intimidating

23 Dec 2003

This may sound rude and I don't intend this to be but do you 'moderator' guys understand the effect of what you write?
To be honest,not just you but the 'regulars' on , guys like 'Dominic' deserve to be shot down - but to other people who maybe do not have the confidence to post heaps of thoughts/desires/opinions then your reaction to some posts is SO intimidating that it may put people off.
I for one am so wary of writing 'the wrong thing' that it has taken me a while to write this.
I am part of a happy loving couple who would like to play a lot more but, to be honest, am really wary of posting on the forum.
I am not trying to be funny but to an outsider this site appears really 'clicky'.'Dominic' may be a prat but do you have to tell him so forcefully and so often?
Just a thought friends,just a thought.
redface

23 Dec 2003

I shouldn't really be answering this directly as it is mainly addressed to the Mods, but what the hell - here's my two pennorth!
I think your point about the Forum being cliquey is understandable but - with the greatest respect - not entirely correct. I feel I can say that even as a comparative newbie. When I joined in November I was hesitant about adding to threads; yes there did seem to be a group of regulars who all seemed to know each other. What I did discover is how, if a new member is willing to enter into the banter, put forward their point of view and express it with respect and humour, then they are welcomed with open arms.
However, if a forum member makes a post which is rude (impolite) or offensive, then the moderators and many regulars will make their dissastisfaction known.
There is also the saying about not suffering fools gladly - and just occasionally there ill-thought out posts which just beg for a little gentle mickey-taking. I'm guilty of doing that as much as anyone, and in return I've had the mickey taken out of me. A sense of humour is vital!
I would like to say though that your own post was polite and thoughtfully expressed and I hope you will continue to post in future.
Love Sappho xxx

23 Dec 2003

You're not being rude and you're opinion is welcomed.
People can be a little blunt with the 'fly posters' at times because it does become tedious and irritating seeing the same terse and often crude posts that are left in the forum. I suppose it's one of the pitfalls of this being a totally free site. I can assure you though that the moderators are only here to help and try to keep the site running smoothly. They are certainly not intending to intimidate.
There are a lot of regulars who do post often but it mainly happens in the cafe section of the forum. The cafe section has a serious side but it is also the fun part of the forum. It certainly isn't a clique. Newcomers are always welcome and I'm sure that some of the guys that have recently joined the site will testify to that.
The moderators have been here longer than most and so obviously know a lot of the other site users. Maybe this can seem a little daunting but we're all here for the same reasons. To have a bit of fun and hopefully meet some like minded people along the way

23 Dec 2003

To be honest,not just you but the 'regulars' on , guys like 'Dominic' deserve to be shot down - but to other people who maybe do not have the confidence to post heaps of thoughts/desires/opinions then your reaction to some posts is SO intimidating that it may put people off. I for one am so wary of writing 'the wrong thing' that it has taken me a while to write this.

Probably not, which is why we need sensible people to tell us so.
The situation is, regulars come on here to relax an have fun, we do this in our natural manner, it is difficult for new members to leap straight in and cope, therefore many of us take time too speak to the new members and encourage them. I personally attempt to respond to every new post that arrives. I miss a few, but then I am not the only regular so I don't worry about that.
Yes, it is intimidating to walk in to a crowded room, and call out "here I am, talk to me" and it is a nightmare to know what to say first. This was my first ever post on the forum.

Hi, I am a new boy to all this and very much at the tentative stage. But we all have to start somewhere. I would welcome an arm round the shoulder message from - well anyone! Spent sometime in the chatroom and enjoyed that. Keen not to look a numpty or tred on toes!

I look at this often to remind me of two things
1) What it felt like to post for the first time
2) What I was looking for in this site
The conflict usually arises from the fact that this forum does have a membership, a protocol, and an ethos. It is not Hyde Park Corner where anyone has the freedom to speak as they please.
However, it is constantly evolving and changing, usually due to helpful posts such as the one you make TS.
In a defensive way, I would say. I was a major poster on this site long before I was a moderator. I am intimidating for two reasons, because I am one of the regulars, and because I am a moderator. I am no more intimidating in here, than I am to a new person at my place of work.
And a final note. The only people you ever see responding to postings from new members are the regular members. The first people to respond to your post TS are the regular members, if it were not for the regular members, your post would be completly ignored.
How would that make you feel, if you walked into a crowded room, and said, here I am, talk to me, and all the regular members completley ignored you?
BTW - Welcome, your first post is thought provoking and just the type of thing that will maintain the success of this site - I hope you will make many more.
And when you have - you will be intimidating too.
lhk
Kat

23 Dec 2003

Of course you're welcome.
Just think of this place as a party to which you've been invited, and you don't know many/any people. Take a breath, jump in and have a 'drink'.
I'm off for a little holiday but hope to see you around later.

24 Dec 2003

Hi TS1,
Welcome to the Forum wave

. I will try not to repeat what everyone else has said - and also try and keep this uncharacteristically brief.
I am not a moderator and have actually only been posting here for about 7 weeks, so I still consider myself to be quite new, though I suppose that I have become something of a regular in that short period.
I have previously posted elsewhere my thanks and admiration for the moderators. They put an enormous amount of time and effort into this site and it would not exist without them. When I joined I found all the mods and the regulars charming, welcoming and supportive. If I had doubts or difficulties I would send one of them a PM and always received a prompt, helpful and encouraging response. Jags put it best (as she so often does worship

Just think of this place as a party to which you've been invited, and you don't know many/any people. Take a breath, jump in and have a 'drink'.

Well, to continue that analogy, if somebody blundered into a party yelling obscenities and hurling abuse the other guests are not going to take too kindly to it. They would collectively tell the newcomer to mind their manners and moderate their behaviour - quite possibly using humour and/or sarcasm to do it. If the offender persisted then they would probably be asked to leave and if they did not do so voluntarily would quite possibly be physically ejected. The same happens here. Polite newcomers are welcomed and encouraged the foul mouthed and abusive are asked to tone it down. If they ignore successive warnings they are kicked out. That's all.
New blood is the best way to prevent this Forum becoming a clique. So welcome - and I hope to hear from you again.
Ok, so it wasn't that brief redface

but it was well intentioned, as I always try to be. Sappho was also right (she always is - you'll learn that pretty quickly smile

), a sense of humour is vital and it is essential to be able to take it as well as dish it out.

24 Dec 2003

I joined the forum in August, and like you TS1 I was pretty careful not to say the wrong thing when I was a newbie because I realised that a lot of the contributors knew each other. I soon became very comfortable with logging on every day to see what the folks had been up to - now, I think I'm so hooked that I need therapy wink

. Since I joined a whole load of people have joined too - yes, Kat, I remember your first post! Willxx69 and Sappho, I remember you arriving - or should I say barging in :twisted: - too!
The point is, I think we all appreciate that the board does look full of regulars - but us mod people were just regulars long before we became mods - and in the main we are still regular Joes - it is only when the likes of Dom log on that we put our mods hats on and take out the furry hand-cuffs rolleyes

.
We certainly DO NOT want this forum to be used only by a few regulars (I think there's little chance of that happening in any case!) and I for one welcome conversations with new-comers - not that you regular lot are boring :wink: . Please feel free to contribute TS1 - I won't take the piss out of you (much!)

24 Dec 2003

Hi TS1,
What a wonderful posting...
Thought provoking - yes!
Me - guilty? - as charged your honour! (not said with pride - but in honesty)
However......
I have only been a member of the forum since the 8th September - and having just checked I have posted some 331 times! redface

ops: What I will say though is that even from my first post (which was done with some trepidation, the same as you) I wanted to belong to the community in the forum. I am not a moderator here in the forum but have been a Sysop in the chatroom for some time now.
Mark told me the other day that we get about 16000 hits a month to our web page and just like the forum there are good emails we get from it telling us they like the page etc and there are some really nasty ones. We respond to them all in the vein in which we receive them.
Do I sometimes put people down rather harshly - Yes, I suppose I do. But as has been said before the way people post is what initially makes me respond the way I do. But on the flip side there are also a lot of threads to which I have posted where I have been helpful and constructive as well.
I also come in for my fair share of the banter and leg pulling - as you may well have witnessed. But it is all taken in the way it was meant - generally as a bit of fun.
If people post nasty, rude or aggresive posts then I will respond in my own way to that - Free speech allows me that right. But that does not mean I am not above being slapped if necessary by the mods if I step over the line and I would expect them to tell me so.
I hope that you have got what you expected from this thread and on reflection I have done a whole posting without slapping someone.....
What the hell.....

Quote by KitKat
Keen not to look a numpty or tred on toes!

