Weather permiting ... painting my newly constructed composter a lovely deep green .... can't wait :mrgreen:
After that ... may be resume my quest for a life
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Erotykus
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 67
UK
Forum
Warming the Bed
Oh dear, Blonde/Sam, all those doctors .... but no equipment !
Whilst you have my deepest sympathy for your predicament I am deeply disturbed that such a fine pillar of bureaucracy as The World Health Organisation has got it all wrong. Is there no end to incompetence on the planet ?
As democracy gently follows communism round the S bend, it was comforting to believe that some sort of social care might survive. Alas not. At least in this country we have the good fortune to be able to bloodlessly convert back to a Monarchy.
Unlike W.H.O. I did try to visit Cuba once, but was unfortunately and forcibly ejected when the beverage stewardess misinterpreted my polite request for some T.W.A. tea.
Oh, and err, thank you for pointing out the potentially offensive nature of my drivellings, dear Flower(s). Whilst I can be provocative, I never try to be intentionally offensive on a personal level. I have composed a suitably grovelling apology and Unc should receive it first post. Whenever that is, these days.
As for the rest of you, stop this bickering and get your teeth into the topic ... follow Notts lead .. or give me the well deserved, but constructive verbal thrashing that I truly deserve after that last message ... and don't spare the salt!!
Don't look to me for inspiration, you'll only get shite, crap and innane drivel, with a slight possibility of complete bollox from me. Stick to what you're good at, I always say.
Whilst you have my deepest sympathy for your predicament I am deeply disturbed that such a fine pillar of bureaucracy as The World Health Organisation has got it all wrong. Is there no end to incompetence on the planet ?
As democracy gently follows communism round the S bend, it was comforting to believe that some sort of social care might survive. Alas not. At least in this country we have the good fortune to be able to bloodlessly convert back to a Monarchy.
Unlike W.H.O. I did try to visit Cuba once, but was unfortunately and forcibly ejected when the beverage stewardess misinterpreted my polite request for some T.W.A. tea.
Oh, and err, thank you for pointing out the potentially offensive nature of my drivellings, dear Flower(s). Whilst I can be provocative, I never try to be intentionally offensive on a personal level. I have composed a suitably grovelling apology and Unc should receive it first post. Whenever that is, these days.
As for the rest of you, stop this bickering and get your teeth into the topic ... follow Notts lead .. or give me the well deserved, but constructive verbal thrashing that I truly deserve after that last message ... and don't spare the salt!!
Don't look to me for inspiration, you'll only get shite, crap and innane drivel, with a slight possibility of complete bollox from me. Stick to what you're good at, I always say.
Warming the Bed
Absolutely correct there, Unc old chap ! Just a little afternoon malarkey... haven't so much as microgramme of evidence.
Well, you see, I'd been perusing all that hydroelectrolysis and HHO engine stuff on Google and YouTube - all absolute baloney, but quite amusing to see how the odd assasination can be useful as a marketing ploy for their electrickery.
Thought I'd try my hand at a little conspiracy stuff on here, but you're all way too smart for me.
Mind you .. had you going for second, didn't I ?
However, will you please stop maligning those dear Chinese chaps. I know quite a few personally and they are most pleasant, considerate and courteous.
And take look at the evidence for Communism -
- The World Health Organisation states that Cuba has the world's best healthcare.
- The world's finest cigars are made in Havana. Sorry, smoked all the evidence.
- For such a small country, Cuba wins a highly disproportionate number of Olympic medals.
- Try buying anything in your local retail paradise that hasn't got a 'Made in China' label on it - the dear chaps ferrett away night and day to keep our plastic warm.
I fear that this is all just a big conspiracy by filthy rich western nations to keep the Olympics away from the Far East and all the dosh in their coffers.
Be honest, when did you last see a dead Tibetan ?
There you go, then - absolutely nothing to worry about .... and I'm awfully sorry if I unduly disturbed any confidence you may have regarding the governing of our most Glorious Nation.
Sleep well and don't have nightmares x x
Well, you see, I'd been perusing all that hydroelectrolysis and HHO engine stuff on Google and YouTube - all absolute baloney, but quite amusing to see how the odd assasination can be useful as a marketing ploy for their electrickery.
