well, being a sunny day (and Agricola being allowed Home Leave ' from Her Majesty's Pleasure), Agricola and the junior Agricolas took themselves off to our nice little country course for a game of golf. Sheer bliss: squirrels dashing about, water Hens mooching about, Sparrowhawk streaking like blue lightning-wonderful. Then , to cap it all, Agricola managed to hit the ball-doesn't happen often-and watched his little white ball plop, diligently, two feet from the hole. Even the junior Agricolas were gracious enough to say 'Well done oh Great and Munificent One!!-(trained you see)-Anyway, there I was, feeling like Tiger Woods when-CRAWWWK!!! -huge great crow PINCHED the ruddy ball. Absaloutely true..still can't believe it. Down he came-crawking-and tried to pick it up several times before getting it airborne. This was quite a feat considering that the junior Agricolas were, by this time, chucking the contents of their golf bags at him, but , off he flapped, taking my Titleist Pro V1 with him!! Well, I've scoured the rules and can't find anything that covers 'Corvid interjection'. Agricola Junior was pleased to tell his mum that 'Dad didn't get any Birdies but a bloody big Birdie had him!!'
I still can't believe it: and the junior Agricolas are still laughing their socks off.
Funny old life....
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Forum
Never really had too much trouble in the village with 'trick or treaters'..until this year. One or two of the 'incomers ' have brought their stupid 'customs' with them and have been banging on the doors, frightening the old folk and annoying the younger. We had two tonight: just sitting down to a nice pork loin and a bottle of Cabernet and...BANG! BANG! BANG! 'TRICK OR TREAT!!!' Right you little buggers, thinks Agricola. I answered the door and ...'Hello lads, ..oh yes, certainly, don't trick me...oh, goodness, by my Granny's sanitary towels, of course I'll get you a treat!!.'....so I did, a brace of pheasant that I hadn't got round to plucking! (Warm weather, been hanging for a while, plenty of flies about.....stunk like a ferret in a tart's handbag)....'here you go chaps, mind you enjoy them...tell your mum's that a bit of Elderberry Relish is just the thing...here, catch hold...no, never mind the maggots! Improves the flavour! Smell? No, that's flavour my bonny lads! Oh, you look a bit pale? Feel sick? Probably that stupid mask you've got smothering your face. Off you trot my proud lovelies...no, don't thank me...Bon Appetit....feel free to vomit in the flower beds...does the Dahlias a treat...do come again.....'
That sorted the little sods...don't think they'll be knocking again on this door in a hurry...
That sorted the little sods...don't think they'll be knocking again on this door in a hurry...
if anyone listens to Wogan on radio 2 they will know that his listeners constantly try to trip up with non de plumes e.g
Major R. Soul
Drew Peacock
Seymour Totty
Anita Bush
Hugh Janus
Ivan Uff
Dick Standing
Fanny Eyres
....hundreds of e'm. Not all are rude:
I like the simple ones such as
Lee Pout
Nina Groyne
Alice Vergotten
Daley De Possit
Major R. Soul
Drew Peacock
Seymour Totty
Anita Bush
Hugh Janus
Ivan Uff
Dick Standing
Fanny Eyres
....hundreds of e'm. Not all are rude:
I like the simple ones such as
Lee Pout
Nina Groyne
Alice Vergotten
Daley De Possit
Quote by davej
It will happen sooner than you think Agricola.........tis true that I have a manor so to speak and I have considered that the bog standard fast food outlets have thus far only catered for the economy end of the market..and that there might be an opening for something a little more suited to the Shires.
Now it's unlikely that Unicorn would be on the menu as these are very rare creatures only ever seen at the bottom of my garden, drinking from the stream of Strawberry cordial that wends it's way through my grounds, but I have considered alternatives such as
The davej flame grilled Flamingo
McSturgeon and fries
a bargain bucket of swan breast
Partridge egg toasties
Creme De Month thick shakes....
Blimey Mr. Dave, sounds scrumptious! Now then, put me down for a leg of Flamingo please...but...I want the leg that they don't stand on: the other one is a bit tough, all that standing around on it waiting for some sixties group to write a song about them...
