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harry0
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 82
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harry0
Orgasminator
Found whilst surfing the Web.
Answers on a post card please.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation
Can you cry under water?
What level of importance must a person have , before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway.
How does an Asprin know where the pain is?
Why is it, when you dial an incorrect telephone number it's never engaged?
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
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Quote by ben_1984
Totally genuine - one 20 year old male who has never been able to complete oral sex no matter who it has been with. I would really like to as I love oral but it has never happened.
is this a problem?

It never has been for me, but I always ask the lady if she minds before doing it. Perhaps you haven't found anyone who really knows how to do it.
Harry0
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harry0
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Hello Will.
Welcome back, time out can leave you slightly disoriented, and it does take some time to catch up. I know, been there, done that, got the video and T shirt.
Harry0
Casanove, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by VenusnMars
One Girl`s Journey to Self Discovery
It feels good to belong. To begin, let me tell you all a little about myself. I was raised within a farming community in a hamlet where 100% of the inhabitants were family. I have many happy memories of visiting my Auntgrans house for tea and lard sandwiches. It was a happy time. I suppose the turning point came when my immediate family (unclebrother Joe, and my parents) decided to move to a village. We found it very hard to keep up with the fast paced life the villagers led, and were never quite able to get to know them as they all looked different from one another, and had different surnames. It was just too hard to keep up. But I struggled on, not quite fitting into school life because of this thing called fashion, and the other children`s jealousy toward my natural advantage with math. Was it really my fault that they ran out of fingers before I did? It was a lonely existance.
However, I coped, the child with the adult eyes who eventually grew to her teens. It was at this point I decided that if I couldn`t fit in, I would express my differences, and so began the journey of black clothes and makeup, soon after which I decided to become a vegetarian, as I was finding that sinew from the small children I ate, kept getting stuck between my teeth; both of them. My parents were not best pleased, being of farming stock they couldn`t grasp the fact that I wouldn`t be eating the family dog they had been fattening up for Christmas, I was a huge disappointment, and thus began the journey of parental alienation.
I had noone to turn to when the first sexual flushes of youth began, and no close family nearby to practise with. I realised that I would have to explore my sexuality alone. I was confused, I had urges toward both men and women. What to do?! It didn`t help that I attended an all girls school, and had this strange urge to shave my head and clear out my wardrobe replacing all my black clothes with dungerees. What did it all mean? Thankfully, it was at that point a man came into my life. Things were about to take a drastic turn.
I met him slumped on a street corner, I was 15, and still not knocked up, my body clock was ticking. His long straggly hair and unkempt beard drew me to him, I suppose it brought back the happy memories of the men in my family, and for the first time in a long while, I felt an affinity with another being. A being who was more than willing to bounce my bones and provide me the the council house I had long been aching for. Life was unbearable at home, I couldn`t be arsed to do my exams and get a job, and there, in one afternoon I saw the answer to all my prayers.
Things were good at first, he was unemployed, I had a house and token baby at 16, a generous paypacket from the government for helping to populate the country, I was really doing my bit, and despite the late start, I really fit in on the estate. Unfortunately it all began to crumble after I married him at 17. I was young and foolish, and not wanting to argue with my father and his shotgun, decided that perhaps it would be rather jolly to get married after all. We weren`t paying for it, and the free grub was rather alluring. Like I said. Young and foolish.
Soon after, I realised my error, I no longer fit in with the others on my council estate. A drastic change was clearly needed, in fact, I would say career move. I was ready for the next level, especially since the bastard decided to get a job. WTF was that all about! Clearly we were becoming strangers. At nineteen I felt it was long overdue for me to get impregnated again, boot the husband, and screw the git for all he had. This would certainly make up for the stigma of being married, as most of the other mothers on the estate had no idea who or where the fathers of thier children were, and unlike them, I would be able to screw money from more than one source. I would be in a position of privilage, they would look up to me, and I would finally gain the respect I deserved.
Again, I failed miserably with this as well. The bastard wouldn`t go. Thus we lived like this for years, him working, and me having to collect the kids from school on the few days I could be bothered to send them, knowing all the fag smoking mums who stood outside, refusing to talk to the married mothers with the income, were muttering under their breath, complaining of the clique in the playground, and how I was `one of them, thinking I was too good for them`. How could he do this too me? It was all I could do to bear the shame.
To take my mind off of this sorry state of affairs, I decided to let the git bang me up one more time, knowing it would temporarily restore my faith in myself, for if nothing else, I was good at knocking out babies, and plus, I had the added bonus of being able to claim a supplimentary benefit from the government again, as the git`s wage was too low to support another child. It was never as satisfactory as claiming the dole, but such was my desperation any handout which would remind me of the goverment`s gratitude at populating the land I love, it was enough for me to keep going. At 24, I had achieved three children, but at what cost? They all had the same father, a father I was living with, not to mention married to for seven years. This wasn`t how things were supposed to work. It was the bleakest period of my life.
Eventually things began to pick up. Many of my neighbours had knocked out enough kids to be able to secure a larger house, in more urban areas. I too felt the call to migrate, but managed to resist the urge, for I knew that despite my best efforts, I would never be accepted now, even if I did decide to flock with them. I decided to take my chances with the new blood. My kids were well established on the streets, and I knew this would give them a head start, as they could knock the shit out of the new kids, so perhaps they, at least, could establish themselves, and I owed it to the kids to provide them with the upbringing and standing in society they deserved, after all, they did get me a council house. It was not thier fault I had failed them in all the other areas. Perhaps even I too might stand a chance of redemption as long as I didn`t admit that the git was the father of all my children, or bring up the fact we were married. For the most part it worked. This was drastically aided by a housing takeover. The council sold all their properties and suddenly, instead of council tenant, I became a whole new breed. I was a Housing Association tenant. This meant the difference between my 9 and 13 year olds drinking Lambrini on the street instead of cider. Two bottles for two quid at Iceland, life was really beginning to look up. What I hadn`t expected was the further exceptance from my neighbours, obviously someone had squealed, for they were aware I was was a married teen mum, with one parent to three children, but this was acceptable, it was enough for them that I had started young. Obviously their standards were lower, but this was ok. I could accept that, for as a society failure, I was just pleased to have a place again, no matter how lowly.
I suppose the question which is foremost on your minds after reading my tale, is how I have managed to achieve such a satisfactory existance with my husband after all he has put me through? Well, the answer is simple, after sabataging our lifestyle at home, the pressure finally served to make him quit his job, and we are in the happy position of being rewarded fully by the government. I`m so proud to be British, alive in the knowledge that no matter how much you fuck up, they will be happy to welcome you back with open arms......
That, and the fact I, not long ago, discovered that his maternal Grandmother shares the same maiden name as me. It`s all clicked in place now. We belong together, we always did.
Signed Venusxxx
Inbred, goth, temporary lesbian, teen mum, chav, and estate trash who always had a place in society, but just didn`t always recognise it.