Thought I'd try my hand at a little conspiracy stuff on here, but you're all way too smart for me.
Mind you .. had you going for second, didn't I ?
However, will you please stop maligning those dear Chinese chaps. I know quite a few personally and they are most pleasant, considerate and courteous.
And take look at the evidence for Communism -
- The World Health Organisation states that Cuba has the world's best healthcare.
- The world's finest cigars are made in Havana. Sorry, smoked all the evidence.
- For such a small country, Cuba wins a highly disproportionate number of Olympic medals.
- Try buying anything in your local retail paradise that hasn't got a 'Made in China' label on it - the dear chaps ferrett away night and day to keep our plastic warm.
I fear that this is all just a big conspiracy by filthy rich western nations to keep the Olympics away from the Far East and all the dosh in their coffers.
Be honest, when did you last see a dead Tibetan ?
There you go, then - absolutely nothing to worry about .... and I'm awfully sorry if I unduly disturbed any confidence you may have regarding the governing of our most Glorious Nation.
Sleep well and don't have nightmares x x
Warming the Bed
I usually nip down to front for a little tub of Cornish ice cream and a packet of toffee popcorn from the lady with the illuminted tray but always find a clean seat to return to.
After finishing the ice cream and popcorn we then move to another clean seat.
Good excercise!
After finishing the ice cream and popcorn we then move to another clean seat.
Good excercise!
Warming the Bed
Aaah... Silly me !! Quite elementary really dear Unc !
Oh well, seeing as all the political prisoners in the U.K. are unavailble for comment and all the very outspoken are unable to communicate from the grave .... I suppose I must find something else for amusement this afternoon.
Oh well, seeing as all the political prisoners in the U.K. are unavailble for comment and all the very outspoken are unable to communicate from the grave .... I suppose I must find something else for amusement this afternoon.
Warming the Bed
Triple Gosh, Lost !!! - turning the retail emporium into a temple of worship - now that is truly a concept of almost biblical proportions !! And a curious reversal of all that New Testament stuff.
Hmmm.... I can smell the fragrant incense now (No, not your sister ! ) and all those nymphomaniac nuns, strolling the aisles, quite naked and shaven headed beneath their attire, you know.
Surely I can't be the only one who, as a teenager, had their early fantasies formed by watching episodes of 'Casonova' ( BBC 2, 10pm, Wednesdays ) and reinforced by the sultry Servilan ( 'Blakes Seven', BBC 1, , ) .... Admittedly, the addition of the black stockings and suspenders was somewhat innapropraite, for the era, but the unction thing was right on cue !!!
Err... wandered orf a little there
Now Cherry, old fruit, some premises are exempt from religion if under a certain square footage and may not be closed. But thay had best be careful as this just the sort of easy nick that the old bill relishes - no soiling of the pristine HiViz and all that!
May I return BBuxie's compliment by stating that's just the kind of aviator I like watching.... No chance of a cold back in the biplane there!
However, 27 minutes is quite long enough.
Must dash, T.T.F.N. and best of luck with the elocution !
Hmmm.... I can smell the fragrant incense now (No, not your sister ! ) and all those nymphomaniac nuns, strolling the aisles, quite naked and shaven headed beneath their attire, you know.
Surely I can't be the only one who, as a teenager, had their early fantasies formed by watching episodes of 'Casonova' ( BBC 2, 10pm, Wednesdays ) and reinforced by the sultry Servilan ( 'Blakes Seven', BBC 1, , ) .... Admittedly, the addition of the black stockings and suspenders was somewhat innapropraite, for the era, but the unction thing was right on cue !!!
Err... wandered orf a little there
Now Cherry, old fruit, some premises are exempt from religion if under a certain square footage and may not be closed. But thay had best be careful as this just the sort of easy nick that the old bill relishes - no soiling of the pristine HiViz and all that!May I return BBuxie's compliment by stating that's just the kind of aviator I like watching.... No chance of a cold back in the biplane there!
However, 27 minutes is quite long enough.
Must dash, T.T.F.N. and best of luck with the elocution !