Partridge? does that come with Pear Tree attached? Sounds seasonal. Or is it steaks off of some washed up Norwich DJ?
Swan Breast...Mmm...I was once told that the female Swan's flesh tasted a bit insipid, you know, not much of a bite on it? Folks say there is more flesh on a blade of grass: rubbish! Everyone know that the Pen is meatier than the sward!!
Quote by davej
...........davej wedges the front wheel of his Raleigh shopper into the concrete slot, drops his cycle clips into his anorak pocket and quietly walks away from this thread.........
This is true: I've seen the Honourable Member for 'The Sarf' replete in bicycle -clips. However, what he doesn't reveal is that he keeps the bike in the boot of his Merc and only cycles across the car park.
But, I don't blame him: he has a position to uphold. He is , after all, a bona fide 'Southern Gentleman't'-the 'Colonel Sanders' of Southern Britain. How long before we have a 'Kentucky Fried Unicorn' emporium in every town, complete with sherbet sauce?
Not long methinks.
Quote by davej
davej has now modified his advert to include the line.................
very interested in meeting lady Trombone players
What's a 'lady trombone'? Is it a bit smaller, more intelligent, likes soppy films? I never knew they were sexually differentiated. Instead of going 'OomPah Pah', does it go 'OomMa Ma'?
This site is a veritable well of knowlege!!
Anyway, whilst on the subject, I play the banjo-really. Basically involves a tight skin overlaid with a highly strung body requiring vigorous plucking.....
...what, what?
My family are valuable, they really are. It's only as you get older that you recognise their true worth. How I wish I'd see through their apparent feckless veneer much earlier in my life....God bless 'em, they really are worth a lot..
...so, any Bounty Hunters out there that would care to help me turn 'em in? Can't miss 'em: their pictures are displayed over most Police Station walls.
They've all been banged up, strung up or locked up in ' Government Hotels with special soft furnishings'.
I'm happy to split the proceeds....
...families, don't you just love 'em?
...so, any Bounty Hunters out there that would care to help me turn 'em in? Can't miss 'em: their pictures are displayed over most Police Station walls.
They've all been banged up, strung up or locked up in ' Government Hotels with special soft furnishings'.
I'm happy to split the proceeds....
...families, don't you just love 'em?
To write: that's all I've ever wanted to do.
I've dabbled for many years: enough to know that it is a hard and unforgiving craft. But, the occasional thing published makes it worthwhile- in every sense except financially.
It's also enabled me to meet enough seriously, nay, awsomely talented people who can't break in to the market. So what chance I? Well, serendipity plays a big part, as does keeping going. So, keep up the day job and carry on typing....maybe this one is THE one.....
It will happen one day.......
I've dabbled for many years: enough to know that it is a hard and unforgiving craft. But, the occasional thing published makes it worthwhile- in every sense except financially.
It's also enabled me to meet enough seriously, nay, awsomely talented people who can't break in to the market. So what chance I? Well, serendipity plays a big part, as does keeping going. So, keep up the day job and carry on typing....maybe this one is THE one.....
It will happen one day.......
Pooey to all these cars! Thousands of pounds each, washed every sunday, fortune to insure......I've stopped 'em all!! Don't care what badge they've got on the bonnet, they don't get past a John Deere 300BHP with a ten feet wide set of disc harrows behind. They do 20 mph-same speed as me. Best fun of all is taking out a big 'samson' muck -spreader, plenty of shit dripping off everywhere, fills both carriageways, .....oh, the small pleasures of country life!
Scots are fine people: the greatest friends I ever had-and some of the best times-were in Scotland.
But, I have found that people are great wherever they hail from...they are like cabbages.
(What's the mad country fool on about NOW??I hear you say)
Well, for years I've grown cabbages-well, someone has to-and have learned one thing.
In every row there are those that look impressive. They usually get overblown and eaten by caterpillars. There are those that are really weak, and have to be coaxed along, rewarding, but a bit of a pain really. Then, the season finishes, snow falls, and when you walk out among the dead and dying foliage, you notice a couple that you hadn't noticed before. They'd been there all the time, in the background, but when you really needed them...there they were, ready to supply your needs.
People are pretty much the same really.