I look at this often to remind me of two things
1) What it felt like to post for the first time
2) What I was looking for in this site

3) To be grateful that my spelling has improved! rotflmao

What? WHAT?......
Oh come on - he was just asking for that! rolleyes

Ok - frivolity I know, but it is Christmas!
Fred

24 Dec 2003

Well what could I possibly say that has not already been said. I totally appreciate your point of view and understand your feelings. I too sat on the sidelines for a while before posting and know the trepedation I felt about posting for the first time.
I had spent a lot of time in the chat room and knew some of the people on here personally and I still had my reservations. But hey, I have a voice too and the cafe really is a place for both serious discussion and fun. Conversations often go off on a tangent in every day life, it is just that when it is done in here it is permanent.
If I see someone new in the forum I do try and post a welcome. (I don't remember getting one myself mind you. humph) I always add a little "if you see Fred, ignore him". which just about sums up the humour in the cafe.
I do hope our Moderators are not taking this too much to heart as it does seem they are receiving a bashing at the mo. I cannot praise them enough for keeping this forum a great place to be, where ALL are welcome.
I do bristle at the mention of a clique though. It is the same old story in the chat room. We talk to each other, we have built up relationships with each other, we have done that by talking and laughing at and with each other.
Many a time I have seen a comment in the chat room like "right you lot are a bunch of wankers, I'm off, no one wants to chat, you are all timewasters". My response to that is BYE BYE. If only people stick around and join in they would realise there is no clique in here. (Except from Jags high heels strutting their stuff!) I personally love seeing new people in here because I'm fed up with talking to this bunch. lol

Come on in .........the water is lovely!
Oh and by the way..........WELCOME!! (if you see Fred, ignore him!)
Love
Wilma
x x x x

24 Dec 2003

Oh, I couldnt agree with you more!!! Its like you have been reading my mind!!
I have emailed Mark to tell him exactly how and why I feel like this and just hope he listens.
What you and I are saying on here is only what others are saying to each other or themselves.
Lets hope the New Year will be the start oif this board being more open and less dominated by "the usual suspects"!!

24 Dec 2003

Lets hope the New Year will be the start oif this board being more open and less dominated by "the usual suspects"!!

OK, I am the largest contributor to the Forum with over 1500 postings, at just under 10 per day, which is 8.5% of the total posts. Even if you consider that I am part of a couple who post together and halve those numbers, I would still be the 5th most prolific poster. And I am a moderator.
And between now and next Christmas I fully intend to continue contributing at an average of 10 posts per day.
At the moment I am assuming that I am one of your usual suspects. And from the PM's I have received, others people reading your posts also feel that I am on your suspects list. But to be compleatly frank Foxy, I have no idea if you are saying to me:
1) You are a compleat tosser and this forum would be a much better place without any contribution from you ever in the future, and we all very much regret the day you blundered into the place! But we are too scared of you to tell you.
OR
2) Once or twice you get it wrong - but because you are so prominent this has a disproportional impact on new and insecure members of the forum. Everyone is saying so behind your back, but we are too scared of you to tell you/don't want to hurt your feelings. (Delete as appropriate)
Your advice is too generalistic to be of any influence at the moment. There is a need to be more specific, and my postings would be a most excellent place to start.
First, to remove any wrong assumptions, am I one of the posters that your comments are addressed to?
If I am, identify and quote posts that you feel best illustrate why you feel that way.
And Please, I do NOT want people leaping to my defence in this string. If you do not agree with the comments being made - stay out of it - For now - let those who want to see a change have the floor.
lhk
Kat

24 Dec 2003

Hi All
From a relative "Newbie" point of view I can see right where TS is coming from, but it's clear so can most if not all of the mods.....
You have made a very valid point here TS and I think you can already see the Mods have taken note.
Seems to me in a roundabout way you've just been warmly welcomed into the fold....
As for me......I like the simple things in life and as far as analogies go I would like to relate to this site from a little quote by I don't know who....
If you have heard it before I make no apologies. I love it and it sums up the site.....
WE HAVE NO STRANGERS HERE.........ONLY FRIENDS YOU'VE YET TO MEET!

24 Dec 2003

Well said, Mjb - everyone is welcome here - if you feel you are not being heard above us prolific posters, well, just write some more posts!
I think I'm the 2nd most prolific poster at the moment, and have no shame about that! I am going to keep on posting for as long as I feel that I am contributing something useful to this forum (frivolous or not!). All I can say to the lurkers out there is - come and play!
Foxy - you have made your feelings clear to several members of the forum - I'm with Kat in saying that if you have a problem with any of posts specifically (I too think I am on your "suspect" list), please point them out and explain.
Merry Xmas, y'all :P

25 Dec 2003

Quote by TS1 225
Honesty really IS the best policy

Says it all?

