Sexpert
now i feel like such a baby - if i had anything 16 yrs old i wudnt fit into it as i was 4 16yrs ago! :wary:
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krazykayaker
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 40
Straight Male, 43
0 miles · County Durham
Forum
Sexpert
most people actually start to get to know people in the cafe n stuff it improves ur chances to get to know ppl, ive been on here and month and have worked that one out!
Sexpert
hee hee on ur todd means on ur own....far too cold for that... best snuggly in a big mass near the fire, anyone want to join me? 
Sexpert
cool i know where scunthrope is - live near there? tell me more about urself, r u male/female/bi/straight etc!
Sexpert
grrr didnt mean webcam - meant video cam - wish i cud get it to work as a webcam i know theres a way! :-)
Sexpert
hello im loving the snow atm, not enough to make a snowman, well i want a snow cat but never mind, my cat has just had a her first taste of snow and watching her being so confused was funny (yes we put her outside, shut the door and put the webcam on!)
what do other people think of the snow?
what do other people think of the snow?
Sexpert
sure u can everyome can have hugs i love hugs hug hugs hugs hug hugs (calm down now)
Sexpert
any girls/couples interested in meeting a young couple from York this week or weekend! We're new to swingingheaven but have met with some great people and this place is mint!!
Sexpert
~hugs hugs hugs~ hope u feel happier soon - i have more hugs if needed
Sexpert
dunnno ive seeen with other people and its just fantastic, wish i cud explain it! grr cant
Sexpert
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear flapjackboy
happy birthday to you
(on a totally seperate note -arhhh half life 2, dont u think i hear enough about that living with the bf
)
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear flapjackboy
happy birthday to you
(on a totally seperate note -arhhh half life 2, dont u think i hear enough about that living with the bf
) Sexpert
grrr i hate the shower.....i miss central heating ~cries~ whoever designed economy 7 storage heaters need a slap!
Sexpert
hello, is there any girls out there who fancy having fun with my boyfriend tonight or this week? it wud make my day! 
we can travel and accomodate xxxxx
we can travel and accomodate xxxxx Sexpert
ok ive just had an injection to stop my periods wooohooo, so hopefully i may not get PMT but women running around playing with pubes, now that i wanna be a part of!
Sexpert
thansk for the help lol - ive been out with the same bunch of mates as a school girl and a dominatrix (dont dare do that again, someone unziped my skirt and besides it was halloween, this one is valentines do but there is no theme) think im goin to wear my wetsuit - just hope i dont boil! keep on with the suggestions though and thanks guys xxxx
Sexpert
thank u im glad someone esle feels like that - i get messages like 'ive seen ur ad, i know im not a couple, but.....' grrr 
Sexpert
off to a fancy dress party 2nite - have nothing to wear and refuse to pay for something fancy! anyone got any ideas of something i can wear from bog standard house stuff? thanks
Sexpert
oh my god so funny! ive heard it before but it cracks me up everytime :P
Sexpert
:rose: 
I love hugs so i thought I'd share - hope u dont mind. cant find a hug symbol though so
----> ~~BIG HUGS~~
I love hugs so i thought I'd share - hope u dont mind. cant find a hug symbol though so
----> ~~BIG HUGS~~
Sexpert
watched the programme - it was very interesting however i couldnt help but noticethe hot women with blonde curls in the wedding dress :-)
Sexpert
nearly wet my pants readin that - i shouldnt have admitted to that should i?
Sexpert
erm not sure about your suggestions but i get turned on by the smell of the other half after hes been in the shower and is all warm and shower-gel smelly! bit boring i know but hey
Sexpert
i dont deny any of that - i just asked for a little more notice - we made possible plans but nothing was confirmed until 30 mins beforehand! never mind, dont worry about it! we're met up with other couples from here and people are so nice that we are having a great time and thanks for the advice from everyone! :-D hope to meet some of you at a party xxxxx
if any mods are around can u delete this post? its turned into a bad match and its a little silly now - thanks xxxx
if any mods are around can u delete this post? its turned into a bad match and its a little silly now - thanks xxxx
Sexpert
thanks for peoples opinions - its really appreciated - just for confirmaiton i am the female half of the couple :-) everyone on here has been so nice and i find it amused that the person that hasnt been very nice to us and made me post this actually commented on the post! the cheek! oh well - thanks to everyone from here the majority of you are great and i love the cafe!!
~hugs and kisses~
~hugs and kisses~
Sexpert
its just pissed me off in one sense and upset me in another, we are new to this and dont know what to expect
Sexpert
ok noone helping me so im goin to add more - very sorry :-)
> Dear Girls,
>
> For too long now we men have been divided and conquered in the name of
> equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins!
> No more! The man fights back!
> Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead!!
> Long live the man of the 21st Century.
>
> Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is...
> If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat
> arse
> down to a gym.
> Learn to work the toilet seat: If its up, put the bloody thing down.
> Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare
> comment on it.
> Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
> find
> the perfect present... again.
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.
> Live with it. Saturday = Football.
> Let it be. Shopping is not a sport.
> Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
> Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't and won't work.
> Face it. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank
> range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
> Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd
> be
> any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that
> particular dress.
> 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> Your mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
> Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
> The relationship is never going to be like it was in the first two months
> we
> were going out.
> Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent
> argument.
> Its not the dress that makes you look fat. Its all that bloody chocolate
> you
> eat!!
> Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
> sound jealous and petty and its certainly not going to deter us from
> looking
> at them.
> The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
> If something we said could be interpreted in two ways, and one of these
> ways
> makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
> Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty
> you
> are?
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
> commercial
> breaks.
> When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and
> definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
> If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to
> finish
> it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I
> couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine
> Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
> If you're on a diet, it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as
> well.
> A man's four essential food groups are: White meat, Red meat, Warm beer
> and
> Cold lager.
> Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable
> quantities - Everything else falls under the category 'garnish'
> Do not question our sense of direction.
>
> If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level
> based
> on love and mutual respect.
> The ball's in your court!
> Yours sincerely,
>
> The Lads.
Things To Do In An Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
> Dear Girls,
>
> For too long now we men have been divided and conquered in the name of
> equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins!
> No more! The man fights back!
> Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead!!
> Long live the man of the 21st Century.
>
> Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is...
> If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat
> arse
> down to a gym.
> Learn to work the toilet seat: If its up, put the bloody thing down.
> Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare
> comment on it.
> Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
> find
> the perfect present... again.
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.
> Live with it. Saturday = Football.
> Let it be. Shopping is not a sport.
> Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
> Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't and won't work.
> Face it. Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank
> range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
> Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd
> be
> any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that
> particular dress.
> 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> Your mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
> Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
> The relationship is never going to be like it was in the first two months
> we
> were going out.
> Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent
> argument.
> Its not the dress that makes you look fat. Its all that bloody chocolate
> you
> eat!!
> Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
> sound jealous and petty and its certainly not going to deter us from
> looking
> at them.
> The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
> If something we said could be interpreted in two ways, and one of these
> ways
> makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
> Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty
> you
> are?
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
> commercial
> breaks.
> When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and
> definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
> If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to
> finish
> it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I
> couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine
> Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
> If you're on a diet, it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as
> well.
> A man's four essential food groups are: White meat, Red meat, Warm beer
> and
> Cold lager.
> Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable
> quantities - Everything else falls under the category 'garnish'
> Do not question our sense of direction.
>
> If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level
> based
> on love and mutual respect.
> The ball's in your court!
> Yours sincerely,
>
> The Lads.
Things To Do In An Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"
