You’re already on your way to making yourself a worthy candidate now that you have a better understanding of the swinging lifestyle, what it’s about and the mindset of swingers. Even though single guys are commonly referred to as the ‘bane of the swinging community’, your understanding of why they feel that way has now given you the edge over a lot of the other single guys who try to get into the lifestyle and fail. But, as helpful as that is, there are still other secrets to making yourself a worthy candidate and that’s exactly what we’re going to cover here in this chapter.
I’m sure it has already come pretty clear to you that the swinger’s lifestyle isn’t just one big free for all where everyone does anything and everything they want without any consideration for anyone else. There are rules to swinging and not just for the single guy, but everyone. Some rules are unwritten while others are written literally on signs at swingers clubs and in ads by swingers looking for other swingers. Following the rules is a must for anyone but especially important for the single male trying to get into the lifestyle. Let’s now go over the rules that all swingers are expected to abide by.
Rule #1: No Means No
This may seem like a no-brainer, because when it comes to sex we all know that if it isn’t consensual then it’s rape. Unfortunately, when it comes to swinging, people run the risk of getting carried away by the amount of testosterone and sexual energy in the room which, could lead to aggression or even just misunderstandings that come with consequences. This rule actually very much relates to the issue that swingers have with single guys in the scene. Men who have gone into swinger’s clubs and parties in the past without a proper understanding of what swinging is all about, have made the mistake of seeing it as free sex buffet. Just because there is a group of people having sex at one of these parties does not give just anyone the right to join in. It may seem odd to think that anyone who is engaging in practically an orgy would have limits and boundaries, but they do.
There could be ten hands on one woman at a swinger’s function, but that still doesn’t mean that you are allowed to touch her just because everyone else is.
So, understanding that no definitely means no—no matter how it may appear—is a must if you want to play in the world of swinging.
Rule #2: You Must Practice Safe Sex
This rule can be a bit sketchy because it has been shown that some swingers actually tend to go bareback. But, regardless of this, safe sex is indeed expected at swinger’s clubs as well as the majority of other parties and functions. When your time to play does come you need to show that you are a responsible and trustworthy guy who respects his body as well as the bodies of others by being prepared. By being prepared, I am talking about having condoms on hand. You want to make sure that you have a few with you, because as a responsible swinging single male, you care about your health and the health of those you play with. You’re also generous and giving and not at all the kind of selfish single guy that only brings one condom for his own use. (In case you didn’t catch on, that was your hint that you really should bring more than one condom with you when you swing.)
Bringing condoms with you isn’t your only responsibility, of course. Like I said earlier; even if you walk into a party where most people seem to be going bareback, you need to be ready and willing to wear a condom no matter what. Other swingers may decide to not wear condoms when they are playing with others who they have a trust and understanding with. Regardless of what their deal is, the reality is that unprotected sex is risky and not something that you should chance all in the name of getting off. By showing up prepared and following the rules of the club as well as the rules of common sense, you’ll come across as a lot more responsible while also keeping yourself and others safe. It shows that you respect yourself as well as the other swingers which will help you to be taken more seriously.
Rule #3: Be Clean
We’ve talked about being clean in the sense of STIs and safe sex, but now it’s time to talk about clean in the personal hygiene sense. Simply put; you need to shower and practice good hygiene before going to a swinger’s function. Should go without saying, right? Well, you’d be surprised to know how many guys before you have not been quite so diligent in the personal hygiene department!
Being an attractive candidate means making a good impression and cleanliness is definitely a must if you want someone to even consider getting intimate with you. No one—no matter how freaky—wants to screw someone who is unkempt, disheveled or god forbid, stinky.
If there is even the slightest chance that you are going to get your mouth near someone, then you need to brush, floss and suck on a mint! And, if you are planning on putting your dick near anything, then a good shower is definitely in order. Actually, it’s not in order, it’s an order! And I’m not talking about a quick and half-assed shower, but rather a good scrub down that leaves no part, ridge or fold unturned!And, since a good impression is important when it comes to trying to show others in the swinging community that you are a worthy candidate, it wouldn’t hurt to put some extra effort into your appearance so that you look, smell and feel great.
Rule #4: Be Sober
Aside from the fact that swinger’s clubs will not allow anyone to stay who appears to be drunk or wasted, there is no way that you are going to be taken seriously by other swingers if you’re anything but sober.
You need to remind yourself over and over that in order to get into the swinger’s community as a single guy you will need to gain the trust of others. As tempting as it may be to suck back the booze to help calm any nerves or anxiety before trying to get into a swinger’s function, doing so will only work against you. Alcohol does not make you more confident! Yes, a drink may help relax some people, but getting sloshed is not the way to go if you want to get in to a swinger’s club and it certainly won’t help you look or perform better once you’re in.