Warming the Bed
It comes as a quite a surprise, to surprisingly many, that, in order to celebrate the fact that God's only son rose from the dead and ensured our eternal salvation, that shops, supermarkets, garden centres ( get your annuals in now, whilst there's still two inches of snow !?!) and all your favourite shopping malls........will be ..... closed ...shut ....unopened ....have the barriers down and be generally unaccessible for a whole day ...... Really!! and less than three months after we had to similarly celebrate the same chap's virgin birth !! :eeek:
Now, it can be rather amusing sport to watch the reactions of the unawares turning up to the retail paradises, variously displaying perplexion, confusion, despair and even annoyance at the eccentric ways of a predominantly christian country...
, but hardly amusing enough to occupy a whole day.
So, what will you be doing on this most holy day ??
After consuming a confection way too large to have exited the back of hen, my younger son and I will heading heavenward to finish boarding out the loft, such is our bravado on the most DIY accident ridden weekend of the year !! Infact, we may well be attached to the monitors and under the ether as you read this :mrgreen:
I do hope that you too find something worthwhile to amuse yourself today, and indeed visiting here to persue your perversions was not too bad a start :thumbup:
If you do have difficulty in finding something to occupy yourself with, please remember that every Sunday used to be like this..... Aaaah, the nostalgia !
Be a good chap and pass me the insulin,
Now, it can be rather amusing sport to watch the reactions of the unawares turning up to the retail paradises, variously displaying perplexion, confusion, despair and even annoyance at the eccentric ways of a predominantly christian country...
, but hardly amusing enough to occupy a whole day.So, what will you be doing on this most holy day ??
After consuming a confection way too large to have exited the back of hen, my younger son and I will heading heavenward to finish boarding out the loft, such is our bravado on the most DIY accident ridden weekend of the year !! Infact, we may well be attached to the monitors and under the ether as you read this :mrgreen:
I do hope that you too find something worthwhile to amuse yourself today, and indeed visiting here to persue your perversions was not too bad a start :thumbup:
If you do have difficulty in finding something to occupy yourself with, please remember that every Sunday used to be like this..... Aaaah, the nostalgia !
Be a good chap and pass me the insulin,
Warming the Bed
Me too Mikey. Can't see any way out. You've got to get orf the cistern first.
God only knows how to dislodge Plaything from the tap... he's still obsessed with the icing thing and is unaware of his continued attachment. Keeps singing 'Silver Machine' - that's Hawkwind, not Essex. There may be a tenuous celluloid link.
It could be curtains for us... No, no not my curtains, use a towel.
ps. apologies for the edit, but Plaything got in before me. Again.
God only knows how to dislodge Plaything from the tap... he's still obsessed with the icing thing and is unaware of his continued attachment. Keeps singing 'Silver Machine' - that's Hawkwind, not Essex. There may be a tenuous celluloid link.
It could be curtains for us... No, no not my curtains, use a towel.
ps. apologies for the edit, but Plaything got in before me. Again.
Warming the Bed
Your kindly and generous comments are most gratefully received chaps and chapesse, for I am neither phantom, nor even demi-reincarnate, but a mere mortal, of the janitorial persuasion. Unfortunately, in a modern world, obsessed with Excellence in Bureaucratic Proliferation, rather than simple cleanliness, it has become ever more difficult obtain gainful employ. Especaily when you are abducted by aliens as often as I am.
But less of these woes ! We can all have them, so let us resolve to boot them out of the decade completely and instead, enjoy our mutual companionship and confection!
Loiter at the Master Bathroom door not a second longer ! Accept the warmest of welcomes dear Essence, Nolad, North and Plaything. Such notoriously sticky and dribbly sustenance you bring ! - Rum Baba indeed, Chocolate eclairs, Vanilla Slice, please Plaything, feel no need to apologise for pink icing, we're all cosmopolitan here you know, and a full half dozen of the infamous Mango ! Nolad, you spoil us! Your spontaneous generosities are most impressive and, dear moderator, keep us smack on topic !
Judging by that unmistakable whiff, I take it you won the Victory-V contract, young Essence. Remarkable good fortune to start the year !
I sense that things may get a tad messy, so pull out the Bespoke India Rubber Sheet from under the sink there... Really.. well, I assumed most folk had one.. what about when.. er .. never mind.