26 Dec 2003

Hi all, hope you are all having a great xmas, "mods hey" rolleyes

, I must be one of the longest serving mods on here, I don't believe I was asked to become one just to piss people off.
I also believe i wasn't asked to do it due to my intelect or literr...litiry........litttereerr.......writing skills either, I'm on here at the times when Mark and the other mods are having a life or sleeping smile

, yeah, the normal things.
TS1, if you felt intimidated doing your first post the way the site is today, just imagine how you would have felt back then if the mods had not done all the fine work that makes it the site it is taday.
All I can say is, post more, keep it nice, be honest and speak your mind (it can still be nice) and most of all have fun.
ps, "it's because of our pix too" :giggle:.
PoshnBecks

26 Dec 2003

Quote by TS1 225
I am not trying to be funny but to an outsider this site appears really 'clicky'.

I thought it looked that way too until I got into the swing {sorry, unintended} of some of the regulars on here. It took me all of, ooh, a day.
Now I see that rather than cliquey it's simply people that know each others sense of humour well. Try walking up to a gang of mates in the pub that know each other well and you'd be equally left out.
It's just that on here people have a far better (un)dress sense...... :P
Carpathian

26 Dec 2003

That's spot on lol

It takes a while to get to grips with the warped sense of humour that simply oozes out of this board, but it's worth the effort :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

26 Dec 2003

You just had to use the word "oozes", didn't you..... smile

Carpathian

26 Dec 2003

I'll use it again...
OOZES
Was it as good for you as it was for me? lol

:lol: :lol:

26 Dec 2003

Phew......
I'll have to go and have a sit down.......
Carpathian, somewhat flushed, after all that oozing....

26 Dec 2003

Don't you forget, the cafe is the perfect place for oozing - come and ooze here any time you like, and I hope some more newbie oozers join in as well :twisted: wink

26 Dec 2003

Well, the seriousness of this string just went to rat poo!

You just had to use the word "oozes", didn't you.....

And it appears to be all your fault Carpy, consider yourself double banned!
BTW Carpy, - try and get Blue to say "Spurt" - The way she puckers her lips makes me want to ooze.... sends shivers down your spine!
lhk
Kat
P.S. Someone tidy this lot into a separate string - too tired tonight!

26 Dec 2003

Spurrrrrrrrrrrrt

26 Dec 2003

Quote by bluexxx
Don't you forget, the cafe is the perfect place for oozing - come and ooze here any time you like, and I hope some more newbie oozers join in as well :twisted:

So your the one responsible for all the protein stains on the armchairs? lol

"Lets get leatherette" I said, "easier to clean" OH NO - not good enough for our bluexxx "lets have mock fur" she says - "I promise to help keep it clean!" mad

Ands now I find out it's her making all the mess - was beginning to think that we had a giant snail in here - but it turns out it is just dear old bluexxx! rolleyes

:shock:
Jeez! :twisted:
Some people!

26 Dec 2003

Ooops, sorry guys - the fake fur cleaner is in the post redface

27 Dec 2003

I haven't been here for long, and I haven't posted much. So I think I'm qualified to speak from the "just past the newbie stage" perspective.
This is one of the least cliquey places I've seen. All the banter between the regulars does look a bit intimidating from the outside, but all it takes is one post - one post, followed by a reply from someone, followed by a second, and before you know it you find yourself checking the forum twenty times a day. And even missing everyone when you're computerless for a few days (it's GOOD to be back!).

27 Dec 2003

Welcome back DJohn - Sorry - didn't notice you had gone! lol

Mind you, now you have posted over 100 times you just about fit in!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Only 20 times a day! Blimey! 8)

27 Dec 2003

I noticed DJohn - so welcome back. kiss

Incidentally, never did see a pic of you in a bunny costume...
Sappho xxx

27 Dec 2003

Patience, my dear Sappho. I haven't forgotten. I've just been very very very very busy sad

Are you sure you want to see it? Pictures of me have been known to crack monitor screens before.

27 Dec 2003

Quote by DJohn
This is one of the least cliquey places I've seen. All the banter between the regulars does look a bit intimidating from the outside, but all it takes is one post - one post, followed by a reply from someone, followed by a second, and before you know it you find yourself checking the forum twenty times a day. And even missing everyone when you're computerless for a few days (it's GOOD to be back!).

Couldn't have phrased it better myself - did exactly the same and now settling and opening up a little more (and surprising myself into the bargain)
There are, and I'm bracing myself for the response to this, some damn sexy people around these binary parts.....
Carpathian redface