1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?
2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?
3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?
4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?
5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman?
6). What does a dog do that you can step into?
7). What is a 4-letter word that begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?
. What is hard,six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages?
10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
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*** The Correct Answers ***
1. talk
2. legs
3. a twenty dollar bill
4. firetruck
5. bunt, hunt,runt, punt, aunt
6. pants
7. fork
8. Almond Joy candy bar
9. grit
10. last name
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A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
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A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic
examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into
the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place
her feet in the stirrups.
As he is examining her she hears him saying "mmmm... mmmhmmm". He
completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him
in his office when she is done.
In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he
observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his
non-verbal comments.
"Oh, that" he says." I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest
vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice."
The young woman proudly smiled and replied, "Why thank you! I have a
woman come in twice a week and clean it!"
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset,you moron.
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! and I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? Too late, your dead.
Yes No
No No
Maybe No
I'm sorry. You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby ? Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and oh my god there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
in answer to "What's wrong?"
The same old thing. Nothing.
Nothing. Everything.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. It's just that you're such an asshole.
I don't want to talk about it. Go away, I'm still building up steam.
A masked man goes into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter, and says, "Open the safe."
She says, "This isn't a real bank, it's a sperm bank."
He says, "Open the safe or I'll shoot."
She opens the safe, and he says, "Now take one of the bottles and drink it."
After she opens the bottle and drinks it, he takes off his mask and the woman realizes the robber is her husband.
He says, "Now you see? It's not so difficult, is it?"
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(Ukraine) A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish. In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.
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Smile and the world thinks you're a nutter ........
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "F..k." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, "F..k" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John f..ked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was f..ked by John). It can be an active verb (Mary doesn't really give a f..k); or an adverb (Mary is really f..king interested in John); and as a noun, (Mary is a terrific f..k). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is f..king beautiful). As you see, there are very few words with the versatility of "F..k."
Besides it's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
It can be used in an anatomical description ---- "He's a f..king asshole."
It can be used to tell time ---- "It's five thirty."
It can be used in business ---- "How did I end up with this f..king job?"
It can be maternal ---- as in "Motherf..ker."
Valuable Vocabulary Chart
Greetings ---- "How the f..k are you?"
Fraud ---- "I got f..ked by the car dealer."
Dismay ---- "Oh, f..k it."
Trouble ---- "Hell, I guess I'm f..ked now."
Aggression ---- "F..k you."
Disgust ---- "F..k me."
Confusion ---- "What the f..k...?"
Difficulty ---- "I don't understand this f..king business."
Despair ---- "F..ked again."
Exasperation ---- "For f..k's sake."
Enjoyment ---- "This is f..king great."
Hostility ---- "I'm going to knock your f..king head off."
Stupidity ---- "Geir Bergerud is a F..kwad!"
Incompetence ---- "He's such a f..k up."
Ignorance ---- "F..k if I know."
Displeasure ---- "What the f..k is going on here?"
Lost ---- "Where the f..k are we?"
Disbelief ---- "Unf..kingbelievable!"
Retaliation ---- "Up your f..king ass."
Surprise ---- "F..ckin A!"
Surprise ---- "Well, I'll be f..ked."
Suspicion ---- "What the f..k are you doing?"
Contempt ---- "F..k you and the horse you rode in on!"
Famous quotes:
"What the f..k was that?" -- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these f..king Indians come from?" -- General Custer
"Where the f..k is all this water coming from?" -- Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real f..king gun." -- John Lennon
"Who's gonna f..king find out?" -- Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to f..king roll." -- Anne Boleyn
"Any f..king idiot could understand that." -- Albert Einstein
"It does so f..king look like her!" -- Picasso
"How the f..k did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras
"You want what on the f..king ceiling?" -- Michaelangelo
"F..k a duck." -- Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its f..king there!" -- Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna f..king rain?" -- Joan of Arc
"Scattered f..king showers my ass." -- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a f..king hole in my head." -- John F. Kennedy
The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word F..K!
Use it regularly in your daily speech.
It will add to your prestige..............
GT.
"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing": This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". - If it looks like something is bothering your woman, and you ask "What's up honey?", and she says "Nothing", it may be a good idea to take out the trash, walk the dog, finish off that D.I.Y., etc, etc, as this could well be the little "Nothing" that is bothering her.
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
"Loud Sigh": This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
"Soft Sighs": Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that you can actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to so and so about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. The one good point about her not talking to you for 2 days is that at least you two are now not arguing. This is just a temporary lapse, and you can guarantee that the next argument will be a big one, as she has been storing up 2 days worth of arguing.
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done (Or rather *NOT* done, i.e. you didn't take out the trash, walk the dog, etc, etc.) "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing", Just make sure you put out the trash, walk the dog, do that D.I.Y., etc, and maybe this will calm the situation down.
I hope this clears up any misunderstandings... GT.
Just found this, Wendy and I had to watch this 4 times and we still don't believe it ....
Hi Clare and anyone else who's so far commented on this thread, for what it's worth here's my 5 penneth on this subject...
Having been in groups / created groups / destroyed groups ... you get the picture, for a good number of years. Clares comment is not valid, the reason I can say this is that, in every group I've ever been in - someone or even small groups of people have at some time said exactly the same thing.
Now what has been very interesting to me is.........
The people who in most cases are the ones saying "this group is only for the few clique ones", are the ones who others in the group see as being the clique ones.
So to be honest, in hindsight, I reckon there aren't ever any sub-groups / in-crowd or anything else cracking off - IMO it's people who are insecure for whatever reason, or who feel that they're being left out. Which as we all know, is a pile of poo...
There are threads on here that I don't feel I can contribute to, others I can, I don't really look who started the thread - it's just for me, if I can add something then I will.
Right off me soapbox and back to cleaning the house...
I always fill in these forms and orders for viagra etc etc with the ex's details....
Hey I gotta get some pleasure outa life besides being married to the most beautiful, sexy woman on this earth.
Having a discussion the other evening over dinner (as you do) when Wibbly turned to me and said "what's if feel like for a man to have an orgasm?".
After doing my bestest description - I asked her the same question (only for a woman)...
20 minutes later and I was none the wiser, this isn't due to Wibbly not having one (normal is around 15 per session), but putting into words that I a mere mortal man could fully appreciate and understand.
So my question ladies is................ what's it like ??????
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute,"returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 41 years."
Click on the " " button.........
It really piddles me off, when you get a form sent through the post and it asks "Your name / address" - they sent me the bloody form.............
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:
: :?: :?: 
