I will be attending the annual Army vs Navy Rugby match (first weekend of May 2014).
Is there anyone out & about in London-shire to meet up for a few beers / catchup that weekend?
Anyone give the ageing Pansexual advice of clubs to go to whilst I'm there?
The WHOOSH Man™
I recently bought a T-shirt with the following caption upon it:-
For those who fail at Rugby ...
There's always Football!
For those who like hot food I thought the following joke would entertain you:
Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
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Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These currymunchers are crazy.
__________________________________________
Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this shit out of the reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
___________________________________________
Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the UN! I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
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Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills that 300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?
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Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics to tend to their singed hair. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
___________________________________________
Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shat myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a fist full of ice!
_____________________________________________
Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a fucking thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it! I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
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Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too? bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry?
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
The WHOOSH Man™
............. bedroom antics (loooooooooong story) :twisted:
The WHOOSH Man™
Close your eyes and go back in time...
Before the Internet...
Before semi-automatics, joyriders and crack....
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way back........
I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park.
The corner shop.
Hopscotch.
Butterscotch.
Skipping.
Handstands.
Football with an old can.
Fingerbob.
Beano, Dandy, Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the Menace.
Roly Poly.
Hula Hoops, jumping the stream, building dams.
The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.
Bazooka Joe bubble gum.
An ice cream cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a tune.
Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe Neapolitan or perhaps screwball.
Wait......
Watching Saturday morning cartoons, short commercials or the flicks.
Children's Film Foundation, The Double Deckers, Red Hand Gang, Tomorrow People, Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why Don't You'? - or staying up for Doctor Who.
When around the corner seemed far away and going into town seemed like going somewhere.
Earwigs, wasps, stinging nettles and bee stings.
Sticky fingers.
Playing Marbles. Ball bearings. Big 'uns and Little 'uns.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.
Climbing trees.
Making igloos out of snow banks.
Walking to school, no matter what the weather.
Running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights. Spinning around on roundabouts, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles. Being tired from playing.... remember that?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Football cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Choppers and Grifters.
Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops.
Vimto and Jubbly lollies
Remember when...
There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green Flash
The only time you wore them at School was for P.E.
And they were called gym shoes or if you are older, plimsoles. Daps if you're from Bristol!
You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents.
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.
You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas Eve.
When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
When 25p was decent pocket money
Curly Wurlys. Space Dust. Toffo's.
Top Trumps.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving pupil at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc.
Remember when....
Decisions were made by going "Ip, Dip, Dog Sh*t"
Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was germs.
And the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one.
It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog 123' wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a catapult.
Nobody was prettier than Mum.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED.
The WHOOSH Man™
I will be there, booked into the Union as usual
The WHOOSH Man™
Please add my name to attend this function.
The WHOOSH Man™
Please check your PM's sunni
The WHOOSH Man
Hello all,
Apologies for not posting sooner but life has been hectic with me, work has had me travelling all over this lovely planet but recently my best friend died of a heart of attack.
I have been a blubbering idiot since he passed away last tuesday, I know they say life goes on but I am struggling.
He was such a great bloke, no1 here has any bad word to say about him, so many good stories are coming to light.
We played golf, got drunk & had such a good time I will surely miss him.
R.I.P. 'Big' Pete Fairbrother
The WHOOSH Man
Unfortunately whether single male, female or couple this will (& does) happen to us all.
All I can advise is if you are travelling to a meet & you get a no-show have a plan B in that area - cinema, resteraunt etc so you have a backup plan (this will also apply if you need to make any excuses if the meet you find is totally not your type).
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
In my house its a:
'Clicker'
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
I dont live abroad, but my job takes me around the world (my passport is like a who's who) - check my below certification.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Welcome to the madhouse 'PoshKate'.
Please find your straight jacket at the end of this coridoor with your own personal padded cell - enjoy your stay in SH TOWERS!!!
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Well I am back in the UK (for now) so I thought I would apply to be certified again.
Sarah can I be:
Certified as the forum poster from weird & wonderful worldwide places? (or similar).
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Peel those stockings off with my teeth!!
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Can I be certified as:
The most badge wearer at a munch (or words to that effect?)
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Was up at 8am to go to the airport to catch a flight.
I know you all will hate me but I have NEVER had a hangover in my life, metabolism or whatever, I drink, get drunk, go to sleep, & awaken with no bad head - SORRY.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
I would like to big up all those folk still on SH even though through recent months decisions of payments on this site & the posibility of having to move elsewhere was forseeable OUR community has weathered the storm, come through the other side & grown stronger from it.
BIG UP 2 YOU ALL
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
What scared me shitless was the giant maggots on the old Dr Who shows!!!
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Rather than put a poll up the ones that have offended yourselves should be highlighted to the mods etc & let them deal with them.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Near Inverness:
70 mile an hour winds
Horizontal snow
Fooooookiing freezing!!!
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
Vicky,
Please can u add my name to your ever growing list ..... it seems that my 40th birthday is 4 days afterwards.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
I logged in for the first time to the forum as my normal login name (SlydeWHOOSH) & upon connection was promptly told to adjust it & remove the capitals as other may find it as though I was shouting.
I adjusted accordingly (SlydeWhoosh) & was told again capitals where considered shouting, I then asked Steve_Mids whether an _ between Slyde & Whoosh was acceptable as Ice_Pie had this already.
I apologised for my capitals & informed Steve_Mids that I had been on the BEER (as I always write it) all afternoon .... at which point I was banned from the forum.
Steve_Mids sir, I can understand that a mod's job is a thankless task & hard to boot, but to be banned in less than 5 mins for 3 words with caps in seems a little bit excessive & extreme to me.
Please find it in your heart for forgiveness for a drunken soul who only wanted to have fun in the wee hours of the morning with others who were online at the time.
The WHOOSH Manâ„¢
:wink: 