But, I have found that people are great wherever they hail from...they are like cabbages.
(What's the mad country fool on about NOW??I hear you say)
Well, for years I've grown cabbages-well, someone has to-and have learned one thing.
In every row there are those that look impressive. They usually get overblown and eaten by caterpillars. There are those that are really weak, and have to be coaxed along, rewarding, but a bit of a pain really. Then, the season finishes, snow falls, and when you walk out among the dead and dying foliage, you notice a couple that you hadn't noticed before. They'd been there all the time, in the background, but when you really needed them...there they were, ready to supply your needs.
People are pretty much the same really.
Modern cheesy has nothing on vintage , extra mature cheesy.
Only today I cheered myself up with a lengthy rendition of the following, rain pouring, wind howling, I didn't care as I treated the entire M6 to:
'Three wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
The Cherokees are chasing me
Arrows fly, right on by
But I’m singing a happy song
I’m singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
A mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by
Sing up at the back!!!
'
Only today I cheered myself up with a lengthy rendition of the following, rain pouring, wind howling, I didn't care as I treated the entire M6 to:
'Three wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
The Cherokees are chasing me
Arrows fly, right on by
But I’m singing a happy song
I’m singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
A mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by
Sing up at the back!!!
'
Hard to believe isn't it. I agree with all that's been said-and I wholeheartedly concur with the view that he did more for music-especially British music-than Lennon& McCartney. He was educated in Shrewsbury so we've alwys thought of him as one of our own. In latter years, I listened to him more for 'Home Truths' on Radio 4.
Whatever: I will miss him and am sadder tonight than I should have been
God grant him peace.
A
Whatever: I will miss him and am sadder tonight than I should have been
God grant him peace.
A
Message from Captain P. Ugwash, SH Coastguard
To: All Coastal stations
We have intercepted a message from a vessel in distress in the storms off the coast. The Morse was poor, almost unintelligible-possibly foreign crew?-but certain phrases were clear.
'Going down ' was very clear, as was 'come quick, I need you'
We immediately launched all lifeboats and called in Sea Kings from the Royal Navy.
Further messages continued to pour across the airwaves:
'Grab my rollocks Sarge, second thoughts, let's sort out the women first', brought us all to tears. What brave soul is giving up their life out there for the sake of the ladies!! What heroes!!
' Gushing down below now, keep pumping' was the next one that came in. Oh, those poor mariners.
But how brave! 'Corrie's still going ' came the next message-how calm, watching soaps at a time like this. Reminded us of the band on the Titanic playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.
I tell you, my men didn't need motivation. We have scoured the water for these desperate souls for hour after hour. We are tired-but we won't let them down!
All went quiet -we thought we'd lost them-then:
'Everybody, urgent, go down.... Kneel in Leeds,,,,' (sort of unclear that one)...but we knew it must be a Yorkshire vessel asking their loved ones to pray for them...oh, how our eyes filled with tears.....
'Blue....Blue.....submerged in blue' -obviously too late for that one, drowning-gone by now.
We had a lucky break when we got, 'Join us on Cam , please, desperate for relief'
So, we turned all our resources to the Cornish Coast. Then,the final message,
'NO SINGLE MALES!! FOR THE LAST TIME: NO SINGLE MALES!!
So, sounds bad, looks like they are getting the women off first. Must be nearly all over for the poor sods. God, I feel so helpless. But, we'll keep searching until we have lost all hope
Send any help you can....but, I fear they are all down in Davey J's Locker!!! And nobody ever came back from down there.....
Pugwash
To: All Coastal stations
We have intercepted a message from a vessel in distress in the storms off the coast. The Morse was poor, almost unintelligible-possibly foreign crew?-but certain phrases were clear.
'Going down ' was very clear, as was 'come quick, I need you'
We immediately launched all lifeboats and called in Sea Kings from the Royal Navy.
Further messages continued to pour across the airwaves:
'Grab my rollocks Sarge, second thoughts, let's sort out the women first', brought us all to tears. What brave soul is giving up their life out there for the sake of the ladies!! What heroes!!
' Gushing down below now, keep pumping' was the next one that came in. Oh, those poor mariners.
