"Oh if you'll shut up about it, you can have sex with me. Just remember, the Ipod stays in and you clean up the mess when you've finished. Now don't make too much noise as I'll be doing my work while your busy..."
Ahhh... those joyous words...
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Resonance
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 53
Bisexual Female, 53
0 miles · Merseyside
Forum
Sex God
(Scary echoing, evil laughter, reverberating off the walls)
I see... want to test ourselves do we?
Shall we play?
Anthea Turner fazes me not, I have seen more dark things in heaven and hell that are even dreamt of in your dark philosophy... Why only last night, after forcing FB to read an entire thread without punctuation, grammar, sense or spelling, I finished the night off by forcing DG to go to bed in an "England for the World Cup" nightie.
I am adamant that I won't be any Prince Charming, I'll wait until you all Stand and Deliver what I am owed. There'll be some Goody Two Shoes amongst you hoping there's Room at the Top for them along side me here. Which is, of course, a load of Ant(c)rap.
As for R.O, or as we call him here, ole rubber legs, he is well. For the time being. His pain doesn't begin until Ms Whips pops around with her special delivery, half a hundredweight of Bamboo, a riding crop and a tub of Saxa salt...
As for you, Witchy, I laugh at your attempts to unhinge me. I gargle at your mouthwash of dispair, I parp somewhat unnecessarily loudly at your confidence and I dribble somewhat uncontrollably at the thought of 36E boobies.
So let us complete a riddle shall we?
"Brothers and sisters, I have none."
"But I do resemble Des Lynam."
Who, or what, am I?
Time is ticking, the salt is stinging and Ms Whips is grinning... hurry folks...
tick tock tick tock...
(line goes dead...)
I see... want to test ourselves do we?
Shall we play?
Anthea Turner fazes me not, I have seen more dark things in heaven and hell that are even dreamt of in your dark philosophy... Why only last night, after forcing FB to read an entire thread without punctuation, grammar, sense or spelling, I finished the night off by forcing DG to go to bed in an "England for the World Cup" nightie.
I am adamant that I won't be any Prince Charming, I'll wait until you all Stand and Deliver what I am owed. There'll be some Goody Two Shoes amongst you hoping there's Room at the Top for them along side me here. Which is, of course, a load of Ant(c)rap.
As for R.O, or as we call him here, ole rubber legs, he is well. For the time being. His pain doesn't begin until Ms Whips pops around with her special delivery, half a hundredweight of Bamboo, a riding crop and a tub of Saxa salt...
As for you, Witchy, I laugh at your attempts to unhinge me. I gargle at your mouthwash of dispair, I parp somewhat unnecessarily loudly at your confidence and I dribble somewhat uncontrollably at the thought of 36E boobies.
So let us complete a riddle shall we?
"Brothers and sisters, I have none."
"But I do resemble Des Lynam."
Who, or what, am I?
Time is ticking, the salt is stinging and Ms Whips is grinning... hurry folks...
tick tock tick tock...
(line goes dead...)
Sex God
Quote by Lassy09
ok here i am for yet another rant lol
Dont you find it really annoying when you put an add up and state you ask for a picture of both face and cock so you can get some idea of the person whos interested in meeting and instead, you get a bear rear or a really bad cock shot but no face pic AND instead of saying hi my name is ...blah blah you get a message with no pics but it says ooo when and where are we shagging??
HELLO but where did the art of minor conversation go?? grrrrrrrrrrrrr
A BEAR rear?
If he likes men too, does that make him Bi-Polar?
Sex God
Dear Concerned,
I have him. I've also got Bloke here with me and FB is tied, bound and gagged next to Angelchat and I've got DG and Cherry waxing my back sack and crack while parading around in the altogether. Lord Lucan is serving them all the last Shergar steaks as I write...
However as you will no doubt know, I have the power to hack any account on here and put forth my nightmarish, nay fiendish, plots and plans. And I am certain they will come to fruition. You want your friends back don't you?
