Straighteight's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

Join the most popular community of UK swingers now

Straighteight

2 weeks ago

Straight Male, 65

0 miles · Greater Manchester

Profile Friends Follows

Groups Meets Parties Stories

Forum

4 Nov 2006

Meat2pleasu wrote : It's a legend within the engineering community, along with a long running design problem while building the space shuttle. One part was being engineered by a british company and was precision built and shipped to the states, where it was found to be completley wrong. the engineers consulted the plans and much head scratching was done with both sides insisting that their half of the equipment was absolutley perfect.
After several weeks of arguing it was finally noticed that the fault was......one side using metric and the other side using imperial mesurements

....and I believe thats also the reason the Hubble Telescope maintenance programme was postponed a few years back, the Americans got their sums wrong when converting from metric SI to Imperial units, just how many decimal places do they need !!!
I also hear that Bill Clinton wanted to switch the US to metric but this is blocked because the standard of education is so low, millions of people would be clue-less !
Psi

4 Nov 2006

I absolitely love board games !
My faves are scrabble & risk, also like Cluedo but numero uno is Backgammon - problem is finding a willing partner !!!
Psi

13 Dec 2005

Surely I can't be the only HD rider here !

11 Dec 2005

stoned muff.
Livin' in the muff of the common people.
I just wanna make muff to you.
Muff muff me do
Muff me muff my dog
(Should that last onje be mutt ?)

11 Dec 2005

Hi Pololady,
I 've been AWOL for a while but I recall some good literary fun we had some time back, I'm sure you won't recall but.....................anyways, I'm a red bloooded male and the sap's rising early, spring has........................time for bed ! x

4 Jun 2005

Quote by bluexxx
plz dont call me a dog

Woof
:grin:
.....and I suspect he'll also get twitchy about being referred to as a "woof" !

29 Nov 2004

lol polo !
You forgot the Cock in Hand at Stepney
S8
x

22 Nov 2004

Here here Vix, I (we) salute you !
S8
x
PS Little bird tells me you ride a Harley too !

21 Nov 2004

Hi Marcuso,
Would like to be considered, can you put me down as a possible please ? I know I'm working between Xmas and New Year, just not sure when yet but I will of course let you know !
S8 biggrin

biggrin

PS Might even have a car this time !

21 Nov 2004

Just adding my two-penneth here.....
I have the pleasure each year to travel to Houston at least once a year with work and I stay at a colleagues house, as such I'm treated very much as part of the family and I love it !
Two years ago they had friends and family over from Holland while I was there and they held a thanksgiving. This event is basically a lot of people, food and drink (a lot of people bought their own ready prepared dishes which I understand was aranged in advance). However the thing I remember most was just before the meal. We all held hands and formed a circle and each person took it in turn to say what they felt they had to be thankful for in the past year, even the children joined in.
I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand it was heartwarming and I believe geniunely felt, (once you realise that when an American says to "have a nice day" they geniunely mean it you'll know what I mean ! On the other it was quite a glib display of religious emotion, almost sickening especially for a non-believer like me.
I was thrown in at the deep end as my friend told me nothing of this beforehand but then I do like to be tested from time to time !
So to sum up, it's a big indoor barbecue with minor religious overtones or Christmas without the gifts. Take a sick bag - pumpkin pie is quite sweet but also quite bland !
Enjoy !
S8
x

14 Nov 2004

Jeez it was cold, but then I did ride 50 odd miles on me hog !
Thanks Marcuso for making me so welcome, it was a great night and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting people - hi to Euan (is that how you spell it ?), Waddy (jeez he's tall (that's 38 m8 !)), Essex, the Mutleys, Alison & Juliette (I think !).
Looking forward to more, once I've thawed out that is !
Simon
x biggrin

biggrin

8 Nov 2004

Quote by PoloLady
Pat Butcher (from EastEnders)> "I'll take it from here ladies" she said in her gravely eastend Pat voice. The nymphs all fled in terror as Pat moved closer to a bewildered Mac. He tried to scream for help from his friends in the bar, only to find he had a mouthful of marshmellows. Each time he tried to spit them out more would appear, ten or twelve at a time. He spat and spat until there were piles of marshmellows all over the floor. "It's my magic powers darlin'" chuckled Pat. Where are all these people getting all these bloody magic powers from, thought Mac. Suddenly he had a plan. He spat and spat with all his might 100's and 100's of marshmellows began to fill the room. Soon he had buried Pat Butcher totally, unfortunately blocking the exit route also. He tried to open the window, but it was nailed closed and covered with iron bars. Hanging his head in dispare he noticed a trapdoor at his feet. He opened it, oww it was dark. He tried to peer down into the cellar and call hello to see if there was any reply, but as he tried to speak another marshmellow popped into his mouth and became lodged in the back of his throat. He coughed and choked, lost his balance and went arse over tit through the trap door and landed on a ......
3 things = First Class Stamp, fishnet-tights, disinfectant