But how brave! 'Corrie's still going ' came the next message-how calm, watching soaps at a time like this. Reminded us of the band on the Titanic playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.
I tell you, my men didn't need motivation. We have scoured the water for these desperate souls for hour after hour. We are tired-but we won't let them down!
All went quiet -we thought we'd lost them-then:
'Everybody, urgent, go down.... Kneel in Leeds,,,,' (sort of unclear that one)...but we knew it must be a Yorkshire vessel asking their loved ones to pray for them...oh, how our eyes filled with tears.....
'Blue....Blue.....submerged in blue' -obviously too late for that one, drowning-gone by now.
We had a lucky break when we got, 'Join us on Cam , please, desperate for relief'
So, we turned all our resources to the Cornish Coast. Then,the final message,
'NO SINGLE MALES!! FOR THE LAST TIME: NO SINGLE MALES!!
So, sounds bad, looks like they are getting the women off first. Must be nearly all over for the poor sods. God, I feel so helpless. But, we'll keep searching until we have lost all hope
Send any help you can....but, I fear they are all down in Davey J's Locker!!! And nobody ever came back from down there.....
Pugwash
Another music thread: GREAT!! I've discoverd so many treasures through the music threads on this Forum.
my choices:
Contemporary:
Let Me Kiss You' from Nancy Sinatra's new album. Brilliant album: best of the year for me.
Honorary mentions to
'Real to Me': Brian Mcfadden
'Dry your Eyes': Streets
Classical:
'Una Mattina': Ludovico Einaudi
Folk/Roots/World:
'Country Life': Show of Hands (actually late 2003 but never mind)
These are two of the finest musicians/songwriters this country has ever produced. For example, for sheer haunting beauty and poignancy try their take on the old standard 'Widdecombe Fair' from their 2001 album 'Cold Frontier'. Memorable.
my choices:
Contemporary:
Let Me Kiss You' from Nancy Sinatra's new album. Brilliant album: best of the year for me.
Honorary mentions to
'Real to Me': Brian Mcfadden
'Dry your Eyes': Streets
Classical:
'Una Mattina': Ludovico Einaudi
Folk/Roots/World:
'Country Life': Show of Hands (actually late 2003 but never mind)
These are two of the finest musicians/songwriters this country has ever produced. For example, for sheer haunting beauty and poignancy try their take on the old standard 'Widdecombe Fair' from their 2001 album 'Cold Frontier'. Memorable.
We country lads are quiet unassuming types by nature: live and let live, walk away from trouble, can't be arsed with fashion and all the crap that modern society seems to value, like celebrity, fame, money, cars....so much pigeon shit on a wire fence. Here today : gone tomorrow. But, just occasionally, somebody pushes just a bit too far and my father's maxim of 'I shit on nobody: nobody shits on me' seems to kick in.
I remember a particular time when I was being 'put on' by some monied prat. Eventually, enough was enough, and I set my jaw and faced up to him. I remember that Tom Petty's 'I won't back down'kept running round my head. And, I did stand my ground, and the path of my life was altered; good on 'yer Tom Petty!
I remember a particular time when I was being 'put on' by some monied prat. Eventually, enough was enough, and I set my jaw and faced up to him. I remember that Tom Petty's 'I won't back down'kept running round my head. And, I did stand my ground, and the path of my life was altered; good on 'yer Tom Petty!
Just off to watch Leon on Tv-excellent film-but have been listening to Bruce Springsteen: 'The Ghost of Tom Joad'.
I love this album, but it is completely different from his usual offerings. It got me thinking: which other bands/ musicians have produced material that was completely different from their usual stuff but , if anything, maybe better??
I love this album, but it is completely different from his usual offerings. It got me thinking: which other bands/ musicians have produced material that was completely different from their usual stuff but , if anything, maybe better??
'The Way it is': Bruce Hornsby and the Range.
Superb.
More serious stuff:
'The Heart asks Pleasure First ': Nyman (Theme from 'The Piano)
'Theme from 'The Man Who Wasn't There'
'Shostakovich-Piano Concerto No 2: 2nd Movement (heavenly)
Beethoven:' The Emperor'
Rachmaninov : Piano Concerto No 2 (anyone seen ' Brief Encounter')
Sir Peter Maxwell Davies: Farewell To Stromness
The piano is the most versatiole and beautiful of instruments:if only I could play it....
and, from my youth, the crappest ever:
Mouldy Old Dough-Lieutenant Pigeon
Superb.
More serious stuff:
'The Heart asks Pleasure First ': Nyman (Theme from 'The Piano)
'Theme from 'The Man Who Wasn't There'
'Shostakovich-Piano Concerto No 2: 2nd Movement (heavenly)
Beethoven:' The Emperor'
Rachmaninov : Piano Concerto No 2 (anyone seen ' Brief Encounter')
Sir Peter Maxwell Davies: Farewell To Stromness
The piano is the most versatiole and beautiful of instruments:if only I could play it....
and, from my youth, the crappest ever:
Mouldy Old Dough-Lieutenant Pigeon
D Wing
HMP Shrewsbury
23/10/04
Hello Alex,
Just thought I'd let you know how I was getting on in 'The House of Many Windows'.
Well, it's not too bad really, although I'll never forget the noise of that big door when it banged shut behind me. The chaps in here say everyone says that.
I'm 'two'ed up' with a chap from London called Mullins-'Mauler' to his mates, and I think I'm now one of those. He says I am 'mad as a tart's knicker- elastic', whatever that means. I had a bit of trouble to start with a chap called 'Digger' Davies , who got mad when I took what he thought was too long in the shower. He started yelling and screaming about 'new meat' and how I would be his personal bitch. Rude chap. Well, I didn't take kindly to that Alex!! I shouted one of the Screws to complain, but, they all seemed to have disappeared-although I'm sure I could hear them laughing somewhere. Anyway, this chap continued screaming and then ran at me. I think he wanted to get nasty Alex. He reminded me of one of the big rams at home so I treated him accordingly: did the old farmer's sidestep, grabbed his throat as he sped past, grabbed hold of his 'nether -regions' with the other hand and squoze 'em together, Down he went, like a sack of corn. I tipped him on his arse, like I would a ram,and dug my knee in his belly and my thumb in his mouth , to keep him quiet. You know, all the other chaps appeared quite impressed, obviously never sheared any big sheep!! So, I became quite popular all of a sudden.
The screws gave me funny looks after that.
I 'm waiting to be what they call 'classified' before I go to my proper prison. I saw the Chaplain today-he was nice. I told him about SH. he seemed a bit embarrassed and went quite red. He seemed to cough and splutter an AWFUL lot when I mentioned Debbiewebs. Do you think he might be related or something? I said, 'You ought to go to a Munch padre!' He just went all red and said something about keeping my mouth shut!! Another rude man-seems to be full of them.
Stroke of luck:had my interview with the Governor today. He saw my surname and asked me if I was related to Arthur Tificer? I said that he was my late Uncle. He started shaking my hand and saying how Uncle Arthur had been a regular there whenever he had big debts: apparently Uncle thought a couple of weeks inside was a fair swap for money owed. Typical of him-tight as a wet knot that one. Anyway, he immediately put me down for work on local farms. (He also asked if 'Sweaty Betty ' was still doing her trick with the baby pig, and if Uncle's friends Mrs Fc and , well, you Alex
were likely to be visiting. How does he know you two??? I noticed a sign on his desk saying' Black Dalek's are misunderstood'. That rang a bell somehow.....)
I've been telling all the chaps on the landing about the Site: they love me to tell my stories. They've all been thinking up avatars and 'names' so they can join when they get out. funnily enough, they all see to be called 'Big Job' or ' Krimmin Al'-they really do seem to be preoccupied with this crime thing. I asked Mauler what he did for a job -he hasn't stopped laughing yet. But, he says he can sort me out with a 'big one' when I get out......what is he on about?? I said, do you mean a new ram? He started another laughing fit. Why is it I always seem to meet such jolly people??
Oh, yeah, bit of a kerfuffle last night: apparently, a group of gorgeous ladies gathered outside the main gate last night, with, Mauler says, less cloth covering them than a midget's y-fronts. All the screws went to look. I was playing table -tennis with 'Fuzzy' Felkingham, the chap who blew up the VAT office. I must be missing you all -I half imagined I heard your voice Alex, and Corrie, and-my legal inspiration, Mr NeilinLeeds. Anyway, my thoughts were disturbed when some careless person threw a rope -ladder through the window. How inconsiderate! Fuzzy and I could have been injured...so I threw it back. Lucky escape that eh?? Not like one of the screws who suffered a bad eye injury when one of the beautiful ladies outside the gate seems to have lost a 'nipple ring', during a period of emotional 'breast heaving', and almost blinded him!! They don't know who did it, except that they thought her surname might be something like 'Alexaviseyout'; Russian they think.
Right, must go now.
Missing you all-I get very lonely at night ....and I miss all the animals :cry: Gran visits when she can, but please, come and see me??? Bring Corrie and Mrs FC and the rest of the gang. I'm appealing against my sentence. Mauler says it's probably the first time in my life that I've ever bee appealing to anybody....Well, obviously, never been in Gaol before!!! (He's still laughing about it-he 's always laughing somehow)
Love
A
PS Screws were asking me today what I knew about 'The Lone Ranger', and robbing sherriffs......
they're all mad in here!!!
HMP Shrewsbury
23/10/04
Hello Alex,
Just thought I'd let you know how I was getting on in 'The House of Many Windows'.
Well, it's not too bad really, although I'll never forget the noise of that big door when it banged shut behind me. The chaps in here say everyone says that.
I'm 'two'ed up' with a chap from London called Mullins-'Mauler' to his mates, and I think I'm now one of those. He says I am 'mad as a tart's knicker- elastic', whatever that means. I had a bit of trouble to start with a chap called 'Digger' Davies , who got mad when I took what he thought was too long in the shower. He started yelling and screaming about 'new meat' and how I would be his personal bitch. Rude chap. Well, I didn't take kindly to that Alex!! I shouted one of the Screws to complain, but, they all seemed to have disappeared-although I'm sure I could hear them laughing somewhere. Anyway, this chap continued screaming and then ran at me. I think he wanted to get nasty Alex. He reminded me of one of the big rams at home so I treated him accordingly: did the old farmer's sidestep, grabbed his throat as he sped past, grabbed hold of his 'nether -regions' with the other hand and squoze 'em together, Down he went, like a sack of corn. I tipped him on his arse, like I would a ram,and dug my knee in his belly and my thumb in his mouth , to keep him quiet. You know, all the other chaps appeared quite impressed, obviously never sheared any big sheep!! So, I became quite popular all of a sudden.
The screws gave me funny looks after that.
I 'm waiting to be what they call 'classified' before I go to my proper prison. I saw the Chaplain today-he was nice. I told him about SH. he seemed a bit embarrassed and went quite red. He seemed to cough and splutter an AWFUL lot when I mentioned Debbiewebs. Do you think he might be related or something? I said, 'You ought to go to a Munch padre!' He just went all red and said something about keeping my mouth shut!! Another rude man-seems to be full of them.
Stroke of luck:had my interview with the Governor today. He saw my surname and asked me if I was related to Arthur Tificer? I said that he was my late Uncle. He started shaking my hand and saying how Uncle Arthur had been a regular there whenever he had big debts: apparently Uncle thought a couple of weeks inside was a fair swap for money owed. Typical of him-tight as a wet knot that one. Anyway, he immediately put me down for work on local farms. (He also asked if 'Sweaty Betty ' was still doing her trick with the baby pig, and if Uncle's friends Mrs Fc and , well, you Alex
were likely to be visiting. How does he know you two??? I noticed a sign on his desk saying' Black Dalek's are misunderstood'. That rang a bell somehow.....)I've been telling all the chaps on the landing about the Site: they love me to tell my stories. They've all been thinking up avatars and 'names' so they can join when they get out. funnily enough, they all see to be called 'Big Job' or ' Krimmin Al'-they really do seem to be preoccupied with this crime thing. I asked Mauler what he did for a job -he hasn't stopped laughing yet. But, he says he can sort me out with a 'big one' when I get out......what is he on about?? I said, do you mean a new ram? He started another laughing fit. Why is it I always seem to meet such jolly people??
Oh, yeah, bit of a kerfuffle last night: apparently, a group of gorgeous ladies gathered outside the main gate last night, with, Mauler says, less cloth covering them than a midget's y-fronts. All the screws went to look. I was playing table -tennis with 'Fuzzy' Felkingham, the chap who blew up the VAT office. I must be missing you all -I half imagined I heard your voice Alex, and Corrie, and-my legal inspiration, Mr NeilinLeeds. Anyway, my thoughts were disturbed when some careless person threw a rope -ladder through the window. How inconsiderate! Fuzzy and I could have been injured...so I threw it back. Lucky escape that eh?? Not like one of the screws who suffered a bad eye injury when one of the beautiful ladies outside the gate seems to have lost a 'nipple ring', during a period of emotional 'breast heaving', and almost blinded him!! They don't know who did it, except that they thought her surname might be something like 'Alexaviseyout'; Russian they think.
Right, must go now.
Missing you all-I get very lonely at night ....and I miss all the animals :cry: Gran visits when she can, but please, come and see me??? Bring Corrie and Mrs FC and the rest of the gang. I'm appealing against my sentence. Mauler says it's probably the first time in my life that I've ever bee appealing to anybody....Well, obviously, never been in Gaol before!!! (He's still laughing about it-he 's always laughing somehow)
Love
A
PS Screws were asking me today what I knew about 'The Lone Ranger', and robbing sherriffs......
they're all mad in here!!! Never met anyone famous-except when I worked for a week with Dave Prowse (Darth Vader/ Green Cross Code Man). However, I've been fortunate enough to know a whole bunch of 'characters' the like of which the world will never see again. From Gerald the one -legged pig -farmer who lived with his pigs, Arthur the local 'wag' (might be similar to a certain Artificer), the man who sat all through their final night and prayed with the last ten people to be hanged in England, the man that flew the first SE5 in WW1 (the ORIGINAL Biggles), a priest that lived through nightmares in the Rhodesian Rebellion, a South African refugee that lost everything, a violent Hell's Angel that set up a centre for drug addicts against overwhelming pressure, a blind and handicapped boy that taught me about values, Bill the ex-prizefighter/bare-knuckle champ, Bill the Gypsy who was the last link to a Romany world we will never understand, Jack, the man that charged a German machine gun nest in WW!-saved his men, got a medal, got shot in the head, and was never sane again, Percy, the horseman that could make huge Shires do as he wanted by 'whispering' to them, Derek, the 'king' of Poachers, 'Mushy' the mushroom gatherer, 'george' the prisoner that begged to be kept in Gaol because he couldn't cope with the real world, was released, and shot a taxi driver......oh, there are so many.
I watch the so called 'celebs' that parade their meagre talents on tV and I think..no, they are nothings compared to the people I've known. I fear 'characters' are becoming fewer and fame is a bauble of ever-decreasing value
I watch the so called 'celebs' that parade their meagre talents on tV and I think..no, they are nothings compared to the people I've known. I fear 'characters' are becoming fewer and fame is a bauble of ever-decreasing value
Sarge, I am currently in 'The House of Many Windows', thanks to Alex's 3000th post. But, I'm due home leave soon and I can join the team.
Can't play football for toffees, wrong shaped ball, but I can :
1/ cook top fried eggs
2/look after the pitch-lifetime growing grass
3/ control the 'idiots' that might turn up (trained in such matters
)
4/ Look after the referee (nice lump of steak, gallon of scrumpy, bit of venison, few brace of pheasant, bucket of nice Brown Trout, big Turkey.......usually tends to 'colour their judgement', if you get my drift).
5/ Plus, I have Gran's 'secret' linament that we always used on the horses. Guaranteed to get the lamest critter back to full-speed. (just make sure they aren't too worried about losing their body hair and power of speech).
Any use?
A
Can't play football for toffees, wrong shaped ball, but I can :
1/ cook top fried eggs
2/look after the pitch-lifetime growing grass
3/ control the 'idiots' that might turn up (trained in such matters
)4/ Look after the referee (nice lump of steak, gallon of scrumpy, bit of venison, few brace of pheasant, bucket of nice Brown Trout, big Turkey.......usually tends to 'colour their judgement', if you get my drift).
5/ Plus, I have Gran's 'secret' linament that we always used on the horses. Guaranteed to get the lamest critter back to full-speed. (just make sure they aren't too worried about losing their body hair and power of speech).
Any use?
A
Chin up girl: it's not going to get better, but, you WILL cope-and that is the all important thing. I returned to Uni in my 30's, without any 'A's and almost twenty years away from education. I had a big family, debts, 1000 sheep, pigs, poultry and goats to look after. I worked from dawn to-well, dawn. I got so angry with all the students who-to my tormented mind-seemed to have it so easy. There were days-lots of them-when I felt so inadequate ,useless and hard done to that I could have lain down and cried. In fact, sometimes I did. I got so incredibly frustrated that there I was, in a seat of learning, and I didn't have time to do anything except scratch the surface. I almost gave up several times.
But, I now realise that although it was hard, it taught me an invaluable lesson. No matter what, I /you will get through. It will make you a stronger and more resilient person. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. For some of us, we aren't able to be the high flyers-we just have to grind out a result and move on. it may not be pretty, but it will be.
I know that employers-and I interview and employ people myself-value a 'battler' way above a 'genius'.
And, having gone through (yet another) sticky time recently, I can tell you that the lessons you learn 'battling' at Uni carry into the heart of your life. Sometimes you have to plot your course and just lash yourself to the mast as all the crap in creation falls on you.
Such is life: once you've accepted that, come to terms with it, you'll find that the sun breaks out.
Good luck: it's all a sick game-don't let 'em win!!!!!
A
But, I now realise that although it was hard, it taught me an invaluable lesson. No matter what, I /you will get through. It will make you a stronger and more resilient person. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. For some of us, we aren't able to be the high flyers-we just have to grind out a result and move on. it may not be pretty, but it will be.
I know that employers-and I interview and employ people myself-value a 'battler' way above a 'genius'.
And, having gone through (yet another) sticky time recently, I can tell you that the lessons you learn 'battling' at Uni carry into the heart of your life. Sometimes you have to plot your course and just lash yourself to the mast as all the crap in creation falls on you.
Such is life: once you've accepted that, come to terms with it, you'll find that the sun breaks out.
Good luck: it's all a sick game-don't let 'em win!!!!!
A
Cinema: 'Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind'. Really clever, moving, thought provoking film with Jim Carrey proving he is actually an excellent actor when he curbs his excesses (full credit to the director there). Also, added bonus of Kate Winslet looking, well, like Kate Winslet 
DVD: 'Donnie Darko'-mainly because I like being totally confounded and the ferrets like hissing at the giant rabbit. But, a seriously stylish film. (Anybody out there got a clue what it's all about???)
&
Local Hero: one of my all time favourites. Just love it.
DVD: 'Donnie Darko'-mainly because I like being totally confounded and the ferrets like hissing at the giant rabbit. But, a seriously stylish film. (Anybody out there got a clue what it's all about???)
&
Local Hero: one of my all time favourites. Just love it.
I happened to catch a bit of the interview while in a state of Merlot induced semi-catatonic channel flicking (didn't intend to, I can't stand Frank Skinner, I end up licking my tongue in and out after watching him. Has anyone else noticed that annoying habit he has?). As for Stan the Man... I'm sure his mum loves him...but, second thoughts. How do you buy a house big enough for an ego like that?? At least the intellect would fit nicely in a matchbox somewhere. I think I can spend the rest of my life without mourning the fact he's not on my Christmas Card list. All in all, I still found it fascinating, if only because it raised more questions about Ulrika than it answered about Stan.
Quote by deancannock
I have a very bad and serious addiction.....it leaves me very sad most of the time.....although everynow and again...i get a real high......but there is no escape
yep....I'm a WOLVES season ticket holder !!!!!
Just to make you feel better Deancannock, I'll confess my addiction: I've followed Shrewsbury Town since childhood
We are now back in our rightful position at the bottom of the Football League). I've followed them through all the lows and....lows. I've watched all the star players...leave, but never stopped believing that the 'glory days ' will return. In fact, this has led to my second addiction: Merlot, lot's of it. 