Pray find yourselves a perch somewhere, we have rather more in here than the designer originally intended. Two of you can fit on the window sill above the sink there and Nolad had better join us in the Master Bath, for I have a reputation to foster.
You are most welcome to sit on top of the cistern, North, but it may be somewhat cramped. Those low level ones don't give quite the flush, you know. Give him a bunk up Plaything, that's a good chap!... Oh, I say North, reposing a la chaise longue, ideal for such confines.
Now listen here, young Essence, don't let those folk who have not the mind to interpret the triple entendre and other such creative baloney, put you orf the old self expression. The road to infamy is paved with insult !
Oh, you do 'Carry On' quotations too, Nolad. Much more wholesome than that Python stuff... I was once a week man, you know.. Haha! and you have Hattie's wink off to a 'T' there ! I'd pay good money to see you do that in full matronic regalia. You certainly have the measure of me ! Oh, and the Sid James chortle too... how, er, interesting.
No, 22, I don't believe " I thought an Itchifanni was an Italian motorcycle .... Until I discovered Smirnoff " is a Carry On quote and if you think I'm licking that mango juice off of there, you're stark raving correct ! Delicious !
Did you see that! The accuracy of that blueberry spurt was most uncanny, North. Straight to the S bend, hardly a splash, didn't even touch the porcelain ! From that height too! I know ladies, a most rare skill amongst us gentlefellows.
Look you two, stop swivelling round on those taps, you're wasting precious water ! I don't care which spot you've found, the damage to the prostate may be irrepairable ! The centrifugal force has that Vanilla Cream flying everywhere. Look at the mess on that ceiling! Oh dear Nolad, you're right.. it isn't. Most unsavoury.
Really, 22, take that loofah from your mouth, this is getting ridiculous !
Now who the heck can that be, knocking on the bathroom door at this ungodly hour...
Oh, no.. four, nay, five more.. and aaargh!!! Not the CyberSpaceHopper !!!!
But less of these woes ! We can all have them, so let us resolve to boot them out of the decade completely and instead, enjoy our mutual companionship and confection!
Loiter at the Master Bathroom door not a second longer ! Accept the warmest of welcomes dear Essence, Nolad, North and Plaything. Such notoriously sticky and dribbly sustenance you bring ! - Rum Baba indeed, Chocolate eclairs, Vanilla Slice, please Plaything, feel no need to apologise for pink icing, we're all cosmopolitan here you know, and a full half dozen of the infamous Mango ! Nolad, you spoil us! Your spontaneous generosities are most impressive and, dear moderator, keep us smack on topic !
Judging by that unmistakable whiff, I take it you won the Victory-V contract, young Essence. Remarkable good fortune to start the year !
I sense that things may get a tad messy, so pull out the Bespoke India Rubber Sheet from under the sink there... Really.. well, I assumed most folk had one.. what about when.. er .. never mind.
Pray find yourselves a perch somewhere, we have rather more in here than the designer originally intended. Two of you can fit on the window sill above the sink there and Nolad had better join us in the Master Bath, for I have a reputation to foster.
You are most welcome to sit on top of the cistern, North, but it may be somewhat cramped. Those low level ones don't give quite the flush, you know. Give him a bunk up Plaything, that's a good chap!... Oh, I say North, reposing a la chaise longue, ideal for such confines.
Now listen here, young Essence, don't let those folk who have not the mind to interpret the triple entendre and other such creative baloney, put you orf the old self expression. The road to infamy is paved with insult !
Oh, you do 'Carry On' quotations too, Nolad. Much more wholesome than that Python stuff... I was once a week man, you know.. Haha! and you have Hattie's wink off to a 'T' there ! I'd pay good money to see you do that in full matronic regalia. You certainly have the measure of me ! Oh, and the Sid James chortle too... how, er, interesting.
No, 22, I don't believe " I thought an Itchifanni was an Italian motorcycle .... Until I discovered Smirnoff " is a Carry On quote and if you think I'm licking that mango juice off of there, you're stark raving correct ! Delicious !
Did you see that! The accuracy of that blueberry spurt was most uncanny, North. Straight to the S bend, hardly a splash, didn't even touch the porcelain ! From that height too! I know ladies, a most rare skill amongst us gentlefellows.
Look you two, stop swivelling round on those taps, you're wasting precious water ! I don't care which spot you've found, the damage to the prostate may be irrepairable ! The centrifugal force has that Vanilla Cream flying everywhere. Look at the mess on that ceiling! Oh dear Nolad, you're right.. it isn't. Most unsavoury.
Really, 22, take that loofah from your mouth, this is getting ridiculous !
Now who the heck can that be, knocking on the bathroom door at this ungodly hour...
Oh, no.. four, nay, five more.. and aaargh!!! Not the CyberSpaceHopper !!!!
Warming the Bed
Awfully sorry 22, but I didn't hear you enter the bathroom... and I thought the door was locked... Oh, it was... er, well done. Well, yes, on the basis of a pleasure shared and all that.. just help yourself dear !
Now, these are the traditional raspberry jam, next to them are blueberry, those over there with sugar dusting are, from the left, vanilla cream, toffee - which is my own personal favourite - and the darker ones on the far side are chocolate. The ones with absolutely nothing whatsoever in them are... erm... Aah, yes, the ring doughnuts... The dunker's choice, allegedly ! ...No, no 22 not in Smirnoff, my dear.. Oh well, suit yourself.
Now, what was that 'or else' you mentioned...... Oh !.....Oooh... Really ! Well I made the right choice there ! Mind that Smirnoff with your elbow, dear! !
Well, I think we might just be able to squeeze another reader into the bath, if you're passing... a pleasure trebled as they say ! You'll have to bring your own googles, mind.
Stop 22 !!..that's not a doughnut !!... Aah.. you were just sucking that vodka spillage out of the sponge, fair enough. Hmm, such a remarkable technique !
Now which were the toffee ones ?.....
Now, these are the traditional raspberry jam, next to them are blueberry, those over there with sugar dusting are, from the left, vanilla cream, toffee - which is my own personal favourite - and the darker ones on the far side are chocolate. The ones with absolutely nothing whatsoever in them are... erm... Aah, yes, the ring doughnuts... The dunker's choice, allegedly ! ...No, no 22 not in Smirnoff, my dear.. Oh well, suit yourself.
Now, what was that 'or else' you mentioned...... Oh !.....Oooh... Really ! Well I made the right choice there ! Mind that Smirnoff with your elbow, dear! !
Well, I think we might just be able to squeeze another reader into the bath, if you're passing... a pleasure trebled as they say ! You'll have to bring your own googles, mind.
Stop 22 !!..that's not a doughnut !!... Aah.. you were just sucking that vodka spillage out of the sponge, fair enough. Hmm, such a remarkable technique !
Now which were the toffee ones ?.....
Warming the Bed
Many thanks for such complimentary replies, chaps. Your warm bonhomie is most welcome on a winter's eve. In return, may I wish your good selves as highly spirited a start to the year as you have given me. If not even more so, and don't forget to keep it up yourselves. Erm....in the nicest possible way, that is ... and the best possible taste...
Ahem, quickly diverting to matters of a more dermal nature,you are most fortunate to be sporting the rarer perennial variety of the coveted freckliness dear Frecklebird. For most of us it is quite a task to achieve a desirable hue without unduly reddening the rest of our fair skin under the sun's summer rays. Alas, come October the ungrateful blighters just clear orf with scant regard for the skills and patience of their frecklicultarist ( Hah ! - try and google that one !! ) :mrgreen:
Moving, somewhat more sedately, on to the the pair of feline heartwarmers, may I express my deepest gratitude to you both for introducing me to the exquisitely eccentric wit of the one they call Artificer. I am gradually working my way through his inspired postings - all 'Five Milligan Star' stuff that should have the tears trickling down your legs.
And a final thanks to young Plaything for commenting so favourably on the uncomprehensable. I can only assure you that it all made very good sense at the time of writing, but on no other occassion. In the unfortunate event of everything becoming clear and logical please do not hesitate to contact me, as my current psychologist is absolutely superb and has completely rid me of my multiple personality disorder.
Which is why, dear reader, that your pleasant company is so appreciated, now that there is only the one person inside my head.