.....small table which buckled under his weight.
Picking himself up Mac glanced upwards to see Pat glaring at him, "Oi you li'ul squirt, I'll fakin' kill you when I get me 'ands on ya" she cooed sweetly (well as sweet as I imagine Pat coos). Mac wasn't about to hang about, he found the draymans trap door, pushed it open and scrambled up into the street. He dusted himself down, cursing his decision that day to wear fishnet tights, so uncomfortable for a chap to run far in he thought, with that he was off and found himself by the post office, fearing Pat was chasing him he pushed his way in and up to the counter. "Yes young man" enquired an elderly lady behind the counter, Mac thought for a moment and blurted out "oh, er, a bottle of disinfectant please" ! There was silence, in the distance you could hear the steady ding of the lone church bell, the door opens and tumbleweed is blown in, ding, "wrong scene" whispered a man in the queue, "oh yes" says Mac, "er, oh yes, thanks, er a first class stamp please" he says woodenly, "there you go" says the lady. Mac hands over a fiver but as he is collecting all the change which the lady has kindly scattered across the counter the phone rings, "its for you" says the lady "a friend of yours, he says it's..........
3 WORDS : STRIP POKER, TWIST, MEGAPHONE

7 Nov 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
Took our seats on the train...
We picked the most secluded carraige there was and when we went to sit down you spotted a nasty stain on the seat..
"Christ......that is so big it looks like it was made by an elephant"..
So we toddled off to find another place to sit and be comfy and due to money being tight we had to share a mars bar...
Once we arrived at the station do you remember the...

... one with the little baker's shop outside, and the billboard announcing their lovely "Homemade Black Forest Gatuex"? It always sticks in my mind, because in spite of being spelt wrong, it's delicious.
A short walk from the station, I recall the street entertainers, including the sword swallower who mingled among the male spectators on her kness, and the cat-juggler in his amazing technicolor dreamcoat. Most remarkable was the fire-eater, who stood for hours on a ...
3 words - Alpha, Bravo, Charlie
........pile of CDs which was inside the remains of a monkeys head". "No, I don't remember that" she replies.
Meanwhile Mac, Jacob decided to part company with Lenny as he was getting pissed and becoming rather obnoxious, besides they had to find out what had happened to the princess.
They stepped into the street and there parked over the road it was, a 1977 Austin Princess ! "Ah, just as I remember" recounts Mac, "these were great cars in their day, you got wood effect dashboard, multiple choice gearbox and pogo stick suspension plus a rakish cheese wedge design", before he could continue a policeman approached and started to take down the cars registration number (that's another thread !) "fiver,echo, x-ray, yankee" he says into his lapel, there is a pause, then a reply comes back, "we have the suspect in view, please standby sixer niner". Our boys approach, the policeman gives them a wary look. "What happening officer" Jacob asks, "we're staking out this house" the policeman replies, "a well know gang is believed to be hiding out here with a hostage", "anyone we know" asks Mac. "the ringleader is Sir Algenon Medhurst, bit of a toff actually" says PC69.
With that the door bursts open and out comes Sir Algenon, sundance style ! He breaks for cover, PC69 draws his gun, Mac and Jacob take cover behind the Austin "look its even rusting in the same place mine did" whispers Mac. Sir Algenon steps out from his hiding place behind a pile fish boxes, quick as a flash PC69 fires his gun and Sir Algenon falls to the ground mortally wounded. "Blimey that was close" says Mac standing up, "if it wasn't for that copper we might have been gonners, I think I'll go shake his hand", "me too" says Jacob. "Whats your name officer" asks Mac, "I'm PC69" he replies, "Charles Bronson more like" says Jacob, "actually my name is Charles, but it's Charles Bunson, not Bronson" replies our hero, "Well bravo Charlie you got the alpha male" laughs Mac.
With that they all go back to the pub, smiling as they enter at the name of it "The Randy Newt". "Pint of best please wench" shouts Mac as they approach the bar. As the boys settle a huge dog approaches their table and sits squarely on Macs feet...........
3 WORDS : Exhaltation, Boar & Deridgeable !
S8x smile