My list of demands are thus...
1. All female members with breasts larger than a 34B should immediately post them into my aliases inbox. The codename is "Steve". Failure to comply will result in me forcibly tweaking DG's left nipple.
2. All female members with breasts smaller than 34B should immediately post them into my aliases inbox. The codename is "Steve". Failure to comply will result in me forcibly tweaking DG's right nipple.
3. All male members with breasts larger than 34B should immediately post them in my other aliases inbox "Brucie".
4. Failure to comply with any of the above will ensure that Kaz is repeatedly spanked.
5. I shall be allowed to give Fluff a damn good franking.
6. I should be made an Admin, Mod, Chat Op, Pre Op, Post Op and Hip Hop. I should not be charged a fee, instead paid for gracing the forum with my presence. My payment shall take the form of a bed of rose petals and three SH virgins a week, either that of unlimited use of Tan's video collection.
You have thirty minutes to comply...
El Diablo
I have him. I've also got Bloke here with me and FB is tied, bound and gagged next to Angelchat and I've got DG and Cherry waxing my back sack and crack while parading around in the altogether. Lord Lucan is serving them all the last Shergar steaks as I write...
However as you will no doubt know, I have the power to hack any account on here and put forth my nightmarish, nay fiendish, plots and plans. And I am certain they will come to fruition. You want your friends back don't you?
My list of demands are thus...
1. All female members with breasts larger than a 34B should immediately post them into my aliases inbox. The codename is "Steve". Failure to comply will result in me forcibly tweaking DG's left nipple.
2. All female members with breasts smaller than 34B should immediately post them into my aliases inbox. The codename is "Steve". Failure to comply will result in me forcibly tweaking DG's right nipple.
3. All male members with breasts larger than 34B should immediately post them in my other aliases inbox "Brucie".
4. Failure to comply with any of the above will ensure that Kaz is repeatedly spanked.
5. I shall be allowed to give Fluff a damn good franking.
6. I should be made an Admin, Mod, Chat Op, Pre Op, Post Op and Hip Hop. I should not be charged a fee, instead paid for gracing the forum with my presence. My payment shall take the form of a bed of rose petals and three SH virgins a week, either that of unlimited use of Tan's video collection.
You have thirty minutes to comply...
El Diablo
Sex God
Quote by Tan--Kinky
Whenever I need to think happy thought... I just go here...
i had to look didnt i,how do i bookmark this?bookmark what
ops: :oops: Res you are a bit of twat you know
Moi? A twat?
I've already got a party full of stag-do fella's on the motorway at the minute, hairing their way up North, warming their hands as we speak...
The rolling hills of the borders are very, very popular you know... :lol:
Sex God
Teacher : "What does your Daddy do for a job?"
My Son : "Nothing. He plays on the computer and shouts at us."
Scarily accurate.
My Son : "Daddy, I love you. Sometimes."
(He'd just done something good after being told off repeatedly for fighting with his sister)
Me (to mother in law) : "I think (my daughter) is starting to look much more like (my wife) nowadays..."
Mother in Law (to me) : "Really? I still think she looks a lot like you."
Daughter (overhearing) : "Granny, that's not very nice!"
Who needs enemies?
My Son : "Nothing. He plays on the computer and shouts at us."
Scarily accurate.
My Son : "Daddy, I love you. Sometimes."
(He'd just done something good after being told off repeatedly for fighting with his sister)
Me (to mother in law) : "I think (my daughter) is starting to look much more like (my wife) nowadays..."
Mother in Law (to me) : "Really? I still think she looks a lot like you."
Daughter (overhearing) : "Granny, that's not very nice!"
Who needs enemies?
Sex God
Wise words from Losty here, while the person's behaviour may not have been fair, you'd need a tad more evidence than that to state they are fake in anyway I think. I don't know, maybe Admin can correct me on this. People act differently on here, some are charming and avuncular, others appear rude and brusque, but it doesn't mean they are fake. I agree it certainly sounds odd, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it is.