Oh Dear,
Another everyday story of country folk. lol
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by sheffieldfun4two
After 4 years of secrecy keeping our swnging undercover, we decided that we could tell one or two of our close, non swinging friends.
One couple whom we have been very close friends with for many years were the first we told over a few drinks one night. They were horrified to say the least, especially when M admitted that she had had sex with probably 30 guys!
The woman phoned us the next day calling M a whore and told her not to go anywhere near her husband!
Unfortunately, the woamn is a loud mouthed cow and no doubt will take delight in telling all, when now we would rather have kept it all quiet!

Hello Sheffieldfun4two,
Perhaps you should have read this section from the following book before opening your mouth to your friends.
Taken from the Guinness Book of Female Records.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at , immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By , she had told 128 people of the news. By it had risen to 372 and by that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic society, several knitting circles, a coachload of American tourists which she flagged down and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at that night 's affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.
Unfortunately loose lips don't just sink ships. (WW2 propaganda leaflet, slightly ammended). :cry:
On the up side, however, it may also get you some new and local swinging partners as the word spreads. lol
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
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Quote by Santino
can you picture this, both in bed fast asleep the phone rings wife answers it
( phone on her side of bed ) its her sister so-and -so has just had her baby both are fine baby weighed in at so_and _so and the are going to call her xxxxxx
wake up in the morning ask what time did your sister ring she did not ring, so i reel of what had happend wife call sister my dream is absolutely spot on to the last detail.
as a rule i dont remember any of my dreams a little weird dont you think

Hello Santino,
If you have dreams or a psycic experience involving six numbers between 1 and 49 (inc) on either a Tuesday or Friday night, would you kindly PM them too me. That will give me time to get a Lottery Ticket on. lol
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by marky543
Look into my eyes Look into my eyes - Dont look around they eyes, the eyes - The cashier gave the boy back £5 and he kept 2 for himself and gave 3 back to the men.
Three Two One - You're back in the room.

Hello Marky and all,
I was well aware of the answer, I just posted it to see how many people it would flumox
lol
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish. hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Most married men are Sex Slaves,
If they don't get their chores done, they don't get any Sex. lol
Harry0
Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
Casanova, hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
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What's the betting that the person who complained wasn't getting any at all at home. lol
Why should anyone be shocked?
If any of the kids saw it, then it was just a practical demonstration to illustrate what they have been taught in 'Sex Lessons' at school anyway. If they were mere kiddies they wouldn't understand what they saw anyway.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish. hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Many of us have problems, but not as many as I think this fellow had.
Many many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had lovely hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me rather blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpaw.
-------------------------
Smile you buggers, smile. lol
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by cool4catz
Welcome to 1995 smile
There is no other pound. The £30 is a red herring - the only figures involved are the £25 bill, the £27 the men have paid, and the £2 the boy kept. £25 + £2 = £27. Forget the £30.

I have to disagree. If these men handed over a total of £30. Then it was real, and certainly not a red herring. The thirty ponds existed otherwise the cashier wouldn't have given the delivery boy Change to return to the men. The original question is still valid.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
It's been posted in the Forum before, but it's always good for a laugh
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
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Can anyone answer this mathematical problem please?
Three men in a hotel room call room service and order two large pizzas. The delivery boy brings them and hands them a bill for £30. Each man gives £10 and the boy leaves.
When the delivery boy hands the £30 to the cashier, he is told that a mistake has been made. The bill should only have been £25. The cashier gives the delivery boy five £1 coins and tells him to take it to the three men.
On his way back, the boy has a thought. These men did not give him a tip, and figures that, since there is no way to split £5 evenly three ways, he will keep £2 for himself and give the men £3.
He knocks on the door and when one of the men answers, the boy explains about the mix up and hands the £3 over.
Now for the fun part.
£30 - £25 = £5. Correct? £5 - £3 = £2. Correct?
So, what's the problem?
Well...
Each of the men originally gave £10 each.
They each got back £1 in change.
That means they paid £9 each, which times three is £27.
The delivery boy kept £2 for a tip.
£27 + £2 = £29.
Where's the other pound?
I'm buggered if I know, Can anyone supply the answer?
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
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Living in a small country village Broadband hasn't reached me yet. According to BT it's not worth the trouble and expense to modify the smaller exchanges that handle the relatively few people that want BB in country areas. Sad.
Right, as soon as I have clicked on send, I'll wash the dishes, make the bed, take the dog for a walk, then come back and see if this post has reached the Forum.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish, stuck with a 56K modem.
hump drinkies :borg: :cry:
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harry0
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Quote by Kit
lol :lol:
Can I have half a dozen please Mistress Jags :twisted:

Masochist. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
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Perhaps as one of the older generation on this Forum, I have a different viewpoint.
I was always told that a lady never swears unless IT slipped out.
Harry0
Casanova , Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
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Psssst, Are we allowed musical threads then?
Hells teeth,
These Japanese think of everything. Just fancy that, a suit that plays music. Wow. LOL.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
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harry0
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ATM's are handy, and most of us I suppose use them these days. That is, if they're not out of cash as mine always seem to be. However, a new drive-in ATM has recently been installed locally, with the following note sent to all members of this particular bank.
Please note that your Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machine instructions. Customers will still be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use the facilities more efficiently, the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances ( or FEMALE).MALE PROCEDURE.
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Put down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Put window up
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE.
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5 Turn the radio down
6 Attempt to insert card into machine
7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of checkbook
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forward 2 feet
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided
24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers
queuing behind
25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
27 Release Parking Brake
I found it amusing, I hope you did too.
Harry0
Casanova and Drunk of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
I found this whilst wandering around on the Web. I found it amusing, I hope you do too.
HE SAID, SHE SAID.
He: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've nothing to put in it.
She: You wear underpants, don't you?
He: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She: No, I would love you no matter who left you the money.
He:This coffee isn't fit for a pig!
She: No problem, I'll get you some that is.
He: You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs. Have you ever been mistaken for a man?
She: No, have you?
He: Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?
She: Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
He: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I've been giving you?
She: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She: OK, but but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.
He: Want a quickie?
She: As opposed to what?
He: Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She: I would, but you're never there.
Sorry Guys, I know it's anti men, I'll look for it's equivelent.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of theis Parish.
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harry0
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Quote by jackjones_1000
I AM NEW TO THIS GAME AM LOOKING TO MEET UP WITH SOME FEMALES FOR SOME SEXY FUN. I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR SOME GOOD DOGGING LOCATIONS IN THE MIDLANDS AREA PREFEBALY IN THE BIRMINGHAM AREA. confused

Hello Jack,
Your not alone, there's probably another 10,000 men visiting this site all after the same thing.
I see this is your first post and on the first day of your membership. Therefore I would suggest that you take a week or two and read through the hundreds of posts in the various Forum threads, you may well learn a lot.
It's been said a thousand times in these threads, that nothing is instant in the Swinging Scene. You won't find ladies falling over themselves rushing to get into your bed. The fact is, it's far easier to chat some female up in a bar, than score through these pages, or on Dogging locations.
You have to get yourself known first, and that can take some time, often a long time. Even Dogging doesn't bring instant rewards, especially as all the well known sites throughout the country tend to be patrolled by the local Constabulary on a regular basis these days. Many of these Dogging Sites are also frequented by men from the 'Gay Community' so be prepared for being propositioned by them often.
Read the Dogging etiquet 'Sticky' and follow the advice given, it was written by an experienced dogger. Dogging can, and does, take place at any time of day, and invariably happens on the site where you have been sitting for several hours, 10 minutes after you have got bored and left. Learn the signs and signals given by those willing to participate in Dogging Action, failure to do so could lead to awkward explanations, if you get a black eye, or worst, from a courting couple who objected to being spied on, when all they were there for was a little mutual pleasure.
If you are willing to put into this site, what you expect to get out of it, you might just get lucky, but don't count on it, a great many men have come here thinking it's going to be easy to 'score.' Nothing is further from the truth.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish, for the last 40 years.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
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Quote by Steve_Lincs
Right you lot after the last party some of you were whinging about our musical tastes :shock: ,so if theres anything in particular you want us to download for Saturday then feel free to sugest some warned though,no and i mean NO Robbie Williams is permitted in our house,we don't want to shatter the telly.
Fire away and we'll see what we can do.

Good grief,
There's a load of sexy music out there, but I must admit the most sexy disc I ever hear was Ja' tem? if I have got the name right, it came out in the late 60's. Some sexy French bird moaning ( and I mean, moaning) along to the music. The record was banned at that time by the BBC. lol.
I first heard it the night I got presented with my 'wings' at the local Aero Club, in 1970 having qualified as a pilot. The 'Wings Night' dance was always worth going too. It was the last piece played that evening, and must have got everyone in a sexy mood, because at least fifteen of the females present at the dance got put in the family way that night. Including the married lady I took to the dance as her husband was away on business for a couple of weeks at that time. I'm still denying all knowledge of that night. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by Calista
Last night a certain MsPlanet kept me talking until all hours of the morning (well it was about 3 am if the truth be told) and I then had to drug myself to sleep.
Tonight I have to go to bed early as I have a funeral to attend tomorrow and can't take the night nurse (it renders me unconscious for at least 12 hours :shock: and that's a half dose).
So anyone spotting my msn or name on here beyond about please please hassle me to go to bed and attempt sleep. Do whatever it takesif necessary but keep me away LOL

Oi Calista,
Never mind sitting up with your computer till god known when at night. If you want an early night, finish your Tea, wash up, have a bath or shower and get to bed. Don't piss around doing odd jobs.
Go to bed NOW.
Is that enough bullying for you? lol.
Harry0
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harry0
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Whilst I fully support the idea of a Swinging Heaven pin or lapel badge, I do have reservations about Marks idea for a design. (Looking at it purely from an engineering production point of view). The design when shrunk to pin or lapel badge size would require a good number of colour sections over what will be a very small area of badge. This might prove to an awkward problem when it comes down to doing a production run.
It might pay to submit Marks design to a Badge Manufacturer first, to see if it a feasible project, and if so, get a quote for the minimum number that the manufacturer is willing to supply. This alone could run into several thousand badges.
This would at least give Swinging Heaven members an idea of the individual cost per badge. It is usual in the production of such items to give a cheaper price if you buy more than their minimum order, so it may be worth asking for quotes for different production run numbers.
The other problem is the Manufacturer is going to want his payment prior to, or on delivery, this could easily run into four figures, an amount that many of us don't have lying around as petty cash. Do we have any millionairs in S/H by any chance?
A little research first may be in order here, I'm not trying to pour cold water on the idea, I'm just trying to be practical. Anyway, I WANT ONE.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk, Pessimist and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies dunno :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
A great many things can make a human cry, it may be something very personal, it may be something that makes you very happy, it might even be music.
Wandering around the WWW the other day I came across this poem. Having read it, I would say it would have to be a hard hearted bastard who didn't have at least a lump in his throat after reading it. I don't know who the author is or was and although it may not be of Wordsworths or Brownings standard it is a puller of heartstrings.
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid,
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates,
of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seat.
One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
each of them was searching,
for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
and looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far
You see he was a fireman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.
I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that Heaven is never too far.
Harry0
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harry0
Orgasminator
Being a single man I have never had any qualms about telling my friends that I am into 'swinging,' I also told them I had a preference for married womeen.
I didn't loose a single friend over this, and in fact got propositioned by more than one or two married women within my circle of friends. Needless to say, I obliged, after all you don't want to disappoint your friends, do you?
I admit though, it's a lot easier for a single man to do this, than a married couple who may have kids as well. It's all down to your personal circumstances really.
As to when and how to tell your friends, it's seldom that the subject of sex doesn't arise during a gathering of friends, all you need to do is tell one or two of them casually in passing, and everyone will know within ten minutes, especially if you tell a couple of your female friends. lol. Gossip has its uses.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Not much different here either, 5, 6' x 6' garden fence panels gone along with their 8"x4" posts, half the branches off the pine tree in the garden (yipee) I've been wanting to fell that for years, but there's a Tree Presevation Order on it. Slates off the roof and the insurance Co, unobtainable by phone. (Typical) I spent the day at Carlisle helping an old mate to drain his house out, so my problems don't seem so bad.
Weather man says 3 more days of gales, bugger. Why do they only get it right when it's bad weather.
Harry0
Need a bath, stink to high heaven, thoroughly wet, and pissed off, for News at 10. lol.
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by rogerthedragon
Well done harry0 !!
worship :worship: :worship:
I bet you could teach us younger guys a few things nad it is nice to know that age is not a barrier to having a good time. cool
Roger the Dragon.

