Quote by cool4catz
artics weigh 44 tonne
when fully loaded. imagine the effect one of thoses babies could have on a teetotal non smoker......
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dali__lama
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 54
Forum
Quote by PrincessSwallows
Try thinking about situations you might like to get into with her or explain what you are doing to her but in a dirter way than "my penis is now entering your vagin, this is called sexual intercourse" That might kill the moment??
such as... Imagine its a hot summer day, 80 degrees in the shade.... the koi carp are gasping for oxgen on the surface of the ornamental pond its that hot. You are wearing a skimpy cheese cloth top with no bra.... suddenly you hear a noise at end of the garden, you feel nervous, yet curious, is it the swarthy latino type from the kebab shop, or the kirby vacuum cleaner rep? you bite your trembling lower lip..... slowly you go down the garden.... a blackbird is startled from under the gooseberry bush, where it was nicking your goose berries, as it flies away in fear, its wee small heart beating like a steam hammer piston, it defecates on your washing line, a long green slimey streak.... 'Damn' you mutter under your breath. yet you feel aroused...... your nipples burn aginst the cheese cloth....
as you reach the corner you spot your wheelie bin tipped over carelessly and you realise its thursday and the local councils highly trained cleansing operatives have paid you a visit. blackbirds, binmen.. can this day get any better, will daniel o donnel ravish you over the kitchen table whilst eating Nestle golden Grahams and scarcely missing a stroke?
( your quivering body at this point 'in the procedings' would be wracked in almost orgasmic contortions)
we could carry on as we roam the realm of how you would get your B+Q pressure washer out and comence to clean the foul smelling wheelie bin of its cat litter lining, the stench of ammonia wreaking havock with your 'Espirite de Cocoa' expensive french perfume, the fumes making your eyes water... your masacara running..... the thin fabric of your top becoming transparent.....
or we could have a quicky.
To boost the health of the nation should eating be banned in pubs and confined to ghettos refered to only as 'eateries or bistro's , restaurants etc.
That way genuine drinkers could enjoy a good drink without half the bar staff disappering all the time to serve curry in a basket to non drinkers? (ok so the profit margin maybe slightly higher on curry than brown ale)
Also people who want to smoke in pubs could avoid offending people eating garlic bloody bread!!!
we could move the practice along and also ban drinking in pubs, instead make park benches popular again and boost the off licence trade. Smokers could then congregate in pubs as a peacefull heaven, pipes could become fashionable again and differing strengths, such as tobbaco toXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXcould be given a chance.
I may stand for parliament on this manifesto.
That way genuine drinkers could enjoy a good drink without half the bar staff disappering all the time to serve curry in a basket to non drinkers? (ok so the profit margin maybe slightly higher on curry than brown ale)
Also people who want to smoke in pubs could avoid offending people eating garlic bloody bread!!!
we could move the practice along and also ban drinking in pubs, instead make park benches popular again and boost the off licence trade. Smokers could then congregate in pubs as a peacefull heaven, pipes could become fashionable again and differing strengths, such as tobbaco toXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXcould be given a chance.
I may stand for parliament on this manifesto.
Quote by redstilletto
i wonder.................................................................................
where most haunted is going to be this halloween.
:boo: :boo: :boo:
as in the tv series on liveing tv
with evette ........the woman i'd most like to strangle ....................
london .................around jack the rippers old hunting ground
or a national trust property...
I once saw A1 LAH which looked suspiciously like allah, I also phoned one of those dodgy adverts out of the papers once to get the price for the number plate FU 2. it was 1/2 a million quid! needless to say I said 'I'll get back to you on that one, I'm not sure i want to upset the police"
Quote by blueocean
So in the event of a major catastrophe our best bet is put our heads between someone elses leg and kiss their ass goodbye.
Sh#t now I'm looking forward to it
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
c & m
xxx
why would they have an ass in their pants?
could people with severe head injuries, justly be refered to as 'irradiated vegetables' ?
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Essential Supplies
Each member of the site should prepare a box which should only contain those items that are absolutely necessary.
Laptop - For emergency contact with SH.
Batteries
Digital Camera - Just in case there is a Best Air Raid Shelter Pictures Competition later!!
Spare Batteries
Sergeant Earnest Bilko
Head of Security
Batteries would be pointless, the magnetic effects of anything nuclear would cause the batteries to loose their charge.
Digi Cam comp could work, "readers wives at an undisclosed location" guess the location, win a picnic hamper.
A good tip is to have "NO SMOKING" tattoed on ones thighs. 1 leg reading so its is the right way up when standing and the other leg reading the right way up when in 69 position. i find this avoids embarassing 'Flashing' incidents and burn holes in the sheets if the lady is not drawing on a pipe of rough shag (hand rolled) at the time.
..at rivington pike? if not i could heartily recommend it, especialy if the lady stands looking out over the edge whilst pushing back. (just make sure it doesnt end up with her sudenly stepping aside and the gent lurching at the abyss...) otherwise its a good place. (apologies to the two ladies pastel sketching the tower BTW )
one way of life's Alt. Lyrics .........
"Fuck Her Gently"
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
now mark chadwick can work an audience
"Fuck Her Gently"
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard
now mark chadwick can work an audience
