I was on the phone to my friend just before there and she did her usual bit of how her hubby was driving her to distraction then she added... "oh and to make matters worse, I came home from shopping, walked into the bathroom and caught him having a w@nk!"... I burst out laughing but she was genuinely shocked and upset.
I tried to reason with her that it's perfectly normal and she shouldn't be upset but she's mortified. It defo wouldn't bother me if I caught Jay, I would just join in :grin:
Everyone does it, it's perfectly normal.. isn't it?
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Masturbating.. being caught!
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Sex God
I'd say at times its essential 
i mean masturbating..not getting caught..i'll shut up now :gagged:
i mean masturbating..not getting caught..i'll shut up now :gagged:
Sex God
:shock: a descusting post im shocked :shock:
WANK? WANK?
never i would rather cut my right hand off
this thread should be locked imho
WANK? WANK?
never i would rather cut my right hand off
this thread should be locked imho
Sex God
Quote by sercher01
:shock: a descusting post im shocked :shock:
WANK? WANK?
never i would rather cut my right hand off
this thread should be locked imho
god i hope your joking :shock:
Master of Sex
Quote by jaymar
Everyone does it, it's perfectly normal.. isn't it?
what....
masturbating..?
Talking to you friends about it..?
or asking questions about it on a public forum..?
hang on....
yes to all three.
Though i've never be CAUGHT.
ok, ok, i'll stick to the mind games
Sexlightened
When Mr Cossie wants a bit and I am not in the mood and he keeps buging me, I send him up stares and put a porno on and tell him to tug one off and I go and do the ironing. 
:D :D :D
:D :D :D 
:? :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: Sex God
Quote by Sgt Bilko
I am sure Drew will be along soon but I seem to recall he is having a break from being a wanker for Lent! :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
be along soon? I've already posted in this thread xx
Sex God
Quote by Sgt Bilko:giggle:
I am sure Drew will be along soon but I seem to recall he is having a break from being a wanker for Lent! :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
Quote by banlwales
Everyone does it, it's perfectly normal.. isn't it?
what....
masturbating..?
Talking to you friends about it..?
or asking questions about it on a public forum..?
hang on....
yes to all three.
Though i've never be CAUGHT.
ok, ok, i'll stick to the mind games
haha yes all three but the main one being the "playing with oneself!"....
I think it's a great stress reliever and we should all stand up and say.. "my name is... and I AM a wanker!" :smug:
Quote by Cossie
When Mr Cossie wants a bit and I am not in the mood and he keeps buging me, I send him up stares and put a porno on and tell him to tug one off and I go and do the ironing.
Curiosity would get the better of me, I would want to peep round the door, get really turned on and go join him! But I'm a laaaady so could not.. :shock:
Sex God
My name is DirtyGirlie and I AM a wanker! :smug:
Sex God
My mother said
that I never should
never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understood
And thats why I fell in love with my right hand
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And does it good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And im always pulling my pudd
I was 25 years old
before I was kissed
and then I found the guy prefered
a swift one off the wrist
Its cheap and convenient
and you cant catch VD
Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
I've wanked over Italy
I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omibus
I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a badger
and a melon
and a cat
a inflatable Linda Lovelace
and a David Crocket hat
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
that I never should
never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understood
And thats why I fell in love with my right hand
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And does it good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And im always pulling my pudd
I was 25 years old
before I was kissed
and then I found the guy prefered
a swift one off the wrist
Its cheap and convenient
and you cant catch VD
Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
I've wanked over Italy
I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omibus
I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a badger
and a melon
and a cat
a inflatable Linda Lovelace
and a David Crocket hat
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
Sex God
My mother said
that I never should
never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understood
And thats why I fell in love with my right hand
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And does it good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And im always pulling my pudd
I was 25 years old
before I was kissed
and then I found the guy prefered
a swift one off the wrist
Its cheap and convenient
and you cant catch VD
Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
I've wanked over Italy
I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omibus
I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a badger
and a melon
and a cat
a inflatable Linda Lovelace
and a David Crocket hat
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
that I never should
never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood
Their giggling talk I could never understood
And thats why I fell in love with my right hand
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And does it good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And im always pulling my pudd
I was 25 years old
before I was kissed
and then I found the guy prefered
a swift one off the wrist
Its cheap and convenient
and you cant catch VD
Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've got pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
I've wanked over Italy
I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omibus
I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a badger
and a melon
and a cat
a inflatable Linda Lovelace
and a David Crocket hat
(Chorus)
And thats why
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker
I'm a wanker
and im always pulling my pudd
Oh Mrs Palm
and your 5 lovely daughters
Thank you for having me
and being oh so kind
I've pains in my arms
and my donkeys growing shorter
My knees have turnt to water
And I think im going blind
Sex God
sung that song at a pub kareoke night once
Master of Sex
It's always been a mild fantasy of mine, both being caught and catching someone doing it. Always with good consequences; it is a fantasy after all.
