I don't think it's worth a four actually - but it's the only one I've hear all year.
Tom
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I thought I'd got through 2004 without hearing a golfing joke - but I've just heard one - less than four weeks to go and I've just heard one.
Two ladies were ready to tee off when suddenly a male streaker ran across the fairway in front of them.
One thought she recognised him and said "Was that Dick Green?"
The other replied, "I don't think so, it's probably just the reflection of the grass"
Tom
Two ladies were ready to tee off when suddenly a male streaker ran across the fairway in front of them.
One thought she recognised him and said "Was that Dick Green?"
The other replied, "I don't think so, it's probably just the reflection of the grass"
Tom
Best to get ill in France.
This year we were in France and Maureen needed treatment. We saw a doctor within and hour and she referred us to the local hosptial where we were seen immediately. Also we were treated with respect and the hospital doctor insisted we call him Patrick. Honest, and he was looking deep into Maureen's eyes when he said it. I thought maybe they wanted to be left alone.
Best of all, we used our E111s and, although we had to pay upfront, we got almost all the cost of treatment back.
This year we were in France and Maureen needed treatment. We saw a doctor within and hour and she referred us to the local hosptial where we were seen immediately. Also we were treated with respect and the hospital doctor insisted we call him Patrick. Honest, and he was looking deep into Maureen's eyes when he said it. I thought maybe they wanted to be left alone.
Best of all, we used our E111s and, although we had to pay upfront, we got almost all the cost of treatment back.
If you are able to use a decent DTP package then local printing firms might offer you work producing artwork from customers' sketches.
Tom was offered work like that a few years ago but too much enjoyed being a layabout.
Another idea but needs a bit of outlay on laminating manchinery is using the same DTP software to produce menus for small pubs - Tom actually did that for a few years. Not a huge amount of money in it but steady work if you can get out there and do a sales job.
PM me if you want to know how to set it up - don't want to bore everybody.
Tom
Tom was offered work like that a few years ago but too much enjoyed being a layabout.
Another idea but needs a bit of outlay on laminating manchinery is using the same DTP software to produce menus for small pubs - Tom actually did that for a few years. Not a huge amount of money in it but steady work if you can get out there and do a sales job.
PM me if you want to know how to set it up - don't want to bore everybody.
Tom
We like sprouts - having them today.
Maureen asked me why I always cut a cross in the stalk. I told her that was because my mother always cut a cross in the stalk. So the next time I talked to my mother, I asked why she cut a cross in the stalk. She told me that she did it because her mother did it and that she had asked her "Why", and it was because her mother (my great-grandmother) did it.
So, who else cuts a cross in the bottom and why?
Tom
Maureen asked me why I always cut a cross in the stalk. I told her that was because my mother always cut a cross in the stalk. So the next time I talked to my mother, I asked why she cut a cross in the stalk. She told me that she did it because her mother did it and that she had asked her "Why", and it was because her mother (my great-grandmother) did it.
So, who else cuts a cross in the bottom and why?
Tom
I had a girl friend who asked for this. She told me that her husband did this and that at first she pretended not to like it but really she did. I did it for her but I didn't really like it for myself and I've not done it with any other girl since we parted.
But I really like this avatar - so sexy.
But I really like this avatar - so sexy.
Maureen and I went to the pictures to see a mildly pornographic film.
Maureen is very broad-minded so I was surprised to notice that she was becoming a little uncomfortable. "Are you Ok?" I asked.
"It's this man next to me," she said, "he's masturbating."
"Ignore him," I said, "pretend he's not there."
"I can't," she said, "he's using my hand!"
Maureen is very broad-minded so I was surprised to notice that she was becoming a little uncomfortable. "Are you Ok?" I asked.
"It's this man next to me," she said, "he's masturbating."
"Ignore him," I said, "pretend he's not there."
"I can't," she said, "he's using my hand!"
Yep, know the place.
Wasn't that where the lads were keen to get an all over tan? Until the WRVS ladies arrived and the CO had to make an order like this.
"The practice of swimming or sunbathing in the nude is to cease forthwith. Pride of ownership is an understandable human trait but it is a service tradition that equipment not intended for immediate use should be stowed away out of sight"
Wasn't that where the lads were keen to get an all over tan? Until the WRVS ladies arrived and the CO had to make an order like this.
"The practice of swimming or sunbathing in the nude is to cease forthwith. Pride of ownership is an understandable human trait but it is a service tradition that equipment not intended for immediate use should be stowed away out of sight"
Hi Fruity,
The top of the thread explains the 12 month no entry thing. The military love their badges and this one was a joke about having a year without being able to enter a lady - sorry. And it wasn't much of a joke either. I don't know where the badge came from but I've an idea it was pirated from one of the oil companies who used to have foreign nationals on one year contracts. But the badge was worn by a lot of people and there were even ties with the emblem on. I haven't seen one for years although my own badge and tie must be about somewhere.
About the Brats - well I'll have to keep that to myself and any other brats for a while.
