Carpet Burns????
Ah I get it!! from a personal point of view i know for a fact that even if i thought of doing anything sexy on my lovely partners new carpet she would set fire to me!!!!!!!!
Is thats whats meant by a carpet burn??
Funny thing is once me and a partner were trying to keep a relationship secret from work colleagues. Yet we both turned up at work with burns on the same day! i guess we got too passionate and didn't make it to the bedroom
Apparently Emelyn lost his battle against cancer today
Also gone this week Eddie Charlton (snooker)
Howard Keel (musicals, films and tv)
Sneezy Floppy Cracker
but its all lies i tell you i defy any of you to prove otherwise!!!
personally i like all the options except donnington. the donnington spectating experience is too far from the action. if we invite saucepans how do we explain how we know each other? personally i am up for either a kids or no kids event, BUT, i wouldn't want the not so lovely stepkids to go and explain to their neanderthal dad how me and my lovely partner took them to a swingers meet!!! We wouldn't compromise the kids but their idjit dad wouldn't see it that way
As a license holder i was looking for a pub / club to own
One of the ones offered to me by Fleurets was in the village
I ummed and arred over this as i was very tempted by the property, its potential and its clientbase. however in the end i chose not to persue it as i was worried that a gay / bi / lesbian clientele might be against a straight owner. a shame really as what makes a good bar owner should have fuck all to do with the owners sexual persuasion. it is to do with the customer experience, however at the end of the day it is a business, and if gay / bi / lesbian peeps boycotted me, my savings and dreams would be gone!!
I know the winebar would have been safe and fun but it was too much of a gamble
How do the gay / lesbian / bi members of the board feel? would you frequent a gay bar run by a straight man or would you boycott it as a straight man cashing in on the pink pound?
Personally i had a great night in Birminghams gay quarter with my lovely partner looking for a lesbian / bi lady to join us but i guess some people aren't as tolerant as me. By the way we didn't suceed but we did have a nice night with lovely company
Sorry to hear about the damage to your car
I had my car keyed when i left it outside the pub i managed. soon learnt why the owner of the pub had an escort van parked outside and a jaguar parked at his mates house!!! The escort van had loads of Chav art on it.
Had my last car crashed into on 2 occasions, i since got a new car and now park at the furthest part of the car park possible, i don't know if my lovely partner wonders
"Ermm why has McG parked as far away from Sainsburys as possible when its raining?!!"
"Why has McG parked in the part of the cinema carpark where no-one else parks?"
My advice is if you are fully able then park as far away from the other cars as possible, my favourite parking space would be one with 5 spaces either side, in order for someone to scratch your car in that position they have to be numpties!!!!
13/16 in my defence some of those men have very watery manjuice
Real women -vs- Ladies
Ladies - Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for
future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Women - Leftover wine?? Hello!!
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Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your
forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might
still have the headache, but who the hell cares!
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Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to
prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake. You are probably lying on your ass on the couch, with your feet
up anyway.
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Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the
potatoes.
Real Women - Buy boxed mashed potato mix and you don't have to worry about
the potatoes growing arms and legs.
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Ladies - When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of
the
dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white powdery mess on the bottom
of the cake.
Real Women - Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate the son of a bitch for
you.
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Ladies - Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a
beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women - Sara Lee frozen freakin pie directions do not include brushing
egg
whites, so don't do it.
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Ladies - If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing
gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women - Go ask the very HOT neighbour guy to do it.
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And finally the most important tip....
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A good friend will come and bail you out of jail....... but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn... that was fun!!
Best gig attended Metallica all tours or Guns and Roses at Donnington
Best personalised gig Dr and the Crippens, i was their roadie and performed as "Mr Parkinson" for a few gigs
Missed gigs i would like to have attended
Black flag
Husker Du
I don't know if i shagged my boss or not
I have a list of people i have shagged
i also have a list of people i have woken up next to and not known if i have shagged or not!
normally i don't have anything to do with people that cross/betray me in life once they've done that they are wiped out
my ex boss crossed me once
i hated her for a while
i later woke up in her bed after a works night out
to this day i don't know if i did!! (Oh the joys of being an alcoholic!!)
people at work whom knew my hatred towards her noticed the difference and commented, she was only one of a few people that have crossed me that have had a temporary reprieve
my interest was lost the next day when her daughter did the tour of the bathroom
"this toothbrush belongs to uncle steve, this one is uncle johns, this one is uncle marks" etc put it this way the tour involved 10 days worth of uncles!!!