smile

7 Nov 2004

Quote by daveandmandywigan
and the boot opens. The gangly looking old man stares in and starts to laugh. He turns to the princess and says "He must have been laying on your Harrods shopping bag, the ink has gone onto his face and he has a big letter aitch on his forehead, just like that Rimmer bloke out of Red Dwarf on TV" The princess begins to frown and shouts "Stop all this fooling around Fido, or i will turn you back into a lurcher!" "Sorry madame" The gangly old man , who is suprisingly strong, picks up the two captives out of the boot of the car. Flinging them over his shoulder he carries them into a cave surrounded by trees. Mac says to Jacob "somehow I dont think this is going to be good" As they go deeper into the cave the footsteps of the princess and Fido begin to echo slightly. Great acoustics for a jazz quartet thinks Mac and with that thought he remembers he has a double-bass string in his back pocket. "Jacob, put your and in my back pocket and feel for my 'G'" Jacob winks and says with a little giggle "I don't think that it is quite appropriate at the moment, but i have always been curious what it would..." "No" whipsers Mac "its a long wire, if you can get it out I think I might just be able to......"
3 things = fungus, drainpipe, internal combustion engine

........... scrape off some of the fungus of the wall of the cave and take it back to the lab to analize it .
come on jacob says mac heres a manhole a way out of here
you wouldn,t believe it the manhole was right outside the lab but they had no keys so only 1 thing for it shinny up the drain pipe so off they go into the lab
under the microscope and on analization it just turns out to be old used oil from an internal combustion engine
never mind mac lets go back and look for the princess she's bound to .........
:words athletic,snorkel ,hotdog
.......be gagging for some hot MMF" said Jacob hopefully. "No time for that old son, we got company".
Through the cave opening they could just make out a sound, a sort of clanking sound like a collection of old tins being scrapped along the floor and then into view comes a hotdog seller, he pushes his old barrow up to the boys, "you want mustard on that2 ? he asks rathre abruptly. Jacob seizes his chance, grabs the man and knocks him to the ground. Meanwhile Mac is helping himself to the hotdogs, "come on" screams Jacob, "we gotta go" so they leave the cave and go back into the woods.
After walking for several hours they chance upon a main road and in the distance they see headlights. A lorry approaches, Mac waves the driver to stop. The truck driver was not prepared for 2 people to suddenly appear from out of the bushes and doesn't see them till the last moment, he slams his brakes on as hard as possible, the lorry lurches and with a squeel of the tyres comes to a halt a few yards up the road.
Mac and Jacob look at each other and then start to walk towards the lorry. The sudden manoeurve has caused its load to shift and there are some boxes scattered on the road. The driver climbs down from his cab, he sees that our boys are alright and starts to lift the boxes back onto the lorry, "we should help him" says Mac, "yes" relies Jacob. With that they introduce themselves and start loading the boxes. "These boxes are heavy" says Jacob struggling, "it's porno", "you know magazines (wink wink)" he says in an odd voice. "This ones got the Kama Sutra in" says Mac, "blimey she's athletic" says Jacob peering over Macs shoulder and pointing at one of the pictures, "bloody hell, look at the snorkel on him" replies Mac.
Lenny was becoming impatient, "if you two want a lift into town you better hurry up", "I've got to catch the ferry over to the island and it leaves in 20 minutes so come on". "What island" asks Mac, "the island of Erotique" says Lenny, "that's where we're going" and off they went.
As dawn broke the lorry pulled onto the quayside and joined the queue for the ferry. Mac got out, "I'm just off for a gypsies" he said heading for a nearby building..........
3 WORDS : GUSH, FUNERAL & STOCKINGS

7 Nov 2004

Quote by PoloLady
tiny violin and starts playing the Beach Boys greatest hits. Then out of the passenger side of the car he sees beautiful young woman with huge melons. "The Princess!". Thinking her magic powers could help him he roles a joint from a small bag of weed he has in his pocket and begins to blow smoke-signals out of the window. The proncess sees the signals for help from Mac and snaps her fingers. A ladder appears at the window of the tearooms and Mac climbs down and runs over to the princess. As he gets closer he is stunded by her shapely figure, her long silky hair, her dazzeling smile her...."what the flippin' hell is that?" As Mac is almost upon the princess he notices a hidious wart shaped like a mollusc on the end of her nose. Mac stops dead in his tracks and panic strikes, preventing him from moving or speaking. "Quick" cries the princess and the gangly old man grabs a sack and flings it over Macs head. With an almighty push, Mac is bundled into the boot of the car. The next thing Mac knows is the darkness and the sound of spinning wheels as the car speeds off down the high street. Mac struggles to get the sack from over his head when all of a sudden he hears a voice behind him also in the boot of the car. "Hi mate, my name is Jacob and I ........"
3 words = banana, sugar-cube, triffle

