I've never fisted a lady because let's face it, unless you're hung like Red Rum, the main event's going to be a bit of a let down after that, right?

I like it in much the same way I like having my ears stroked... that is to say it's nice but not a massive turn-on and unlikely to hasten or enhance orgasm. Also, mine have a pretty low pain threshold so... no biting! )

The supermarkets could help by locking up all the trolleys so people can only buy what they can carry. Limiting to two of each item achieves nothing... the hoarders just load up the trolley with two of everything.

I've approached the supermarkets near me about a baskets-only policy but none of them are keen.

There are a lot of old people living alone in my area and shopping has become a terrifying experience for many of them. I wouldn't be surprised if starvation kills more of them than the virus. Food is in plentiful supply but it's being grabbed by stupid, selfish, greedy people.

I can't help feeling that the SHPP's disappointing showing in the recent General Election may have been down to the lack of a coherent, structured Party manifesto.

It's been a while since a UK government served a full term of office, so chances are we'll have another opportunity quite soon. To make sure we're ready, I think we should start working now to present sensible, workable policies on a number of vital issues...

1. Foreign policy: What, if any, border controls/concessions do we need for the purposes of facilitating international rumpy-pumpy?

2. Arts & Entertainment: How much should an SHPP government invest in the building and running of community rumpy-pumpy clubs?

3. Roads & Public Transport: How many lay-bys per mile should we build for spontaneous commuter rumpy-pumpy? How much should we spend on helping the Train Operating Companies to repurpose "quiet coaches" into rumpy-pumpy coaches?

4. Employment: How many hours a week should students and pensioners cover for us to enable rumpy-pumpy at work?

5. Sport & Leisure: How much investment is required to send a serious medal-winning Team GB to the Rumpy-Pumpolympics?

6. Defence: What can we do to facilitate research into developing a rumpy-pumpy bomb to pacify our enemies?

There are of course many other areas of public concern which we need to be very clear on, but I think it's important we get these essentials nailed down first.

Do they still exist? When I lived in London, if you were single, available and in a supermarket on a Tuesday evening, you'd carry a hand basket with some unusual item prominently displayed, like a giant bar of chocolate. I think there was some sort of code with different items signifying god-knows-what. I moved to Lincoln about five years ago and it doesn't seem to be a "thing" here. Or maybe it's a different night. I'm not going to wander around Sainsbury's every night without buying anything just to find out... I'd look like a stalker. Perhaps I should reintroduce it somehow. What subtle clues would you use to advertise your availability? Something unusual enough for people to notice but not weird enough to freak out the security guards. Like sunglasses on your head when it's dark outside. Or carrying pork sausages while wearing a yarmulke?

Aah, aah, aah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

"There was a guy used to come on here ages ago called Ice_Pie, but he was better looking".

"That was me you clown, I aged."

Quote by Paulyful123
... it’s obvious that there are members who think it is their right to have a replay straight away and if you don’t they block you. Up their own arse cretins.

 Great, they're filtering themselves out and saving you the bother. Every cretin who takes him/herself out of the reckoning is one less you have to waste any more time on.

Quote by Griff
If you could go back in time when you were just starting out in swinging, what advice would you give to yourself?

 Take more time off work!

I have a lot more time on my hands now, but I've moved to a part of the country that seems to be a lot less active than where I came from, so my advice to my younger self would be "Make the most if while you can."

This topic reminds me of a visit to a club after a SH munch a while back, in which there was a completely dark maze and people doing things with who knows who. The whole point was we knew there was a very good chance that whatever you were doing you were doing it with someone you knew but you weren't exactly sure. The not knowing was the key to the adventure, and it occurs to me that the woman referred to in the OP may have liked being blindfolded because she fantasised that her 'stranger' was in fact someone she knew, but she didn't want to be certain. I think it's a bit unlikely therefore that she would be freaked if she found out that she knows you - I think that's probably the whole point. For all you know, it may be you she's fantasising about. Personally I wouldn't be deterred by the fact that she's the daughter of a friend - everyone is someone's child. If everyone's enjoying it, I'd carry on but not tell her it was me, let her keep her fantasy.

Quote by dande
  Anyone had similar mind changes the second they ejaculate? .

 It's physiological. When a man comes, he goes into what's called a "refractory period", during which time it is physically impossible for most men to maintain arousal due to a cocktail of brain chemicals. One of these is Prolactin, which represses the desire hormone dopamine and often causes sleepiness. There is an evolved reason why this happens: Most men are incapable of multiple orgasms because It is painful and potentially damaging to maintain arousal once you have come. The prolactin is thus a defense mechanism. Ladies, if you've had a kidney stone, the pain of excessive male arousal is almost identical, just in case you were curious, i.e. fucking excrutiating. If your man is deficient in Prolactin, when you're done congratulating him for his staying power, pity him for the pain he doesn't want to tell you about.

I don't think I've ever seen seamed stockings except in pre-1950s movies. As for super-skinny, that's been going on my entire life and I'm no spring chicken. I live in perhaps the least skinny place in England so from my perspective no, voluptuous isn't extinct. Seems to me there's just as much variety in people as there ever was - plenty to suit all tastes so why concentrate on what you don't like?

Slight topic drift... Biscuits. Chocolate Garibaldis. Haven't seen them for ages. I was lamenting their absence to my neighbour and next day she gave me a packet of Garibaldis and a bar of chocolate and told me to figure it out.

Brexit: Majority in favour of Leaving.

Parliament: Majority in favour of saying Fuck The Majority.

I think that about covers it.

More like Dr Wtf? Remember when it was a sci-fi show?

Since banishment is not a legal option, I don't see how we can stop a citizen from returning. Of course, if she's not a citizen the blessed EU will tell us whether we have to let her back in.

It's not when you start calling policemen "Sonny", it's when they stop bothering you because they think you look harmless.

I asked a lawyer friend if my cock pic is my intellectual property. She said "It's your property mate, but there's sod all intellectual about it".

What about Unattached blokes visiting? Do we get a bj if we wash the dishes?

Aaaaaand he's back again. It's this hibernation gene that kicks in at random and I never know how long it's going to last

Everyone OK?

All those "buttery taste" spreads... have the makers ever actually tasted butter? They all taste like pastry marge. The ones that don't claim to taste like butter taste nice. Not like butter, but nice.

Butter tastes like butter. Kerrygold is the best. Do butterflies taste like butter? I mean on their own, without butter? They taste like butter if you butter them but it's quite fiddly, you need a very small knife.

Guess how much butter there is in peanut butter. Go on, have a guess. Presumably if I were to market peanut butter that doesn't have any peanuts in it, that would be OK too.

Why are people with nut allergies allergic to peanuts but not to peas? A peanut isn't a nut. And a strawberry isn't a berry. An apple is a berry. So is a tomato. But not a blackberry. A blackberry is a telephone. You can't eat a telephone. Unless you have blue teeth. If you have blue teeth and you eat a telephone you can exchange data over short distances with all the other people with blue teeth. If you want blue teeth, don't eat blueberries. Blueberries aren't blue. They're purple. But they are berries.

Can't remember where I was going with this...

Heard today that the 'Vote Leave' group has been designated the official Brexit campaign and has been awarded a budget of £7 million. That's 2 million less than the government has already spent on one propaganda leaflet.

I'm working on a theory that humans have a Fight Fair gene, which is absent in politicians.

Actually, I'm a bit slow, aren't I? I've just realized... it's not a theory, it's a well known law of nature. Ho hum.

I keep forgetting to log in for this. If anyone has an alarm clock they don't want. Something small, tasteful, gold-plated...

I got an email about an e-petition objecting to the alleged use of public money to fund the government's referendum campaign. So I had a look, and noticed that "Petitions that get 100,000 signatures will be considered for debate in Parliament."

So I thought well what's the point of that? They only have to "consider" debating it? Meaning, I suppose, if they don't think they'll come out of a debate smelling of roses then it won't happen.

So I've drafted an e-petition to change the rules (and yes I do see the irony).

For the petition to go live I need five supporters. If you're intrigued enough, PM me and I'll send you a link.

Cheers.

Ice

The Police, Message In A Bottle... "A year has passed since I broke my nose."

Quote by minikat
If we leave does that mean we can have wonky cucumbers back?

You can have them now if you want. That's one of many unnecessary myths about EU rules... there's enough wrong with it without having to make stuff up, but the Daily Mail likes to demonstrate whatever that thing is that it uses as a substitute for a sense of humour.

"... spare him his life from these pork sausages - Mama mia!"

Quote by Toots
I still like Nigel Farage and his choice of ties and on that basis I'm voting to leave the EU

Mr Farage is a very good orator and is expert at making his opponents look stupid, but how he would perform in a high office is anyone's guess because he's never been there. Mind you, could say the same about Mr Corbyn - I mean... who the hell IS he?

Quote by Geordiecpl2001
Taking a slightly different view of the Referendum.
If we vote to leave then I'd suggest we'd need a Churchill like figure to guide Britain, but who of our current crop of Politicians are anywhere near Winston ? take your pick from those who want to leave................  Boris ?...............   Corbyn ?.............Nigel Farage ?   
And if we vote to stay, then your probably need a Maggie Thatcher type person to fight our corner in the EU, but we're lumbered with Cameron, or Clegg (remember him?)............Corbyn .............or maybe Nicola Sturgeon for PM.
                        Which makes the choice very difficult.


                                                   John

Whoever were to get that task would no doubt have an extremely difficult time of it and it may well take a couple of terms for things to settle down. I don't think that's reason not to go for it because the alternative is to stay in and have an even worse time of it, being told what to do for the benefit of anyone and everyone except ourselves. One person I very much doubt we'll be lumbered with if we leave is Mr Cameron himself because if he didn't immediately resign voluntarily he'd be forced out... even the Tory party isn't (I hope) dumb enough to retain a pro-Europe leader if the country votes to leave the EU.

Boris... probably not the fool he makes himself out to be. I mean, how could he be? Actually, having seen him in action in the London Assembly, I'd say he definitely isn't.

Whatever happened to Angel_C.... Oh.