Since then i can categorically say i have not fucked my boss, had my life fucked up by my boss, yes, but then thats a different story!!!
What I want = Time with my lovely partner
What i'll get that i don't want = Time with her offspring too!!
Secret Santa = Reese, i'd give him my Taliban hat, it just doesn't suit me now i'm not so hirsuite
Please people let Reese put names on the posts I want to put names to faces. So far i recognize Reese, Timmy, Vix and Marmalaide. Other peeps i want to know whom you are
McGuiness
a) because i'm an alcoholic so wanted a name that depicts me
b) my ex bext friends surname is McGuinness, wanted something to remember her by
The other option was Stella and that would give the wrong impression!!!!
Anyone else have problems with people north of Watford not knowing about Stella???
McGuinness enters South Birmingham pub
McG "I'll have a Nelson please" (Nelson Mandella=Stella)
Bartart "?????????"
McG "Ok, a pint of hooligan"
Bartart "?????????"
McG "A pint of your finest wifebeater"
Bartart "?????????"
McG "Stella...............................oh bollocks give me a Kronenburg!!!"
Bartart "Why didn't you ask for that in the first place??? and by the way my names not Stella!!!!"
Hope it all goes well and don't you dare become a stranger to the forums. Part of recuperation is having a smile and hopefully the people on here will help you do that
The death march?
or their coming to take me away ha ha
Don't tell Blue i told you but don't whatever you do look here!!!
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/25883.html
McGuinness whistles innocently in the corner!!
Hi Ice as stated previously Brands Hatch on the Indy circuit is good not sure which of the 2 dates is indy??
But with enough notice i'm willing to go to most circuits
Please count me in
Just remember your left from right or use your brain!!!!!
Many years ago!!!
McGuinness is a motorcycle instructor and decides to give his wife a lesson in the car
Approaching a T junction!!!!
McGuinness "OK at the next junction take a right turn"
Welsh slut thats screwing McGuinness for £80K "Durhh which is left which is right??"
Welsh slut thats screwing McGuinness for £80K "I don't know!!!!!!!!"
Welsh slut thats screwing McGuinness for £80K "Shall i turn one way or the other and claim innocence regarding which is right and left??!!"
Welsh slut thats screwing McGuinness for £80K "No that would make me look stupid!!"
Welsh slut thats screwing McGuinness for £80K "I know i'll go straight on!!!"
Result=Vauxhall Cavalier straight on at a T junction, through a hedge and in a field
Correct me if im wrong but wouldn't a correct right turn or a wrong left turn have been better than scaring ten shades of shit out of Daisy the cow!!!
Maybe my wife being a cow wanted to join her own kind!!
That was the last lesson she had from me!
Pity she wasn't killed when going straight across at the T junction
May i suggest Paddock Hill Bend at Brands Hatch when the British Superbikes are doing the Indy circuit. You can see all the action and it is usually where the crashes occur if it rains. Seriously if there is any social event at BSB's or WSB's i would be well up for it
Current inventory
MZ125 Well you can't sell the one you lost your biking virginity on can you!!!
Honda Superdream 250 Bought as a minger that i was going to mend and alter to go to work on, currently and forever will be a superdream minger jigsaw puzzle, its in about 200 parts
ZX6 Currently lent to a mate as my bitch of a wife won't allow me enough money to run it
I used to spend £1000 a month on going out
£100 a night on my 8 days off a month
the other £50 each week on going out probably 2-3 nights out and the remainder in the house.
Why? Depression and loneliness probably!!
Now i have a lovely partner i am happy to go home rather than squander my life, drinking just to avoid going home alone!
:banghead: despite what you read in Maxim, FHM, Maxpower and the News of the World this is not an instant fuckfest no wonder people are leaving!!