Sex God
I am absolutely disgusted with this thread . how can the mods allow such deviated, perverted, debouched, conversation in privet let alone public ?
Do you not know if you carryon this pastime you will all go blind or deaf or worse thing will drop off .
You will all got to hell for this if you don’t stop it , you mark my words ! :shock:
Do you not know if you carryon this pastime you will all go blind or deaf or worse thing will drop off .
You will all got to hell for this if you don’t stop it , you mark my words ! :shock:
Sex God
Quote by sercher01sorry what was that sercher?
I am absolutely disgusted with this thread . how can the mods allow such deviated, perverted, debouched, conversation in privet let alone public ?
Do you not know if you carryon this pastime you will all go blind or deaf or worse thing will drop off .
You will all got to hell for this if you don’t stop it , you mark my words ! :shock:
my hearings gone and my eyesight aint what it used to be either :giggle:
I was once caught. When I'm driving and REALLY tired for some reason I get a hard on. The increased heart rate and relaxation of a quick tug job can set me up for another 50 miles!!
There I was miles from anywhere parked on the side of a main road out in the country giving myself some treatment when I looked up and saw a man with a shotgun leaning over a barbed wire fence, from what I had presumed to be miles of empty farm land. Gave me quite a turn. Also woke me up!!
Drove away very shamefaced and waited a week for plog to knock on the door, which of course he did not.
There I was miles from anywhere parked on the side of a main road out in the country giving myself some treatment when I looked up and saw a man with a shotgun leaning over a barbed wire fence, from what I had presumed to be miles of empty farm land. Gave me quite a turn. Also woke me up!!
Drove away very shamefaced and waited a week for plog to knock on the door, which of course he did not.
Quote by musketeer
I was once caught. When I'm driving and REALLY tired for some reason I get a hard on. The increased heart rate and relaxation of a quick tug job can set me up for another 50 miles!!
There I was miles from anywhere parked on the side of a main road out in the country giving myself some treatment when I looked up and saw a man with a shotgun leaning over a barbed wire fence, from what I had presumed to be miles of empty farm land. Gave me quite a turn. Also woke me up!!
Drove away very shamefaced and waited a week for plog to knock on the door, which of course he did not.
Now I like hearing things like this.. we were caught (not doing the necessaries with the hand mind you) down a track once off the motorway, I was on the bonnet with my legs like flippin sun dials.. very embarassed was I and the farmer!
To be left alone long enough to have a go would be nice. 
Stormy, who came home to an empty house the other day, jumped in the shower and was washing his hair (luckily) looked up and found Fire and two children watching him from the other side of the glass. :eeek:
Last shag, lots of days and counting :violin:
Stormy, who came home to an empty house the other day, jumped in the shower and was washing his hair (luckily) looked up and found Fire and two children watching him from the other side of the glass. :eeek:
Last shag, lots of days and counting :violin:
