfull than lie
im free and single and shy as hell untill i become horny lmao
smile
I wouldnt go there with a married person unless the other partner of the person knew. I just think Id feel bad knowing that I was helping this person to cheat. I think Id hate to be in that situation myself and always prefer to know whats going on around me rather than a load of secrets!
Hah I know from past experiences in my family that secrets only cause pain and its no good sweeping things under the carpet. Although it must be hard feeling you are trapped in a situation like a relationship. Maybe thats why the idea of swinging appeals to me??
Personally so far I see many more pros to swinging than cons.
I'm in a not too wonderful not too awful marriage, we are each others best friends but it has been a celebate marriage for many years. We've talked it over, my wife believes I've been playing away, (I haven't), and is "happy" about it. That is to say I'm sure she wouldn't want me to come home and tell her the details, but neither is she going to get out of her tree if she finds out. I couldn't become a kiss and tell blackmail victim that's for sure.
I don't think it's too easy to lay down the law for others unless you're sitting in their boat. I do agree however that marrieds pretending to be single are pretty low.
Quote by VenusnMars
What I do hate is people who are married, and pass themselves off as single. This makes others become a part of the betrayal without thier knowledge, and that`s just nasty.
Venusxxx

Exactly! well put and well said. To be taken for a mug in this way is sooooo upsetting for those on the innocent end....
Quote by musketeer
I don't think it's too easy to lay down the law for others unless you're sitting in their boat. I do agree however that marrieds pretending to be single are pretty low.

I agree, I don`t want to sit in judgement on people, but that is my personal view. smile
Venusxxx
Quote by VenusnMars
My feeling is this.
I think the energy would be better put toward making or breaking the marraige. Love affairs happen, especially when communication breaks down, and someone is feeling lonely. I`m not condoning it, but a tough marrriage is a tough place to be, and when emotion is involved, things can get muddy. Foraging for sex doesn`t involve such emotion, and therefore in my book is less excusable. Sex is never worth that kind of betrayal, but again, perhaps I am being too harsh, for a tough marraige is a tough place to be, and people do not always make the right choices.
What I do hate is people who are married, and pass themselves off as single. This makes others become a part of the betrayal without thier knowledge, and that`s just nasty.
Venusxxx

Youv'e hit the nail on the head, "A BAD MARRIAGE IS NOT A NICE PLACE TO BE"
What does a man, or a woman do ? when their partner has gone off sex, due to old age or illness and do not want, kissing, touching, romance, sleeping together, respect, kindness and refuses to seek any medical help or treatment, do they live as a celibate priest and go without one of the most precious human experiences in this life ? or do they look elsewhere for some relief, after all, we only get one chance and that is right now !!!
smile
Quote by fruity1976
I wouldnt go there with a married person unless the other partner of the person knew. I just think Id feel bad knowing that I was helping this person to cheat. I think Id hate to be in that situation myself and always prefer to know whats going on around me rather than a load of secrets!

Wholeheartedly agreed! :thumbup:
Personally, Vix & I take it one step further. Whenever a "single person" responds to our ad indicating that they're married, or have a b/f or g/f, we include the following in our cut & paste "turn-down" letter: "Because we only do things as a couple and have the utmost respect for others' relationships, we would never get involved with anyone who is already in a relationship unless their partner participated as well."
I fully understand that there are some couples who swing separately, or where one swings and the other isn't interested. If that works for them and doesn't place an excessive burden on the relationship, more power to them - I have no isses with that. It's just something I would never consider personally and, because Vix & I share in swinging as a couple, we would never take the risk of compromising another's relationship by inviting one partner to bed without the other being present.
What really boils my blood, however, is when they also include the phrase "so discretion is a must" in their response to our ad, which, in that context, seems to indicate that they're keeping secrets from their other half. mad Secrets hurt, and (imho) have no place within any sort of relationship - a metastatic disease which eats away at the fabric of the relationship and all of the individuals involved - a betrayal of the shared bond, of trust, and of self. Thus, these replies are immediately relegated to the deepest and most infernal depths of our junk mail bin.
~Reese! surprised
The longer one stays in a marriage the more the bonds hold, even when all is not perfect I don't at the moment feel I want to break it up. Also, when you get older a degree of pragmatism comes in. I've worked quite hard all my life, I've almost got everything in place to retire this year or next, if we split I'll have to work till I drop, that's a tough one to face. Say in 15 years time stacking the shelves at Tesco, no thanks.
My wife has friends outside the marriage as do I. I don't think it's more than that but I couldn't and wouldn't blame her. She's certainly always been better looking than me and is still a size 10 and looks the business in her jeans, leather jacket and shades. She always had a bum to die for and is lucky that her genes defy fat. We're pals, but I would like SEX. My reluctance to pay for it is not based on being tight, it's based on the fact that I think both parties should be lustfully involved.
Thanks O.K. you made sense. I'm at the older end of the people here, it's amazing what compromises you will make as the years ahead diminish and the options for change likewise. You take the good bits and so long as they outweigh the bad bits you stay, because the chances of starting again and getting it right for the last few years are going to be slim indeed.
So ladies, let me be clear about this, I'll make love if ever I get the chance and not feel the slightest bit guilty because at the very least it will be holding my marriage together and will help me to smile as they nail down the lid. No apologies.
Thanks Reese.
You've hit it on the head. And that's what riles me about the married men adverts on here too. That whole discretion is a must thing. It makes my bloody boil.
Sure, when we meet someone and enter into a committed relationship this does not toll the end to any further attractions you may feel drawn to in people you may meet. But this is where your true character will come to the fore. If you find you're attracted to someone else you're faced with choices. Pursue or not to pursue. If you're in an open or swinging relationship you know you'll discuss your intent with your partner first. But it irates me the way these married men (and yes, woman too) run around behind each others backs. And obviously there are plenty of willing people out there without any scruples who are responding to these married people, which is why they continue to advertise.
Aarrgghh!!!!
Give me a true blue swinging partner any day.
And yes, I am looking for a new partner wink
Quote by Reese
[ "so discretion is a must" ~Reese! surprised

