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Is this unreasonable: my man and me are having a night in tonight. He wants to watch football on the telly, I want to have a meal and a chat. But thats not the issue.
What is is that if his team is winning or drawing at half time, I have to give him a 15 minute BJ, he says it always means they win the game. He says it is a superstition!
I think he is taking the michael................
What is is that if his team is winning or drawing at half time, I have to give him a 15 minute BJ, he says it always means they win the game. He says it is a superstition!
I think he is taking the michael................
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?" "Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago," she states.
Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!". "Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Tonto Papadopoulos."
Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer", she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."
Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!". "Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Tonto Papadopoulos."
BANK'S NEW CASH POINT MACHINES
Pleased to inform customers that the YorkshireBank are now installing the Next Generation of new "Drive-thru" cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (Male Or Female).
Please remember and follow these instructions when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the radio down 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make-up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 meters
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release handbrake
Pleased to inform customers that the YorkshireBank are now installing the Next Generation of new "Drive-thru" cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (Male Or Female).
Please remember and follow these instructions when you use the machine for the first time.
MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Wind down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6 Wind up window
7 Drive off
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
3 Re-start the stalled engine
4 Wind down the window
5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
6 Turn the radio down 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9 Insert card
10 Re-insert card the right way up
11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12 Enter PIN.
13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
14 Enter amount of cash required
15 Check make-up in rear view mirror
16 Retrieve cash and receipt
17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
19 Re-check make-up again
20 Drive forwards 2 meters
21 Reverse back to cash machine
22 Retrieve card
23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release handbrake
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
Bonds mature.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
When he owns it.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by
mistake,happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried...but no answer. "Is there anyone here?"
she cried a little louder, but still no answer...
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and
yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away ...
"Hello - we're all down here ..."
mistake,happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried...but no answer. "Is there anyone here?"
she cried a little louder, but still no answer...
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and
yelled: "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away ...
"Hello - we're all down here ..."
A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when
he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough,
it was leaking oil all over the road.
The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked
the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to
look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin
what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk.
He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla ice
cream would really hit the spot, since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in
the summer, after all. He sat down at the counter and started in on his ice
cream. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he
was done he had ice cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total
mess.
He walked back to the service station and said to the mechanic, "Did
you find out what is wrong with my car?"
The mechanic replied, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," said the penguin. "It's just ice cream."
he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough,
it was leaking oil all over the road.
The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked
the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to
look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin
what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk.
He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla ice
cream would really hit the spot, since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in
the summer, after all. He sat down at the counter and started in on his ice
cream. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he
was done he had ice cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total
mess.
He walked back to the service station and said to the mechanic, "Did
you find out what is wrong with my car?"
The mechanic replied, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No no," said the penguin. "It's just ice cream."
Hi guys, just like you we are new to all this, we only joined the forum a few days ago, but in the main they are a nice bunch, and pretty helpful. Mind you they also talk in a weird language, and say some mindless things at times.
As for tipping your toe into the waters, well what we did was go to the Toucan Club in London last tuesday for our first experience, and it was fab, we both had a great night. It was really interesting, openned our eyes and C's legs and we just dived in.
However it also openned alot of other questions, and now we are curious about doing other stuff, just to experience it.
Do what you feel most comfortable with.
C&P
As for tipping your toe into the waters, well what we did was go to the Toucan Club in London last tuesday for our first experience, and it was fab, we both had a great night. It was really interesting, openned our eyes and C's legs and we just dived in.
However it also openned alot of other questions, and now we are curious about doing other stuff, just to experience it.
Do what you feel most comfortable with.
C&P
What is an Avatar...........
AVATAR is a word that is commonly heard but rarely understood. In English, the word has come to mean "an embodiment, a bodily manifestation of the Divine." However, the Sanskrit word Avatara means "the descent of God" or simply "incarnation." Here is the definition based on India's ancient Vedas, the oldest and most comprehensive spiritual literature known to man:
The Avatara, or incarnation of Godhead,
descends from the kingdom of God for material manifestation.
And the particular form of the Personality of
Godhead who so descends is called an
incarnation, or Avatara. Such incarnations are
situated in the spiritual world, the kingdom of
God. When They descend to the material
creation, They assume the name Avatara.
( Chaitanya-caritamrita -264)
So we hope this helps.
AVATAR is a word that is commonly heard but rarely understood. In English, the word has come to mean "an embodiment, a bodily manifestation of the Divine." However, the Sanskrit word Avatara means "the descent of God" or simply "incarnation." Here is the definition based on India's ancient Vedas, the oldest and most comprehensive spiritual literature known to man:
The Avatara, or incarnation of Godhead,
descends from the kingdom of God for material manifestation.
And the particular form of the Personality of
Godhead who so descends is called an
incarnation, or Avatara. Such incarnations are
situated in the spiritual world, the kingdom of
God. When They descend to the material
creation, They assume the name Avatara.
( Chaitanya-caritamrita -264)
So we hope this helps.
Hello there,
Myself and my fella are really interested in trying Dogging, but of all the places we have tried thus far, they are all single guy infested. We have yet to see another couple!
So please can you tell us somewhere in the south east that is a real "couples" venue for us to try. Please reply either on here or by PM.
Thank you
Myself and my fella are really interested in trying Dogging, but of all the places we have tried thus far, they are all single guy infested. We have yet to see another couple!
So please can you tell us somewhere in the south east that is a real "couples" venue for us to try. Please reply either on here or by PM.
Thank you