As for finding people, like others have said, I treat profiles and posts and chatroom behaviour with a pinch of salt. I think if you actively want to meet people, then the single best way without a doubt, is to get to a Munch or a social. It's much, much more difficult to mislead face to face and you have a far greater "click" factor with people so you'll know if you hit it off or not.
I think finding playmates can be easy. I think finding good playmates, who understand what you want, and you them, and tick all the right boxes, is a rare thing indeed.
As for finding people, like others have said, I treat profiles and posts and chatroom behaviour with a pinch of salt. I think if you actively want to meet people, then the single best way without a doubt, is to get to a Munch or a social. It's much, much more difficult to mislead face to face and you have a far greater "click" factor with people so you'll know if you hit it off or not.
I think finding playmates can be easy. I think finding good playmates, who understand what you want, and you them, and tick all the right boxes, is a rare thing indeed.
Sex God
Quote by New2this-2009
No, I think you were more than reasonable and fair.
This smells decidedly fishy to me. My guess being that he is not in a couple at all and just got off on your wifes attention. To be so evasive over something as simple as sending an album invite smacks of something not quite right.
Welcome anyway, not everyone is so demanding you'll be glad to hear.
but an invite to your private album wouldn't go amiss :rascal:
You got it...for being the first to reply!!!
Always the bloomin bridesmaid me... GNV you lothario speed merchant! ;-)
Sex God
No, I think you were more than reasonable and fair.
This smells decidedly fishy to me. My guess being that he is not in a couple at all and just got off on your wifes attention. To be so evasive over something as simple as sending an album invite smacks of something not quite right.
Welcome anyway, not everyone is so demanding you'll be glad to hear.
This smells decidedly fishy to me. My guess being that he is not in a couple at all and just got off on your wifes attention. To be so evasive over something as simple as sending an album invite smacks of something not quite right.
Welcome anyway, not everyone is so demanding you'll be glad to hear.
Sex God
Quote by Bluefish2009
Bloke's meatballs are a real treat and a right mouthful, so I'm led to believe.
Is there some thing your not telling us
I wish there was, I'm not telling anything because sadly, there is nothing to tell...
Do you think Nola's going to spank us for dirtying her clean forum with our mindless filth-mongering?
Fancy leaving the asylum door open... tsk!
Sex God
Quote by Bluefish2009
Having read some of the post's these guys have wrote, they seriously need your help, more than you know
Their help... any help will do... Isn't that a Jason Donovan song?
I close my eyes...
Pull back my foreskin...
Ooh-ooh-ooh..
To see for certain,
ah-ah
What I thought I knew...
She had a coat
Of many colours,
OOh-Ooh-Oooh
I felt my yearning
Ah-Ah
Any sheep will do...
Sex God
Alien was scary, not so much the gore, but the tension.
I don't do scary films though. I'm pathetic, I have to watch them on fast forward so the bits that make you jump, don't.
However for sheer horror, the film Ratrace is hard to beat. Have you seen it? It's so bad you'll wish you were having an enema and root canal surgery at the same time, only with the equipment at the opposite ends.
I don't do scary films though. I'm pathetic, I have to watch them on fast forward so the bits that make you jump, don't.
However for sheer horror, the film Ratrace is hard to beat. Have you seen it? It's so bad you'll wish you were having an enema and root canal surgery at the same time, only with the equipment at the opposite ends.
Sex God
I mean come on, really... All these people enjoyed themselves? In Wigan?
I may have to try and persuade Mrs R to overcome her chronic shyness to attend this growing beast of an event shortly. So intrigued am I.
If you have a theme of "chronically shy, smiley but slightly bewildered" I may have a chance of persuading her to come along...
Congrats on another great event NWC, it's folk like you who get off your arses and organise these things that keep many small Northern towns in business... Top marks M'dear.
Are the pies optional? ;-)
I may have to try and persuade Mrs R to overcome her chronic shyness to attend this growing beast of an event shortly. So intrigued am I.
If you have a theme of "chronically shy, smiley but slightly bewildered" I may have a chance of persuading her to come along...
Congrats on another great event NWC, it's folk like you who get off your arses and organise these things that keep many small Northern towns in business... Top marks M'dear.
Are the pies optional? ;-)
Sex God
Hello Kitty and Kat,
8/10 perverts on here said they preferred no-whiskers... smooth is best eh?
Welcome to the site. Have fun, say hello in the Cafe, we've got fresh sandwiches, bagels and Nola's got some wonderful dumplings on the go most evenings. Bloke's meatballs are a real treat and a right mouthful, so I'm led to believe.
Nice pics. I'm the site's (un)official boob and filthy pic approver and certifier, so all invites to private pics should be sent to me first, before the unwashed masses get their grubby hands on them.
Enjoy the site
Rezzer
(PS. Don't worry. I am like this normally)
8/10 perverts on here said they preferred no-whiskers... smooth is best eh?
Welcome to the site. Have fun, say hello in the Cafe, we've got fresh sandwiches, bagels and Nola's got some wonderful dumplings on the go most evenings. Bloke's meatballs are a real treat and a right mouthful, so I'm led to believe.
Nice pics. I'm the site's (un)official boob and filthy pic approver and certifier, so all invites to private pics should be sent to me first, before the unwashed masses get their grubby hands on them.
Enjoy the site
Rezzer
(PS. Don't worry. I am like this normally)
Sex God
My honourable friend from the constituency of latex-on-the-bottom is actually correct.
It is all very nice saying hello in here, but the problem is, us Cafe folk tend not to come out of our little hovel very often and we seldom make it this far. Not without the need for a lot of injections and a course in psychotherapy for all who may unfortunately encounter us.
Please new folk, fellow swinging people, men out for a quick shufty, fella's pretending your wife is as keen on this as you are (or vice versa), bi females/males, tri-females/males, Cross dressing hermaphrodites with a predilection for someone called Clive, the Welsh, aliens from Tharg who have sex by rubbing their antennae together and saying "Bip" at each other in strange voices. You are all very welcome, but pop in and say hello to us. The bars are mainly for our safety from the mods (dangerous beasties) and chat ops (generally harmless, but don't ask them about directing on cam...) and the big sign written in blood saying "Keep out" should have been taken down years ago.
Don't just say ello ere, come into the forum and join in the threads too because in truth we are vampires and we need new blood...
We do value most opinions (some we just laugh at), but in the main we are an agreeable , some of us can be nice at times and if anyone is truly horrid, we'll name them PM victim of the week and then they'll disappear up their own bottom forever and a day.
Somedays, it's almost worth reading so pop into the Cafe or Just for Fun forum. Don't go in current affairs just yet. There's a big Skull and Crossbones on that for good reason.
Hello by the way, I'm the resident studmuffin and entirely deluded. Ladies If you want breaking in, the PM box is somewhere over there <<<< Fella's, I can't, but I know a man who can...
It is all very nice saying hello in here, but the problem is, us Cafe folk tend not to come out of our little hovel very often and we seldom make it this far. Not without the need for a lot of injections and a course in psychotherapy for all who may unfortunately encounter us.
Please new folk, fellow swinging people, men out for a quick shufty, fella's pretending your wife is as keen on this as you are (or vice versa), bi females/males, tri-females/males, Cross dressing hermaphrodites with a predilection for someone called Clive, the Welsh, aliens from Tharg who have sex by rubbing their antennae together and saying "Bip" at each other in strange voices. You are all very welcome, but pop in and say hello to us. The bars are mainly for our safety from the mods (dangerous beasties) and chat ops (generally harmless, but don't ask them about directing on cam...) and the big sign written in blood saying "Keep out" should have been taken down years ago.
