My feeling is this.
I think the energy would be better put toward making or breaking the marraige. Love affairs happen, especially when communication breaks down, and someone is feeling lonely. I`m not condoning it, but a tough marrriage is a tough place to be, and when emotion is involved, things can get muddy. Foraging for sex doesn`t involve such emotion, and therefore in my book is less excusable. Sex is never worth that kind of betrayal, but again, perhaps I am being too harsh, for a tough marraige is a tough place to be, and people do not always make the right choices.
What I do hate is people who are married, and pass themselves off as single. This makes others become a part of the betrayal without thier knowledge, and that`s just nasty.
Venusxxx
i dont condem married men ......this is a swingers site their bound to come looking
it would be nice though if they involved their wife/partner
i think men can have sex and walk away guilt free and return to their wives less frustrated
its not nice but it happens and if it keeps a marrige together then who are we to judge
i think its better for them to be truethfull than lie
im free and single and shy as hell untill i become horny lmao
I wouldnt go there with a married person unless the other partner of the person knew. I just think Id feel bad knowing that I was helping this person to cheat. I think Id hate to be in that situation myself and always prefer to know whats going on around me rather than a load of secrets!
Hah I know from past experiences in my family that secrets only cause pain and its no good sweeping things under the carpet. Although it must be hard feeling you are trapped in a situation like a relationship. Maybe thats why the idea of swinging appeals to me??
Personally so far I see many more pros to swinging than cons.
I'm in a not too wonderful not too awful marriage, we are each others best friends but it has been a celebate marriage for many years. We've talked it over, my wife believes I've been playing away, (I haven't), and is "happy" about it. That is to say I'm sure she wouldn't want me to come home and tell her the details, but neither is she going to get out of her tree if she finds out. I couldn't become a kiss and tell blackmail victim that's for sure.
I don't think it's too easy to lay down the law for others unless you're sitting in their boat. I do agree however that marrieds pretending to be single are pretty low.
The longer one stays in a marriage the more the bonds hold, even when all is not perfect I don't at the moment feel I want to break it up. Also, when you get older a degree of pragmatism comes in. I've worked quite hard all my life, I've almost got everything in place to retire this year or next, if we split I'll have to work till I drop, that's a tough one to face. Say in 15 years time stacking the shelves at Tesco, no thanks.
My wife has friends outside the marriage as do I. I don't think it's more than that but I couldn't and wouldn't blame her. She's certainly always been better looking than me and is still a size 10 and looks the business in her jeans, leather jacket and shades. She always had a bum to die for and is lucky that her genes defy fat. We're pals, but I would like SEX. My reluctance to pay for it is not based on being tight, it's based on the fact that I think both parties should be lustfully involved.
Thanks O.K. you made sense. I'm at the older end of the people here, it's amazing what compromises you will make as the years ahead diminish and the options for change likewise. You take the good bits and so long as they outweigh the bad bits you stay, because the chances of starting again and getting it right for the last few years are going to be slim indeed.
So ladies, let me be clear about this, I'll make love if ever I get the chance and not feel the slightest bit guilty because at the very least it will be holding my marriage together and will help me to smile as they nail down the lid. No apologies.
Musketeer, don't pick on Reese. I'm sure he'd forsake all his materialistic aquirements before deceiving his wife/lover/best friend. Best to be packing shelves at Tesco's in your 80's than living with the Judas kiss!!!!
You have a point Libra, but your point assumes there is nothing more to a marriage than sex. There's a lot more to my marriage than sex, but even though I ani't getting any I refuse to close the option forever.
Yip your right, there is more to a marriage than sex. But a good sex life accounts for 1% of the marriage. A bad sex life equates to 99%!
I've yet to meet anyone who got divorced because of a healthy sex life!
:swingingchair:
You may be right, perhaps you are, I'm just tired old me trying to get by and I don't see the easy answers as easy options. I'm going away now because it is an arguement I can't win.
Sorry Musketeer, I'm a Libra, I love a good arguement!
:fuckinghell:
blah blah blah blah blah blah
Sorry, didn't mean to trash anyone on here, just curious as to how discreet married folk justify advertising on a swingering site, when they clearly are not swingers.
But now realise, no matter how much lip-service goes into this justification I still do not get it. Cheating marrieds should forget the screw pills in the morning and order in some scruples!
But like I say, that's just my opinion.
As mamma use to say, a liar is worse than a thief. I can lock my door to a thief. Cheating involves lying. And it aint no little white lie either.
Lot's of good and interesting comment raised in this thread, some of which I find bordering on the hypocritical .... no I won't be drawn down that route.
However, I know exactly from where Musketeer is coming and imo does not deserve to be castigated. It seems that there is almost an implication from some, that Musketeer should end his marriage because he wants a sex life that he doesn't get at home, notwithstanding that his relationship has many other strengths.
There is a valid argument that the "non-straying party" may very well not want to know what his/her partner is up to ..... call it denial if you like, but so what.
Do I talk from experience? Indeed I do ...... My first wife, of whom I shall always be inordinately fond, had a pretty long affair which anyone with half a brain would have recognised ...... But I really did not want to know ...... And heaven forbid that my wife should have felt so guilty that she had to share that with me ..... And no, the affair was absolutely not the cause of the breakdown of our marriage ..... Rather as Corriefem said, we outgrew each other.
No doubt for whatever reason, some of you will now see me as some sort of target ..... If so, sorry, but I am afraid I am unlikely to rise to the bait.