When you’re in a club it can be easy to give in to the temptation to drink and it’s not uncommon for your nerves to get the better of you, but you need to keep your eye on the prize. You’re not going to be as likely to follow the rules and use the tips you learn in this article if your mind is floating in a sea of booze. I can’t stress enough that gaining the coveted spot of the single guy in the swinger’s lifestyle isn’t an easy feat. You really do need to use every advantage that you’re given and that includes being of sound mind so you actually know what to do with all of this help that you’ve been given!
I’m not gonna harp on the whole sobriety thing much longer, but before we move on I owe it to you to touch on the effect that booze has on sex and your ability to have it. Being drunk will not make you a better lover. After a few you may think that you’re THE man when it comes to sex. You may think in your drunken stupor that you’re rockin’ someone’s world like no one else has, but that’s probably just a figment of your trashed imagination. Sorry guy.
Alcohol has been proven to interfere with a man’s sexual performance. Too much to drink can affect your ability to get hard, stay hard or even cum. Alcohol can also make you a sloppy lover, not to mention rude, belligerent and just downright stupid. Save yourself the embarrassment and the trouble and follow this rule to a tee. Don’t let a couple of beers get in the way of claiming your rightful spot as a single guy in the hot world of swinging.
Rule #5: Leave with the Woman You Came With
Before you get your boxers in a twist; this doesn’t mean that you can’t leave with more than one woman! As a common rule of respect which also happens to be a common rule at most swinger’s clubs and organized parties; you really should be leaving with the woman that you came with. It’s out of respect for her and everyone else. By staying after your ‘date’ has left, or leaving with someone other than her, you are basically living up to the same stereotype that you’re trying to bust out of. It makes you look like a selfish pig that is out for his own satisfaction and no one else’s which, of course, is not what swingers are about.
If you and your date meet another couple or single woman that you want to leave with, then by all means leave and prosper, my friend! As long as you leave with the woman that you came with then you’re fine. You don’t want to look like you used some woman just to get into a club or party—even if that’s what you both agreed on beforehand. And, you absolutely do not want to go in there and leave with someone else’s date or leave your own date high and dry in favor of someone else. That kind of behavior will railroad any progress that you’ve made in trying to be a single guy swinger.
Now that you’ve got the rules down and understand how important it is to play by the rules, let’s move on to another secret that is sure to help you get your foot in the door—literally.
You’re judged by the Company You Keep
You know that swinger’s clubs don’t allow single males inside and that in order to get in, you will need to be in the company of a woman (although some clubs will allow single males or have nights where you can get in). Finding some women who wants to swing or even just help you out by heading to a club with you is easy, but finding one who can help make you a worthy candidate for a prime spot smack dab in the middle of the hottest swinger action is a whole other story. Like it or not; we are judged by the company we keep. Any girl can get you in the door, but to be invited into a play session by a couple or couples, well, that takes a little more than just any warm body that’s willing to accompany you to a club.
Making yourself a worthy candidate for swinging isn’t easy as a single guy, as I have made abundantly clear already. Swingers may not take to you as a single guy right away which means that the women who swing with them are going to have to be up for the experience as well. Just because you get into the club doesn’t mean you’re going to be invited to play with the swingers. You need to have a woman with you who compliments you in a way that you look even better—and I’m not talking about saying sweet things about you and complimenting you in that sense! I’m talking about walking into a club with a woman who has the right attitude, is approachable and friendly and is adventurous enough to want to play.
Let’s be brutally honest here; if your only criteria when looking for a woman to swing with is her willingness to go with you to a club, you run the risk of ending up with just about anything depending where you find her. Sure, you want a girl who is nasty in the sexy sense, as well as one who is insatiable and loves to have hot, adventurous sex. Just be sure that you don’t walk in with a girl who is nasty in the I-wouldn’t-even-fuck-her-with-your-cock sense! A little class goes a long way.
You want to choose a woman that both equations of the swinging couple will want to play with. She doesn’t have to be a supermodel, but she does have to be clean, fun, friendly and someone who doesn’t threaten, scare or disgust other swingers. Refrain from choosing someone with a mouth like a drunken sailor who favors a shot of bourbon or a toke over a shower! You also need to be sure you’re choosing a woman who understands and is willing to play by the rules when it comes to swinging. If the woman you’re with is behaving inappropriately or seems shady or untrustworthy, then nothing you’ve learned here is going to matter. Make the effort to choose someone who will help you and not sabotage you.
Remember that you’ll need a woman to get you in, but she’ll have to be a decent one if you want to stay in and play.
