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TheAnalogKid
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 119
0 miles · Cheshire
Forum
I can see his point, but I'm not defending HIM in this particular case...
It's not just single men that have the issue, it's anybody new. It can be daunting and appear very cliquey, and in some respect is IS cliquey. But that's life. It's not the right thing to moan that this stuff happens, but to look to ourselves and how we deal with it. You can either leave (as many do), or try to make decent contribututions and become 'accepted'. People cannot be expected to just be your greatest friends in a matter of 5 postings and a couple of days in chat.
That said, it's also the responsibility of longer term established people the remember what it's like first time around, and maybe make more of an effort to include newer people. A lot of people don't compalin about the cliquey feel, or fear just because they want an argument, but because they genuinely feel it.
Sticking to the rules is a good way to get people to warm to you, contributing to the site is another. I personally don't think the chat room is a particularly welcoming place at all, but the forum (here) tends to attract the better people. The type of people that take time out to actually post something constructive and can be bothered to read other people's postings.
My advice would be, change the system from within! Present your case fairly, be 'reasonable' in your attitudes, and when wanting to get mad.... don't. Try working it out with the person you can't abide. That takes a bit more guts and gets a lot more respect. THEN... and only then, can you post a pile of bollocks like I'm doing and get away with it ;-)
/KId
It's not just single men that have the issue, it's anybody new. It can be daunting and appear very cliquey, and in some respect is IS cliquey. But that's life. It's not the right thing to moan that this stuff happens, but to look to ourselves and how we deal with it. You can either leave (as many do), or try to make decent contribututions and become 'accepted'. People cannot be expected to just be your greatest friends in a matter of 5 postings and a couple of days in chat.
That said, it's also the responsibility of longer term established people the remember what it's like first time around, and maybe make more of an effort to include newer people. A lot of people don't compalin about the cliquey feel, or fear just because they want an argument, but because they genuinely feel it.
Sticking to the rules is a good way to get people to warm to you, contributing to the site is another. I personally don't think the chat room is a particularly welcoming place at all, but the forum (here) tends to attract the better people. The type of people that take time out to actually post something constructive and can be bothered to read other people's postings.
My advice would be, change the system from within! Present your case fairly, be 'reasonable' in your attitudes, and when wanting to get mad.... don't. Try working it out with the person you can't abide. That takes a bit more guts and gets a lot more respect. THEN... and only then, can you post a pile of bollocks like I'm doing and get away with it ;-)
/KId
Quote by Vix
I think my perfect 3 some would have to be...
Me and Jags (twice)
or...
Jags, Alex and Angel... I'll sit that one out and take notes ;-)
No no, Analog
You've got Ian_mids and petesue.
Hold on, this is like the lottery.
There's a new lottery idea here... "Swingerballs"
Can I substitute on of the three at half time for dawn_mids?
I think the ultimate factor here is that you're coming into this relationship and swinging from the opposite way of most folk. Most folk having a partner, and an established relationship, from where, they choose to expand the relationship to include others.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't develop feelings for a longer term partner, I'm not going to mention the word 'love' as this confuses the issue. You have feelings for this guy, and I expect it's mutual. You must enjoy him, hence the success so far.
Why not sit down and discuss the issues with him? you might find his concerns mirror yours.
Ultimately, I think most people need a measure of feeling 'special'. That is to say, above the others in a swinging relationship. For an established couple, it's the fact that they choose to go home with each other at the end of a night, or remain partners, because the relationship is farmore important than the sex (with others).
Maybe you just need a way of being marked as 'special' by him, in a way that is clear to yourself and others. So then he can play around with others people (as can you), but that you both know each other are higher priority every time. Would that help?
There is another (although maybe not a popular view amongst the readers). Maybe you're reaching the end of your need to see other people? Sometimes that happens, you fool around, have a great time, and lots of experiences. Then find a great guy that you don't want to setle down with forever, but you want to try new deeper experiences with.
Think of it like this... swinging can be like getting a breadth of experience with many people, but having something special with one person can be like getting a depth of experience. Some experiences need many people, others need more depth in one person. Maybe you're just ready to experiment in a bit of depth for a time?
Not sure I've given any answers, but hopefully given you something to consider.
/Kid
You wouldn't be human if you didn't develop feelings for a longer term partner, I'm not going to mention the word 'love' as this confuses the issue. You have feelings for this guy, and I expect it's mutual. You must enjoy him, hence the success so far.