Hello Roger,
Age does give you experience, when I was young (a million years ago) I went at it, like a Rabbit. However, age and experience has mellowed me somewhat. I have found with maturity, a good, long, session of love making, is far better than going at it like a rabbit, and burning yourself out. If you can make a lady satisfied before yourself, you are on the road to success. Failure to do so, will not often get you a repeat invitation to a ladies bed.
Always treat a lady, as a lady, respect her boundaries, and always treat her, as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
This has worked for me, in the past, and I hope the future. Always pander to her desires rather than your own. It works for me, and it should work for you.
I may be sleeping alone tonight, but, to quote a well known saying, 'Tomorrow is another day'
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk, Naturalist and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :taz: :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by shireen-steve
Hello Steve-shireen, (Kisses for Shireen).

Harry my sweet passionkiss
I will hold you to those kisses at the next munch we bump into each other at wink
And as for remembering you!!.... Tut tut shame on you.... You are thought of on a regular basis by your friends kiss
Shireen
xxx
Hello Shireen, you gorgeous creature redface
I could promise a lot more than kisses, if the opportunity presents itself. lol. Thank you for remembering me. I will be at the Scottish Munch in Glasgow in March, so I hope to see you there, if you can make it. There is already a very good guest list. I haven't forgotten our meeting at the Midlands Munch last year, or the underwear you had on. lol.
Harry0
Aged Casanova, Drunk, Naturalist and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :taz: :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Quote by steve-shireen
Have a chat with HArryO next time he is online..
I believe he has been swinging for many years(by his own admission I hasten to add)..
Am sure you and he could swap a few tales..

Hello Steve-shireen, (Kisses for Shireen).
I wondered if anyone would remember me, lol. I have been swinging since I was 20 yrs old and I'm now coming up to 62 years of age, so by application of complex math, I have been swinging for a total of 42 years.
Perhaps I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was. lol.
I do have a lot of tales I could tell, but then I am very discrete, and would never mention a ladies name, especially if she has been in bed with me. Irate husbands with a shotgun I do not need. lol.
I used to keep a 'conquests diarys' at one time, (in code of course), and although I discontinued it some ten years ago. Looking through them, and using a calculator I have totalled up these nights of pleasure, I have been to bed with slightly over 300 different women in 32 years, and probable another 50 or so in the past ten years. (age slows you down a little). Not much by 'Pop Star' standards, but more than enough to keep me very happy. I still have a couple of ladies I visit regularly, as well as a permanent girlfriend of over 30 years, but then I can only see her when her husband is at work.
I have always preferred women older than myself ( there are certain exceptions) but now I find there are fewer and fewer women older than me. lol. (Shades of George Burns, if anyone can remember him).
The total does include about 50 ladies whom I met through 'Dogging' which is always good fun, or at least was, until a couple of years ago. lol.
Harry0
Casanova (albeit aged) Drunk, Naturalist and Dogger of this Parish.
hump drinkies :taz: :borg:
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harry0
Orgasminator
Libralove
No happy accident, as nice as she is I don't fancy her
Think I'll do the dishes while we have coffee,

Don't you just love it when a woman talks dirty. lol.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk,Naturalist and Dogger of this Parish
hump drinkies :taz: :borg:
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