Have a jolly good one and TTFN
Ahem, quickly diverting to matters of a more dermal nature,you are most fortunate to be sporting the rarer perennial variety of the coveted freckliness dear Frecklebird. For most of us it is quite a task to achieve a desirable hue without unduly reddening the rest of our fair skin under the sun's summer rays. Alas, come October the ungrateful blighters just clear orf with scant regard for the skills and patience of their frecklicultarist ( Hah ! - try and google that one !! ) :mrgreen:
Moving, somewhat more sedately, on to the the pair of feline heartwarmers, may I express my deepest gratitude to you both for introducing me to the exquisitely eccentric wit of the one they call Artificer. I am gradually working my way through his inspired postings - all 'Five Milligan Star' stuff that should have the tears trickling down your legs.
And a final thanks to young Plaything for commenting so favourably on the uncomprehensable. I can only assure you that it all made very good sense at the time of writing, but on no other occassion. In the unfortunate event of everything becoming clear and logical please do not hesitate to contact me, as my current psychologist is absolutely superb and has completely rid me of my multiple personality disorder.
Which is why, dear reader, that your pleasant company is so appreciated, now that there is only the one person inside my head.
Have a jolly good one and TTFN
Warming the Bed
Oooh, those little readers ! They get everywhere! Unless I am much mistaken, I believe that I owe a much belated 'thank you' for the encouragement given to me in the forum by your good self and others. Humble apologies and associated grovelling.
May I start the new year by offering immediate thanks for displaying your aviator's pair of exquisite Yorkshire Ear Warmers - absolutely essential if contemplating a journey in the biplane at this time of year !
But let us not dwell on the current climate, for Spring is just around the corner, then we can all get the freckles out of hibernation and start attracting the fillies for another season.
Take care, stay warm, and keep the Balmosa handy ( already dealt with in a previous topic ) though a bit of a Snowfire man, myself.
May I start the new year by offering immediate thanks for displaying your aviator's pair of exquisite Yorkshire Ear Warmers - absolutely essential if contemplating a journey in the biplane at this time of year !
But let us not dwell on the current climate, for Spring is just around the corner, then we can all get the freckles out of hibernation and start attracting the fillies for another season.
Take care, stay warm, and keep the Balmosa handy ( already dealt with in a previous topic ) though a bit of a Snowfire man, myself.
Warming the Bed
It's always a pleasure to share a little heartwarming humanity young Essence and well said you for finding the time to reply during what must be an exceedingly busy period in the medicated confectionary market. As we all know, a pleasure shared is a pleasure doubled !
Having consumed a festive box of assorted baklava, I will indeed be sticking around, thanks ! The stuff has a remarkable ability to cover most of the head in adhesive filo and is most approprately named. It shall be added to the 'Things I Must Only Eat In The Bath' list.
May I quickly take the opportunity to wish your good self and the other reader a most humane and hopefully hilarious new year.
Must dash, I have safety goggles to don and ablutions to tend to, it's raspberry jam doughnuts tonight! :mrgreen:
Having consumed a festive box of assorted baklava, I will indeed be sticking around, thanks ! The stuff has a remarkable ability to cover most of the head in adhesive filo and is most approprately named. It shall be added to the 'Things I Must Only Eat In The Bath'
list.May I quickly take the opportunity to wish your good self and the other reader a most humane and hopefully hilarious new year.
Must dash, I have safety goggles to don and ablutions to tend to, it's raspberry jam doughnuts tonight! :mrgreen:
Warming the Bed
Not much chance of that young Markz ! In our Modern Britain, would surely declare that as being particularly offensive to those unfortunate enough to have slightly less than the usual pair of eyes. However, as it is traditionally quite some time before they return to work, you could well get away with it temporarily!
Perhaps I may politely suggest that you give due consideration to banning your aviator from ever taking control of any aircraft. I may be a poor judge of character, but it could be a recipe for disaster!
Perhaps I may politely suggest that you give due consideration to banning your aviator from ever taking control of any aircraft. I may be a poor judge of character, but it could be a recipe for disaster!
Warming the Bed
I never claim to be more than third best, as this allows at least two other w*nkers to argue the toss, whilst I get on with the matter in hand.