Why not sit down and discuss the issues with him? you might find his concerns mirror yours.
Ultimately, I think most people need a measure of feeling 'special'. That is to say, above the others in a swinging relationship. For an established couple, it's the fact that they choose to go home with each other at the end of a night, or remain partners, because the relationship is farmore important than the sex (with others).
Maybe you just need a way of being marked as 'special' by him, in a way that is clear to yourself and others. So then he can play around with others people (as can you), but that you both know each other are higher priority every time. Would that help?
There is another (although maybe not a popular view amongst the readers). Maybe you're reaching the end of your need to see other people? Sometimes that happens, you fool around, have a great time, and lots of experiences. Then find a great guy that you don't want to setle down with forever, but you want to try new deeper experiences with.
Think of it like this... swinging can be like getting a breadth of experience with many people, but having something special with one person can be like getting a depth of experience. Some experiences need many people, others need more depth in one person. Maybe you're just ready to experiment in a bit of depth for a time?
Not sure I've given any answers, but hopefully given you something to consider.
/Kid
I think with TOmmy, it wasn't so much the joke, but his delivery - so dead pan.
Nowadays it's a bit corny, but back then, was quite innovative. Only thing is, for most of us (30 - 40) we probably missed his appeal as youngsters and now we're older, have seen his successors do the same type of humour.
I get the feeling this thread is going to rapidly turn into a one liner's joke forum.
Anyway, I've got work to do... I've just spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's disappeared
/Kid
Nowadays it's a bit corny, but back then, was quite innovative. Only thing is, for most of us (30 - 40) we probably missed his appeal as youngsters and now we're older, have seen his successors do the same type of humour.
I get the feeling this thread is going to rapidly turn into a one liner's joke forum.
Anyway, I've got work to do... I've just spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's disappeared
/Kid
I'm not sure how it can be fixed when a chatroom gets too popular. I guess it's just evolution, but (in my opinion) it's not half as good as it used to be... feels very impersonal, very unfriendly, and on the whole, no longer fun.
Hope you can turn it around (the people who make it worthwhile going in at all).
It's not a criticism, and it'll be hard to see from the inside, but it's becoming cliquey!... get it sorted chaps.
/AK
p.s.
All in favour of the move for registered names only! if it were up to me, I'd make folk wait a while before their account was activated too! (just to annoy those makingaccounts up on the fly)
Hope you can turn it around (the people who make it worthwhile going in at all).
It's not a criticism, and it'll be hard to see from the inside, but it's becoming cliquey!... get it sorted chaps.
/AK
p.s.
All in favour of the move for registered names only! if it were up to me, I'd make folk wait a while before their account was activated too! (just to annoy those makingaccounts up on the fly)
Arguably, jealousy exists in all of us, but our reaction to it varies a great deal. People tend to associate jealousy with anger, or self pity... but for some, it can be a source of pleasure too.
Of ocurse some will say they obtain pleasure purely from seeing their partner obtain pleasure, and jealousy doesn't enter their heads. This is hard to disprove, although some might argue that jealousy exists in this situation and is merely supressed, and ultimately manifests itself in increased arousal (adrenalin surge, emotional reaction unltimately turning to sexual reaction).
In a sense, if people are genuinely trying to enjoy themselves by extending their sexual activities outside of their relationship (by swinging together with other folk) and having the intention of improving the relationship, then that suggests that their partner IS in mind when they are swinging. If they have chosen sexual activity as a means of adding excitement it suggests sex is important to them. So... mix up the fact that sex is important, and your partner is sharing that with another person, if jealousy doesn't exist in that situation then when will it ever?
/The Kid
Of ocurse some will say they obtain pleasure purely from seeing their partner obtain pleasure, and jealousy doesn't enter their heads. This is hard to disprove, although some might argue that jealousy exists in this situation and is merely supressed, and ultimately manifests itself in increased arousal (adrenalin surge, emotional reaction unltimately turning to sexual reaction).
In a sense, if people are genuinely trying to enjoy themselves by extending their sexual activities outside of their relationship (by swinging together with other folk) and having the intention of improving the relationship, then that suggests that their partner IS in mind when they are swinging. If they have chosen sexual activity as a means of adding excitement it suggests sex is important to them. So... mix up the fact that sex is important, and your partner is sharing that with another person, if jealousy doesn't exist in that situation then when will it ever?
