Heard on the radio to-day, about a guy who got stuck in a thicket of gorse bushes in yorkshire somewhere. He was there for two days and had to be helicoptered out.
What's the chances that he was a dogger trying to get a closer look, and came unstuck - or maybe even came stuck.
Gord.
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gord
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 66
Forum
willxx69 wrote,
Actually, some of my best friends are Scots and it is one of my favourite parts of the country, but don't tell Jags just yet. Not until we have had some more fun!
I do hope that no-one is really offended if I play up to my Forum caricature in the interests of friendly fun.
Your humble, unconditional and abject surrender is accepted....again.
(Sigh.)
Gordon.
Actually, some of my best friends are Scots and it is one of my favourite parts of the country, but don't tell Jags just yet. Not until we have had some more fun!
I do hope that no-one is really offended if I play up to my Forum caricature in the interests of friendly fun.
Your humble, unconditional and abject surrender is accepted....again.
(Sigh.)
Gordon.
Thanks for giving us your thoughts, Will.
Handy being able to do so down the wizardry of a phone line.
While looking into a monitor that looks a bit like a television.
Otherwise you would have been stuck with postage stamps.
Or even be forced to travel to deliver your message, but hopefully in a vehicle with pneumatic tyres.
And, I have no doubt that your message would be in the best English, culled from the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary.
If you catch my drift.
Gordon.
Handy being able to do so down the wizardry of a phone line.
While looking into a monitor that looks a bit like a television.
Otherwise you would have been stuck with postage stamps.
Or even be forced to travel to deliver your message, but hopefully in a vehicle with pneumatic tyres.
And, I have no doubt that your message would be in the best English, culled from the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary.
If you catch my drift.
Gordon.
Back in 1978, I was in the Merchant Navy and flew out to join a ship in Aqaba, Jordan. While waiting its delayed arrival I stayed in a hotel for about two weeks. I was totally on my own, knowing no-one there and virtually nothing about the place. There was not a great deal to do to pass the time other than wander around town, laze about
on the beach and swim in the sea.
I had visited a few souvenir type shops and noticed sharks teeth and jaws for sale. Remember this was ‘78, the film Jaws had only recently been released and for its time it was a very scary movie. I was about 18, green as grass, but couldn’t or
wouldn’t admit it - teenage bravado and all that.
Anyway, one afternoon, bored and killing time, I was swimming in the crystal clear waters looking down onto the coral and its wildlife. Directly underneath me I saw a big shape, gliding among the outcrops. I didn’t know what it was, wasn’t too worried at that stage, but thought it advisable to change direction. I set off swimming perpendicular to my previous course, but glancing down I saw the beast immediately do the same. A vision of that head falling out of the bottom of the boat in the film came to me, ringing the first notes of alarm. Again I set off at a different angle, heading back to the beach, and swimming faster. The beast again mirrored my action, keeping pace, and the panic began to set in. I zigzagged back and forth trying to swim as fast as I could, but the
thing effortlessly stalked me and as I moved into shallower water and it hugged the bottom we moved closer together. By this time I had abandoned any effort to stay looking cool and was practically running across the surface of the water like a pond-skater. I didn’t want to put my legs down onto the bottom because that is where IT was and I was sure it would just snap one off for a snack I was s***ting myself, desperately trying to empty my lungs of the gallons of seawater I had swallowed and fill them with air to scream for help.
Looking up as I staggered exhausted from the water I could see rows of concerned faces staring at me and it was just at that point that I realised that the monster was in fact...... my shadow. Try explaining that when you can’t speak the language.
Gordon.
on the beach and swim in the sea.
I had visited a few souvenir type shops and noticed sharks teeth and jaws for sale. Remember this was ‘78, the film Jaws had only recently been released and for its time it was a very scary movie. I was about 18, green as grass, but couldn’t or
wouldn’t admit it - teenage bravado and all that.
Anyway, one afternoon, bored and killing time, I was swimming in the crystal clear waters looking down onto the coral and its wildlife. Directly underneath me I saw a big shape, gliding among the outcrops. I didn’t know what it was, wasn’t too worried at that stage, but thought it advisable to change direction. I set off swimming perpendicular to my previous course, but glancing down I saw the beast immediately do the same. A vision of that head falling out of the bottom of the boat in the film came to me, ringing the first notes of alarm. Again I set off at a different angle, heading back to the beach, and swimming faster. The beast again mirrored my action, keeping pace, and the panic began to set in. I zigzagged back and forth trying to swim as fast as I could, but the
thing effortlessly stalked me and as I moved into shallower water and it hugged the bottom we moved closer together. By this time I had abandoned any effort to stay looking cool and was practically running across the surface of the water like a pond-skater. I didn’t want to put my legs down onto the bottom because that is where IT was and I was sure it would just snap one off for a snack I was s***ting myself, desperately trying to empty my lungs of the gallons of seawater I had swallowed and fill them with air to scream for help.