...'ve been kidnapped too".
Mac doesn't reply, he needs a moment to take this all in. The boot is small and the road is very bumpy, they keep banging their heads and now Mac has cramp in his leg, he straightens it out with such ferocity that he knocks Jacob out cold ! The journey continues, Mac is feeling hungry, he knows he has nothing to eat with him but perhaps his new found friend does. Jacob is starting to come round. "Sorry about that old chap" says Mac, "oh, that's OK" mumbles Jacob, "I'll survive". "Any idea who these two are then" Mac asks, "they're terrorists" ! "Terrorists" exclaims Mac, "what do they want me for, and what do they want you for" he asks. "It's a long story" says Jacob, "you see I'm Lord Charles Trafalger Jacob, heir to the Jacobs biscuit empire and these scoundrels are holding me to ransom. They are after the recipe for our new biscuit product and they expect the company to release it to them in exchange for me". "Blimey, it must be some secret then" Mac says, "it is" Jacob replies, "it is". "So what is it then, this biscuit thing" asks Mac, "well it's more of a snack than a biscuit, really quite exciting so the boys in marketing tell me", "whats so good about it then" Macs hunger is getting the better of him now. "Its really a trifle but biscuit size and shape, it contains sherry, custard, hundreds and thousands, oh and biscuit of course ! The secret though is the banana. Our people in R&D have managed to produce a banana the size of a sugar cube, then they concentrate it to add to the trifle biscuit". "Sounds facinating" Mac says wearily, "don't suppose you've got any with you, I'm hank marvin" ?
Suddenly the car stops........
NEXT 3 WORDS : Jazz, Aitch & Lurcher !
S8x

6 Nov 2004

Quote by PoloLady
And as he stood thinking, a woman appeared from a nearby teashop. "would you like a piece of my battenburg cake?" she enquired. "that would be lovely" he replied " my dear old mum always had battenburg on a tuesday evening with a cup of tea as she watch Emmerdale".
The woman invited him into the tearoom, which was empty! Strangly she turned the door sign to closed and lowered the shutters. A breeze blew through from the back room and pushed the door open. The man could now see through to what looked like a torture room, leather straps, car batteries with electrodes, ropes, chains! Oh my god!!!!, thought Mac, what on earth is this place?????
Not wanting to experience an electric shock or find himself in bondage Mac decided to.....
3 word = pillow, spanner, giant-chicken

.....leg it but the door was jammed fast. Tugging furiously on the door knob had no effect, he was stuck, the woman had now reappeared wearing an old fashioned waitress outfit, "tea sir" she asked. Mac found the tone of her voice manacing and gave the door one final kick, it opened and he was out on the street, a quick glance left then right then for some strange reason up ! Above him was a sign on an old bracket, it was swaying gently in the breeze. For a moment he was mesmorised then clunk...the woman had hit him on the head. Mac fell to the ground dazed.
When he came round he was in a huge four poster bed, his head had been bandaged and he noticed a slight blood stain on the pillow. Footsteps....the door opens....in comes the woman. "How are you feeling dear" she asks. Mac replies groggily, "what happened". "I hit you with this" she says brandishing an adjustable spanner. "Why" screams Mac, "I thought you were a giant chicken". She laughs and leaves the room.
Mac gets up and goes over to the window, looking out over the town square he spots a car that has just pulled over. The driver, a tall and gangly old man reaches into his pocket and gets out his..........................
NEXT 3 WORDS : Mollusc, Weed & Violin
S8
x lol

lol

6 Nov 2004

I used to see a car every monday morning when driving home, its plate was P195 ONK and it always made me chuckle, or should that be oink !
S8
x lol

lol

25 Sep 2004

Hey Foxy,
You have my pm !
S8 (Simon) smile

smile

xxx

15 Sep 2004

Spot on Roger !
If you're "nice" you tend not to take chances so while you're holding the door open for a lady ol' DD is probably squeezing in behind her, possibly indulging in a bit of cheeky banter and that will win every time, meanwhile the "nice" guy is standing back, holding the door and most likely muttering under his breath about how the bad guy wins again.
Yes, I think if you are "nice" and nothing more then you have a problem.
My brother suffers from being "nice". Once you are established as having this"tag" it's one hell of a job to shake it off. The only advantage of this socially that I can see is that married women talk to him a lot more freely than they do with me, his being "nice" means that he is effectively "safe", ie hubby isn't going to have a problem if they are seen to be chatting with him all night, but spend that time with me......oooh, that's different ! I think it's all in the mind, a bit like advertising - if you put out a certain message for long enough more and more people accept that that is what you are.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating being Dick Dastardly, that only gets you a bad reputation. I am a perfect gentleman I'm just a bit cheeky at times and that is simply me adapting to the situation at the time. Meanwhile the "nice" guy is still holding the door open !
Be "nice" at appropriate times and be a devil at others, manners do maketh man you know !
Love & peace !
S8 biggrin