Tom
The top of the thread explains the 12 month no entry thing. The military love their badges and this one was a joke about having a year without being able to enter a lady - sorry. And it wasn't much of a joke either. I don't know where the badge came from but I've an idea it was pirated from one of the oil companies who used to have foreign nationals on one year contracts. But the badge was worn by a lot of people and there were even ties with the emblem on. I haven't seen one for years although my own badge and tie must be about somewhere.
About the Brats - well I'll have to keep that to myself and any other brats for a while.
Tom
Hi Kryton,
Me and the Queen parted company amicably but I missed the toys badly so got into a group with three wooden ones. You still playing with them?
Got the opportunity to take early retirement at age 41 so regretfully expensive toys had to go and now only get to play with Maureen's. Nice but not the same.
Nice to talk to a Brat. There's a Brat website. We've got one of our own - don't know about the 224th though.
Big thing coming up at H****n in April 2005. More windows in St George's.
Did you get to wear the 12 month no entry badge?
Tom
Me and the Queen parted company amicably but I missed the toys badly so got into a group with three wooden ones. You still playing with them?
Got the opportunity to take early retirement at age 41 so regretfully expensive toys had to go and now only get to play with Maureen's. Nice but not the same.
Nice to talk to a Brat. There's a Brat website. We've got one of our own - don't know about the 224th though.
Big thing coming up at H****n in April 2005. More windows in St George's.
Did you get to wear the 12 month no entry badge?
Tom
Mindless teenagers made my life difficult and expensive for a few years. A McDonald's opened quite close to me and there were kids in large numbers. It cost money to enclose my backyard and I spent money on railings around my front garden. This kept them off my property but they were still there.
Two points. We allow kids to stay kids longer nowadays. We allow them to do whatever they want and suddenly expect them to be responsible adults. How is this supposed to happen? The mayhem I see on television reminds me the school playground.
Last point. I have begun to react aggressively when I'm confronted by teenagers. In every case they have backed down.
Tom
Two points. We allow kids to stay kids longer nowadays. We allow them to do whatever they want and suddenly expect them to be responsible adults. How is this supposed to happen? The mayhem I see on television reminds me the school playground.
Last point. I have begun to react aggressively when I'm confronted by teenagers. In every case they have backed down.
Tom
There were two small towns within a short distance. I discovered that, although there was much poverty, there were quite wealthy arab families who employed foreign workers as housekeepers and nannies. I fiddled duty rosters, learned a few words of arabic and made it my mission to meet these foreign workers.
I eventually met a glorously beautiful black girl from Mauritius who spoke fractured English with a wonderful French accent.
Although I was living in a very aggressively masculine environment and the urge was to boast about her, I knew that there were lots of lads more intelligent, better looking etc than me so I kept quiet about her. I would, and sometimes did, trust my life to my mates but letting them know about a girl was quite a different matter. No trust there. If anybody else did the same then they also kept quiet.
When I came back to the UK she was about to return to Mauritius and I never heard from her again. Just lately, I have been thinking about her with some regret that we lost touch.
But anybody else wearing the badge?
Tom
I asked if any Brats were on the site a while back but nobody came forward so I'm the only one.
However, does anybody else wear that badge? The poor guys out in the desert right now are doing without sex - probably.
I've been there, done that and got the badge. Our tour of duty was one year so that's where the XII comes from, the circle and cross is the biological sign for female and the red line signifies no entry.
So we called the badge the "12 month no entry" badge.
I wore the badge but I didn't qualify and I have never let on how it was that I didn't qualify. Just wore the badge.
While I was still serving, I would now and again see somebody else wearing it but I haven't seen it for years. Anybody here qualified to wear it?
Major Tom
Did you serve in the desert, Clare?
A few mates and I hired a camel to go 20 miles across a desert. The rental guy said, "Just fill it up with water and it'll take you 20 miles, easy." Well, it didn't. It got 15 miles and conked out. Back to the rental guy and he said, "Did you brick it?"
"Uh?"
"Ah", he said, "You have to brick it. When it bends down to drink the water you take two bricks and bang it's testicles. The camel goes "Argh" and just sucks up enough extra water to take it the extra five miles."
"Does it not hurt?"
"Nah, only if you catch your thumbs between the bricks."
A few mates and I hired a camel to go 20 miles across a desert. The rental guy said, "Just fill it up with water and it'll take you 20 miles, easy." Well, it didn't. It got 15 miles and conked out. Back to the rental guy and he said, "Did you brick it?"
"Uh?"
"Ah", he said, "You have to brick it. When it bends down to drink the water you take two bricks and bang it's testicles. The camel goes "Argh" and just sucks up enough extra water to take it the extra five miles."
"Does it not hurt?"
"Nah, only if you catch your thumbs between the bricks."
As a joke I followed Vix's instructions and was amazed when I got a picture published.
This morning it had disappeared although the "code" for the picture was still there; the picture reappeared after I entered the code again. but it didn't reappear on Dave and Mandy's post. Just replaced with a little red cross.
Anybody know? Vix?
This morning it had disappeared although the "code" for the picture was still there; the picture reappeared after I entered the code again. but it didn't reappear on Dave and Mandy's post. Just replaced with a little red cross.
Anybody know? Vix?