Looking up as I staggered exhausted from the water I could see rows of concerned faces staring at me and it was just at that point that I realised that the monster was in fact...... my shadow. Try explaining that when you can’t speak the language.
Gordon.
You know when you're a teenager and you say things that you don't really mean and make promises that you almost certainly won't keep, and all your subterfuge works, and you find yourself in the position that you've been angling for, and then "You can't hide your lying eyes" (Was it the Eagles) comes on the radio.
Still can't listen to that without a wave of guilt
Gordon.
Still can't listen to that without a wave of guilt
Gordon.
KitKat wrote
"and to those of you who will have to wait up to 40 years."
A woman in the soviet union (Ok it's an old joke) was informed that she was approaching the top of the list for a washing machine and it would be delivered the year after next.
She asked if they could be a bit more precise about the date and was told July. She persevered and was told that it would be on the second wednesday in the month.
Still she persevered and asked "would it be in the morning or afternoon?"
The apparachic was becoming exasperated and asked what difference it made since the delivery was more than 18 months away.
"Sorry to be a nuisance" she said, "But we've got a plumber coming in the morning."
So, KitKat, can you be a little more precise on my date please,
Gordon
"and to those of you who will have to wait up to 40 years."
A woman in the soviet union (Ok it's an old joke) was informed that she was approaching the top of the list for a washing machine and it would be delivered the year after next.
She asked if they could be a bit more precise about the date and was told July. She persevered and was told that it would be on the second wednesday in the month.
Still she persevered and asked "would it be in the morning or afternoon?"
The apparachic was becoming exasperated and asked what difference it made since the delivery was more than 18 months away.
"Sorry to be a nuisance" she said, "But we've got a plumber coming in the morning."
So, KitKat, can you be a little more precise on my date please,
Gordon
Kat assured me
"Don't worry gord, they will be quite happy to let you access Swinging Heaven, as long as you make sure to tell the nice young lady on the desk first."
Well I'm sure that conversation would be character-building but the chances of me being part of it are remote.
I'll take my chances.
Thanks for everyone's help and apologies for having to shoot off after my original post(probably a bad choice of words there, but hey-ho)
Gordon.
"Don't worry gord, they will be quite happy to let you access Swinging Heaven, as long as you make sure to tell the nice young lady on the desk first."
Well I'm sure that conversation would be character-building but the chances of me being part of it are remote.
I'll take my chances.
Thanks for everyone's help and apologies for having to shoot off after my original post(probably a bad choice of words there, but hey-ho)
Gordon.
I need a quick bit of advice over access to this site. I'm going to be travelling for a few days next week and would like to log on via a library or internet cafe to check my pm's. (he said hopefully) Is this going to fall foul of their restrictions of access.
I'll have to find a quiet corner somewhere and try to keep the chuckles to a minimum,
Gordon
I'll have to find a quiet corner somewhere and try to keep the chuckles to a minimum,
Gordon
Sgt Bilko;
................................... Is that just me????? "
No and I'm glad to have it revealed that it's not just me either.
And I'll hazard a guess that if someone flashes their lights at you, there is NO WAY that you will switch them on till the flashers are well out of sight???
Gordon.
................................... Is that just me????? "
No and I'm glad to have it revealed that it's not just me either.
And I'll hazard a guess that if someone flashes their lights at you, there is NO WAY that you will switch them on till the flashers are well out of sight???
Gordon.
Twisted - Sister wrote
"so as soon as the guy in the next cubicle pushed his bits through the hole, one of us would play with them while the other put the string around them and making sure it was tight, then tie the other end to the loo or the toilet paper dispenser, so the guy could not remove his bits, then we would leave him to it."
Another reason for being honest in your ads.
They should have stipulated "no strings attached"
Sorry. I've resisted posting this since the thread was launched but couldn't hold out anymore.
Gordon
"so as soon as the guy in the next cubicle pushed his bits through the hole, one of us would play with them while the other put the string around them and making sure it was tight, then tie the other end to the loo or the toilet paper dispenser, so the guy could not remove his bits, then we would leave him to it."
Another reason for being honest in your ads.
They should have stipulated "no strings attached"
Sorry. I've resisted posting this since the thread was launched but couldn't hold out anymore.
Gordon