You have the very good fortune to be able to take the high moral ground on this Reese, personally I think we all have secrets, even you, and discretion is often the best option.
Those men who play away and then "confess", placing the burden of their guilt onto their wives are the worst. I do what I must do, keep the secrets I must keep, and try to be a Gentleman.
Musketeer, don't pick on Reese. I'm sure he'd forsake all his materialistic aquirements before deceiving his wife/lover/best friend. Best to be packing shelves at Tesco's in your 80's than living with the Judas kiss!!!!
You have a point Libra, but your point assumes there is nothing more to a marriage than sex. There's a lot more to my marriage than sex, but even though I ani't getting any I refuse to close the option forever.
Yip your right, there is more to a marriage than sex. But a good sex life accounts for 1% of the marriage. A bad sex life equates to 99%!
I've yet to meet anyone who got divorced because of a healthy sex life!
:swingingchair:
You may be right, perhaps you are, I'm just tired old me trying to get by and I don't see the easy answers as easy options. I'm going away now because it is an arguement I can't win.
Sorry Musketeer, I'm a Libra, I love a good arguement!
:fuckinghell:
Quote by Reese
keeping secrets from their other half. mad Secrets hurt, and (imho) have no place within any sort of relationship -.
~Reese! surprised
had that experience....can only applaud the way you've put this reese, thank you.
I am also at the older end of the scale so feel I can justifyabley comment on the following:-
Quote by musketeer
I'm at the older end of the people here, it's amazing what compromises you will make as the years ahead diminish and the options for change likewise.

Only if your of that mindset... If material things have more value to you, and therefore outweigh the emotional things... I think it depends on your outlook, I have been there and decided the jump from Secure to the Unknown was worth it for me... it is however, all subjective, and depends on each individule!
Quote by musketeer
You take the good bits and so long as they outweigh the bad bits you stay, because the chances of starting again and getting it right for the last few years are going to be slim indeed.

All I can say is.... many years ago a friend and I were talking and he said to me... "its like trying to cross a stream... you have one foot on one bank and the other foot on the other bank.... you don't want to take either off as you may fall flat on your face in the water"
You can't stay straddling the stream forever.... there will come a time when you have to go forwards or backwards.... the longer you leave it the harder it gets, sometimes you just have to take a blind leap..............
I gave up more than I can say.... materialisticly, but have gained so much more emotionely....... It was tough... but I know where I would rather be........ where I am now!
Quote by musketeer

there is discretion and then, there is blatent telling lies..... its the lie telling that's wrong, but discretion can be appropriate when a committed couple have unmet needs...its something they may agree to not question...
blah blah blah blah blah blah
smile
Sorry, didn't mean to trash anyone on here, just curious as to how discreet married folk justify advertising on a swingering site, when they clearly are not swingers.
But now realise, no matter how much lip-service goes into this justification I still do not get it. Cheating marrieds should forget the screw pills in the morning and order in some scruples!
But like I say, that's just my opinion.
As mamma use to say, a liar is worse than a thief. I can lock my door to a thief. Cheating involves lying. And it aint no little white lie either.
Lot's of good and interesting comment raised in this thread, some of which I find bordering on the hypocritical .... no I won't be drawn down that route.
However, I know exactly from where Musketeer is coming and imo does not deserve to be castigated. It seems that there is almost an implication from some, that Musketeer should end his marriage because he wants a sex life that he doesn't get at home, notwithstanding that his relationship has many other strengths.
There is a valid argument that the "non-straying party" may very well not want to know what his/her partner is up to ..... call it denial if you like, but so what.
Do I talk from experience? Indeed I do ...... My first wife, of whom I shall always be inordinately fond, had a pretty long affair which anyone with half a brain would have recognised ...... But I really did not want to know ...... And heaven forbid that my wife should have felt so guilty that she had to share that with me ..... And no, the affair was absolutely not the cause of the breakdown of our marriage ..... Rather as Corriefem said, we outgrew each other.
No doubt for whatever reason, some of you will now see me as some sort of target ..... If so, sorry, but I am afraid I am unlikely to rise to the bait.
Quote by crosspatch
Lot's of good and interesting comment raised in this thread, some of which I find bordering on the hypocritical ....

Indeed - I'll need stitches in my tongue if I bite it any harder.