biggrin

15 Sep 2004

Hey Marcuso !
Just wondering what kind of gaff you got there because at this rate you going to have a list of 150+ folks - sounds cosy !
See ya'll soon !
S8
xxx biggrin

biggrin

13 Sep 2004

WOW !
Can't say any more than that Katy, your site is simply WOW !
S8
xxx

8 Sep 2004

Just please don't be thinking of changing it though Calista, I just lurve that pic, you look sooo sultry !
S8
xxx wink

wink

5 Sep 2004

Now this is an interesting topic, something I was pondering the other day. You see, I'm a biker too and it did occur to me that pulling up on the bike would be cause for concern simply because it's not what might be expected but then again unless you have regular haunts or make prior arrangements with people you'll always be faced with this problem I guess.
Ride free !
S8 cool

cool

1 Sep 2004

Al Capone that well known tax dodger of 30's US fame was due to visit his great aunt the following week so decided to go and buy all new clothes. New suit, shirt and hat all from the best suppliers, the item he was most proud of though was his new shoes, so proud in fact that he would only entrust them to his no.1 bodyguard for safekeeping.
All of Als new clothes were being kept under close guard at his house, he wanted to really look his best that day and didn't want anything to be spoilt but as luck would have it he was called out at the last moment to "attend" to a rival gang leader across town. Not wishing to lose face Al went taking his 2nd, 3rd & 4th bodyguards with him leaving no.1 bodyguard in charge of the new wardrobe.
Now no.1 guard had a bit of a thing going with the cooks maid and while Al was out the guard was "entertaining" the gal downstairs. While all this was going on the house cat found its way into Als closet and started playing with whatever it could find, you know like cats do !
The cat had really made quite a mess and when the guard returned to his post he was furious, he shooed the cat away and started to clean up the mess only noticing at the very end of the task that the cat had bitten the laces and scratched the patent leather of Als new shoes.
There seemed little point in trying to disguise what had happened so the guard decided to come clean, after all he had worked for Al for many years and had always been there for his boss. When Al heard this he went balistic, "find that cat" he bellowed.
For the whole of the next day they searched high & low but nothing. The dragnet widened and eventually they ended all ended up at the local railway station, no-one had found the cat but just as dusk was falling the cooks young son appeared from across the tracks with a cat under his arm.....
PARDON ME AL, IS THIS THE CAT THAT CHEWED YOUR NEW SHOE ?
I know another one about..... oh, ok, I'll get me coat !
Tee Hee !
S8 lol

lol

30 Aug 2004

Apologies for an old chestnut but...... Why does the Royal Mail have a second class service and what do they do with them before they deliver ?
S8
xxx
lol

lol

25 Aug 2004

Quote by bluexxx
Come on, whatever next :roll: :roll:

Skydiving dogging anyone ?
S8
xxx

25 Aug 2004

Quote by bi_curious_man123
weren't you supposed to be coming to the motel munch m8???

Nope, not me !
Does this mean someone else got my moniker then !
Truth is I've not been to a munch yet, I read in another thread that people who hadn't been on here very long were unlikely to be invited so I decided not to apply for the NW do until I had a few more posts under my belt, it's ok .... I understand......sob sob sob....whimper whimper ....snivel snivel snivel.... ! lol

lol

S8

23 Aug 2004

Hey Marcuso !
Room for one more ?
I just love a party and should be fully house-trained by then plus I'd really like the opportunity to meet with some of you peeps !
:cheers:
S8

22 Aug 2004

rotflmao

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
S8

22 Aug 2004

Hi all !
I found the chatroom quite easy to get in and had no problems after that but I do know what you mean. The instructions are very limited and if you want to change your nick for example I couldn't find a clear way to do it, in fact I think I actually asked in the room !
The folk there were usually friendly but I did find it a bit cliquey, that's probably because more than 75% of the people are blokes who are just browsing "Hi I'm (insert your bloke name), you m or f", the answer coming back is usually "m lol" so after an hour of that it becomes quite tedious. Anyway, these days I enjoy the forum more !
S8
xxx