Here's another!!!
Two women friends had gone for a girls night out, and had been decidedlyover-enthusiastic on the Barcardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk abd walking home, they needed to pee.
They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone.
The first woman had nothing to to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her panties, use them, then throw them away.
Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salavge a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded with that.
After finishing, they made off for home.
The next day. the first womans husband phoned the other husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing" said the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that sais: 'From all of us at the fire station. We'll never forget you".
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astylover
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 69
Bi-curious Female, 70
0 miles · West Yorkshire
Forum
Try This one!!!!!!!!!! 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :taz: :taz:
A man entered his favourite restaurant and sat at his regular table.
After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby,
all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most
expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman, knowing that if she accepted
the bottle, she would be his.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the
gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine
coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply
note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response took the note
from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in
your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return
this to the woman.
It read: For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a
Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty
million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful
as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :taz: :taz: A man entered his favourite restaurant and sat at his regular table.
After looking around, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby,
all alone. He motioned the waiter over and asked him to send their most
expensive bottle of Merlot over to the woman, knowing that if she accepted
the bottle, she would be his.
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the
gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the wine
coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to send a reply
note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response took the note
from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in
your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return
this to the woman.
It read: For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a
Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty
million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful
as you would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back!
Hi im a newby, the male half of a couple, and thought I should do a little research into what constitutes safe sex. Looking at the adverts section I was worried regarding the number of females saying they only have penetrative sex with a condom yet are willing to give blow jobs and drink cum.
I'm fully sure regarding penetrative sex but unsure regarding oral sex so, I thought if I'm unsure others must be too?
I found this extract on a South African Health web site which is quite illuminating.
At one stage it was advertised on our local (South African) television that oral sex can be used to replace penetrative sex (sexual intercourse) because it safer in terms of becoming infected with HIV. In a way this may be true because the infection rate is indeed much lower. However, this degree of 'safety' should be considered with caution as it is NOT 100% safe at all. If you have any sore, cut etc. in your mouth and your sex partner is HIV-positive you will indeed become infected. The virus can enter such an injury with great ease. The problem is that one often has such injuries in your mouth without even knowing it. For example after having eaten hard sweets, biscuits etc. there will be many such small cuts on the inside of your cheek. They may not be painful and you may not even be aware of them. Something else worth mentioning is that during oral sex, if the male is doing it to the female, he stands a greater risk of becoming infected that when the female does it to the male. The reason for this is because the virus is present in the vaginal fluids whereas in the case of the male it present only in the ejaculation fluid ('cum') of the male. It is not present in the lubrication fluid ('pre-cum') secreted by the male when he is sexually aroused. The danger, however, with a female doing it to a male is that the latter does not always warn the female in time that he is about to reach a climax and ejaculate, sometimes by accident but sometimes deliberately. If you are a female, let the male wear a condom. And do not let him talk you into believing that a condom reduces sensitivity. That is absolute nonsense! Your life is at stake. Anyway, nowadays - if you can afford them - you get flavoured condoms to make the task more enjoyable.
Hope this helps others to make up their mind, it has me.
astylover xx
I'm fully sure regarding penetrative sex but unsure regarding oral sex so, I thought if I'm unsure others must be too?
I found this extract on a South African Health web site which is quite illuminating.
At one stage it was advertised on our local (South African) television that oral sex can be used to replace penetrative sex (sexual intercourse) because it safer in terms of becoming infected with HIV. In a way this may be true because the infection rate is indeed much lower. However, this degree of 'safety' should be considered with caution as it is NOT 100% safe at all. If you have any sore, cut etc. in your mouth and your sex partner is HIV-positive you will indeed become infected. The virus can enter such an injury with great ease. The problem is that one often has such injuries in your mouth without even knowing it. For example after having eaten hard sweets, biscuits etc. there will be many such small cuts on the inside of your cheek. They may not be painful and you may not even be aware of them. Something else worth mentioning is that during oral sex, if the male is doing it to the female, he stands a greater risk of becoming infected that when the female does it to the male. The reason for this is because the virus is present in the vaginal fluids whereas in the case of the male it present only in the ejaculation fluid ('cum') of the male. It is not present in the lubrication fluid ('pre-cum') secreted by the male when he is sexually aroused. The danger, however, with a female doing it to a male is that the latter does not always warn the female in time that he is about to reach a climax and ejaculate, sometimes by accident but sometimes deliberately. If you are a female, let the male wear a condom. And do not let him talk you into believing that a condom reduces sensitivity. That is absolute nonsense! Your life is at stake. Anyway, nowadays - if you can afford them - you get flavoured condoms to make the task more enjoyable.
Hope this helps others to make up their mind, it has me.
astylover xx
:roll: