Thanks to all the help, false leads and correspondence.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 82
0 miles · County Durham
Forum
Orgasminator
Quote by Jas-Tim
I found it for you Harry and returned it.
Jas
XXX
Disclaimer - I didn't move it first time, but I bet I can guess who :giggle:
Thanks Jas, :kiss:
I have had several clues as to who it may have been, the next time I see her I'll be
practicing on her tom tom's. 
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by KitKatUnfortunately, the situation is that Moderators are prohibited from undertaking any action that may result in payment as this would result in a clear and flagrant compromise of their amateur status.
however, it may have paid the Mod who moved it, to have read it first
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
lhk
Kat
LOL. Kat,
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
:hump: :drinkies: :borg:
Orgasminator
ALL RIGHT, WHO DID IT?
I posted a joke in the Cafe earlier this evening. Returning later, I found the post had been moved into the Dogging section.
To be fair the title of the post was 'Doggers Beware', however, it may have paid the Mod who moved it, to have read it first and either he/she would have realised, that I had put it in the correct section.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
I posted a joke in the Cafe earlier this evening. Returning later, I found the post had been moved into the Dogging section.
To be fair the title of the post was 'Doggers Beware', however, it may have paid the Mod who moved it, to have read it first and either he/she would have realised, that I had put it in the correct section.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by MikeC
Hi All,
After been heer for just over 2 months now, I was intrested to know the North South devide on ppl from SH.
Now from my previous experiance from other sites that members tend to be from the north. For those that is higher in laditude than the watford gap.
I have put UNSURE because I know some witty person will ask where the watford gap is.!!!
Mike
Ah, you poor uneducated BBC listener you, believe me, the Watford Gap does not delineate between the north of England and the south of England.
There used to be a sign at Watford Gap, at the side of the A1(M) which displayed a vertical arrow and the words To The North. That does not mean the north begins on the other side of the Watford Gap.
As far as true northerners are concerned, the north begins at the Yorkshire/Durham border and only includes the counties of Durham and Northumberland, some 3,000 square miles in area.
I realise that some members who live in the Manchester area think they live in the northwest, well they must be northwest of somewhere, I suppose. :shock:
I see from your profile you seem to be of no fixed abode, which would tend to indicate you have little idea of where you yourself are. :cry:
The BBC is directly responsible for the poor lack of geographical knowledge of the populace of this country. Apparently they use a map drawn up at the time of William the Conquerer's Doomsday Book. The writers of this catalogue of the wealth and value of England never got further north than Yorkshire thus missing the two true northern counties. I admit the BBC has heard of Scotland, but only because the Queen goes there on holiday occasionally.
It never ceases to amuse me then I hear a London based BBC announcer say:- "We are now going to our studio in the far north at Manchester". ROTFPML.
Should you wish to divide up England into separate regions then the North is as stated above. The midlands extends from the north Yorkshire boundary to London and the south is any lands south of the Thames.
Written with tongue very firmly in cheek.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
A Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
It's an old one, but still worth a giggle.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
It's an old one, but still worth a giggle.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by hornyred and dino
cheers Harry O , It didnt look like a hummingbird , it hovered a bit like one . It then flew off and landed on a branch so i know it was a bird . I would say it was a goldcreast after looking at photo`s on the net , but the red breast , ????,thats the bit thats puzzling me . Do you know about hy-breads and does this happen often ?? thanks , Dino
Hello Dino,
It's always difficult to identify creatures from a brief description. I'm not really into Birds (Except the Human one's. lol.) I would agree however, that a Goldcrest is a possibility. Some birds do have a winter plumage which does differ from that of the summer form. It's unlikely that it was a hybrid specimen, birds don't often hybridise unless in captivity and even then it has to be with a species that it is closely related to genetically. Try looking at a species called Firecrest on the Web, that could also be a possibility.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
I've never forgotten my first time, Mid July 1957. The location a grassy clearing in the centre of some scrubland. On warm sunny day (whatever happened to those?) she was a very experienced older woman, well at 16 years old, she was two years older than me. A very pleasant experience indeed.
WARNING. Sunbathing in the nude can lead to other more pleasurable things. I don't know if the countryside had an effect, but I've been at it like a Rabbit whenever the opportunity has occured since.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
WARNING. Sunbathing in the nude can lead to other more pleasurable things. I don't know if the countryside had an effect, but I've been at it like a Rabbit whenever the opportunity has occured since.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by hornyred and dino
This ones got me beat . ,,,,
I was at a tree circle doing some meditating type stuff on saturday and saw this bird , it was a tiny , very pretty bird but looked like a composite of several birds . Wren sized , with a bit of yellow on its head , a red breast like a robin and a bit of blue on its wings . But the most striking thing was its flight , it kept hovering like a hummingbird as it circled the lower part of a tree trunk.....
Anyone.????.......Dino
After being pushed to the fore by Sgt Bilko. May I suggest it wasn't a bird you saw, but possibly a Hummingbird Hawkmoth. These are a migratory species usually seen in the summer months. However, some are accidentally imported in bunches of flowers or occasionally with fruit. They fly exactly the same way as Hummingbirds and are frequently reported as such.
No Hummingbirds are indigenous or migrant species to Great Britain, so if it was flying like a Hummingbird, then the only possibility is the Hummingbird Hawkmoth. It is likely that it was flying around the trunk of the tree looking for sap seepages which they will feed on if there are no flowers in blossom from which they can obtain nectar.
Harry0
Casavova, Drunk, and Dogger of this Parish
:borg: Also, when time out from the above allows, a Consultant Entomologist.
Orgasminator
I rather think H.M Queen Elizabeth would take a dim view of it. lol.
If your going to buy a dog for heavens sake don't buy a Corgie, not if your going into the Great Park area.
Sorry, I have a warped sense of humour, :twisted: No offence meant. Have fun.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
If your going to buy a dog for heavens sake don't buy a Corgie, not if your going into the Great Park area.
Sorry, I have a warped sense of humour, :twisted: No offence meant. Have fun.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by Bignetsuke bird
I'm obviously doing something very wrong on this site. Unintentionally I keep "posting" and they are being locked.
Have I accidentally offened someone? If I have I'm very sorry.
I am now begging on bended knees for someone to explain the error of my ways....
:love:
Netsuke
P.S Please help.
Think yourself lucky your post has just been locked. I have just replied to a new post and found a message saying only the Mods could access this thread. When I went back to the Cafe, the post had gone. I can understand why though having read it.
Harry0
Casenova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
I think this argument can be summed up by re telling the story of the old bull and the young bull who shared a large field.
One day the farmer introduced a small number of attractive young cows at the opposite end of this field. The young bull said, "lets run over and have one each". The old bull, looked at the young bull and said, "you can do that if you want, I'm just going to stroll over and have them all".
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk, Dogger and Old Bull of this Parish.
:borg: :thumbup:
One day the farmer introduced a small number of attractive young cows at the opposite end of this field. The young bull said, "lets run over and have one each". The old bull, looked at the young bull and said, "you can do that if you want, I'm just going to stroll over and have them all".
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk, Dogger and Old Bull of this Parish.
:borg: :thumbup: Orgasminator
Quote by Dawn_Mids
Although age isn't something I consider that much.
I have had a younger man :giggle:but not one that is older than me so maybe its something I should think about
Dawn :silly:
Dawn darling,
The next time we meet, I may surprise you.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by awol
Bollocks to the Hail Mary's, if a Nun is up for it, so am I. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
you . :small-print: that's heresy! those poor nuns
I have no religious prejudices awol, none at all.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:hump: :drinkies: :borg:
Orgasminator
Quote by lorrilove
Being one of the older 'members' of this site I have noticed a very slight decline in my bedding activities and I must admit that i was finding it a little difficult keeping up with the demands of my permanent girlfriend and the two occasional lady friends who seem to like nothing more than a weekly bonk or two.
I thought I was nearing the end of my active sex life until I had a chat with an older mate. He is a widower aged 82. He has two different ladies who he sees at least twice a week for bedtime activities. I have seen both of them and although they are in their 60's they both gave me a hard on just looking at them. lol. Both are stunners. Honestly.
If he can manage two ladies twice a week there is hope for me yet. Yeehaaaar.
O/K neither of us is as good as we once were, but we both have the experience to be as good 'once' as we ever were.
Having discussed our mutual pleasure in taking ladies to bed, we do have one thing in common, we both ensure the lady is satisfied before we satisfy ourselves, furthermore we both take our time, so there are no quickies, we take our time and don't burn ourselves out after 2 minutes.
Not every male or female is sexually active when they are over say 55 years of age, but to those of us who are, the experience gained over perhaps 40 + years does have distinct advantages.
This may not appeal to the younger members on this board, but I can assure them that sex gets much better with age and experience. At 61 I was considering I might only have a few active years left, but if my mate can manage it at 82, and several times a week, I still live in hope of a few more years of horizontal refreshments. It's a case of quality rather than quantity really, these days.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
Don't all PM me at once ladies, I have almost as much as I can handle at the moment. lol.
harry i'm sure you're full of life yet... one of my regular menfriend's is 69 next month, and he still goes like a bloody 20 yr old some nights... except he last 3 times as long. :twisted:
Thanks for that lorrilove, way to go. lol.
Harry0
Casenova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:hump: :drinkies: :borg:
Orgasminator
Quote by freckledbird
Well Harry, you have to find the female equivalent now and post it, just to even things out. That's your homework for today young man.
Bev
xx
Hello Bev,
Young man? I wish, I was swinging before you were born. lol. I have tried searching for the female equivelent but with no luck so far. Perhaps women are more reluctant to post their failures. lol.
Harry0
Casenova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by sparkycpl
so come on - anyone tried this... ? (err.. not us)
Looks scary! :eeek:
usual disclaimer - we've to do with this company or product!
Well I don't know about other men, but I don't need an electronic Gizmo to heighten my own sexual high's, a lady's lips have always been good enough for me. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Being one of the older 'members' of this site I have noticed a very slight decline in my bedding activities and I must admit that i was finding it a little difficult keeping up with the demands of my permanent girlfriend and the two occasional lady friends who seem to like nothing more than a weekly bonk or two.
I thought I was nearing the end of my active sex life until I had a chat with an older mate. He is a widower aged 82. He has two different ladies who he sees at least twice a week for bedtime activities. I have seen both of them and although they are in their 60's they both gave me a hard on just looking at them. lol. Both are stunners. Honestly.
If he can manage two ladies twice a week there is hope for me yet. Yeehaaaar.
O/K neither of us is as good as we once were, but we both have the experience to be as good 'once' as we ever were.
Having discussed our mutual pleasure in taking ladies to bed, we do have one thing in common, we both ensure the lady is satisfied before we satisfy ourselves, furthermore we both take our time, so there are no quickies, we take our time and don't burn ourselves out after 2 minutes.
Not every male or female is sexually active when they are over say 55 years of age, but to those of us who are, the experience gained over perhaps 40 + years does have distinct advantages.
This may not appeal to the younger members on this board, but I can assure them that sex gets much better with age and experience. At 61 I was considering I might only have a few active years left, but if my mate can manage it at 82, and several times a week, I still live in hope of a few more years of horizontal refreshments. It's a case of quality rather than quantity really, these days.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
Don't all PM me at once ladies, I have almost as much as I can handle at the moment. lol.
I thought I was nearing the end of my active sex life until I had a chat with an older mate. He is a widower aged 82. He has two different ladies who he sees at least twice a week for bedtime activities. I have seen both of them and although they are in their 60's they both gave me a hard on just looking at them. lol. Both are stunners. Honestly.
If he can manage two ladies twice a week there is hope for me yet. Yeehaaaar.
O/K neither of us is as good as we once were, but we both have the experience to be as good 'once' as we ever were.
Having discussed our mutual pleasure in taking ladies to bed, we do have one thing in common, we both ensure the lady is satisfied before we satisfy ourselves, furthermore we both take our time, so there are no quickies, we take our time and don't burn ourselves out after 2 minutes.
Not every male or female is sexually active when they are over say 55 years of age, but to those of us who are, the experience gained over perhaps 40 + years does have distinct advantages.
This may not appeal to the younger members on this board, but I can assure them that sex gets much better with age and experience. At 61 I was considering I might only have a few active years left, but if my mate can manage it at 82, and several times a week, I still live in hope of a few more years of horizontal refreshments. It's a case of quality rather than quantity really, these days.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Don't all PM me at once ladies, I have almost as much as I can handle at the moment. lol.
Orgasminator
Quote by Ice Pie
Mark has now seen all the dratfs and ideas and read all the feedback, and has selected a design for the SH Pin.
(Drum roll........)
It's Number 13, which was a very popular choice among those of you who sent me your comments.
All of the ideas contributed by your good selves received positive comments, and I know Mark has taken everyone's views into account, so well done to everyone who has taken part.
OK, so it took a while to get this far, but I think we can take satisfaction from the knowledge that this was community decision.
I think the next thing is to get that design made into a top quality graphic that can be sent to a manufacturer so we get exactly what we want, and Scandal has offered to do that :D
On the subject of price, I've seen manufacturers advertising anything from less than a pound to more than a fiver each, depending on materials, quality, number of colours etc, so I think we need to reach some sort of consensus on how much we want to pay.
My own preference would be for the best quality we can possibly get and to hell with the cost, it's a one-off that'll keep forever.
Funding the first production run: Several people have expressed a willingness to put money up front and then sell the pins on to members. I like the idea of a few people sharing the cost of maybe five hundred pins to start instead of one person taking all the risk. Also having more than one person holding stock would make distribution easier, so I'll put my name down for a hundred quid's worth.
Distribution: The only firm view I personally have on that issue right now is that while I agree that munches would be the easiest place to start, I wouldn't want it to be restricted to that. A few people have said they would set up PO boxes for mail order, and as long as all the sellers were consistent with regard to pricing and not making a personal profit, I'd go along with that.
Eligibility: A hot potato, and I'm staying right out of that one for now. I personally think Mark and the mods should discuss that or we might end up with another V**********n debate. :shock:
Ice
Bugger the individual price, I want one. However, I do think there should be some sort of restriction as to who qualifies to wear one.
It's just a thought, but it should really be restricted to regular members who have either been a member for say 1 year minimum, or to those who have posted at least 100 posts. Both qualifications are easy to verify by checking on the applicants membership file by who ever is selling the pins. Just a thought, as not everyone can make it to a Munch.
Harry0
Casanove, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
I received this joke by Email from a female friend today. I hope you enjoy it.
A man and a woman sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again.
She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?
The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
Harry0
Casanova , Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
A man and a woman sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again.
She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.
The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?
The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."
Harry0
Casanova , Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Another DIY job that turned out slightly unsatifactory, Found on the WWW.
It's true, the Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab
finally figured out what it was a what had happened.
It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert
and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO
unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best a could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles
from the crash site. The was established by the prominent scorched
and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly,
would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy
to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full pwer
for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most
likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for
dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him
to be come insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the
automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles
(15-20) seconds before the driver applied and completely melted the
brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however,
small fragments of teeth and hair were extracted from the
crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece
of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
OOPS.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
It's true, the Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab
finally figured out what it was a what had happened.
It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert
and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO
unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best a could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles
from the crash site. The was established by the prominent scorched
and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly,
would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy
to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full pwer
for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most
likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for
dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him
to be come insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the
automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles
(15-20) seconds before the driver applied and completely melted the
brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however,
small fragments of teeth and hair were extracted from the
crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece
of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
OOPS.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Quote by freckledbird
God I bet any man reading the last one will cringe :shock:
Funny how they're all men though eh?
Bev
xx
Hello Bev,
It's a purely 'men only' site as far as I am aware. However, I'm sure there'll be an equivelent site for ladies. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
Found on the WWW, I thought it amusing.
DARWIN AWARD 2004
The Darwin Award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing him or herself in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
The nominees this year, in the usual reverse order, are (and, yes, all are
true):
No. 7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
No. 6 A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of
his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed about 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
No. 5 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
No 4 A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus-style bungee cords to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
No. 3 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites It seems
that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.
No. 2 Employees in a medium sized warehouse in West Texas
noticed the smell of leaking gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as particularly 'bright' by his peers.
AND THE WINNER IS.....
No.1 Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging his testicles solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was at least a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
DARWIN AWARD 2004
The Darwin Award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing him or herself in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
The nominees this year, in the usual reverse order, are (and, yes, all are
true):
No. 7 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
No. 6 A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of
his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed about 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.
No. 5 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
No 4 A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus-style bungee cords to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
No. 3 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites It seems
that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
hospitalized.
No. 2 Employees in a medium sized warehouse in West Texas
noticed the smell of leaking gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as particularly 'bright' by his peers.
AND THE WINNER IS.....
No.1 Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging his testicles solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was at least a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
It's highly unlikely that I'm the only Grandfather on this site either, I have two grandsons myself, and fortunately NEVER get asked to babysit. Well, as they are in Australia, I'm hardly handy am I? lol.
I would like to see them someday, but that all depends on whether I can win some dosh on the Lottery.
I do know a couple of Great Grandmothers who are actually under 60 years old, and still active in the bedroom. No, I'm not passing on their details. lol.
Age is just a state of mind, I'm 61 going on 22.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
I would like to see them someday, but that all depends on whether I can win some dosh on the Lottery.
I do know a couple of Great Grandmothers who are actually under 60 years old, and still active in the bedroom. No, I'm not passing on their details. lol.
Age is just a state of mind, I'm 61 going on 22.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: Orgasminator
This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.
-------------------------------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1. Mr. Mrs. Ms. Miss Lt. Gen. Comrade
Classified Other
First Name: ......................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name:......................................................
Password: ............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .............................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
F-14 Tomcat
F-15 Eagle
F-16 Falcon
F-117A Stealth
Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... / ....... /.......
4. Serial Number: .................................................
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
Received as gift / aid package
Catalog showroom
Independent arms broker
Mail order
Discount store
Government surplus
Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
Heard loud noise, looked up
Store display
Espionage
Recommended by friend / relative /ally
Political lobbying by manufacturer
Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
Style / appearance
Speed / maneuverability
Price / value
Comfort / convenience
Kickback / bribe
Recommended by salesperson
McDonnell Douglas reputation
Advanced Weapons Systems
Backroom politics
Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
North America
Central / South America
Aircraft carrier
Europe
Middle East
Africa
Asia / Far East
Misc. Third World countries
Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply
Communist / Socialist
Terrorist
Crazed
Neutral
Democratic
Dictatorship
Corrupt
Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
Deficit spending
Cash
Suitcases of cocaine
Oil revenues
Personal check
Credit card
Ransom money
Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
Homemaker
Sales / marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense Minister / General
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
Golf
Boating / sailing
Sabotage
Running / jogging
Propaganda / disinformation
Destabilization / overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market / smuggling
Collectibles / collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation / torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage / reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO
Harry0,
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg:
by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.
-------------------------------
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1. Mr. Mrs. Ms. Miss Lt. Gen. Comrade
Classified Other
First Name: ......................................................
Initial: ........
Last Name:......................................................
Password: ............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name: ......................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .............................
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
F-14 Tomcat
F-15 Eagle
F-16 Falcon
F-117A Stealth
Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....... / ....... /.......
4. Serial Number: .................................................
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
Received as gift / aid package
Catalog showroom
Independent arms broker
Mail order
Discount store
Government surplus
Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
Heard loud noise, looked up
Store display
Espionage
Recommended by friend / relative /ally
Political lobbying by manufacturer
Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
Style / appearance
Speed / maneuverability
Price / value
Comfort / convenience
Kickback / bribe
Recommended by salesperson
McDonnell Douglas reputation
Advanced Weapons Systems
Backroom politics
Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
North America
Central / South America
Aircraft carrier
Europe
Middle East
Africa
Asia / Far East
Misc. Third World countries
Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply
Communist / Socialist
Terrorist
Crazed
Neutral
Democratic
Dictatorship
Corrupt
Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
Deficit spending
Cash
Suitcases of cocaine
Oil revenues
Personal check
Credit card
Ransom money
Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
Homemaker
Sales / marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense Minister / General
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
Golf
Boating / sailing
Sabotage
Running / jogging
Propaganda / disinformation
Destabilization / overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market / smuggling
Collectibles / collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation / torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage / reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800, St. Louis, MO
Harry0,
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
:borg: 