/The Kid
Thank God beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder (or beer holder), but that it manifests itself in a variety of forms.
Personally, I can't say I like Big Women, Or Thin Women, or Tall, or Short, Brunette or Blonde etc...
If someone has 'sex appeal' they have it... and I've found that there's no real correlation between them having sex appeal and their shape. It's amazing how a generally 'average' looking person can give you a certain look and you melt, or how a commonly regarded 'stunner' can say the wrong things and they be a complete turn off.
I'm glad I can't define what appeals to me.... but equally glad that I recognise what appeals when it happens.
Heres to sex appeal in it's many guises!!...
*bottoms up!!*
/The Kid
Personally, I can't say I like Big Women, Or Thin Women, or Tall, or Short, Brunette or Blonde etc...
If someone has 'sex appeal' they have it... and I've found that there's no real correlation between them having sex appeal and their shape. It's amazing how a generally 'average' looking person can give you a certain look and you melt, or how a commonly regarded 'stunner' can say the wrong things and they be a complete turn off.
I'm glad I can't define what appeals to me.... but equally glad that I recognise what appeals when it happens.
Heres to sex appeal in it's many guises!!...
*bottoms up!!*
/The Kid
My statements aren't based on individuals but as a collective....
Of course females have insecurities too, I never said otherwise, nevertheless, it is one of the major factors preventing MFM swinging.
I cannot count the number of times I've heard a pile of poppycock from males about wanting to see their wives having a wonderful time... and in the same breath dictating how that should happen, and typically it's by ruling out single men.
The insecurities of both men and women can be rather similar, however the behavioural manifestations can be markedly different. Men tend not to be able to confront them quite as readily as women (on the whole). Some quite deep rooted reasons for this, but still, it's largely true.
Of course there are people out there that prove otherwise, but on a general basis, the figures speak for themselves.... Far fewer couples invite single men to play than they do single women. Far more women engage in bisexual practices than do men... Far more men advertise by talking about their penis size than women do about breast size / figure etc.
For the majority of men... the need to 'prove' oneself gets in the way. It's no better exemplified than in the chatroom / adverts etc.
/The Kid
Of course females have insecurities too, I never said otherwise, nevertheless, it is one of the major factors preventing MFM swinging.
I cannot count the number of times I've heard a pile of poppycock from males about wanting to see their wives having a wonderful time... and in the same breath dictating how that should happen, and typically it's by ruling out single men.
The insecurities of both men and women can be rather similar, however the behavioural manifestations can be markedly different. Men tend not to be able to confront them quite as readily as women (on the whole). Some quite deep rooted reasons for this, but still, it's largely true.
Of course there are people out there that prove otherwise, but on a general basis, the figures speak for themselves.... Far fewer couples invite single men to play than they do single women. Far more women engage in bisexual practices than do men... Far more men advertise by talking about their penis size than women do about breast size / figure etc.
For the majority of men... the need to 'prove' oneself gets in the way. It's no better exemplified than in the chatroom / adverts etc.
/The Kid
Yes it works, but doesn't come with a guarantee.
A better place to post is the adverts section unless you're in a hurry.
Good luck, be prepared for the mindless idiots who don't read / meet your criteria, but if you can sepnd some time reading the replies to ads and contributing in the forum, you'll eventually meet some nice folk.
Give it a go.... and good luck!
/The Kid
A better place to post is the adverts section unless you're in a hurry.
Good luck, be prepared for the mindless idiots who don't read / meet your criteria, but if you can sepnd some time reading the replies to ads and contributing in the forum, you'll eventually meet some nice folk.
Give it a go.... and good luck!