That person who is better than you..... there are a lot more people better than them too.
Fortunately, there are usually only a rare few who are capable of appreciating your subtle but almost overwhelming wonderfullness that verges upon the godly... otherwise you be in grave danger of being trampled in the rush !!
That person who is better than you..... there are a lot more people better than them too.
Fortunately, there are usually only a rare few who are capable of appreciating your subtle but almost overwhelming wonderfullness that verges upon the godly... otherwise you be in grave danger of being trampled in the rush !!
Warming the Bed
Mini eggs have been out for weeks in 'new for 09' yellow stunted Smartie type tube with a purple lid. It encased in clear plastic which and I recommend setting aside a good 8 minutes for its removal. A Stanley knife can reduce this to under 10 seconds but remeber to bring those green suede gardening gloves out of hibernation first!
All I wanted for Christmas was a Life.
All I wanted for Christmas was a Life.
Warming the Bed
Tuesday was quite an eventful day. The A1 northbound was blocked (3 lorries) as was the usual escape route of the A168 (only 2) and even the long way round,via the M62. North Yorkshire was heading impressively for 'The Largest Car Park in the Solar System' awards.
Switching in desparation from the Wogan comfort zone to a local radio station only confirmed the worst, and if that station happened to be 'Stray FM', then things were not going to plan in their studio either.
Early in his morning broadcast the presenter/DJ chap had apparently, and rightly, vented his spleen on the news that the local St. Michaels hospice shop in Harrogate had been robbed of their takings in broad daylight, by the lowest of life, on the previous Friday.
The subsequent deluge of emails, texts and phone calls quickly put paid to any plans he had for his early morning show.
Within the hour locals had coughed up couple of grand and, although I don't know any final figure, their generosity must have far outweighed the loss from the robbery.
However,the messages and the spirit in which the donations were given were even more impressive and very moving. I doubt that anyone listening managed to keep a dry eye.
The broacast more than restored my faith in human nature. I am most pleased to inform you that, contrary to popular belief, the good guys still far outnumber the bad, and that care and compassion is rife among us.
A better Christmas present than that, you will surely not receive.
Enjoy.
Switching in desparation from the Wogan comfort zone to a local radio station only confirmed the worst, and if that station happened to be 'Stray FM', then things were not going to plan in their studio either.
Early in his morning broadcast the presenter/DJ chap had apparently, and rightly, vented his spleen on the news that the local St. Michaels hospice shop in Harrogate had been robbed of their takings in broad daylight, by the lowest of life, on the previous Friday.
The subsequent deluge of emails, texts and phone calls quickly put paid to any plans he had for his early morning show.
Within the hour locals had coughed up couple of grand and, although I don't know any final figure, their generosity must have far outweighed the loss from the robbery.
However,the messages and the spirit in which the donations were given were even more impressive and very moving. I doubt that anyone listening managed to keep a dry eye.
The broacast more than restored my faith in human nature. I am most pleased to inform you that, contrary to popular belief, the good guys still far outnumber the bad, and that care and compassion is rife among us.
A better Christmas present than that, you will surely not receive.
Enjoy.
Warming the Bed
Quote by look
sorry to kind of vear away from the question slightly,
but i am thinking about getting it done( the snip that is) any guys see any difference in performance or volume of come??
you se one thing i have always been very proud of is how much and how far i can shoot, i can easy shoot 4 + feet and its been high volume as well.
so if i were to get the snip would this drop??
Dear Look,
Hesitate no more Look! A vasectomy will not only enhance your social capabilities (see above) but will heighten your performance due to all the exquisite unprotected sex you'll be having, assuming that you are in a stable but horseless relationship.
My only other handy tip is to stop masterbating for a while, as this can make it difficult for the surgeon to locate the vas deferens!
Personally I am able to shoot over 1.8 kilometres with uncanny accuracy, shifting around 4 or 5 metric tonnes! Before I had the vasectomy I never even had the slightest inkling to buy a Sherman tank!
Any relation to Look You ? Seems to be a lot of Welsh interest here.