Don't just say ello ere, come into the forum and join in the threads too because in truth we are vampires and we need new blood...
We do value most opinions (some we just laugh at), but in the main we are an agreeable , some of us can be nice at times and if anyone is truly horrid, we'll name them PM victim of the week and then they'll disappear up their own bottom forever and a day.
Somedays, it's almost worth reading so pop into the Cafe or Just for Fun forum. Don't go in current affairs just yet. There's a big Skull and Crossbones on that for good reason.
Hello by the way, I'm the resident studmuffin and entirely deluded. Ladies If you want breaking in, the PM box is somewhere over there <<<< Fella's, I can't, but I know a man who can...
Sex God
Right, I've waited long enough to comment on this, people have had the chance to have their say and have done so in their numbers (and nice to see the mentally incoherent encouraged to post on this thread. We shouldn't leave them out really. Not at Christmas. Think of their carers, they need a break too). What wonderfully, sweet almost elegiacal reading it makes.
However...
...Personally...
I can't wait to be rid of the cantankerous, melodramatic, rum-swigging old ratbag.
If I dare'd even to begin with a gratuitous, plastic platitude, she'd have kicked my arse, so it gives me great pleasure to say "Good riddance to the alcohol soaked deviant, may your fulsome chest potatoes darken us no more and I sincerely hope that you're jolly rogered sensible one of these days."
Honest to god, you'd have thought that she was actually liked on here the way some people have gone on. So what if she's funny, erudite, always amusing, eminently sensible and has a pair of thighs that can crack walnuts, who's going to miss that? Or her rather wonderful askew view of the world, or the way she can witheringly dismiss the preposterously self-important with a single, simple utterance?
I don't frankly care if this malodorous tart disappears off the face of the Earth and starts rogering Aliens this side of Saturn's ring system. We'll miss her on here about as much as bird flu.
So in that spirit I'll merely say, thank Christ you're going, you rancid, flatulent, morphine addicted, free-spirited, serial masturbator.
Yours sincerely with much love and respect etc etc...
Rez
Witchy's Farewell Lament...To the tune of "The Flintstones"
"Witchy,
Here on SH,
She's the greatest bonk in History
From the
Jolly Roger,
She's about to leave eternally.
She's off
With her pussy on her broom,
Lets hope
She'll get bored and come back soon,
Witchy,
Don't leave just yet,
As we've never had a screw time,
Or just a brew time,
we've had a gay, old time..." (Wilma!)
However...
...Personally...
I can't wait to be rid of the cantankerous, melodramatic, rum-swigging old ratbag.
If I dare'd even to begin with a gratuitous, plastic platitude, she'd have kicked my arse, so it gives me great pleasure to say "Good riddance to the alcohol soaked deviant, may your fulsome chest potatoes darken us no more and I sincerely hope that you're jolly rogered sensible one of these days."
Honest to god, you'd have thought that she was actually liked on here the way some people have gone on. So what if she's funny, erudite, always amusing, eminently sensible and has a pair of thighs that can crack walnuts, who's going to miss that? Or her rather wonderful askew view of the world, or the way she can witheringly dismiss the preposterously self-important with a single, simple utterance?
I don't frankly care if this malodorous tart disappears off the face of the Earth and starts rogering Aliens this side of Saturn's ring system. We'll miss her on here about as much as bird flu.
So in that spirit I'll merely say, thank Christ you're going, you rancid, flatulent, morphine addicted, free-spirited, serial masturbator.
Yours sincerely with much love and respect etc etc...
Rez
Witchy's Farewell Lament...To the tune of "The Flintstones"
"Witchy,
Here on SH,
She's the greatest bonk in History
From the
Jolly Roger,
She's about to leave eternally.
She's off
With her pussy on her broom,
Lets hope
She'll get bored and come back soon,
Witchy,
Don't leave just yet,
As we've never had a screw time,
Or just a brew time,
we've had a gay, old time..." (Wilma!)