/The Kid
AC/DC bi-sexual person
BBC Big Black Cock
BBW Big Beautiful Woman
BDSM Bondage Discipline / Dominance submission / Sadism Masochism
BD Bondage/Discipline
BF Boyfriend
BHM Big Handsome Man
BiM Bisexual Male
BiF Bisexual Female
CD Cross-dresser
CPL Couple
CTOA Can Travel Or Accommodate
DDF Drug and Disease Free
DP Double Penetration
FA Fat Admirer
F2F Face to Face, Meeting in Person
GBF Gay Black Female
GBM Gay Black Male
GSOH Sense of Humour
GWF Gay White Female
GWM Gay White Male
GF Girlfriend
GSOH Good Sense of Humour
HWP Height & Weight Proportional
IR Inter Racial
ISO Insignificant Other
ISO In Search Of
LDR Long Distance Relationship
LMAO Laughing My Ass Off
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LTR Long Term Relationship
MBA Married But Available
MILTF Mother I'd Like To Fuck
MWC Married With Children
MWF Married White Female
MWM Married White Male
NLP No Losers Please
NS Non Smoker
NSA No Strings Attached
NUMP No Ugly Men Please
NUWP No Ugly Women Please
PA Photo Appreciated
PF Professional Female
PM Professional Male
PMSL Pissing My Self Laughing
QT Cutie
RL Real Life
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
SALT Single and Loving It
SBF Single Black Female
SBM Single Black Male
SCF Single Christina Female
SCM Single Christian Male
SHF Single Hispanic Female
SHM Single Hispanic Male
SINK Single Income, No Kids
SJF Single Jewish Female
SJM Single Jewish Male
SO Significant Other
SPARK Single Parent Raising Kids
SWF Single White Female
SWM Single White Male
TG Transgender
TIC Tongue in Cheek
TS Transsexual
TV Transvestite
TOY Thinking of You
VWE Very Well Endowed
WEG Wicked Evil Grin
WLTM Would Love to Meet
There are many variants of these (e.g. WE = Well Endowed) but after a while you can start to second guess many of them.
If there are some missing... please feel free to add them to this list.. and maybe Mark will get around to posting them in some 'RTFM' (read the fucking manual) page.
/TheKid
BBC Big Black Cock
BBW Big Beautiful Woman
BDSM Bondage Discipline / Dominance submission / Sadism Masochism
BD Bondage/Discipline
BF Boyfriend
BHM Big Handsome Man
BiM Bisexual Male
BiF Bisexual Female
CD Cross-dresser
CPL Couple
CTOA Can Travel Or Accommodate
DDF Drug and Disease Free
DP Double Penetration
FA Fat Admirer
F2F Face to Face, Meeting in Person
GBF Gay Black Female
GBM Gay Black Male
GSOH Sense of Humour
GWF Gay White Female
GWM Gay White Male
GF Girlfriend
GSOH Good Sense of Humour
HWP Height & Weight Proportional
IR Inter Racial
ISO Insignificant Other
ISO In Search Of
LDR Long Distance Relationship
LMAO Laughing My Ass Off
LOL Laughing Out Loud
LTR Long Term Relationship
MBA Married But Available
MILTF Mother I'd Like To Fuck
MWC Married With Children
MWF Married White Female
MWM Married White Male
NLP No Losers Please
NS Non Smoker
NSA No Strings Attached
NUMP No Ugly Men Please
NUWP No Ugly Women Please
PA Photo Appreciated
PF Professional Female
PM Professional Male
PMSL Pissing My Self Laughing
QT Cutie
RL Real Life
ROFL Rolling On Floor Laughing
SALT Single and Loving It
SBF Single Black Female
SBM Single Black Male
SCF Single Christina Female
SCM Single Christian Male
SHF Single Hispanic Female
SHM Single Hispanic Male
SINK Single Income, No Kids
SJF Single Jewish Female
SJM Single Jewish Male
SO Significant Other
SPARK Single Parent Raising Kids
SWF Single White Female
SWM Single White Male
TG Transgender
TIC Tongue in Cheek
TS Transsexual
TV Transvestite
TOY Thinking of You
VWE Very Well Endowed
WEG Wicked Evil Grin
WLTM Would Love to Meet
There are many variants of these (e.g. WE = Well Endowed) but after a while you can start to second guess many of them.
If there are some missing... please feel free to add them to this list.. and maybe Mark will get around to posting them in some 'RTFM' (read the fucking manual) page.
/TheKid
The shame page is a bad idea.... it only opens itslef up to abuse where genuine folk get 'shamed' by idiots with a grudge etc.
On the phone call front... I cannot for the life of me fathom how folks are willing to a sexual encounter with strangers and yet not be willing to make a phone call. As mentioned earlier, it's mostly single males with 'issues' / missing wives etc.
/The Kid
On the phone call front... I cannot for the life of me fathom how folks are willing to a sexual encounter with strangers and yet not be willing to make a phone call. As mentioned earlier, it's mostly single males with 'issues' / missing wives etc.
/The Kid