Warming the Bed
Quote by travlinmanukok
as a vasectomised male myself I was wondering if guys like me get to meet more people because we are vasectomised or not
Dear Travlinmanukok,
Of course the vasectomised male gets to meet more people. Having ones undercarriage surgically opened in front of half a dozen onlookers is bound to break down any barriers to social intercourse that one may have previously posessed.
The only other way to release any social unconfidence is to have an anal abcess or fistula examined both pre and post operatively by a consultant in front of ten to fifteen medical students. Allegedly.
Having one of those cute unpronouncable welsh names must help with the ladies too!
Warming the Bed
I always find it most reassuring, that after a hard days travail, the stifling protective body armour can be cast aside, along with all the various electonic paraphernalia and a cute pair of fluffy pink slippers can be donned and a pleasant conversation in the native tongue over a glass or two of fine tequilla will bring a smile to the face of even the most hardy dalek :mrgreen:
Warming the Bed
Now listen here young Keeno, there are three golden rules to help us chaps make wise and and economic decisions in the vast and confusing world of Retail Purchasing :-
1) Since the abolition of Retail Price Maintenance, everything is a complete rip orf.
2) You get what you pay for.
3) If it works, use it.
4) You have wasted a potentially valuable part of your life reading this.
I hope this will be as much assistance to you in the future, as it has been for myself.
***** Message Ends*****
1) Since the abolition of Retail Price Maintenance, everything is a complete rip orf.
2) You get what you pay for.
3) If it works, use it.
4) You have wasted a potentially valuable part of your life reading this.
I hope this will be as much assistance to you in the future, as it has been for myself.
***** Message Ends*****
Warming the Bed
Quote by never_satisfied
never satisfied...1
filthy rat........0
oh yes. the great white hunter returns from his garage in triumph after a bit of de-cluttering of the rat kind.
Aaha! How fortunate to encounter a fellow enthusiast of the noble sport of rodent extermination ! Take heed young Never there will be more than one ! A couple of my favourite extermination techniques are -
1) Mix one part of microdetination granules with ten of napalm, and spread in foot long sections along the run. Come nightfall sit back, press the detonator button and watch the blighters dance! :mrgreen:
2) We all have a 'Little Nipper' mousetrap secreted somewhere in the house which can be cunningly connected to the detonator pin of a thunderflash. This also gives a most prompt and audible reminder of the need to dispose of the deceased, which can soon get a bit whiffy in the current heat.
Of course those sachets bright blue grain bait are best used to finish the rest off and any excess can be used to liven up a portion of herby turnip mash. Serve on bed of liquorice meringue, drizzle with rhubarb and elderflower coulis and voila! The perfect accompaniment to pastrami stuffed brandy snaps! Gastronomic hedonism indeed! :lickface:
Get on with it man! Come the colder weather the whole extended family will be trying to move indoors.
Must dash, need to dress this shaving nick again. It's been bleeding since last Thursday.
Happy exterminating,
Erotykus J. Heuristic III
Oh dear, bit overly enthusiastic there. Gone way off topic... best pm the chap, as they say. So if get this cursed cursor over the deletey box thingy and...
Warming the Bed
Now listen here ladies and take note,
c103 - That is the cell directly opposite mine on the floor above.
DA - Is a particulrly fetching haircut sported by us more hip and groovy dudes.
Feel free to ask should you require any more advice on the more mature gentleman's terminology.
*****Message Ends *****
Erotykus J. Heuristic III
c103 - That is the cell directly opposite mine on the floor above.
DA - Is a particulrly fetching haircut sported by us more hip and groovy dudes.
Feel free to ask should you require any more advice on the more mature gentleman's terminology.
*****Message Ends *****
Erotykus J. Heuristic III
Warming the Bed
I am on the verge of becoming homeless if I don't de-clutter soon! 
Unfortunately, an old school chum recently retired from the RAF and I can no longer take up his previous kind offer of a quick Napalming. :mrgreen:
***** Message Ends *** Stand Easy *****
Erotykus J. Heuristic III CDM, AMBC
****** Fall Out ******
Unfortunately, an old school chum recently retired from the RAF and I can no longer take up his previous kind offer of a quick Napalming. :mrgreen:
***** Message Ends *** Stand Easy *****
Erotykus J. Heuristic III CDM, AMBC
****** Fall Out ******
